SONGS FOR THE 'X-FILES ECCENTRIC'

"Yellow Rain" (to be sung to the tune of Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train")

Crazy - that's what they say
People are asking, "Where's Spooky today."
Maybe, it's not too late
To ease up a little, maybe go on a date.

But he's still conspiring
With his geeks for friends.

He's chasing El Chupacabra in the yellow rain!
He's got a shrink who drills holes in his brain!

She's listened to preachers, she's listened to fools,
But when Scully's nose bleeds, she makes her own rules.
Her brother professes that he's worried because she's sick,
But he never got a nickname from "Moby Dick."

Duane took her for a joyride
With his Red Right Hand!

She's chasing El Chupacabra in the yellow rain!
The howlers make her question if she's sane!

I know that Ratboy only has one arm.
He's framing Doctor Richard Kimble!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Conspiracy nuts - that's what we've become.
Inheriting troubles from the Consortium.
Crazy - like Byers and Frohike
While Langly's off filming scenes from "Wayne's World III."

Orbital lobotomies!
Bleepin' UFOs!

And Skinner's lethal head-butt can be quite a pain!
And Cigarette-Smoking Man surely has much to gain!
When Scully finishes with Marita, she'll need a cane!
Before he became a writer, Flukie was down the drain!
Some people say the show's quality has begun to wane!
They're chasing El Chupacabra in the yellow rain!
(repeat ad nauseum)

"Green Sliming"
(to Billy Idol's "White Wedding")

Hey little sister, where have you been?
Hey little sister, did you get twined?
Hey little sister, who's the bald guy?
Hey little sister, who's your real daddy?
Hey little sister, slimer!

It's a nice day for a green sliming!
It's a nice day to stab a clone!

Hey little sister, what did you do?
Hey little sister, don't slime on my shoes.
Here comes the Bounty Hunter (hunter)
He's gonna morph to Mulder (mulder)
He's got a bad case of gas!

It's a nice day for a green sliming!
It's a nice day to stab a clone!

There is nothing sure in this world.
I'm seriously confused now...
Are you standing right here with me?
Or are you in Canada with the bees?
Who handles continuity?

Start again! Come on,
It's a nice day for a green sliming!
It's a nice day to stab a clone!

"People"
(to "Peaches" by The Presidents of the United States of America)

We're running all the countries
Living in an ivory tower.
Running all the countries
And abusing our power.
Running all the countries
Shipping insects through the mail.
Running all the countries
Experiments beyond the pale.

Walter said he'd make a plan
Burn the corpse of a woman
In a factory downtown.
If he had his little way
He'd shoot at Cancer Man every day
And offer him a change of underwear.

We're running all the countries
On this planet, all the nations.
Running all the countries
Gonna give you innoculations.
Running all the countries
Planting diverting lures.
Running all the countries
And holding back the cures.

I took a little trip to Buffalo
Spent some time there with a ho
Then I caught some bugs that made me itch.
I got back home and there I swore
The Bills would win again nevermore
And that made me fell......better....

(tempo change)

Millions of people, they are but dumb.
Millions of people, under my thumb.
Millions of people, their files in a box.
Millions of people, contracting smallpox.
LOOK OUT!

"Miss Scully's New Age Blues"
(to "Flood" by Jars of Clay)

Drip, drip on my face
It hasn't stopped bleeding for days.
My nose is a flood
Like the MUFON girls told me it would.

(chorus)

But when Leonard said what he said to me
And he lost his head, but he still could see,
Fix me up so I can go back to work
Fix me up........
Fix me up - when my nose tingles
Fix me up - I don't want to join Pendrell yet
Fix me up - beestings are for wusses
Fix me up - keep me from seeing those visions.....

Skinner had a deal.
Where's the man - did he mean it for real?
"Dark Skies" - what a laugh.
If you're a fan, I must ask, "Are you daft?"

(chorus)

See the body on the floor
Ask what plan we may have in store.
Cast the rats out with our ruse,
If Carter somehow can sell it.....

(chorus)

"Entomology"
(to "Closer to the Heart" by Rush)

And the men who lust for Bambi
Will be the first to see
Zaius said it's your destiny:
Entomology,
Entomology.

The prison guard and the trustee
Go to the infirmary.
Their boils break open for all to see
Entomology,
Entomology.

A resort town for a Carny
With a fish-monkey from Fiji.
Eating crickets with Scully
Entomology,
Entomology.

You can have a apiary
And have clones to work for free.
The hit Man'll find you eventually
Entomology,
Entomology,
Entomology,
Entomology.

"Cancer Man"
(to "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath)

I AM CANCER MAN!

Has he lost his mind?
Chain-smoking at the table while he dines.
Still he fights his war
A peaceful world is such a bore.

Things that he has said
Calmly with a pistol pointed at his head.
But once there was fear -
Skinner made him soil his underwear.

He once lost his cool
When he learned that Ratty was no longer his tool.
He has bad hit men
Screwing up the job again and again.

Nobody wants him - they think he's a creepy guy.
They're tired of him telling...his tales of watching presidents die.

Now the time is near
For Scully's miracle to appear.
Will he keep his word,
Or is the notion just absurd?

Nobody wants him - yet he still molds our wills.
Planning his vengeance against the Buffalo Bills.

Stating his decrees
Thinks he'll rule the world with his bees.
He's unorthodox
Make him angry and you'll contract smallpox.

I AM CANCER MAN!

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PIXIE'S X-FILES SONGS

EVERY PUFF HE TAKES

Every puff he takes
Every law he breaks
Every lead he fakes
Every life he takes

He is watching you

Every bet he places
Every phone he traces
Every room he paces
Every G-man he faces

He is watching you

O Skinner can’t you see
You’ll never be free
How CM ups the stakes
With every favor he makes

Every alien he terminates
Every drag permeates
Every plan he obfuscates
Every silhoutted doorway he waits

He is watching you

Scully was gone abducted without a trace
Duane was to blame led Mulder on a chase
He was around surely involved in this disgrace
He’s not sorry as he stares with such debase
The fans were all crying...save her please!

Every ratboy he fumigates
Every heatbeat he palpitates
Every boxcar he incinerates
Every DNA strand he mutates

He is watching you

Every Navajo he berates
Every implant he locates

He is watching you

KING OF PAIN

There’s a little black spot on his lung today
It’s spreading around since yesterday
There’s Mulder who is a special type of cop
There’s a smoking man that he wants to stop

*chorus*
I have stood here before watching flukie in the drain
With the man who caught Scully picking howlers in her brain
I guess I always wondered if CancerMan was sane
But it’s his destiny to be the king of pain

There’s a little black spot on his lung today
CancerMan don’t care
It’s spreading around since yesterday
CancerMan don’t care
There’s Mulder who is a special type of cop
CancerMan don’t care
There’s a smoking man he wants to stop
CancerMan don’t care
*repeat chorus*

There’s Mrs. Mulder in bed she has had a stroke
CancerMan don’t care
There’s her son by her side when she finally woke
CancerMan don’t care
There’s where she fell when he came to see her at the lake
CancerMan don’t care
There’s searching for clues but he made a big mistake
CancerMan don’t care
*repeat chorus*

There’s an alien tool hidden inside a lamp
There’s all that ransacking did Mulder get a cramp
There’s Mulder with a hint when his mom spelled palm
There’s Cancerman shaking but he still stays calm
King of Pain

There’s a rumor going round that Mulder is his son
CancerMan don’t care
There’s the fact that he and the mom had some kind of “fun”
CancerMan don’t care
There’s a little black spot on his lung today
It’s spreading around since yesterday
*repeat chorus*
King of Pain

SCULLY SPICE TRIBUTE

Mulder Say you'll be there
I'm giving you everything all that forensic science
can bring this I swear.

Last time we spoke on the cell phone
I decided we should be friends.
But now you're talking bout alien abductions,
tell me will this deja vu never end?
Now you tell me that you lived a past life
well I never ever thought that would be.
This time you gotta take it easy throwing far
too much paranormal slang at me.
But any FBI agent can see they’re falling
I gotta make you understand.

I’m giving you everything--all the autopsy results this I swear
And all that I want from you is a promise you’ll be careful with Mr. Van Blundt’s tail.
Say you will be there

If you put aliens and science together you
will see what our partnership is for.
If you can’t work this alien stiletto
I guess I’ll have to show you the door.
There is no need to say you want to frisk me
it would be better left unsaid.

I’m giving you everything
all that Frohike wants this I swear.
And all that I want from you
is my own desk over there.
Yeah I want you!

Any Fed can see they’re falling,I gotta make you understand.

I’m giving you my coroner’s notes I swear
just promise you’ll be there.

This one is to the tune of “A Day in the Life” by The Beatles

I watched the X-Files today, oh boy
About a girl who’s hair color had begun to fade.
And though the show was rather sad
Well I just had to balk~~~
I had heard her talk~~~~~
She seduced Mulder with a stare
He barely noticed, he just didn’t care.
A group of people watched and stared
They’d never heard her speak before.
Nobody knows if she sounds that way because her throat is sore.

I watched the X-Files today, oh boy
Marita’s voice dropped me to the floor.
A bunch of x-philes turned away
But I just had to look
She makes me think of gook.

She’d love to turn you on!!!!

segue **Woke up, jumped out of bed....drank a shot...had a toke..Marita spoke and I went into a dream**
aaarrrrgggghhhhhhh
aaarrrrgggghhhhhhh
aaarrrrgggghhhhhhh
aaarrrrgggghhhhhhh

I watched the X-Files today, oh boy
Marita’s voice strikes fear when she is near.
Although it resembles quite a drawl~~
Sound knocks me for a fall~~~~~~~
Now we know how vile it is to have a hiss, unblonde and gall.

She’d love to turn you on!!!!

This next song is “Marita in the X-Files” to the tune of “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds”

Picture yourself in the hall of a building
With government workers and shirts pressed so crisp
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly
A girl with one helluva lisp.

Federal memos of yellow and green
Towering over your desk.
Run from the girl with whose lips make a hiss
And she’s gone.

Marita in the X-Files
Marita in the X-Files
Marita in the X-Files

She meets and talks with suspect companions
Where CancerMan puffs and smoke stings your eyes.
Nobody smiles as they cringe at her laughter
That grates so incredibly high.

FBI Agent Mulder appears at her door
I don’t know just what to say~~
I’ve always wondered why her s sounds so loud.
Am I wrong!

Marita in the X-Files
Marita in the X-Files
Marita in the X-Files

Picture yourself listening to a vibration
With persistent pain while hearing her hiss.
Suddenly Marita makes a commotion
The girl with one helluva lisp.

Marita in the X-Files
Marita in the X-Files
Marita in the X-Files

ODE TO KRYCEK
This is to the tune of "Hardluck Woman" by Garth Brooks

If never I met you
I'd never have seen you Genderbend.
If not for that first 'hello'
I'd never have to be sickened.
If never I beheld you
My hatred would never show.
It's time I start retching, boy
There's no chance that your arm will regrow.
I keep callin' you a one-armed defector
You're a two-timer backslider.

Krycek, the X-Files double-crosser
A spy and a betrayor
Too vain to be a man.
Krycek, I really hate ya
I can't forget about you.
You'll be a loser with no charm
Baby, til you find your arm.

Before I go let me groin kick you
And watch the tears from your eyes.
I do wanna punch you boy
You know I could never lie.
I keep callin' you a one-armed defector
You two timer and backslider.
You'll be a loser with no charm
Baby til you find your arm

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