Oh, and don't mind if my brother Rom looks too inept at business to be a relation of mine. It is a widely known fact that he hasn't the lobes for it. As the Rule of Acquisition no. 18 states, "A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all," so please make allowances for him. His son Nog is also a disgrace to my family, having the insanity to apply for Starfleet. The family will never live this down in Ferenginar.

This month's special is the Tekaen Sunrise, a drink that emulates the sunrise by its shifting colors. At only twenty slips of latinum per glass, it's a bargain as well as a great drink.

A tribute to Morn. What can I say? The 57th Rule of Acquisition sums it all up, "Good customers are as rare as latinum, treasure them." It's the least I can do for Morn, who, as my best customer, has been sitting on the same bar stool drinking his daily allowance throughout the years. My inspiration and source of financial security, I only wished there were more Morns around.

1. Once you have their money, you never give it back.
3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
7. Keep your ears open.
8. Small print leads to large risk.
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10. Greed is eternal.
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
16. A deal is a deal (...until a better one comes along.)
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
21. Never place friendship above profit.
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
27. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34. War is good for business.
35. Peace is good for business.
40. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
41. Profit is its own reward.
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
47. Never trust anyone whose suit is nicer than your own.
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
52. Never ask when you can take.
57. Good customers are as rare as latinum, treasure them.
58. There is no substitute for success.
59. Free advice is seldom cheap.
60. Keep your lies consistent.
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
65. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
76. Every once in a while declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits.
94. Females and finances don't mix.
97. Enough...is never enough.
98. Every man has his price.
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.
102. Nature decays, latinum last forever.
103. Sleep can interfere ....
104. Faith moves mountains...of inventory.
106. There is no honor in poverty.
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
111. Treat people in your debt like family. Exploit them.
112. Never have sex with the boss's sister.
113. Always have sex with the boss.
121. Everything is for sale, including friendship.
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
139. Wives serve, brothers inherit.
141. Only fools pay retail.
144. There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
162. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
168. Whisper your way to success.
177. Know your enemies...but do business with them always.
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
190. Hear all, trust nothing.
192. Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
202. The justification of profit is profit.
203. New customers are like razor toothed green worms, they can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.
208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder to success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
217. You can't free a fish from water.
218. Always know what you're buying.
223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.
236. You can't buy fate.
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
242. More is good... all is better.
255. A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant a necessity.
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
266. When in doubt, lie.
284. Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.

Thanks for stopping by. I always welcome customers in good standing.