Title: Time for Tommy

Author: Susan Maddy

Series: None

Rating: PG13 for mature subject matter

Codes: J/C

Summary: Tom Paris is youthened into a three year old. Janeway and Chakotay act as his parents. Begins after the fourth season.

Disclaimer: I'd like to thank all those creative people at Paramount for letting me use their wonderful characters from Star Trek: Voyager. The only profit I get out of it is the intense enjoyment I get from entwining my life with theirs. The characters and universe fully belong to Paramount. The story is mine. A short excerpt is paraphrased from Jeri Taylor's Mosaic. Note: I am using a story idea of Janet Monroe's. It captivated me and she generously gave me permission to use it.

Warning: Addresses the issue of child abuse. This is not intended to be a child's story. J and C have an adult relationship.

Thanks: Many thanks to Jan Monroe for letting me use her story idea. Thanks also for archiving my story. Thanks to my kids for the computer time. J

Time for Tommy

The ambassador was visibly disappointed when Captain Janeway informed him that only she and a pilot would be coming to their world. "Our world wants to bestow a precious gift on your whole crew, but they must come to the planet to enjoy the benefit of the ceremony."

"I apologize, Ambassador, our ship and the rest of the crew found an opportunity to harvest a much needed energy source. They will be occupied with that chore even after we return from visiting your congenial people. I hope that this will not negatively effect the relationship between our peoples. That is why I elected to come myself rather than delegate this mission to a lesser officer from Voyager."

"Captain, you will be welcomed with open arms and please anticipate a wonderfully successful trade mission. We are simply disappointed that more of your crew won't be able to participate in the 'Time Out of Time' Ceremony we hold so dear. We can count on you and your pilot participating, can we not?"

"Ambassador, we will be happy to take part in your ceremony."

"I'm so pleased. I am sure it will be an experience you will not soon forget! The ceremony will take place on the evening before you depart. I will meet you at the bay in our planetary Space Port. Communicate with the Global Communications Network for landing instructions. My aide will give your pilot further instructions about how to contact them."

"I'll give them ten points for friendliness." Tom determined. "They are almost bending over backwards to help us come to their planet. I wonder what the catch will be?" Tom had been eager to pilot the shuttle anywhere. It was an added bonus that the Captain was his only passenger. He had her all to himself!

"Tom, we have contacted people who have been as kind and genuine as they appeared to be."

"Oh, I know, it's the ones that aren't what they seem to be that give us the problems. Remember the Sikarans, the ones with the space folding technology. They were a case and a half!"

"Tom, I think you are off base this time. I think these people are representing themselves honestly." She looked at him appraisingly. "You're really worried, aren't you? You can stay with the shuttle. I could devise some excuse."

"What, and leave my captain alone on a hostile world. Chakotay would never forgive me." The last sentence was delivered with a wicked smile.

The Captain's, "Belay that, Lieutenant," simply broadened the grin. Paris wasn't sure, but he thought he saw a blush touch Janeway's cheek. "See to your piloting."

"Yes, ma'am!"

She couldn't help liking her brash Lieutenant. He was never this cheeky in public. Sometimes it even got worse than this when they were alone. If he and B'Elanna weren't so obviously happy, she would wonder if he was interested in her as a woman, but then again, he still tended to flirt outrageously with most women. Somehow he and B'Elanna had reached a peace about that.

The trip to the Chrondonago was uneventful and the people were efficient and seemed to have only one ceremony of importance on their planet. All other meetings between people were performed with a minimum of fuss and extra posturing. They had had all of the supplies that they had claimed and accepted the payment agreed upon. Those were features that were not necessarily givens when trading, Janeway had learned from hard experience. The evening before they were to leave arrived swiftly and it was soon time to take part in the ceremony.

The first step involved a ritual bath that involved being bathed then having a series of aromatic oils placed in the water. Tom Paris seemed to appreciate the female attendants. Janeway were relieved that hers were female. They were then each given a beautiful, multicolored robe and led to what looked like a religious shrine. A man wearing a robe similar to theirs spoke several untranslatable words to them and instructed them to enter. A very bright light would flash and they were to lay down on the chairs and they would sleep. All would be well, they would be watched over when they were sleeping. The ceremony would be concluded when they awoke in the morning.

"Pleasant dreams, Mr. Paris."

"Same to you, ma'am."

Captain Janeway awoke feeling like she were ten years younger. Her sleep had been sound and dreamless. She looked at the chair Tom Paris had been on and was surprised to see a towheaded child that looked about three. The child was still sound asleep and she was loath to wake him so rather than call for Tom she went looking. The attendant was in the adjacent room and she asked him where Tom was.

"Well, he hasn't come out yet, he must be in there with you."

"The only person with me is a very young child!"

"A child!" The attendant exclaimed. "This could be serious."

"What do you mean?"

"Captain, this only rarely happens. It is caused because a person experienced a major trauma very early in life. It could have been an accident, the death of a close loved one, or even intense abuse of some sort."

"Are you trying to tell me that child is my helmsman! That's Tom Paris?"

"Mama, mama!" Each call became louder and more frantic. Janeway went back into the sleeping chamber. "You aren't Mama." The young boy began to cry. Janeway sat down beside him on the chair.

"It's OK, I'll take care of you. Can you tell me your name?"

"Name's Tommy."

"Tommy, what is the last thing you remember." This caused another flood of tears. "I'm not allowed to tell. He'll hit me again."

"Who told you not to tell?"

"My daddy."

"Tommy, your daddy is far, far away from here. He can't hit you. Even if he were near, I wouldn't let him hit you. Do you believe me?"

"Yea, you’re a nice lady."

"Show me where he hit you."

"On my back." Tommy's back was riddled with eleven distinct belt marks and several marks that could have been old bruises.

Oh, Tommy," she turned him around. "May I hold you?" He went trustingly into her arms and lay his head on her shoulder. "We know what it was in his case! How do we reverse the process?"

"I'm afraid that isn't possible. Even if we age Tommy, he wouldn't have the learning or experience necessary to function at that age. You have lost approximately fifteen years. Since your brain had finished growing before the age you finished the ceremony, you did not loose any of your memories. Most of the memories Tom gained after this age are lost because his brain was still growing. There may be a few that he retrieves as he grows. They won't be organized and may not be complete."

"This is going to take some time for me to absorb. For now the practical. Could you get me some clothing that fits him? Could we have some breakfast? I want to leave as quickly as possible." Janeway instructed the attendant.

They finished their preparations to leave and just to appease her paranoia she visually checked the payload and fuel and did a thorough check of all the systems looking for possible sabotage. Everything was in order. Tommy refused to go to anyone else and the already time consuming job was even longer. Tommy was very inquisitive and asked about everything. At first Janeway answered every question. Later, she couldn't take the time to answer because they would have literally had to take off the next day. She promised she would show everything to him on the computer after they took off, but she had to work now. At one point she was distracted and she let her voice show some of the frustration she was feeling about the situation and Tommy immediately tried to pull away from her.

"Tommy, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." He stopped pulling, but still watched her carefully. "I'm in a hurry. I shouldn't have spoken sharply."

It's OK. What's your name?"

"You can call me, Kathryn."

"I was always bad. He hit me cauz I was bad."

"I don't believe that, Tommy. I think he was bad."

The inspection finally complete, Janeway entered the shuttle, secured clearance, and took off. She had just settled back in her seat to relax a minute when Tommy bounded over to her and asked, "Is it after we took off yet?" She sighed and opened her eyes and was about to tell the computer to access the schematics of the shuttle, Tommy was nowhere to be seen.

"Tommy, where are you?" Janeway stood up to look for him. There just wasn't anywhere to hide on the shuttle. He had disappeared. "Tommy, please come out." She was beginning to feel panicky. This is silly, he has to be here, calm down. Where could a little three year old hide? Then she spotted the compartment he was in. The door was ajar. "There you are." She went to the door and opened it. Tommy was there. He was huddled in as tight a ball as possible with his hands and arms over his head, face turned away, and eyes squeezed shut. He didn't move a muscle.

Janeway knelt beside the storage locker and softly called his name. No reaction. She called it again. Nothing. She touched his arm and he started violently and moaned. "Tommy, I'm not going to hurt you, I promise." He started to cry almost as if he was trying not to cry and couldn't help it. "Tommy, come out." A decisive shake no. "OK, Tommy, stay there if you want to. You can come out if you want to. I'll wait over here." Slower than Janeway thought anyone could move, Tommy looked around and exited the compartment. When Janeway stood after he was out, he dashed back to it. For now she thought ignoring the incident was the best course of action and asked him what he would like to eat.

"Peanut butter and jelly and milk."

"Is grape jelly OK?" He nodded. Janeway selected her dinner and brought them to the end of the shuttle furthest from the storage compartment. "Let's sit here." She set Tommy's food in front of him. He didn't touch it. "What's wrong?"

"I'll spill it."

"Oh, I'll get another cup." Janeway poured about 1/3 into the fresh cup and set it down in front of him. "How's that?"

"Thanks, Kat'ryn."

"I didn't think you remembered my name."

"I like you, you're nice."

"Would you like to look at the engineering pictures I promised to show you? I scared you the last time you asked. I didn't mean to scare you. Did you think I was going to hurt you?" Tommy nodded his eyes were solemn and he glanced over at the storage compartment. "We'll look at the pictures right after we finish eating."

The rest of the evening passed peacefully as did most of the rest of the trip. Janeway had three full days and nights of travel with an active three year old and there were some tense moments as Janeway translated the principles of discipline she used with adults and memories of her own upbringing into her own brand of consistent, kind, and respectful child rearing. She blessed her own wonderful parents for the way she was raised, garnering many of her ideas from them.

The trip saw the deep, abiding love of a mother start to flower in Kathryn's heart. She no longer looked upon Tommy as Tom Paris though she knew they were the same person. Tommy was starting with an almost clean slate. Kathryn was going to see that the slate remained unblemished.

Tommy in turn grew to trust and understand Kathryn. Kathryn wasn't daddy. A sigh from Kathryn didn't mean a beating. A sharp word didn't mean he would be hurt. Kathryn tried to do what she said she would. It was OK if he couldn't do something the first time. He could try again and again. He wasn't allowed to hurt himself. If he did he had to sit still for three minutes 'cause he was three. It had to be three minutes, not less or he had to do it again. He couldn't touch anything Kathryn said not to touch or he had to sit again. One day he tested that 27 times by Kathryn's count then never touched it again.

Janeway hailed Voyager as soon as they entered communications range. "Welcome back, Captain! I trust the mission went well."

"The mission was completely successful. We received everything we asked for." Janeway hesitated. "There was an unforeseen development. Tom and I took part in a ceremony. There are marked differences in both of us. Most especially Tom."

"Differences, Captain?"

"I am about 15 years younger. Tom is three years old."

"Captain, I don't think I heard you correctly. You are 15 years younger?"

"That's correct, Tom is three and goes by Tommy."

"Captain, I'm beaming over."

"I won't refuse you, I would rather you didn't. Tommy is rather excitable due to a development I'll explain to you later. I don't want his first impression of you to be fear."

"Very well, Captain."

"Are you a captain?"

"Yes, Tommy, I am, Voyager is my ship. We'll be able to see her in about 20 minutes."

"I love ships, I'm going to be a pilot some day soon. Daddy. . .I don't live with Daddy any more do I?"

"No, Tommy, you don't. You live with me. I live on Voyager."

"I get to live on a ship?!" Kathryn nodded.

"Daddy said I could fly some day soon. Kathryn?"

"No, Tommy, I don't think that's wise."

"But I WANT TO!!!" He crumbled into a heap on the floor and cried.

As soon as Kathryn could get away from the controls she went to him and took him into her lap. "Now calm down. Flying a shuttle is dangerous unless you understand all about it. Would you want me to have to sit in a chair for 45 minutes because I let you fly a shuttle?" Tommy grinned at that. "When you are big enough and responsible enough, I will let you fly a shuttle. OK."

"OK, are you going to be my mommy?"

"Yes."

"Daddy won't be there."

"He won't be there."

"Good." The automatic pilot signaled proximity to Voyager.

"Tommy, if you look out the viewports, Voyager will be coming into view soon." The approach and docking went smoothly and Janeway prepared Tommy to meet the crew. "Tommy, have you ever been on a starship before."

"Yea, lots of times."

"Voyager is a medium sized ship and there are a lot of people on it. My first officer is a very nice man and he has a marking on his face. I have a Vulcan security officer. I'm not sure who will be there. They will be surprised at how you look. It's because they are expecting something different. There isn't anything strange about you. OK?"

Tommy weathered meeting the crew with unusual grace. Then Janeway realized he had probably been doing it since he had been born being the child of an admiral. The group walked to Sickbay and once there the doctor examined Tommy. He confirmed that Tommy was 3 years 5 months old and was basically healthy except for numerous contusions which aged from approximately one month to four days old. "What happened to your back, Tommy?" The Doctor asked.

"I never tell doctors."

"Your Daddy isn't here. He won't hurt you, Tommy. I promise. Tell the Doctor everything."

"What kind of doctor are you, you look different."

"I'm a hologram." The Doctor said, "Now answer my question, young man."

"KATHRYN!" Tommy skittered over to her as quickly as he could make his body move. He clutched onto her and she picked him up and turned away murmuring to him reassuringly.

"Doctor, as you must have guessed he has been severely abused. I'm no expert; however, from my experience with him on the shuttle, he has become highly sensitive to the tone of voice a person uses and perhaps the words 'young man' were unfortunate. Tommy, it's OK, no one is going to harm you. The Doctor is a nice man, he wants to talk to you some more. I'll hold you as long as you want me to. Look at the Doctor."

Tommy started looking by barely peeking out from under his arm. He saw the Doctor peeking back over hands that were almost hiding his face. When they made eye contact he hid his face completely and slowly lowered his hands again. Peek a boo was a trick he had learned from Ensign Wildman that had often helped when working with Naomi. This game soon had Tommy willingly back on the examination table and chatting happily with him.

The Doctor finished with Tommy and his attention went to Janeway. "Captain, I'd like to examine you and I also have some information to discuss confidentially."

"Chakotay, could I impose on your time." She looked at Tommy.

"Certainly, Captain, I enjoy children."

"Gentlemen, I don't think there is any need for you to stay here. You're dismissed. Tommy, the Doctor wants to talk to me by myself, will you stay with Chakotay?"

"He's the first officer. You said he was nice."

"Good, I'll be over here."

"Well, Tommy, how did you know I was the first officer?"

"Kathryn said that the first officer had mark on his face and you were the only one. What is it?" Tommy was sitting on the bio bed and easily reached up to trace it.

"It's a tattoo. I wear it to honor my father."

"Was he nice? Daddy wasn't very nice." Tommy leaned into Chakotay and Chakotay automatically put his arms around him.

"Let's go find a place to sit down. Does your back feel better now?"

"Yes." Tommy suddenly remembered where he was. "Can we look around Voyager?"

"Right now, I think we better stay where the Captain told us to stay. I will take you on a tour sometime. I can't promise when." They played and talked together for a long time and Tommy got sleepy and fell asleep cradled in Chakotay's strong arms.

The Doc and Captain Janeway finished their protracted discussions and Janeway was ready to go to her quarters. "It feels good to be home again. On the trip back to Voyager, Tommy and I really came to know each other well. He accepts me as his mother. I am amazed how much I feel for him. We need to go back to Chrondonago to make sure we have the full story. If Tom can be restored to himself, I think we owe it to him."

"Are you sure of that Kathryn, if he had the level of abuse he had experienced up until now all of his life. . .Maybe that caused him to lie at Caldik Prime and continue making poor choices afterwards."

"From the boy comes the man. Chakotay, if he could have good parents this time around, the sum total of his life might be different. We don't have any couples on Voyager who I would want to ask to be his parents. He comes ready made with problems at least for a while. Since we've bonded the way we have, I am going to act as his mother. He can stay in my quarters. As far as a father figure is concerned, we'll just have to see how things work out."

"What did the Doc have to say about Tommy?"

"This poor child has been repeatedly victimized. There was evidence of several beatings in the last month and a fracture of the upper arm bone and his femur that were caused by a twisting motion. The Doc said that those had a high likely hood of being caused by abuse. The first day we were in the shuttle I snapped at him about something and he disappeared. I finally found him in a storage compartment rolled up in a ball as small as he could get with his hands over his head and eyes closed. He expected to be beaten. I touched him and he started violently. I finally opened the door and left him alone. It took him the better part of an hour to get out. He responds well to consistency and kindness. Just like Tom did." They shared a look. "Tom said something interesting on our way in. He was anxious about this trip, by the way. I had asked him if he wanted to stay in the shuttle since he felt so uncomfortable about the trip. "He said that you would never forgive him if he left me defenseless on a hostile planet."

"He was right!" That received a look from Janeway.

They arrived at Janeway's quarters and she told Chakotay to lay Tommy on her bed. "I'm not sure I can sleep with a child in bed with me. I don't think we should make any permanent arrangements until we have ruled out whether or not he can be changed back. He always managed to end up next to me when we were in the shuttle. I'm so busy trying to be a surrogate mother I didn't think. Am I on alpha tomorrow?"

"Captain, you are on at least one day's maternity leave! You may not have thought it through; however, I have. You need to make arrangements for who is going to care for Tommy while you serve your duty shift. Is he going to have any schooling? Naomi started formal schooling when she was three. You might want to talk to Lieutenant Stimms to see if she can teach them both. What are we going to do about Lieutenant Paris' belongings? I'm sure there are more details to work out."

"Chakotay? Chakotay!"

"I'm right here, Tommy." Tommy came flying out of the bedroom and hugged Chakotay's legs then asked to be picked up. Chakotay obliged. "What's wrong, Tommy?"

"Where's Moira, I always sleep with Moira. She keeps the monster away."

"We don't have monsters on Voyager." Janeway informed him. "They aren't allowed."

"You kept the monster away on the shuttle."

"It wouldn't dare come." Janeway assured him. "Can you go back in there and go back to sleep. I'll turn the lights on so you can see. Computer, bedroom, 20% lights."

"OK, Kathryn."

Could it be this easy? Kathryn and Chakotay glanced at each other and continued to discuss the trade mission, the energy harvest, and the many items of ships business that had come up during Janeway's mission. "Sh, did you hear something?" They listened for a moment and decided they hadn't. Abruptly, Chakotay rose and said, "It's Tommy," and went into the bedroom and returned carrying the distraught youngster. Janeway was stricken and reached out for him. He wanted to stay with Chakotay who sat down beside Janeway.

"I'm sorry, Tommy. I didn't know you would be so sad." Janeway felt like she had broken a major trust. "I won't make you go in there by yourself anymore. OK."

"OK." He went over to Kathryn. "Can I call you 'K'?"

"If you want to."

"I'll leave you with your. . .I'll leave you with Tommy. We can finish up the rest of the ships business tomorrow.

"Don't go, Chakotay." Tommy pled. "Please don't go."

"Tommy, I need to go to my own quarters to go to sleep. Kathryn will sleep with you."

"I want you."

Chakotay looked at Janeway, she shrugged and said, "Could you sleep on the couch together?" Thus began about a month and a half of Chakotay sleeping on Janeway's couch to calm and gain the trust of a viciously abused child. About three weeks later during the time spent at Chrondonago, the situation Janeway had been fearing arose. Both she and Chakotay were called away at the same time. It had started with Chakotay who was needed on the planet, then two people became ill during their bridge shift. Since several people were on away team duty, the only person to run the shift was Janeway. She called Ensign Kim. "Harry, I have a big favor to ask. Are you busy?"

"Well, Captain. . ."

"Let me tell you what has happened. Chakotay is on the planet and I have been forced to take beta shift. I need someone to watch Tommy. Next to Chakotay and I, he is the most comfortable with you. You'll need to put him to bed."

"Sure, Captain, can Seven come also?"

"That would be fine."

"We'll be right over."

"Tommy, Harry and Seven are coming over to watch you. I have to go run beta shift."

"It's almost bedtime, Mama K. Chakotay's busy and you're busy."

"Sometimes things will happen that neither of us can be with you at night. I'm going to be on the ship on the bridge. Do you remember who is coming to take care of you?"

"Yea, Harry and Seven. I'm ascar'd'f Seven."

"Why is that, Tommy?"

"She acts different and she has those things on her face."

"Maybe if you asked her like a gentleman, she would tell you about them."

He looked at her for a while and said, "OK," just when the door chime rang. Tommy skipped over and opened the door. "Hi Harry, you get to watch me. Hi Seven. Come in."

"I owe you two. Harry, Tommy is used to going to sleep with Chakotay. I'm not sure how much success you'll have. Try dimming the lights and putting him to sleep laying beside you on the couch about 2100. I'll call you if my schedule changes. As of now I'll be back after I see to the shift change to gamma."

"Do you mind if we take him out of your quarters?"

"Tommy, what about taking a walk in the ship?"

"Yea, I love Voyager."

"OK, you hold Harry's or Seven's hand all the time and stay with them no matter what."

"I promise."

"Harry and Seven are in charge. You remember to do what they say. Hug me good bye." Janeway walked directly out of her quarters.

Tommy turned to Seven and looked intently at the Borg implants on her face. She looked at him with equal intensity. "Mama said if I was a gentleman you might answer some questions."

"I will answer your questions. Will you answer my questions?"

"Sure. What are those things on your face? Can I touch them?"

"They are some of the Borg Organelles the doctor left in me." Seven said as she knelt down beside him. "You may touch them."

Tommy touched both of the implants and the same places on him to compare how they felt. "Can you take them off?"

"The Doctor can, I cannot."

"You act different than everyone else. Mama acts different around you."

"You know he's right," Harry jumped in. "I had noticed that, too. That's a pretty astute observation for a four year old." Harry sat down on the couch.

"Mr. Paris, do you have memories of the life you lived before?"

"My name's Tommy, not Mr. Paris. I remember my mom and sisters and my daddy. I don't like to remember him. Mama K says he was bad man. He hurt me." Tommy went over to Harry, climbed into his lap, and hid his face in Harry's chest. The memories that had been receding into the background of his mind were reawakened by Seven's question. She did not even intend to have Tommy answer from his current perspective. She had presumed Tommy had the memories of Lieutenant Paris. She had asked about those.

"Hey, Tommy, you're OK. No one's going to hurt you. Where are those beautiful, blue eyes? Do I have to go in and get them?" This was a tickling game they played often. Harry would 'look' for Tommy's eyes in almost every spot they weren't on his body until at last he would find them where they belonged. "Seven, if you ask him questions. Ask about his time on Voyager. He had a bad time before that."

"A bad time?"

"I'll tell you later." The three of them went to the holodeck and had a good time. Seven found herself fascinated by Tommy and as the evening wore on they warmed up to one another. Tommy liked the way she said things so plainly and he liked doing things to make her smile. Seven found herself charmed by his innocence and lack of guile. Tommy was the first human child that had acted in an uninhibited, childlike way with her. She watched Harry play with him and for the first time since had left the collective, Seven played. Soon it was time to go and Tommy caught one of their hands in each of his and happily walked between them back home.

"Now it's time for bath." Tommy was stripping off his clothes starting as he entered the door and was buck naked long before he entered the bathroom. "Harry, you have to help me get the water right. I'm big, I can do the rest."

"OK, I'm coming." Harry returned to Seven shortly and her face was full of questions. "OK, what do you want to know."

"I presume you have another method of taking your clothes off and preparing to bathe."

"Yes, you could say that. Very young human children are unashamed of their bodies. They seem to grow into modesty as they get older. About the life Tommy remembers before he came here as Tommy. He had been horribly abused apparently by his father. He had been repeatedly beaten and had had an arm and a leg broken. There may have been other abuse. He still remembers it clearly. It says a lot for his intelligence that he doesn't assume that all adults are bad. His behavior also shows that he had been loved and cared for by someone because he knows how to build attachments to people. I don't know if you noticed, but Tom Paris not only flirted outrageously with women, he really liked them and was never cruel or mean."

They went on talking about Tommy and his adjustment to Voyager until Harry checked the time and realized Tommy had been the bathtub for over an hour and a half! "Tommy, it's time to get out." Harry said getting up.

"I just started having fun." Tommy objected.

Harry gave Seven a look and went into the bathroom. "Tommy you've been in the tub so long you've turned into a prune."

"I'm not a prune. What's a prune?"

"It's a dried fruit. It's all wrinkly like your fingers. Look at them."

"I like 'em like this, they never stay. Why not?"

"The water goes out of them. You need to get out. Let's get out now."

"I want to play." Tommy crossed his arms.

"Should I let the water out or will you."

"I want to." Harry started to collect up the various bath toys Tommy had and put them in the net holder. Tommy watched fascinated with the motion of the water leaving the tub. There is a low level suction in the drains because of the slight differences between real and artificial gravity. "It looks different Harry. It doesn't make a tornado."

"That's because we're on a ship."

"Harry, where's my pajamas." He put his hands on his hips. "You're supposed to get them."

"OK. I will." He returned with a pair and Tommy announced that he had forgotten his underwear. Harry grinned and thought there's quite a bit to being a parent wrapped up in the simple process of taking a bath.

He returned with the forgotten pants and started to dress Tommy who proclaimed, "I'm big boy. I can dress myself!" Dressing himself was no problem at all except for the snaps and he presented himself in front of Harry to do that. "Now we get to read. Can we read my book about planes and ships?"

"Sure."

Tommy knew right where it was and was back in a flash, he led Seven over to the couch and sat her down and told Harry to sit on his other side. They happily 'read' the book for about 15 minutes until it was clear Tommy was getting sleepy.

"Tommy, it's time to go to bed. I understand you sleep on the couch. Seven is going to say good night now."

"Do you give hugs, Seven?"

"I will hug you, Tommy." He came into her arms and Seven broke into the biggest, most spontaneous smile Harry had ever seen from her. "I like you, Tommy. Can I come and play with you again?"

"Sure. I like you, too, Seven."

"Good bye."

Harry struggled with Tommy for an hour before he realized he wasn't going to lay down and go to sleep. At one point Kim sighed and Tommy riveted his attention on him and reminded himself out loud that Harry wasn't daddy. "Come sit by Harry, Tommy. I know you're tired because I'm tired. Would it help if I lay down with you?"

"That's what Chakotay does."

"That is exactly how Captain Janeway found them when she came in. She didn't have the heart to wake them and simply went to bed after checking what time Kim had to be on shift in the morning. He was due when she was, so she left the wake up call for the same time and turned in.

"Harry was slightly flustered finding himself in his Captain's quarters in the morning. He hadn't planned on falling asleep. Seeing Janeway something other than perfectly groomed set him off balance also. He had thought she was always that way.

She noticed the way he was looking at her and said, "Don't worry, Ensign, the Captain's under here somewhere." Then she laughed when he blushed deeply. "Ensign," she placed her hand firmly on his shoulder, "Captains are human, too. Thank you very much for watching Tommy last night."

"Seven learned a lot last night. I don't have time to tell you now. I'd like to sometime."

"I'd like to hear it. See you on the bridge."

****************

Formal schooling for Tommy began soon after the away team returned with the news that the process could not be reversed. For several days Janeway tried to decide if she was happy or sad for Tommy. She was happy for herself. She loved Tommy and was not so secretly relieved that she could remain his mother. Chakotay had no problem at all deciding that leaving Tommy the way he was to be raised by loving non-abusive parents was for the best.

Formal schooling on the preschool level was largely experiential. To learn about the ocean, they went to an ocean on the holodeck and talked about the animals they saw. They also regularly practiced with tools, scissors, crayons, and other writing instruments and read books, PADDS, and learned how to use the computer. The preschool curriculum was organized and presented in a way that each child was subtly challenged to learn as much as possible, but was not pressured to learn faster than that child was able. The overriding goal of the experience was to instill a love of learning and the attitude that the child could learn and was doing fantastically.

Tommy went enthusiastically to school. He wanted to do almost everything and threw himself, sometimes literally, into what he was doing. He went to school with Naomi Wildman who was about Tommy's age chronologically, but looked about the age of an eight or nine year old and behaved like one. Naomi was a calm, serious minded child who was doing very well in school. Tommy was energetic, impulsive and wanted to do everything at once. They actually set each other off well. After a couple months with Tommy attending school with Naomi, Lieutenant Stimms made these remarks:

****************Tommy is three years and eleven months old.

"Come on, Papa C, take me to the holodeck. You said we would go soon," Tommy wheedled. His words didn't have the desired effect, instead Chakotay stared at him, shocked. Tommy had started to call Kathryn, Mama K, within a week or so of his arrival on Voyager. But 'Papa C!'

"Kathryn! Did you hear what he called me?!"

"Why does it surprise you so much? Tommy, run into your room and get dressed. You are acting as his father in every way. We eat together, play together. You take him places. You even do most of the discipline. I admit he is an easy child. You don't have to do much discipline. The only thing we don't do is live in the same rooms. Those times I've had to run gamma shift, you've even slept here."

"This made me realize what we were doing. We need to discuss this between the two of us. And I mean ASAP."

"We're both off beta today. We were going to eat all together, but I'll see what I can arrange. Maybe either Ensign Wildman or Harry can watch him. We need to move or we'll be late and I want all my lunch time!"

Even though Chakotay was busy every minute, the shift seemed to drag by. He was anxious about what Kathryn's reaction would be to his proposed 'arrangement.' Reality told him that he was dreaming, yet if he thought about it from a completely practical point of view, his suggestion was very workable. But. . .He had to stop the speculation, only Janeway would react like she would react. The shift ground to a close and Chakotay arrived at the Captain's quarters.

Kathryn ushered him in and asked him if he wanted anything to drink.

"A glass of cold water is fine." Janeway joined him and led him to her sitting room. "Where did Tommy end up tonight?

"Harry has him. I think he's taking him to the holodeck. At least for part of the time. Naomi's down with a virus."

Chakotay nodded and a silence stretched between them. Chakotay finally started, "There's no good way to begin. Since Tommy came into our lives, we have become closer in so many ways. We spend most of our off hours together. We parent together. Most of our life revolves around Tommy. At least most of our off hours. We have another baby during the times we work." They shared a smile at that comment. "Kathryn, when Tommy called me Papa C today, I realized something. I truly am becoming a father to him. I find Kathryn, that becoming a father is significant to me. I want and need to be a full time father. Tommy deserves a family. A real family." Chakotay had said his piece. He knew he could have said it plainer. He wanted the idea to dawn on Kathryn slowly.

"You want to get married."

So much for dawning slowly! "Well, yes, I do."

"We've talked about this before. It complicates the situation on Voyager considerably. What happened to the angry warrior who would do all things the female warrior needed to have done?"

"Our situation is vastly different than when we shared that story. The biggest change for me is Tommy and being his father. I didn't plan it. I didn't seek after it. It isn't a normal situation, but I am his de facto father." He jumped to his feet and started to pace, the more he talked about it the stronger he felt that marrying Kathryn was the best action to take. "He deserves an intact two parent family." On an impulse he knelt by Kathryn and took her hands. "For me this wouldn't be a marriage of convenience, I love you. I have loved you almost from the time we met. I kept my feelings to myself because I knew you thought it would compromise your authority and station on the ship. I think this situation takes priority. I also think you are wrong. Marrying me would not compromise your Captaincy. It may have at the beginning of our voyage before the crew loved and trusted you, but not now. Please, marry me, Kathryn."

All this was coming too fast for her and she stood and walked to a viewport in her quarters. Chakotay knew better that to rush her decision making process. Minutes stretched into a quarter hour and into a half hour before she sighed and turned. "I see your point, Tommy would be much better off if his parents were married. To be fair to you I need to tell you how I feel about something. Being married implies a physical relationship. I'm not ready for that, not yet, maybe not ever."

"I'll wait for you, even if it means I wait forever." Chakotay knew she was attracted to him. He felt it would simply be a matter of time with the 'safeties' off before she would be ready. He was prepared to wait. Especially since it seemed Kathryn was delineating the conditions of the contract under which she would marry him.

"Chakotay, I'll marry you."

He walked up to her and in a playful tone said, "You don't have to make it sound like a funeral dirge."

"Chakotay!!" she turned abruptly away from him and was obviously crying.

"Kathryn, I'm sorry, why the tears?" He tentatively placed his arm around her shoulders and drew her to him. She accepted his embrace.

"I guess every girl dreams about the time she will get married. This is so clinical and sterile."

"I'd bet that the Voyager crew would love to throw a wedding for her captain and first officer. I didn't mean we had to get married tomorrow without any fanfare or ceremony. If the Captain wants a wedding, the Captain will get a wedding." In his excitement he kissed Kathryn and then pulled away in mid kiss remembering what she had said about a physical relationship. They stood looking at each other for seconds. Chakotay apprehensive, Kathryn surprised and intrigued. Kathryn reached a tentative hand to his lips, then to his neck to draw him toward her asking to be kissed again. Chakotay smiled down at her and began slowly and gently, gauging what Kathryn wanted by her response. When she pulled back, she was flushed and thoughtful. She rested a moment against his chest.

"Let's sit down. When do you think would be a good time to set the date?"

"I'd say about three months. That's enough time to let people plan, but it won't strain your patience too much!

"Chakotay! My honor."

"Hush, Kathryn! One day I predict our relationship will be as essential to your life as your Captaincy is."

***

Ten minutes before the shift change of gamma to alpha Captain Janeway announced there would be a ship wide announcement at 1900 hours. This was not a unique event. If the Captain was going to address the entire crew simultaneously, she did it at that time with that much warning. She was amazed at the number of knowing looks exchanged on the bridge. Thankfully, they all looked positive. Tuvok's mien even seemed to reflect an inner satisfaction.

Before they made the announcement to the officers and crew, they told Tommy. They elected to have dinner in the Captain's quarters which was normal and after they ate they talked about his old family, before he came to Voyager.

"What do you remember about them, Tommy?"

I remember my oldest sister, Moira. She used to help me after I got hurt."

"Like when your arm had been hurt."

"Yea."

"Have Chakotay or I ever hurt you?"

"No, you love me." This caused them to smile and Kathryn reached out for Chakotay's hand.

"Come sit on my lap, Tommy." Chakotay asked. "We have something important to tell you. Kathryn and I are going to be married. Do you understand what that means?"

"Kinda, it means you'll always sleep here, not only when Mama K has gamma shift. Will we be a family then? Will I have little brother? I always wanted to have a little brother." From the look on Janeway's face she hadn't thought about that aspect.

Chakotay grinned at her discomfiture and said to Tommy. "We don't know that yet, maybe. The biggest reason we are getting married is for you, so you can grow up in a family, that and because I love Kathryn."

Tommy always too quick on the uptake when you wished he didn't hear every little nuance, asked, "Mama K don't you love Papa C?"

She could never lie to Tommy. "I love him in many ways, but I think he loves me much, much more. I know I love you, Tommy, and you need a family. I'm very happy and honored to become Chakotay's wife."

"When are you going to get married?"

"We are going to be married in about two months," Janeway jumped in, "On October 15."

"You moved the date up!!" Chakotay exclaimed, incredulous. He set Tommy down. This pleased him more than he could say. "Why?"

"I thought three months would tax my patience too much!"

"Kathryn, you amaze me, I love you so." He moved close to her and gently taking her chin in his hand, kissed her.

"Chakotay, we have a rapt audience."

"We'll need to behave ourselves then, won't we."

"Chakotay! You better watch what you say as well. We have about 10 minutes before we make the announcement. Tommy do you feel OK about Papa C and I getting married?"

"I feel great! Mama K, you love Papa C more than you think. When you kissed him your face was all soft and . . .glowie."

The announcement was made and for the next two months Voyager sailed on a morale high that had never been seen before. Neelix was placed in charge of the reception with some guidelines and Tuvok was asked to officiate at the ceremony. A three day honeymoon was organized on holodeck two and the crew gave them these days off with the promise they wouldn't be interrupted except in an emergency. Their quarters were even modified so that the wall between them was now an ornamental arch giving them two desks, and a bedroom for Tommy, eventually.

The day of the wedding arrived. Janeway had elected to wear her dress uniform rather than a traditional bride's dress. She felt that it helped to remind everyone that she was and would be the Captain. Chakotay also wore his dress uniform. They dispensed with the traditional wedding march. Instead they entered from either side of the front of the room. Chakotay first and then Janeway. They decided to have two attendants each. Janeway asked B'Elanna Torres and Seven of Nine and Chakotay asked Harry Kim and Tommy Paris. They chose to write their own vows though there was an unofficial pool going about whether Chakotay would be the first man to say he would love, honor, and obey!

The tone of the wedding was very formal. The dark colors of the uniforms and the black tuxedos on the men and rich, deep red that matched the uniform red of the women's gowns emphasized the tone. Even little Tommy caught the mood of the audience. Normally happy and outgoing, he became frightened as he looked at the solemn faces of the assembled audience and moved out of his place over to Chakotay and tugged at his arm to have him bend down. In a stage whisper that carried through out the hall he asked, "Why is everyone so sad and quiet?" The assemblage laughed and that seemed to break the ice and people began to talk to each other lightening the mood considerably.

Captain Janeway was due to enter shortly after Tommy's impromptu comment, but a problem was found with her dress uniform. Either a malfunction occurred or someone played a nasty practical joke, but the seams on the back of the uniform were unfused. Kathryn wouldn't have noticed. Seven was inspecting Janeway's appearance and caught the irregularity. The problem was further complicated by the replicator refusing to produce another uniform because the Captain was out of rations. B'Elanna was finally able to manually override the replicator and instruct it to produce a dress uniform for Janeway.

Janeway shot Chakotay an apologetic look as she entered and Tommy announced, "There she is Papa C!" The rest of the ceremony went smoothly. The vows were exchanged as they faced each other and held hands. Then Tuvok performed the official promises and vows and introduced the new family of Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. They were greeted by the crew as they passed through the hall on their way out.

The reception was a strikingly different scene from the solemn wedding ceremony. They insisted everyone wear casual clothes and were very specific with Neelix about the food so that everyone would have food they favored. Everyone was full of smiles and laughter and more than anything the newlyweds seemed happy that their crew was enjoying themselves and seemed to accept the marriage.

Janeway still had lingering doubts about the wisdom of marring her first officer. It was too late now! What was the old squeeze: Marry in haste, repent at leisure. She didn't really feel that way. She knew Chakotay to be a good man who had made sacrifices for her and would continue making them in the future. The positives seemed to outweigh the negatives. Foremost in her mind now was the honeymoon. She loved Chakotay, she knew he loved her and would do anything for her. They had had some hard conversations in the past two months about how being married would effect all aspects of their life from Voyager to Tommy and their relationship on and off the job. She had never told him the one characteristic that caused her the most fear about being alone with him. She had never been with a man before. It certainly wasn't that she was ashamed of the fact. She knew that this state was unusual in a woman her age and she was certain Chakotay would assume her to be more experienced.

Tommy ran up to her and asked to be picked up. "Mama K, can I come with you on your honeymoon?"

"You're going to stay with Harry. He's going to be with you except when you're with Naomi at school."

"I know Mama. I want to come with you and Papa."

"Tommy, when two people get married they go away together and they don't take their children."

"Mama, I know why that is. They don't have any yet. I'm adopit."

"The word is adopted. Not exactly honey, but Papa C and I are your parents here on Voyager. You don't have to worry about who will take care of you. You are right about one thing, most people don't have children before they get married. Papa and I are very lucky we have you to take care of."

He squirmed to get down. "I still want to come." He said stubbornly.

"We'll plan a trip just so you can see it after we get back. We'll show you all the best trails."

Chakotay came up behind Tommy, gathering by the look on Kathryn's face and Tommy's stance that he was acting like a four year old. Chakotay gave him a quick tickle turned him around and tossed him high in the air. "There's my boy. Are you going to keep Harry busy for the next few days."

Harry had come up in time to hear the last phrase. "I'm sure he will! I'm looking forward to it."

"Papa, I want Harry." Tommy squirmed to get away and Chakotay put him down. He lunged over and grabbed Harry by the legs.

Chakotay went over to Kathryn and put his arm around her. Uncharacteristically, she tensed and he looked at her inquiringly. "I'll tell you later."

"Are you ready to leave, the party will probably go on for quite some time. We're expected to leave early." Again Kathryn puzzled him with an apprehensive look. This time he didn't even inquire knowing she wouldn't answer. "I'll leave when you're ready." He looked at her kindly. He couldn't imagine what was wrong. They would work it out.

Kathryn knelt to Tommy's level. "Come give me a hug good-bye, Papa and I are leaving." Tommy hugged her and then Chakotay snatched him up and tossed him in the air. They weren't as subtle about leaving as they had hoped. They ended up being escorted to holodeck two by most of the assembled guests. Then they were ceremonially locked in for three days with a huge representation of a padlock. Voyager's version of a shivaree. The couple entered the holodeck, the doors closed, and they were alone. The momentous events of the day and the possible events of the night hit Kathryn with a peculiar clarity and she quietly began to weep.

Not able to fathom what could be the cause, Chakotay wrapped his arm around her supportively and said, "Let's find the cabin and sit down."

The walk to the cabin was short; nevertheless, Kathryn's tears had ceased. They found seats on the swing on the porch and swung in loving silence for a time. "I know something is troubling you. Can I help?"

"Oh, you will remedy the situation quite completely."

Chakotay was completely baffled. Usually, Kathryn was forthright when something bothered her. He didn't know what to do, so, he did nothing and let the situation resolve itself. By and by Kathryn leaned onto his arm and he welcomed her, putting his arm around her. Sometimes she seemed so small to him, such a contrast to how she seemed on the bridge of Voyager. There she was a firebrand.

"Chakotay, how would you act tonight if my experience were that of a naive twenty year old?"

He sensed there was much more to that question than Janeway was willing to admit. He answered slowly and carefully. "The innocent require gentle and careful handling. . . Kathryn!" He looked at her and his heart melted. "I understand!" He stroked her face softly. "You're fearful, apprehensive." She nodded. "You'll be fine." He stroked her hair and was at peace with himself. "I'm glad you told me." He was charmed and honored by her gift.

Th early evening found them both yawning and Kathryn actually fell asleep in Chakotay's arms on the swing. He helped her into the bedroom and lay her on the bed without fully waking her and tucked himself in beside her. He woke to the pleasant sensation of having his back rubbed and he jolted fully awake and looked at Kathryn before remembering he was married to her.

"You forgot for a minute," she said smiling. He grinned back at her. "So did I. Only I jumped right out of bed."

"Would you like some dinner?" Chakotay asked her.

"Something light, it's late."

"I know something perfect. Why don't you go look at the stars. I'll tell you when it's ready." Chakotay brought out the supplies for a romantic dinner he had asked be stored where he could find them. Candles on crystal candlesticks, white linen tablecloth and napkins, silver flatware, the finest china, and a simple but elegant flower arrangement. He saw to the table and food went to change then presented Kathryn with a box and invited her to put it on. She was quite surprised, but noticing how he was dressed, agreed.

Chakotay couldn't take his eyes off of her when she returned, he always thought she was beautiful. In this dress, she was unspeakable. They sat down to dinner side by side on the bench and enjoyed each other and the food. When they finished, Chakotay leaned over and kissed Kathryn. He drew back and waited for her. She reached up and kissed him lightly, stood, and linked arms with him. "I love you, Chakotay. I trust you with my life daily. I'll trust you with this now." He smiled down at her and nodded.

The following morning they were up with the birds and in unusually good spirits. They had only talked about Tommy for half of the time they had been awake instead of the usual constant banter. They wouldn't admit it, either to themselves or each other, but they missed him already. They spent the day hiking and picnicking and loving, not necessarily in that order, and enjoying a vacation like neither of them had had for many years.

The next two days were spent in much the same way. During the less active times they spoke of Tommy more and more. Chakotay joked once that Tommy probably wouldn't want to leave Harry. Then we'll really be in a fix. They even talked about the possibility of their own children. Janeway thought she'd have to get used to that idea for a while.

At precisely 1700 on the third day, they presented themselves at the holodeck door and it opened revealing Harry and an excited Tommy. He ran into Chakotay's welcoming arms. Harry actually didn't look bad at all and he clapped Chakotay on the back and shook the Captain's hand. "We had a great time, but how do you get him to go to bed? I finally had to let him sleep with me!"

****************

The bridge shift had been the worst in history. No fewer than three people were late. One was over 20 minutes late! Some kind of sporadic malfunction seemed to be running through all the consoles. It caused much frustration as data had to be reentered or sometimes data was lost. The Captain had finished a long analysis and was about to send it to the main computer when her screen went blank. She called Lieutenant Anderson in computers and told him to make this sporadic malfunction top priority for repair.

A virus was running through the ship and two people were forced to leave their posts mid shift. The helm officer was one of the people who fell ill. There were no other available people to take the conn and Chakotay had to finish the crew evaluations. Janeway had to take the conn. It was not her favorite post to say the least! To top everything off, the helm relief for beta shift was 15 minutes late.

Janeway and Chakotay got off together and to say that Kathryn was a little touchy was putting it mildly. She was more appropriately compared to a firecracker about to be set off. Trying to deal with the multitude of personnel problems in addition to an edgy Captain had thrown Chakotay off so he wasn't the calm, settled sounding board he usually was.

"We forgot Tommy. I'll go get him." Janeway walked out of their quarters showing some irritation.

Tommy was his usual energetic self and Kathryn smiled in spite of her off mood when he ran to her. She did wish he would walk instead of jump down the corridor. They entered their quarters.

"Chakotay, I wish you would find another way to organize those evaluations. That’s the only place we can eat dinner. Unless of course we go the mess hall." Janeway sounded tired and full to the brim with the day.

"Fine, I'll pick it up!" Chakotay's voice carried a sharp edge.

Tommy looked anxiously between Kathryn and Chakotay. They had never talked like that to each other.

"Well don't go out of your way. You could always use the table in your old quarters. You wouldn't have to move for anyone then." Though Kathryn's voice was still low, the sarcasm nearly dripped off of it. She was angry.

"Let's stay a little consistent. I distinctly remember being asked if I would work in these quarters rather than the others so we could be together. Please tell me which person you are so I can know where to spread my papers. I will go there now and stay out of your way." Chakotay exited.

"Mama K." Tommy's voice was tentative and he was backed against a bulkhead.

She turned and saw the fear and confusion on Tommy's face and was immediately repentant. "Tommy, I'm sorry. I won't hurt you." She seated herself on the sofa. "Come sit beside me." He came over to her slowly, warily." Janeway sat patiently.

"Is Papa coming back to hurt me?"

"No, he won't hurt you either, but he may stay away for the rest of the night. Sometimes people argue about stupid things. That's what we did. I'm sorry we frightened you. Next time Chakotay sees you everything will be fine and if you wish you can ask him about what happened. He'll probably apologize and feel bad like I do."

"Don't ever do this again, Mama K!" Tommy admonished. "You shouldn't scare me."

"Tommy, I will try not to argue with Chakotay. I can't promise something like that. When two people live and work as closely together as we, do sometimes tempers will get frayed. I will promise that I will always work as hard as I can to fix what we argued about."

"OK, Mama K, I'm hungry can we have dinner?"

***

Chakotay spread out his papers. He didn't get much work done. He did fall asleep and awoke about 2030. Chakotay was no longer angry and felt a little silly for getting so worked up over such a minor matter. He went back into the main quarters and realized Tommy was already in bed. Kathryn was asleep on the sofa. It looked like she had intended to get up quickly, but it didn't work out that way. The remains of dinner were still on the table and he collected them up and cleaned up a place where Tommy had spilled his milk.

"Oh, thank you. Um."

"Kathryn." Chakotay sat down beside her. "I'm sorry I was so bothered over such a silly thing. I'll try to remember not to put my work out until after dinner."

"I was out of line, too. Please forgive me, Love. Tommy was quite upset over our little tiff."

"That didn't even occur to me. Neither of us even got loud."

"He picked up on the anger. After you left, he called to me and when I turned, he was backed against the wall. It was probably fortunate you left the room, he was afraid you were going return beat him."

"I wish I could talk to him now. I wouldn't have stayed away as long as I did, but I fell asleep."

"We talked about what happened and I said you would probably feel bad about it and that he could ask you about it if he wanted to do that. He seemed fine the rest of the night."

"I'm glad of that. I don't like even reminding Tommy of that other life."

"You know, we always have Tommy make up for a wrong he commits. We've apologized, is that enough?" She kissed him and gazed into his eyes.

"No Kathryn, I don't think so." They rose and walked into their bedroom.

****************Tommy is six and a half.

The pre-school curriculum and the primary school curriculum are more of a continuum than two separate units. A teacher may experiment with allowing a student to attend the primary unit one or two days a week to test whether the student fits in emotionally and scholastically. Most of the lessons are individualized and students can move at any time of the year. When the children are taught as a group, the assignments they receive are tailored specifically for them. Tommy Paris challenged both the system and the ingenuity of his teacher.

Tommy loved school, that is he loved it until it came time for him to begin to learn to read. Most of school was still fun for Tommy he loved to add and subtract, and work on the concepts of multiplying and dividing. When he could work with the computer and make number sentences equal each other, he thought that was great. Reading was fine as long as someone else was doing it. He'd pass thank you.

Lieutenant Stimms was baffled. Tommy understood symbols. He could draw any shape unless it was a member of the alphabet. He could copy intricate pictures. He couldn't copy an 'A'. Any story he heard he could tell again. He knew how to pick out details of a story. Lieutenant Stimms asked to meet with Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay.

"And that's what I see. Tommy is very bright, probably gifted in general ability. He is progressing swiftly if a bit erratically in the math and science concepts and in most areas of language. He is not progressing at all in symbol recognition or translation which stated simply means he can't read. He won't write either. He will; however, write Egyptian hieroglyphics and is using a code to communicate with Naomi."

"I'm not sure what you are saying," Chakotay inquired. "Is there a problem or not."

"There is a problem, Commander," Stimms affirmed. "I don't know what it is. If Tommy had an irregularity in his brain that would effect learning, the Doctor would have picked it up, probably the first time he examined Tommy. All but the rarest types are easily correctable even into adulthood. Most are detected and corrected at the child's first examination. You can have the Doc examine him on the off chance something was missed. The other suggestions are not very encouraging. First, there might be an emotional problem where he is blocking the reading process unconsciously or secondly he is not cooperating purposefully."

"Do you have a feeling for one or the other." Chakotay asked. Janeway had sat with her hands clenched and eyes downcast for the entire interview.

Lieutenant Stimms hesitated and glanced at Janeway. "Commander, my feeling is that his behavior is purposeful; however, it may have its roots in the abuse he suffered as a young child. I have compared the educational records of Tommy and of Tom Paris. Tom Paris read above average and his math level was a little below Tommy's at this age. He could also fly a specially rigged shuttle and did so regularly for his father. Tom Paris began reading at age 3 1/2. That's how old Tommy was when he 'arrived' wasn't it? You never have found out the reason Tommy was beaten. Perhaps. . .I don't have any idea how to solve the problem. I'm sorry I can't be of more help."

"Thank you for your time and your concern." Chakotay and Janeway shook her hand and left her office.

"How are we going to fix this problem? I thought being a Captain was hard! Every time I get to the point I want to have a child, something like this happens."

"You were thinking of children?!" Chakotay looked hopeful.

"You want your own children, don't you Chakotay?

"Kathryn," he stopped. "This should be a private conversation. Let's go to the observation deck."

The observation deck was empty and they sat gazing out at the stars for a few minutes before Chakotay leaned over and kissed Kathryn. "I love you. Your question. I want our children. We have one now. He's quite a challenge. I would love to have many children. This question is much touchier than getting married with a ready made family. Pregnancy many times changes a woman. A woman thinks differently, acts differently, moves and looks differently. I know this from the close contact I had with the women from my tribe as I was growing up. The other women would help and support a newly pregnant woman. It was more noticeable during the earlier months of the pregnancy. The end months also held challenges. Talk to the Doctor about whether these changes are normal. Maybe they aren't. I just know what happened in my tribe."

"When you proposed to me, I was so sure I would never let you touch me. Then when we were married that's all I wanted. I was so frightened. Not the daring Captain that night. I love you more than I ever thought I could. Chakotay, the time seems right to have a baby. I have a responsibility to the ship. If I change and endanger the ship, the repercussions might be deadly."

"I know, Kathryn. I think you'll have to depend on something inside like that tickle in your gut when you know a cockeyed decision is the right one."

"We got off track a bit. What are we going to do about Tommy's reading?"

"We can try talking to him. That might help if he's consciously avoiding learning how to read. I wonder if he's even able to remember more than three years ago. It may have been a decision he made so long ago that he doesn't remember any more."

"What would you think about Tuvok doing a mind meld to find those memories."

"I would rather not see that done," Chakotay admitted. "Remember Souder. There were many of Tuvok's memories that were transferred to him. In Souder's case it helped him. I don't think Tommy needs that type of help."

"OK, I see that. Let's talk to him. Low key, but try to find out the problem. We better get back."

***

Janeway and Chakotay were unable to talk to Tommy for several days because of that sometimes inevitable mix of problems and schedules that combine to make chaos for those in charge. Janeway did manage to slip in to see the doctor. What she learned left her with a lot to think about.

Their schedules finally settled down and after dinner one evening Chakotay began. "Tommy, could you come here?" He came immediately carrying a fantastic flying machine of some sort. "What is that?"

"It's the latest starship to fight the Kazon. See these. They're the special photons. One hits the Kazon ship and boom, it explodes."

"That's a great ship. I wanted to ask you about something. How do you feel about math when you do it?"

"Math is great, Papa. It's like working puzzles. It's fun."

"How about science?"

"In science we do lots of things. Sometimes we look in a microscope and see germs and things that came out of our own mouth. Sometimes we look at all the different types of stars. We went to the holodeck once and Lieutenant Stimms made all the wild animals nice and we could go and pet them and play with them. There's lots more."

"It makes me feel good you like school so much! How about reading?"

"I don't like reading."

"You like to be read to."

"It's OK as long as someone else does it."

"When you talked about math and science you had good feelings." Tommy nodded. "What kind of feelings do you have when you think of reading?"

Tommy looked over toward his toys. "You know, I have another ship over there."

"Come on up, Tommy." Chakotay gathered him into his arms. "Have I told you recently how wonderful I think you are?"

"Yes, Papa."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Papa."

"I'm going to say something that might make you sad. I don't want to make you sad. But it's very important. Do you remember when you came to Voyager with Kathryn." A nod. "You had some bad bruises on your back." Another nod. "Do you remember how they happened?" He nodded again. "I'd like to know, will you tell me?" Tommy leaned against Chakotay's shoulder for a time.

He sat up and sighed. "Daddy hit me. He hit me a lot."

"What made him hit you?"

"I couldn't do something. He wanted me to do something. If I did it, I could fly the shuttle. I had to. . .READ! He made me read. I showed him, I wouldn't learn to read."

Janeway was completely overcome and Chakotay reached out to her. Tommy turned as he reached out and saw her, "Mama don't cry." He scrambled off Chakotay's lap and hugged Kathryn. He looked back at Chakotay and noticed his tears. "Why is everybody crying?!"

"Tommy, we are sad for all the pain you went through." Kathryn said.

"I'm fine now."

"You hate reading. Your daddy beat you to try and make you read when you were too young. Now when it is the perfect time for you to learn to read you won't." Kathryn explained. "That's not fine."

"I get scared when I read. I feel better when I stop."

Chakotay looked at Kathryn and Tommy. Kathryn was pale and looked like she could cry again at any moment. Tommy looked very young and confused. He felt like someone had wrung him out like a wash cloth. Nothing productive would be achieved by continuing this discussion today. "We need a break from this. What can we do?"

Tommy had an idea. "Is there a holodeck program running for the ship now?" Chakotay saw Kathryn visibly put on a brave face. She looked like she would like nothing better than to go to bed.

"Let's you and I go, Tommy." Tommy hesitated and looked at Kathryn. Her face fell. "You want to go alone, without me?"

Tommy beamed. "You can come too, Mama K." She looked over Tommy's departing head and mouthed, "Thanks anyway!" and hooked arms with Chakotay.

***

"Very good, Tommy! You added ten letters to the pile of letters you know. You're doing much better." Lieutenant Stimms was careful to remain positive in light of what Chakotay related to her about the reason Tommy was reluctant to read. "You can go work on your science workshop." Stimms had determined that small reading lessons interspersed with the subjects Tommy enjoyed were the most successful. They helped him keep his anxiety under control.

In the month following the talk where Tommy revealed why he had been beaten, he brought up the subject several times. It was clearly on his mind. One day he had been watching Janeway fix her hair before going on shift, "Mama, I have decided to learn to read. It's really hard. I can't remember things like I can in math and science. They won't stay in my head. Why not?"

"I don't know, hon. I guess you can only keep trying. We could go ask the Doctor. He might know."

"Could we, today?"

"After alpha shift when I get off. I'll check with the Doctor to make sure it's OK."

Tommy asked the Doctor his question and he thought about it for a while. He said that sometimes when certain ways of thinking are reinforced for a long time they become habits in the brain. It takes a while to make new pathways.

The Captain said she needed to see the Doctor in private. He appeared to check her and then probe her with a particular instrument. He looked very smug after doing that and Janeway appeared to scold him. No one likes to be reprimanded by Captain Janeway, she does it too well. The Doctor calmed right down. The Doc talked to her as if giving her instructions and she smiled her best smile at him and nodded. "OK, Tommy, it's time to go home!"

***

One day several weeks later, Lieutenant Stimms had taken them to a simulation Tommy was tired of. He was idly wandering around when he noticed Harry busy at the arch.

"Hi, Harry."

"Tommy, I wondered who had the 'Ocean' running today. I guess I should have known it would be school."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm working on a program to train the Ops staff on some things they need to review without boring them to death."

"How do you do it?"

"Most of the instructions are right here. See? You read them."

"Can I learn how to program the holodeck?"

"That's a problem for you Tommy, you have to read first. I could teach you after you learn to read."

"Lift me up, I might be able to read."

"I'll get you a box to stand on. Computer create a box for Tommy to stand on 12 inches high." The box appeared and Harry moved over it over to the arch.

Tommy climbed on it and peered at the screen. "There's an 'a' 'the' 'and' see I can read Harry."

"OK, you are doing much better. You have to be able to read the big words also. Look." Harry read. "'Modify Existing Program' or 'Start New Program.'"

"OK, Harry, I'll learn to read. Then you can teach me." From that point on dramatic was too gentle a word for Tommy's progress in reading. The alphabet was mastered by the end of the week and he had caught up to grade level in a month. Tommy became single minded about learning to read and after consulting with his parents, Lieutenant Stimms allowed the obsession in order for Tommy to catch up. On the occasions that his reach temporarily exceeded his grasp, Stimms would suggest he relax with one of his favorite science units or play with some fun math problems. Even Tommy could understand the need to take a break. As soon as he had calmed down, he was back at work. He had a goal. He was going to achieve it. He told Papa and Mama his goal and daily demonstrated his increasing competence.

One day, Chakotay said, "Tommy, I'll bet you can read the instructions for the holodeck now. Would you like to come with me and try? Then we can go visit Harry.

"Yea, Papa." Tommy was fairly dancing he was so excited. Sure enough he could read and understand every word. They went over to Harry's quarters. Tommy rang the chime. When Harry answered, Tommy didn't even wait to be asked in to deliver his news. "I can do it, Harry! I can read the instructions on the holodeck. Now you can teach me to make up a program. Can we do it now?"

"Wait Tommy," he looked at Chakotay. "Are you really ready to read the words for the holodeck?"

"I am, I am. I just tried with Papa! Didn't I Papa. Tell him!"

"He did, Harry."

"But, how? It couldn't have been more than maybe 4-5 months ago, he could barely read the word 'the.' Now he can read the holodeck instructions?"

Tommy grabbed Harry's hand and started pulling him toward the door. "Let me show you. Come on! Come now!!"

"OK, OK, I'm coming!" They started for the holodeck. Tommy ran ahead.

"You're in for it now, Mr. Kim. He never forgets a promise." Chakotay warned.

"I don't mind delivering. Going from not reading to reading holodeck instructions in well do you know exactly how long?"

"Yes, it was exactly 143 days of single minded and intensive hard work. That is how long ago you promised him you would to teach him how to program the holodeck. He has done very little else since that time. We allowed that since he was so far behind. I think Lieutenant Stimms is going to have her hands full getting him to take a hold of the regular curriculum again!"

"Harry, hurry! I want to show you!"

"OK, I'm here."

Tommy took a deep breath and started. It certainly sounded like he was reading. "Tommy, tell me in your own words what that meant."

"It meant that after I finish with the room or place that I want my program to be in I can put more things in it like if I want a stream in a mountain simulation."

"Good, Tommy. OK, I believe you. We need to talk to your Papa. Chakotay, I never dreamed he would learn to read well enough to program the holodeck so quickly. Is it OK with you?"

"Tommy, you have been responsible with privileges we have given you in the past. Used irresponsibly or recklessly, the holodeck has even been known to kill people. There are certain rules that must be followed. If you don't follow them, the very least that will happen is that you will loose the privilege to program the holodeck. Do you understand Tommy?"

"Yes, Papa."

"Mr. Kim, I imagine you had plans for tonight, if you want to schedule another time to work with Tommy, we can do that now."

"Well, sir, I had some plans, but not the type that can't be changed. Is it OK if we do it tonight?"

"Mr. Kim, you'll be a wonderful father if you remember to do things like that with your own children. Would you like to learn tonight, Tommy?"

"Would I!"

"You two have a great time. Mr. Kim, could you give me a copy of the safety rules you teach him to use?"

"Certainly, sir."

Chakotay felt very satisfied as he returned to their quarters. He was met with darkness. "Kathryn? Computer lights." They didn't come on.

"Come in here, Chakotay." It was Kathryn. She must have something planned. "You are alone, aren't you?"

"Yes, why does it matter." He couldn't see her, but he could hear that she was on the bed.

"Well, come and see. Computer, privacy lock. Authorization Janeway 5464."

He did.

***

They were together in the emotional and physical glow of their sharing together. Kathryn began, "Chakotay."

"Hmm?"

She brought his hand to her abdomen. I've quickened."

"What! Did you say. . .?"

She nodded her head, "We're expecting a baby, Love."

"Kathryn!" He turned her around and kissed her.

"Whoa, Harry will be coming back with Tommy any time, we can't get started again."

"How far along are you?"

"About a month. I'd rather not tell Tommy yet. Not unless I have symptoms that would concern him. I went to visit the Doctor after we talked. He said that those symptoms you described were caused by imbalances in hormones. I could avoid any imbalances at all by checking in weekly with him. I have also avoided morning sickness which is caused by the same thing. The Doctor said I'm likely to start showing around the third or fourth month. I'd like to hold off telling anyone until then. If you start hearing any serious rumors, let me know. You are going to need to get that silly grin off your face or they will know back on Earth."

"Kathryn, thank you. This is a big sacrifice for you. And a hardship. Is there anything we need to do differently to accommodate your needs?"

"Doc said I may want to work split shifts in order to be able to take an afternoon nap. I will probably be fatigued and since I have the liberty to do it, working the first part of alpha and beta shifts would work out well. I'm not really feeling it now, but why don't you change two days this week and three next week. It won't look as obvious."

"Kathryn, turn on the lights. We need to get dressed."

"Computer, lights, end voice activation, Janeway only."

****************Tommy is almost eight.

"Emergency Medical Hologram to Commander Chakotay."

"Yes, Doctor."

"Can you come down to Sickbay. There's a problem with Tommy."

"What is it, Doctor, is he hurt?

"No, he isn't hurt. I'd rather explain it to you in person."

Chakotay nodded to Janeway and left the bridge. Concern was written on her face. She was confident Chakotay would fill her in when he could. Both of them couldn't leave the bridge every time something happened with their children, regardless of how they felt about them.

The Doc met Chakotay at the door to Sickbay and filled him in on the situation. Now, Tommy was on the far side of the surgical table and refused to move. Chakotay went to the porthole of the bay.

"Tommy, we need to go to our quarters to talk about this." Tommy refused to answer him. Chakotay came around the table to him and crouched down in front of him. "Let's go, Tommy." He reached his hand out and Tommy scrambled away, stood up recklessly, and cracked his head on the edge of the table, hard. Tommy fell back to his hands and knees and started to cry. Chakotay picked him up, found a chair, checked his head, and held him until he settled down. "Tommy, we have something we need to discuss, don’t we." He would only nod. "Will you go with me now?" Tommy nodded again. He walked meekly to their quarters stopping inside the door. Chakotay continued on in and sat down.

"Tommy, tell me what happened." Tommy turned his head away. "The Doc told me what happened, I want to hear your story."

"We were just climbing trees."

"You must tell me everything. What did you do to the holodeck?"

"I didn't do anything!"

"Thomas, you need to tell the whole truth." Chakotay was a stickler when it came to this. His voice was showing a hint of the stoniness he was capable of using with adults.

Chakotay only called Tommy 'Thomas' when he was very serious. Papa C frightened Tommy a little when he became stern. He hugged himself and turned away.

"Tommy you need to go sit on your bed until you can tell me. You can come out when you are ready." Chakotay led him into his room and sat him down.

Soon, Tommy ran over to Chakotay and climbed into his lap. "Hug me, Papa."

Chakotay hugged him. "Are you ready to talk to me?"

"Yes, Papa C." Tommy looked down still unable to look at Chakotay. "I took the safeties off." Tommy knew that was against the rules. "It's funner that way."

"What happened because you wanted to have fun?" Chakotay was angry at the irresponsibility even if it was from a seven year old. Tommy tried to get down frightened by the anger in Chakotay's voice. "Stay here, Tommy." Chakotay moderated his voice. "We need to finish this. Answer my question, son."

"Naomi was hurt. She broke her arm. She cried so hard, I was scared. The Doc said I did the right thing when I called him and stayed with her."

"Son, I'm glad you did the correct thing in the emergency. That doesn't make what you did any better, it kept it from getting any worse. Who was responsible for Naomi's accident?"

In a small voice, Tommy said, "I was. I was bad, Papa."

"You chose to do something that was dangerous and against the rules. You acted irresponsibly. You have disappointed me and broken the trust we placed in you. These are very serious wrongs. Mama K will be very sad when she hears how you behaved."

"Papa," Tommy was crying again. "Do we have to tell Mama?"

"She already knows something happened, she was on the bridge when the Doc called."

"She'll be really mad at me."

"She may be, but I think she'll be sad more than angry. Tommy what must you do to make up for what you did."

"I already said I was sorry to Naomi."

"Good. Do you want to tell me about that?"

"The Doc came to the holodeck to check Naomi before he we went to Sickbay. He scared me, too. He looked really afraid. Then he looked much happier when he found out only her arm was broken and asked for transportation to Sickbay. He let me help fix her arm. I helped hold the bone knitter. When the Doc was calling her mom I said I was sorry I had taken the safeties off. Her mom was mad at me, too. She said I was eraspons'ble and Naomi could have been killed. I went and hid behind the table when she left."

"As a consequence to this I'm going to close out your voice access to the holodeck computer until further notice. You may not program it. You are restricted from the holodeck except when you go to it for school or with Crewman Richardson for one month."

"OK, Papa C."

"What have you learned from all this, Tommy."

"If I take the safeties off the holodeck, someone might get hurt."

"Anything else?" Tommy shrugged. "We had a rule about not taking the safeties off. Do you remember?" Tommy nodded. Tell me what it was."

"You never take the safeties off."

"You knew the rule. If you had obeyed the rule, no one would have been hurt today. Ensign Wildman was right, you did act irresponsibly. You will have to earn back the trust you broke before you are able to access the holodeck computer again." Captain Janeway walked into their quarters carrying Eddie. Tommy hid his eyes on Chakotay's shoulder. "He's not happy about you finding out about this."

"Tommy, I'm very disappointed in you. Ensign Wildman called the bridge and told me what happened. She was VERY frightened. She was afraid for her daughter. You won't be able to play with her for a while." This started Tommy crying all over again. Big heavy sobs.

Chakotay patted his back and let him feel the weight of the consequences for a few moments. "Sometimes when you do something wrong, there will be serious consequences you can't think of. In a few days we will go talk to Naomi's Mom and see how she feels, OK?" Tommy nodded his head against Chakotay's shoulder. Can you dry your tears? After Mama feeds Eddie, we'll go see what Neelix has for us tonight." Tommy wiped his tears with both arms and ran into his room to blow his nose.

Tommy's next few months were a frustration to his parents and most of the ship. Tommy couldn't be trusted with any responsibility. He disobeyed rules that had been established since he had arrived in his altered state. He had days he was unaccountably rude and unmanageable in school. During one week, if Chakotay or Janeway really wanted him to do something, they would tell him not to do it. Of course that only worked for a limited time because Tommy figured out what they were doing and stopped being consistent. They had the Doctor give him a full examination. The Doctor found everything normal. They accessed the data base on human development and found some references of similar behavior in seven or eight year old children in the data base. Chances were that Tommy's behavior was a reaction to the new baby. Both Chakotay and Kathryn took pains to spend extra time with him and with both of their children. Some improvement was seen, but it was only temporary. One positive was noted that if the onset was sudden, the behavior was unlikely to be long lasting. There were no foolproof remedies suggested. The only one uniformly listed by the experts was consistency. Chakotay and Janeway set about to make Tommy's life as consistent as possible. Chakotay had devoted two vision quests to the subject of Tommy's unsettling behavior. They had not been revealing. Chakotay and Janeway were determined to see this successfully to a positive conclusion. However, they were definitely becoming battle scarred.

Tommy's morning had been peaceful and he had actually eaten the first breakfast he had chosen. Usually, that meant that he would have a pretty good day. Chakotay and Janeway breathed a sigh of relief as they left him at school. Kathryn took Chakotay's hand as they walked through the corridors to the turbolift and stole a kiss riding up to the bridge. Between adjusting to the new baby and Tommy's recalcitrance, they had little energy for a physical relationship. Their problems with Tommy did seem to be bringing them even closer emotionally as they united against the problems it caused in their lives and in the culture of the ship.

The shift had been quiet and Chakotay and Janeway were occupied at their bridge stations. The turbo lift opened and oddly there was no one on board. That seemed to happen occasionally and the Captain thought nothing about it.

"Captain."

"Yes, Mr. Kim." She didn't look up because she was in the middle of a problem.

"Tommy."

She jumped out of her seat and whipped around. Chakotay performed almost the identical move. "Tommy."

He had come up on the 'empty' turbo lift and had known to wait to get off until after everyone had looked. Chakotay was over the rail and picked him up. He was very angry Tommy had entered the bridge. He knelt and brusquely turned Tommy to face him. Quietly, but with a devastating intensity, he said, "One of the most important rules you have, young man, is that you do not come up to the bridge!" Janeway sensed Chakotay was more angry than usual and so she moved over to him and placed a supportive, stabilizing hand on his shoulder.

"Captain," Kim said, "Lieutenant Stimms is calling to report that Tommy is missing."

"You know what to tell her, Ensign!"

Tommy grinned at him. Chakotay abruptly let him go and looked at Janeway. It was her ballgame now. She said, "In my ready room." She took Tommy's hand, "Tuvok, you have the bridge." Tommy hung back and she turned and picked him up. "Mama K, no!" The three of them entered the ready room, willing or not.

The first action Janeway took was to lock the ready room door and place a security code on it which she then showed to Chakotay. For a long time neither Chakotay or Janeway spoke, but watched Tommy who was immediately involved in an imaginary game, dodging in and out of the supports of the railings in the ready room.

"I need to try the vision quest again. I'm desperate Kathryn. We must find an answer. I'm not sure how much longer I can trust myself. He seems to know how to push my buttons like he did as an adult. I love him like my own soul. I could never live with myself if I hurt him."

Janeway had come over to him and placed her hand on his arm. "I know you would never hurt him. You have never even come close to doing that. I think you are over sensitive to what we have decided happened to him as a child the first time. Perhaps in some crazy way we are reliving that without the abuse."

"What do you think, about the vision quest, I mean."

"You're asking me Chakotay? You're the expert on that."

"I want to talk to my father. I was difficult as an adolescent. Much of my childhood I don't remember, but I think my father could help us if he would only come."

"Go take your vision quest, but first, I miss your kisses, Chakotay." They kissed briefly aware of their audience. "You don't have to leave the ship do you?"

"No, I'll be on the observation deck. Give me at least eight hours. I'm not going to give up easily." They walked over to the computer and Janeway let him out and relocked the door.

"Tommy, come here." He came to her immediately. She walked over and sat down on the couch. "Tommy," she said holding both of his hands. "Do you know we are very concerned about you? We love you and we love Eddie. We are a family together now. You must stop doing dangerous things. We made the rules to keep you safe on Voyager."

He gave the same answer he had given repeatedly. "I just want to, Mama K." Janeway couldn't stand it and grabbed him up fiercely in her arms. She was so devoted to him, it actually physically hurt her when he did things like this. Her tears came unbidden and in a torrent. "Mama K, why are you crying? You never cry. You said captains never cry."

"Tommy, I'm not being a captain right now, I'm being a mother, your mother. I'm crying for you." It occurred to her right then that he hadn't cried at all since the time Naomi broke her arm. She would need to tell Chakotay.

"Don't cry, Mother, don't cry." Tommy pled with her. "Please, don't cry."

"Sometimes, it's good to cry." She began to collect herself. "Will you go back to Lieutenant Stimms and work hard in class?"

"Will you stop crying, Mama K?"

"Yes, if you will promise me to work hard and stay in class like we expect you to do."

"OK, Mama K."

"I need to decide on a consequence for coming up to the bridge. Since you can't be trusted to go to the places you are permitted to go, someone will need to walk you wherever you need to go on the ship for a week." Janeway knew this was more of a punishment for herself and Chakotay than for Tommy, but he was running out of privileges to remove. "I'll walk you back to class."

The rest of alpha shift went well and Lieutenant Stimms reported that the rest of Tommy's day was excellent. He had even willingly written an extra paragraph in his journal. One of his least favorite things to do. Janeway decided to let Tommy choose what they would do for dinner and he wanted to have a picnic in their quarters. They had done that one other time when the holodeck had been preempted by a project engineering was completing.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

"Janeway."

"Kathryn, I'm finished in the observation deck, but I need to catch up on some items of ship's business. I'm going to miss dinner with you and the boys tonight. I may be late. Don't wait up."

"Did you find any solutions?"

"I think I did, Kathryn. I'll see you as soon as I can. Tell Tommy and Eddie I love them."

Janeway smiled at Tommy who was sitting on the floor in front of her, "Tommy's here, you just told him yourself. I'll tell Eddie when he wakes up."

"Good, Chakotay out."

"We better start on our picnic. What food would you like to eat?"

"We have to have fried chicken. We always take fried chicken. And watermelon. And potato chips. And Jell-O green Jell-O with pears. I like the way they get green. And. . ."

"Whoa, young man. You are way ahead of me." Janeway stood at the replicator in her quarters. "Let's see if I can remember: fried chicken, watermelon, and green Jell-O with pears. Did I get it all?"

"No, Mama K, you forgot the potato chips."

"Add potato chips." Tommy was in a delightful mood tonight, one that belied the trouble he had been in earlier. Except that this had happened only to have him revert to the rebellious and disobedient behaviors again, Janeway would have been hopeful that Tommy had turned a corner and was making significant progress. For now, Janeway was satisfied to enjoy the good temperament while she had it.

They had had a wonderful picnic and afterward Tommy had willingly finished his homework. Eddie woke up and Tommy fed him. They took a walk to the ships library and chosen several books to read. They finished the evening cuddled together on the sofa reading the books. Tommy had some difficulty going to sleep and Kathryn lay down with him for a few minutes and rubbed his back.

Janeway put Eddie to bed in the cradle in her bedroom and went to bed, but couldn't sleep. Chakotay wasn't all that late, about 2300. She watched him quietly moving about their quarters and if she had been asleep, she didn't think she would have awakened. He checked on Tommy and Eddie before he slipped into bed, she turned to him, startling him.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I tried to be as quiet as I could."

"I wasn't asleep. I like watching you when you don't know it." Her voice grinned and so did she. "Hold me. Tell me about the vision quest."

He lay there pondering his experience and playing with her hair. "I don't think you are going to like this."

Kathryn faced him, "30% lights. I want to see your face. What won't I like?"

Chakotay didn't answer her. "I spoke with my father. We spoke for the whole time I was in the vision quest. I learned much about myself. I was humbled. I needed time to understand what my father told me. I had to think things through. I didn't lie to you, I was working on ships business. It could have been done tomorrow. I'm sorry for the deception. I didn't see how I could tell Tommy. 'I don't want to have dinner with you.'"

"It's OK, Chakotay. I understand. I love you." Kathryn moved to him and kissed him, catching him by surprise, he responded carefully and smiled at her.

"We need to finish this first." Kathryn nodded and settled back to listen. "The last subject we covered was Tommy. He'll be OK. My father told me of a stage I went through which was similar to the stage Tommy's in now. I was a year or so older. Kathryn, think of the adult Tom Paris. When he had problems, remember how it usually took a shock of some kind to snap him out of it. Remember once you even slapped him."

"Yes, I can also remember feeling as shocked as he was, though I didn't let him know that."

"Kathryn, Tommy needs to be spanked."

"Chakotay!" Storm clouds gathered. Kathryn was immediately resistant. She pulled away from him and sat up. "That's barbaric! With his history, we can't touch him! We will break the trust we've worked so hard to build."

"I knew you wouldn't like it." Chakotay was utterly calm. He was confident this was the correct course of action and it would simply be a matter of time before Kathryn understood. "I wouldn't beat him, Kathryn. I would spank him, maybe twice with my open hand on his behind. If I was anything but completely in control, I wouldn't do it. I would also tell him why he was being spanked and if he allows it, comfort him afterward. If not, you can comfort him. You need to be present as well. We need to do this as a team. It will be almost clinical. My father said that I was in a very physical stage where I needed many hugs and even learned best kinesthetically. My father mentioned I had to be spanked three times because of my stubborn nature. He had only needed one spanking. A spanking is something immediate and very personal that will get his attention and let him know we are serious about what we say."

She thought for a time. "You are very sure of this, aren't you. You don't think Tommy's misbehavior is a reaction to Eddie."

"It may have started out as a reaction to Eddie. We have done all we could to spend extra time with him and help him to adjust to his little brother. At first those things did seem to help, then he started getting worse again, much worse than before. I think we are dealing with a different problem."

"OK, I can see that pattern."

"My father had no hesitation suggesting this course of action. He loves Tommy."

"Would we plan it for after the next time he misbehaves?" He nodded. "Alright Chakotay. You will have to administer it. I don't think I could do it. Any infraction?"

"I think we would need to wait for something like coming up to the bridge. The punishment needs to fit the crime. The way he has been behaving lately, we won't have to wait long."

"He was delightful this evening. No problems at all except he wanted a backrub. That's not really a problem. Do you need to talk about anything else?" Chakotay smiled, stretched, and reached out to her. She came willingly into his arms.

***

Tommy did pretty well for the next two days. The tension that had been building in Chakotay was resolved and both Janeway and Chakotay were more settled now that they had a plan in place. Tommy found a way to top all of his misbehavior with one action. He went to engineering.

B'Elanna Torres had been the one, single person most effected by Tom Paris' transformation into Tommy. She had been in love with Paris. It went without saying that that love could not be transferred to a three year old and B'Elanna had actively mourned when it had been determined that the only way Tommy would become an adult would be to grow. She had made a few attempts to get to know the young child. Children weren't her strong suit, at least not this child and after a very few attempts, she gave up.

The turbolift opened as Torres left her early morning staff briefing. Ordinarily, this is a common occurrence, but all of her staff was already here and Chakotay rarely came to engineering without checking with her first. What she saw as she peered into the 'lift was a seven year old carefully peering out in the opposite direction. He then stepped from the lift and darted over to the nearest console. Without saying a word or making a sound Torres strode over to him and grabbed his arm. "What do you think you are doing here!" The child immediately tried to pull away from her. The adult Paris would have had trouble doing that. The child didn't have a chance. "Torres to Chakotay."

"Chakotay, what can I do for you, B'Elanna."

"Well, Commander something of yours has wandered into engineering."

"Something of mine. . .you mean Tommy?! Hold on to him, I'll be right down. Out."

Chakotay arrived on the turbo lift at that moment and walked over to where B'Elanna and Tommy were standing. "Tommy." His voice was sad. Tommy looked up at him. "Apologize to Lieutenant Torres.

He looked at Chakotay and for a minute Chakotay thought he would refuse. "I'm sorry I came to engineering and bothered you."

"Let's go. Thank you for notifying me so promptly."

They walked in silence to their quarters. Tommy noticed a difference in Chakotay, but didn't understand it. He wasn't angry and that puzzled him. He could deal with Papa C when he was angry. Tommy was in control. Now Chakotay was in control. Chakotay opened the door to their quarters.

"Mama K! Why are you here?" Usually when both Chakotay and Janeway had a bridge shift. Chakotay had been the one to deal with Tommy.

"I need to be here, Tommy." She looked sad almost like she was going to cry.

Chakotay sat down on the sofa. "Come here, Tommy. We have talked about this over and over. I know you know the rules about where on the ship you are allowed to go by yourself and where you are not permitted to go. You are a very smart boy. You know why you are not permitted in those places, also. It makes me sad that you choose to disobey us. Today, I'm going to spank you for going to engineering. You have earned a spanking by what you did. It hurts me to do it." Chakotay reached out to Tommy, bent him across his knee, spanked him twice, and stood him up.

Tommy's eyes were as big as saucers and he rubbed where he had been spanked. "That hurt, Papa." Then, he fell into Chakotay's arms and sobbed. Janeway joined them on the sofa and when Tommy had calmed, they again discussed why he had been spanked and how to avoid it in the future.

Tommy improved dramatically for a week. For the infractions that weren't dangerous, Lieutenant Stimms suggested a 20^th century technique called a behavior contract. Tommy would work to get things he wanted like having a favorite food, or a special privilege. This helped stabilize his other behaviors.

Chakotay had to spank Tommy twice over the next two months before they thought they were permanently past this stage in Tommy's life. The second time he screamed and cried and tried to get away when Chakotay told him he would be spanked. The third time he didn't need to be told. He hid behind Janeway and clung to her as if he were going to be killed. They worked with him for over an hour before actually administering the punishment because of his apparent panic. When they discussed it later Janeway and Chakotay found that they had each independently come to the conclusion that Tommy had been trying to manipulate them into rescinding the punishment. Once he had been spanked, there was no more panic and he went to Janeway for comfort. Chakotay thought it was mildly amusing both he and Tommy were apparently equally stubborn.

The final incident came several months later. Tommy had been a completely normal eight year old boy. Something needed corrected occasionally and he made mistakes any eight year old would make. Generally, he was happy, energetic, and loving. He seemed to be developing a great relationship with Eddie. This was helped by Eddie's growing ability to react to Tommy. Eddie loved Tommy better than anyone else.

One day he came up to the bridge and stepped one step onto it and stood looking at Chakotay and Janeway. Kim again noticed him and announced his presence. Janeway and Chakotay went to him and asked why he was there.

"I wanted to come up."

Not expecting this after so long, they looked at each other, Chakotay shrugged and Janeway assigned someone to cover the bridge. They made their way to their quarters in silence. Once in their quarters, Chakotay again asked Tommy why he had come to the bridge. Tommy said the same thing. Then he said something that clarified the situation in Chakotay's mind.

Calmly and coolly, Tommy declared, "I know I'm not supposed to go to the bridge. It's dangerous if I'm not with someone."

"You need to be spanked, don't you, Tommy?" Janeway's eyes widened as she, too, understood.

"Yes, Papa C."

"Come here." Chakotay went through the same procedure he had followed the other three times. Tommy crawled up on Chakotay's lap, called for Mama K, and shed some tears.

When he was back in control of himself, he announced, "Papa C, you will never have to spank me again." Tommy then hugged him fiercely. "I love you." He sat up and said, "I love you, Mama K. Can I go back to school?"

"Yes." They sat quietly with their thoughts for several moments after Tommy left. Kathryn turned to Chakotay, "Did I see what I thought I saw?"

"Tommy Paris will never cease to amaze me! He broke a rule obviously and blatantly to test us. I considered giving him a couple token taps instead of really spanking him. I didn't dare. He was willing to be spanked for whatever experiment he was conducting. I had to be completely consistent. I'll bet he keeps his promise, too."

"I feel like celebrating, Chakotay." Kathryn said coming up to him and touching his face.

"In the middle of our shift?!"

"It's only 20 minutes before lunch."

"You talked me into it."

****************Tommy is a little over twelve.

Captain's Log Stardate 55210.8

We have contacted a planet, Shandelon, reputed to trade in many of the rare metals we need to overhaul the computer and propulsion systems. They seem to be a good natured people who are very interested in the children of Voyager. They are unique in that they will deal only with me as the 'highest ranking' of our ship. I have decided to take Tommy with me as representative of Voyager's children. I had also hoped to take Naomi, her mother was not happy with the idea. Commander Chakotay will remain with Voyager near a hydrogen rich nebula, harvesting hydrogen for our use and accomplishing as much maintenance and general refurbishing as possible while we are gone.

Tommy was being decked out! He could hardly believe his good fortune. He was going on an away mission with his mom. In order to go on the mission, he was getting more new clothes than he had ever seen in his life. Mom said they had to be ready for many situations. Where his mother's uniforms would be satisfactory for most of the occasions she would be involved in, they had to be ready for Tommy to be dressed in a variety of ways. Captain Janeway had assigned an Ensign who had good taste in clothes to design a mix and match wardrobe for Tommy that could be coordinated for a list of activities she provided.

Tomorrow. They were leaving tomorrow! Tommy was in bed 'sleeping.' He was so wound up he didn't think he would sleep at all tonight. He leaped out of bed. He simply couldn't stay in bed a second longer. Then he started to pace back and forth the length of his room. He tried especially hard to stay quiet. His little brother was asleep and he could be a real pain if he was awakened. He made another pass toward the door and as he passed it his mom opened it. He smiled sheepishly at her and said, "I can't sleep."

She gestured for him to come out into the living area and they joined Chakotay who was working on some crew evaluations. He looked up and commented, "First mission jitters?"

"I'm excited, that's all. I've been to other worlds on the holodeck, but that's nothing like really going to one. I also get Mom all to myself in the shuttle!"

"I remember another Tom Paris who had similar sentiments." She and Chakotay had recently explained Tommy's unique history to him. At his present age he was beginning to remind Janeway more and more of the man he had been before. She wished she had known him, Tom Paris, as a 12 year old. She and Chakotay had worked hard to be the best parents they could be, she knew they had made mistakes. She wondered whether it would ultimately make a difference in Tommy Paris' life. "Why don't you go get a book and join us out here. It's not very exciting, but you'd have some company. And you wouldn't wake your brother!"

Chakotay had an occasional comment to Kathryn about the crew evaluations. Other than that a cozy quiet reigned and soon Tommy's head began to droop. "Chakotay," Kathryn whispered. "Can you get him into bed?"

"It's been a long time since I've done this!" He picked Tommy up and carried him into his bedroom.

Kathryn met him coming out. "Do you have much more?"

"No." They sat on the sofa. "I think we need to look at having another round of promotions. Especially for the non-commissioned crew."

"OK. I know it has been awhile. Get a list organized. I'd like to participate or I'd tell you to do it right away." She changed the subject. "This shuttle mission isn't all that much different than the one Tommy came back on. It was just Paris and I. You know, he really did gloat about having me all to himself. He could be outrageous!"

Chakotay put down his last PADD. "Well, now, I have you all to myself." He put his arm around her and she laid her head on his chest. "I'm going to miss you terribly, Kathryn." His voice sounded lost and alone.

She sat up and turned his face toward her. "I love you." Her simple honesty touched him and that was all that was needed.

***

The next morning Tommy was up early and dressed in the clothes that had been chosen for traveling. They were scheduled to leave at 0800, so he had a couple hours until they left. "Hey Tommy, what cha doing?"

"Hey Eddie, I'm trying on these clothes. Today's the day Mom and I are leaving. I'm going to miss you, brother."

"Me too, Tommy." Eddie hopped out of bed and ran over to hug him.

"Hey Eddie. Someone's going to have to take care of the rock lizard at school. That's usually my job. Will you remind Lieutenant Stimms to feed it? You know how she hates it! Don't let Naomi get too serious. Someone will have to make her smile. Papa will really miss Mama. Try to get him to go to the holodeck program at night. If you can't do that get him to help you with something from school. Boy, that's a lot to remember. Think you can remember all of it."

"Yea, Tommy, just like you taught me. On my fingers."

"You're a great brother."

***

Kathryn and Chakotay said good-bye in their quarters and were fully in their impersonal, officer modes as the shuttle left. Their cargo compartment was full of the items the Shandel had expressed interest in trading. Kathryn was almost non-communicative for the first half hour of the trip, but Tommy chattered on and on. She was close to tears, she hadn't expected it to be so difficult to leave Chakotay and Eddie.

The trip to Shandelon was completely uneventful. Janeway was fine after her initial spell of separation anxiety.

The Shandel proved a charming people and Tommy was treated like royalty. The Prime Minister's daughter, who appeared to be Tommy's age, was his constant companion. They toured a school and Tommy was amazed that each teacher had so many students. A zoo was next on the list and the unique and strange animals of Shandelon fascinated him. They returned to eat a fancy dinner and the two young people were given the evening to occupy themselves.

Tommy wanted to know, "Do you go to school?"

"Oh yes," Jendrai said. "I have lessons at regular school then in the evening I have lessons to help me learn how to run the government. You see, I'm next in line to be Prime Minister. It's usually hereditary on this planet, but I have to pass a series of tests."

"Do they always have such pretty potential Prime Ministers?"

She smiled and said, "Thank you. What would you like to do?"

"What is there?"

"We have a game room, a pool, an art studio, a music

room. . ."

"What's your favorite?"

"The art studio."

"OK, let's go there."

Once at the art studio, they worked in clay. Jendrai was quite accomplished as a sculptress. Tommy felt rather clumsy next to her, but had a good time nonetheless. It was time for them to return before they could believe it.

Tommy chattered on and on about Jendrai when he returned to the suite they were sharing and suddenly Kathryn stopped him and asked, "You like this girl, don't you."

"She's a lot of fun and she's pretty and. . .Oh, Mom!!!"

"This is very important. Remember you are an ambassador from Voyager. I have entrusted you with a lot of responsibility. We do not know the customs of this people. I need to talk plainly to you. I may embarrass you. I'm sorry if I do. It is very important. Do not under any circumstances make any advances toward this girl. Even simple ones like holding her hand or a kiss on the cheek. Don't give her anything. Don't accept anything she might give you except when I'm there. Do you have any questions?"

"What if I already have?"

"What did you do?"

"I flirted with her off and on most of the day. She seemed to like it."

"That's not the point. We don't understand the culture. We don't know what it might mean in her culture. Especially since she is the future leader of her world. If we get a strong reaction to your behavior, you may have to stay with me tomorrow.

"You're not angry with me."

"No, of course not, I underestimated your maturity. This was my mistake. Perhaps all will be well. In which case you may go with Jendrai. You must be very careful to obey the limits we talked about. This is a first contact situation and one never knows what may happen. I will talk to the Prime Minister as a parent and try to discern any cultural taboos. Even if I find that there don't appear to be any, I still need to ask you to behave neutrally toward the girl. Do you understand the reasons?"

"Yea mom. I'll do the best I can."

Janeway smiled, so pleased with him. She reached out and squeezed his hand. Lately, he hadn't liked her to hug him. Today was the exception, he squeezed the stuffing out of her. "You know, for a Mom, you're OK!" And he said it with the same cocky grin and irreverence of the adult Tom Paris. It brought tears to her eyes. "Mom?"

"It's too hard to explain. I'm OK. I don't know about you, but I'm tired. I'll review with you what we talked about tonight before we leave for breakfast tomorrow. Before you get offended, that is standard first contact procedure. I'd do it if Chakotay were the only person with me. Check it when we get home. G'night Tom."

"G'night, Captain." She did a double take. The voice wasn't as deep, but the inflection was the same. Tommy Paris was growing up.

Captain Janeway's talks with the Prime Minister revealed that no offence had been taken and they were charmed by Tommy. This culture took great joy in its children and seemed to use a mixture of indulgence and challenges to raise them. The Prime Minister was highly proud of the low incidence of child abuse in their world which had been attained through a multi-generational process of parent education and support, intervention in child abuse cases, firm laws regarding repeat offenders, and revocation of parental rights when necessary.

Janeway briefly considered informing the Prime Minister about Tommy, but ultimately decided against it because the story was too complicated.

Their talks were productive and Janeway settled on a fair price for the minerals she wanted. She was taken to the refinery where she did a 'hands on' inspection of her wares. She had explained that the exact content of many of the minerals was extremely important and she had paid extra to insure they were the quality she needed. After her initial scan she needed to check two of the samples again. One checked out, but one had a concentration of carbon that was too high.

"You see Minister, here and here. We would be unable to use this because our refining capacity is too primitive. Can anything be done? We need the metal."

"I will check with the plant manager." Eventually, the plant manager was able to substitute a different lot and fill the order. Meeting the Plant Manager was fortuitous for Janeway as well, he happened to mention that a freighter had arrived carrying several of the metals Janeway had wanted during their subspace negotiations. She w as thrilled and asked if negotiations could be reopened. The Minister was also happy and they talked right in the plant to save time. The cargo she had just finished inspecting would be ready to be loaded in an hour. These negotiations were quick since the groundwork had been laid with the prior work. The Minister suggested that they have lunch while they waited for the metal to be delivered for inspection.

The Prime Minister and Captain Janeway were joined by Tommy and Jendrai. The young people were full of their adventures of the morning which had been to visit a wilderness preserve. They had ridden an animal much like a horse and had seen a lot of strange looking animals.

"Well," Janeway said smiling, "It surely seems like you've had a great time! It looks like we'll be able to leave about 1900 tonight." The faces of both young people fell. "What's wrong?"

Tommy sat with his eyes down cast. Jendrai answered. "We were hoping you could stay longer. Papa?"

"Captain, would it delay your trip too severely if you left tomorrow morning at 0900. I would be pleased to show you one of our most enjoyable cultural events."

"We won't be participating in it, will we?"

"No, it is a musical show." She looked at Tommy who was showing remarkable restraint, but wanted to stay longer.

"Very well, we'll leave at 0900 tomorrow morning."

"Thanks, Mom!"

***

The next morning Captain Janeway and Tommy Paris left the planet Shandelon forever. As they were leaving Kathryn noticed that Tommy was altogether too quiet, especially since they were taking off in a shuttle. Once they were comfortably on auto pilot, Kathryn began, "OK, spill it."

"Spill what?" He tried the innocent act.

"Tommy, something's wrong, I want you to tell me."

"Well, it's not exactly wrong." He gazed out of the viewport then got out of his seat and moved randomly around the cabin. "It's kind of personal, Mom." He blushed deeply. Janeway kept quiet hoping he'd talk himself into telling her. "It was when she took me to look out the large viewing windows minutes before we left. Jendrai kissed me. I've never been kissed. Not like that. She kissed me like you kiss dad. I know what you said, but. . . I didn't know she was going to do it. I didn't mind though." He colored again.

"Thank you for telling me. I know it wasn't something a young man would want to tell his mother. It was something a crew member should tell his captain. It took courage. You have truly made me proud during this trip. So proud."

It wasn't that Janeway never praised Tommy, but something about the way she said it and the actions it referred to caused Tommy to revel in it and take it to heart. He visibly stood straighter.

Janeway's con board beeped and her attention instantly transferred to it. "You better sit down, Tommy, it looks like we might be in for some turbulence. I'll try to go around it. Odd it wasn't there on our way here. Computer, are we on the same course we used on our way here?"

"C C C ourse, C C Course."

"Tommy can you see to the computer? Lieutenant Stimms says you are far beyond the courses she teaches."

"I'll try Mom, I've never worked with a real working computer, only the practice one they set up in school."

"It’s the same mechanism, it's simply disengaged from the ship's systems so that if something should go wrong with it, it won't effect the ship's systems."

"I seem to be making course changes, but I'm having difficulty accessing navigation. I'm not sure where we are. I'm going to send out a repeating distress call and try to contact Voyager by subspace."

"Mom, I think it's one of the ores." He picked up a tricorder. "Yes, the triptobiterium. It's giving off ions. They won't be a problem for us, I think I'm reading this right, but the computer is going crazy."

"I didn't think of shielding the ores we picked up from the freighter. I really blew it! Can you tell what would shield it?"

"It looks like almost anything would shield the ions. That metal is right on the other side of the wall. I'll see if I can rearrange the containers so the ions are blocked. Wait Mom, I wasn't even thinking, a level 5 force field should do it. Set it up on the other side of the storage compartment wall."

"Good, I'm on it. I going to do it manually and stay out of the computer. There, are the ions blocked?"

"Bump it up to level 6, Mom, a few are still getting through. OK, it's clear. I'll check out the computer. I can't tell why; however, I'm getting some really strange energy readings from the computer and the helm."

"Let me see them." Janeway scrutinized the readings Tommy received, then took some of her own. "Computer, engines, all stop. We still don't have computer control." She entered the all stop into the helm manually. Then checked it with the tricorder. "At least we still have the basic computer. The computer may come on line at any time if it was as simple as ion pollution. Have you learned basic navigation yet? Find our location compared to Shandelon. Then find our location compared to Voyager. Finally, compare it to a vector between Voyager and Shandelon. Would you work on that while I see if I can raise Voyager?" Tommy nodded and started to work.

They both worked in silence for several minutes. The first thing Janeway did was to make sure they were sending by bouncing their signal off a planet in the nearest star system. That checked out. Tommy had located the direction to Voyager and Janeway sent a highly active distress signal that would be hard to ignore asking for a directional beacon and explaining the problem. She also sent a similar message by subspace and set the distress locator beacon on the shuttle. She had decided to check the communications system one more time when the console blew up in a shower of sparks.

Janeway fell forward onto the live console and it was evident that current was passing through her. Tommy knew he couldn't touch her. He also knew he had to get her off of there fast. One of the storage lockers had a long pole that didn't conduct electricity. He slid it under her chest and pushed her off the console. Feeling no pulse he followed his first aid training and performed CPR. He finally found a weak pulse and went to get the medkit. He couldn't understand all of the symbols. He reprogrammed it for first aid and it gave him very specific instructions. Give one dose tri-ox compound. Heart rate better. Fold a blanket in half and lay injured on it. Place injured on side in case injured should vomit. This helps to avoid aspiration of vomitus. Cover injured with the other blanket. Set medical tricorder to monitor heart rate and breathing. Repeat dose of tri-ox compound in 8 hours.

"Now what?" He said it aloud as if someone would answer him. "Mom looks terrible, but at least she's alive." He realized that she wouldn't have been if he hadn't restarted her heart. He really didn't want to think about that. "I hope the overload didn't knock out the communications signals. He checked the pilot's station and it was still live. He didn't know how to shut it down, so he would just have to stay away from it.

The co-pilot's station was functional and he would have to try to make his way back to Voyager as best he could. As he looked at the board he realized it seemed familiar. He had the vector back to Voyager. Even he knew that a vector was simply the line of sight direction from one point to another. Sometimes it had little to do with the actual direction a navigator would plot a course. The difficulty he had was that he didn't understand how to interpret the sensor symbols and the computer wouldn't tell him. He would set out on the vector, stay awake, and hope he noticed before he ran into a star. He had just set the controls when Janeway moaned and shifted. Tommy was there in a flash. "Mom?"

"Tommy, what happened? I feel terrible."

"The console blew up. You were electrocuted."

"I've got to get up, get us home. I can't move right."

"Mom! Don't move! That console is still live if you hit it again, you could die. Mom, lay down!! If I have to sit on you, will." Janeway looked at him, not really comprehending, but she did lay down again.

"I'm so cold."

"I'll get you another blanket." He brought a blanket and a cushion for her to lay her head on.

"What have you done to get home?"

"I put us on a vector toward Voyager."

"Good. Don't put us on auto pilot. Malfunction." Janeway went back out. Tommy checked her again and was happy to learn that her vital signs were stabilizing. He worked with the computer to try and get navigational sensors back on line. He tinkered with it for two hours and was rewarded with navigation. He tied it into his course and set it to notify him it he needed to change the course. The next project he undertook was neutralizing the pilot's board. The last thing he wanted was to be knocked into it. He worked for the better part of the next four hours stopping once to eat something. He finally figured it out and cut power. He felt much more secure. Before he did anything else he checked his mom again. She was sleeping, not unconscious and her condition had remained basically the same.

As he was finishing a communication came from Voyager, it was Chakotay. Tommy tried to answer, the computer still wasn't cooperating. He didn't know how to communicate manually. Chakotay gave him several instructions and said they could increase speed to warp two which he did. He also said that Voyager was coming to meet them and to set navigational deflectors on minimum in 45 minutes. Someone would beam aboard. In case instructions were needed, they would be given before the deflectors needed to be reduced.

In exactly 40 minutes the step by step instructions were pedantically presented. Tommy followed every step perfectly. Shortly afterward Lieutenant Kim beamed aboard and greeted Tommy. Tommy ran over and hugged him, a little boy now that another adult was on board.

"Mom's been electrocuted."

"Kim to Chakotay. We need an emergency transport to Sickbay, use Captain Janeway's combadge as coordinates." She's alive, but seriously injured. Tommy appears to be fine." Within seconds Janeway had been transported into the doctor's capable hands. "We were so worried." Kim sat down in the co-pilots seat and his hands ran over the board adjusting and changing the settings.

Tommy remembered the ion pollution. "Lieutenant, you better not take the shuttle into Voyager right now. There was an ore, I can't remember the name, but that's what caused the malfunction in the computers, the Captain called it ion pollution. We put a force field between the storage compartment and this cabin to block it."

"I'm glad you told me, Tommy. You probably saved us hours of work. Kim to Chakotay."

"Chakotay."

"Tommy told me about the cause of the malfunctions on the shuttle. They have an ore aboard that is insufficiently shielded. I'm planning to investigate this before docking."

"Very good, Mr. Kim."

"OK, Tommy, let's check out this troublesome ore. It's dense, you've about a quarter metric ton and it takes up a space two meters by two and one half meters by one meter. Kim to McMichael."

"McMichael here, go ahead, Harry."

"I need a lead lined container. . ." and Harry continued. After caring for the errant material, he docked the shuttle and notified the computer section of the malfunction.

Kim turned around and noticed Tommy looking glum. "What's up Tommy?"

He shrugged. "I guess I'm worried about Mom." He knew that wasn't the real reason, but he figured Kim would accept it. They left the shuttle.

"If she was really bad the Doc would call you, Eddie, and Chakotay to Sickbay. No news is good news. I don't think that's it. I'm your friend, maybe I can help."

"No, I need to see Chakotay. Are things crazy today? He sounded rattled."

"You're right about that. He almost went into orbit when the distress call came through. When you wouldn't answer, he left the bridge for the Captain's ready room. I think he was crying. He truly cares for you. Why don't you page him? I'll bet he'll see you soon. I need to get back to the bridge."

One of the rules Tommy followed was that you only called Mama or Papa while they were on shift for something very important. Tommy figured this was one of these times.

"Tommy to Chakotay."

"Tommy, it's great to hear your voice. What can I do for you?"

"Papa, can I see you?"

"Sure, Tommy, could you come up to the bridge? We can talk in the ready room."

"The bridge, sure!"

"I'll be here. Chakotay out."

Wow, I can't believe it. He invited me up to the bridge! The last time he'd been on the bridge. Well, that had been something he'd had to do. He had to know his world was predictable. The turbo lift door opened and Chakotay was standing there smiling. Tommy couldn't help it, he ran over to him and hugged him tight. He wasn't going to start crying!

As if sensing his fragile mood, Chakotay immediately suggested they go into the ready room. They sat down in the sitting area and Chakotay commented, "You've had a pretty scary time." Tommy looked up at him eyes brimming, and hugged him again. "The Doc says Kathryn is going to be fine." Tommy sighed. "He also said you did exactly the right things. You even helped her to start getting better."

"I followed the directions on the tricorder. That's what they taught us in school." He stopped and took a deep breath. "Dad, I think I might be in trouble."

"Why?"

"I flew the shuttle."

"Oh, I see. No Tommy, you aren't in trouble. Let me see if I can explain it to you. When you came to us, you had been badly abused by your father. Because of that and probably because of your personality, we had to make very strict rules for you and enforce them every time. We couldn't make exceptions. Remember Naomi, she has a lot of rules that are 'except for when' rules. They have exceptions and Naomi can live by those rules. You haven't been able to yet. Today you broke a rule. The one that says you are not allowed to fly a shuttle. You correctly found an 'except for when' to that rule. I'm very proud of you. If you hadn't had that courage, Kathryn. . ." Tears rolled down his face.

"Dad. . ." Tommy leaned on him touched by how deeply he cared about his mother and waited until he was ready to continue.

"Tommy, I think you are mature enough to have some 'except for when' rules. If you can make your first decision under circumstances like this, you can probably make one under less stressful conditions. We will talk more about it as time goes on. Now, I want to hear about the mission from your point of view. What was the best thing that happened."

Chakotay was surprised to see Tommy blush deeply and turn away from him. "Tommy, what happened." He was concerned that something untoward had happened.

Tommy turned back to him and gave him an irritated look. "I had to tell Mom because she's the Captain. Do I have to tell you, too, because you're the first officer?"

"I'm really confused."

Tommy thought for a while. "It's personal, you're not allowed to tell anyone else. The Prime Minister's daughter was assigned to show me around and keep me busy. She was really nice and well, Mom told me we had to be really careful since it was a first contact situation. I couldn't flirt with her or hold her hand or anything like that. On the last day right before we went in the shuttle, she kissed me. That was the best thing that happened."

"Thank you for telling me." Chakotay said seriously. Under his solemn face he was quite amused though he knew better than to let on to Tommy. So, his son was growing up. There was more than one talk to have with Tommy. He continued soberly to Tommy. "Well, son, it seems you grew up in more than one way this trip."

"Tuvok to Chakotay," the Doctor called. "The Captain is conscious and is asking for you. She requested you stop and get Eddie."

"Thank you, Tuvok. Shall we go get your brother?"

"Dad, when was the first time you kissed Mom?"

"The day I asked her to marry me. When I kissed her, I was afraid it was a mistake. It turned out OK."

"Is that when most people kiss for the first time?"

"No, I would think that would be a very unusual time to kiss for the first time. We haven't talked about it because of the circumstances surrounding it. I think your mom and I needed an excuse to get married. Mom was afraid it would cause problems on Voyager. There were a few, but not many. None of them lasted a long time."

"Why did you get married?"

"Because of you. You remember what we told you, don't you?"

"Yea. It seems so strange. I don't remember any of that other life."

"We have decided to give you your story a little at a time so it isn't overwhelming. It's quite a story. Here we are. Let's get Eddie."

They walked in the school room and Tommy went up and tapped Eddie on the shoulder, "Tommy! You're back, you're back, you're back!" He jumped on Tommy's feet with every word. Finally, to save his feet, Tommy picked him up.

"We're going to see Mom. She got hurt, but she's better now."

The reunion in Sickbay was joyful. Without being asked Tommy came and retrieved Eddie so his parents could have a little time together. He watched them covertly and saw his father tenderly stroke his mom's hair as she told him a few essentials. Tommy saw her gesture toward him several times. Then Chakotay embraced her roughly, almost out of control and Tommy could see him shaking. He gradually relaxed and gave her a long, lingering kiss.

"I've been telling Papa how well you did. We've decided you have earned a commendation. You will have a paragraph written about what you did placed in your records, a certificate, and a medal that you can wear on your suit if you desire."

"Thanks. This has really been a big day. When are we going to eat dinner?"

****************

"Bye Mom, I'm picking up Naomi, we'll be on the observation deck, then the holodeck."

She knew it was inevitable, children grew up. That's the way it was. She wondered if it would be as hard each time or if Thomas was a special case. The day he came to them and asked so formally if they would call him Thomas. He'd rather be Tom, but he couldn't do that because the person he came from, he was Tom. Thomas it was from that day forth.

Lieutenant Stimms had told her about the antagonistic friendship that suddenly blossomed into a first romance after the Doctor had been to school and had chanced to refer to Naomi as a beautiful young woman. She had smiled so captivatingly at the Doctor that Thomas had noticed her charms and had set about wooing her. Once he set his cap for her, it wasn't long until he had charmed her. Janeway hoped he wasn't toying with her and Chakotay had had several heart to heart talks with him. Most of the crew were charmed by the romance, but they wisely kept their opinions to themselves.

***

Chakotay began having heart to heart talks with Tommy shortly after the eventful trading trip to Shandelon. Lately, the talks had become more like a one sided shouting match with Thomas getting angry and Chakotay staying cool. Janeway was sure many of the comments Thomas made wounded Chakotay to the heart. He rarely let on. Now Thomas was so like Tom Paris. He had a rapier wit and could use that same skill in cutting sarcasm. Thomas exhibited little kindness, tenderness, or regard for humankind except to Naomi. With her, he was gallant, gentlemanly, and respectful. Janeway was all but certain that their relationship was chaste. Naomi wanted it that way.

There were times Thomas turned on Janeway. The first time he had had a point. From age 15 1/2 Thomas had trained on a station so that at age 16 he could assume a duty station on the ship. He took two shifts a week.

Without really thinking about it Janeway would remind Thomas about his shift as he went out of their quarters in the morning. One day he returned and let her have it at the top of his voice.

"Mother, I am sick and tired of being treated like an immature baby. You would never dream of reminding any of your crew when their next shift is. If they miss it they deal with Commander Chakotay. I've dealt with him enough as his son that I know I wouldn't want to be hauled up before him as an errant crew member. Why do you waste your breath. I'll thank you to stop." He was out the door before she could find her voice.

When she did find it, all she said was, "OK."

***

"Hello, Lieutenant, I'm here to pick up Naomi."

"She was waiting out here a minute ago. I think she went to her room. How are things in Astrometrics? I was assigned to work with Seven a few years ago. I was a nervous wreck inside of a week."

"I met her when I was about four once when Harry Kim was taking care of me. We really hit off. I think you just need to take her with a grain of salt. She might have a soft place in her heart for me. Naomi! You look wonderful." He put a slightly anxious look on his face. "Did I tell you we were going someplace special tonight."

"You sweet talker! No. And this is my normal off duty set of clothes."

"Surely not, tell me they are at least new! I'll have her back by 2200. See you, Ms. Wildman."

"I finally was assigned my duty station today. Astrometrics."

"You couldn't talk him into the helm?

"No. He really wasn't being unreasonable. I didn't realize it. Voyager has eleven people qualified to man the helm. They really only need nine and dad didn't even count either himself or Mom. Don't tell him I said this, but maybe I'm too hard on them. Sometimes, I'm yelling before I even hear what they say. Dad offered to let me train on the holodeck as long as I keep my rating in Astrometrics at good or above."

"That's great! My mom doesn't want me to go the Starfleet route. She always says, 'Look what it got me!' I don't think this is such a bad life, but it's all I've ever known. I'll be helping Neelix in the mess hall. That frees up a crewman for another shift. Are you starting the pre academy curriculum?"

"My folks haven't brought it up, but I've talked to Lieutenant Stimms. She says I'm pretty much up to speed as of about 16 years ago. All that would be necessary is to push the math a little and insert an extra course of theoretical spatial sciences. I asked her if she could go ahead and do that. I'm starting the intensified course work tomorrow. Oh, she also said I needed a course on the history of the Academy. It'll be a little out of date."

"Keep your fingers crossed."

"They're crossed." They liked talking and whatever the most on the observation deck, but it only worked if they were the only ones there. They were lucky tonight and they walked in and found their favorite place. Settled, they enjoyed a long and lingering kiss. Thomas wouldn't have minded a bit if the relationship was more 'developed,' but he had seen Chakotay's deferential example all of his life and didn't think past it. It hadn't crossed his mind to push Naomi past what she wanted to do.

They both loved the stars. In a sense both had been born among them and they had lived among them all their lives. Thomas' love of the stars was another detail that made Astrometrics bearable.

"I heard my folks talking between themselves the other day. Between all the little jumps we've made and the improvements in the warp drive we have only about ten more years before we get home. From 75 years to 20 some, that's pretty good. You never know when we might find something else to pop us a little closer."

"I can't imagine life off the ship."

"Neither can I. The only time I can remember being off of Voyager was when I went with Mom to Shandelon. A holodeck doesn't even come close! I'm glad we have holodecks though at least we have an idea what an ocean is, or a farm, or whatever."

Thomas' fingers were walking up Naomi's arm. He wanted another kiss. She looked at him with a not very encouraging look on her face then closed her eyes. The kiss didn't come and she opened her eyes in surprise. Thomas was sitting back watching her with a smirk on his face. OK, she thought two can play at this game. She turned away, for a couple seconds, and turned back to find Thomas and a kiss with a passion she wasn't ready for. She rose. "It's time to go, Thomas."

"I'll be a minute, Naomi. Go ahead and wait outside."

Naomi did as requested and Thomas came out in a couple minutes. "I'm sorry, Naomi. I got a little out of control."

"Apology accepted. I was at least partly responsible. I played along with that little game. What were you up to anyway?"

"It was a spur of the moment impulse, I didn't plan it." They walked on in silence a while.

"Astrometrics isn't the busiest station. How about I ask Seven if you can come down sometimes?"

"That would be fun, maybe I can even help."

Seven agreed to the plan after checking with Lieutenant Stimms to find out if Naomi was a good student in the sciences. Thomas' duty shifts fell into a pattern. The first part he worked alone or with Seven learning or reviewing techniques or working on assignments. The second half he ran the department himself or Naomi joined him when she could. The organization was efficient and productive. It continued for several months until Voyager was blindsided by an attack from a hostile ship.

The afternoon shift was going well and Thomas and Naomi were working happily side by side. Without warning the ship listed and a deep booming sound rang through the ship. To keep herself upright Naomi grabbed the astrometrics console and hung on for dear life. Thomas had been thrown to the floor and was slightly dazed from having cracked his head on a support as he rolled by. Belatedly, the Red Alert sounded and the Captain ordered battle stations. A second boom worked through the ship and the Astrometrics console blew up sending a shower of sparks and fire a radius of two meters. Thomas could see Naomi. She was limp, draped over the console. He tried to get to her. Something was wrong with the artificial gravity. It seemed to be cycling erratically. A few seconds it would be normal, then 2 times normal, then 4 times normal, then. . . it continued to cycle unevenly. Thomas fought it with every strength he had. It took him 10 minutes to reach her and pull her off the console. He couldn't revive her. He didn't think to call Sickbay until after he reached her. They were beamed together to Sickbay. The gravity was restored and they were off Red Alert. The attacker had been a single marauder who depended upon stealth and surprise to vanquish its foes. As her usual policy Captain Janeway had ordered a crippling shot, the marauder had blown up perhaps by his own hand.

"EMH to the Captain."

"Yes, Doctor." Every time he called, her heart leapt to her throat.

"This isn't a life or death emergency, Captain. Naomi Wildman was killed in the attack. Thomas is in Sickbay, I had to sedate him. He's blaming himself for her death. She died instantly, there was nothing he could have done. I could not have saved her if I had been there at the time of the explosion."

"Thank you, Doctor, I'll be down when I can." She had a sense that running down to Sickbay immediately wasn't the best course of action.

"Tuvok, I'll be in my ready room, you have the bridge."

After Janeway entered the ready room, she paged Chakotay. "Are you in a relatively private place?"

"Go ahead, Captain."

"I wanted to let you know, we had a fatality in the attack, Naomi Wildman."

There was a long sigh on the other end.

"Tommy's in Sickbay. He's not injured, he's blaming himself for her death. He's been sedated. I have a sense that we need to let some time pass before charging down there."

"I think you're right. Jumping on this would tend to give credence to it."

"I'm glad you agree. Janeway out."

"Janeway to the Doctor."

"EMH here."

"Doctor, has Lieutenant Wildman been notified?"

"No, I was about to do that."

"Leave that to me, Doctor. Janeway out."

"Computer locate Lieutenant Wildman."

"Lieutenant Wildman is in main computers." Janeway was grim as she walked the distance between the turbo lift and the main computer station. She walked in and spoke to the charge officer. Wildman was working under her station and Janeway walked over to her, placed her hand on her shoulder, and asked her to come with her.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Please, Lieutenant, come with me." Janeway took her by he elbow and escorted her out of the room and into an empty conference room. "Please sit down." The Lieutenant lowered herself to the chair. Janeway reached out and took her hand. "I'm terribly sorry, Samantha. Naomi, was killed in the attack. She was killed instantly. There was nothing anyone could have done." Janeway watched as Samantha Wildman struggled with the news.

"No, there must be some mistake."

"Samantha, she was in Astrometrics. A console blew up. The Doctor said she died instantly."

"Naomi's dead? I just saw her this morning."

Kathryn sat there with her as the inconceivable news became real.

"I'll never believe it unless I see her."

"Janeway to the Doctor."

"EMH"

"Doctor, I'm bringing Samantha Wildman to Sickbay with a site to site transport. Could you clear any unnecessary people out of Sickbay."

"Sickbay's ready, Captain."

"This is Captain Janeway. I want a site to site transport for two people from here, use my combadge as coordinates, to Sickbay. Energize when ready."

When they arrived in Sickbay, Samantha looked toward the Doctor and asked, "Where is she, Doctor?" The Doctor gently took her by the arm and led her over to the bio bed where she had been laid. Samantha took her hand, "She's cold. She is dead. Can I just sit here for a while."

"Certainly, I'll get a chair."

Kathryn came up behind her and took her by the shoulders. "I am so sorry. I'll be in touch." Her next job was Thomas. Before she went to him she went into the corridor and paged Chakotay to let him know she was seeing Thomas. He didn't need to come unless he felt it was necessary.

Janeway reentered Sickbay and asked the Doctor where Thomas was. Doc had placed him in the remote surgical bay so he wouldn't witness all of the activity surrounding Naomi.

"Doc, check to see if he is asleep."

"No, he is very much awake. He is agitated even with the sedative. His blood pressure is up significantly. Endorphins suppressed. Serotonins suppressed. Dopamine increased. He's not going to be easy to deal with in this state."

"Thank you, Doctor."

She entered the room Thomas was in, "Thomas, it's Mom."

"Took your time getting here."

"I'm here. I could leave if you want. I could ask Chakotay. . . "

"No, I'm sorry, Mom."

"Computer, 20% lights." Tommy was sitting on the bed. He looked bad. Janeway joined him on the bed. After a minute she tentatively put her arm around his shoulders, unsure what comfort he would accept. This unleashed a flood of tears and she turned to him to hold him with both arms. They sat like that for uncounted minutes, Janeway holding and rocking and murmuring assurances. Slowly Thomas calmed and Janeway hopped off the bed to find some tissues. She reseated herself and took her son's hand. "I know this is unspeakably difficult. You loved her. That much was obvious."

"Mom, if I had remembered to get her to Sickbay. She could have been resuscitated."

"That's not what the Doc said."

Thomas looked at her challengingly.

"Ask him yourself. He isn't capable of lying outright like that. Janeway to Doc."

"EMH."

"Are you busy?"

"Not with something that can't be interrupted."

"Would you come in here please?"

The Doc entered the remote surgical bay and said, "What can I do for you, Captain?"

"Thomas has some questions for you."

The Doc looked expectantly at Thomas.

"Mom said that Naomi died instantly."

"Yes, that's correct."

"Why couldn't she have been resuscitated."

"Basically what happened was that about 75% of her nerve cells were burned out. The receptors on the cells were overloaded and burned so badly they couldn't carry the messages from her brain to her organs."

"Thanks Doc." The EMH left the room. "Mom, I thought I'd killed her." He came to embrace her for the first time in at least two years. They stood there for a long time.

"Tommy. . .Thomas, I'm sorry."

"No, Mom. I think Tommy's fine. I think maybe Thomas was a little too big for his britches. I haven't been very easy to get along with for a long time. I'm going to try harder."

"OK, Tommy, do you want to go home?" He nodded. "I think he had you here because you were so agitated. I'd like to tell you a story and I haven't even thought of your brother or sister all day. Let's go out and see him."

"Doc, can Tommy go home?"

"Yes, I can see he is considerably calmer."

"Thank you, Doc." Very quietly. "Tommy can you go over to Lieutenant Wildman and offer her your sympathy? I'll be right with you."

Tommy walked over trying to think of what to say, "Lieutenant Wildman," She looked up at him her face had a lost look on it. "I'm so sorry your daughter died. I loved her, but I know you loved her more."

"Oh Tommy," she stood up and embraced him. Not knowing what else to do he stood there and patted her back. "Thank you, Tommy, thank you for stopping by."

He rejoined his mother. "You did a good thing, Tommy. I don't see how you could have done better." When Kathryn reached the corridor, she paged Chakotay.

"Chakotay."

"I wanted to tell you all is well. We even have Tommy back. I'm going to check with Tuvok and hopefully go home. I'll see you there. Janeway out. Let's go up to the bridge. I always like to look at Tuvok when I talk to him if possible." Janeway announced Naomi Wildman's death, discussed her business with Tuvok, supervised the shift change, picked up her children from school, and went home. Today had been tough! A death on Voyager was always hard, but when it effected one of your own the difficulty was always compounded.

She sat down for a moment and awoke to find dinner prepared and ready to go. "Tommy, Eddie, Rachael did you do all this? That was sweet of you. Did you page Dad? He's helping with repairs in engineering."

"Dad said he'd be in engineering for most of the night. He said he'd call if he thought he'd be back later than 2200."

"OK, dinner looks great. Let's eat." Janeway could feel the shroud that had fallen over the entire ship. Their first child had died and in a senseless sneak attack. Janeway had instructed Tuvok to tune one bank of sensors to the frequency of the drive of the marauder's ship so they wouldn't be caught off guard again. If they were moving into these people's space, she wanted warning of future attacks.

The children had worked so hard to make dinner she forced herself to eat. Most of it seemed to stick in her throat. She noticed Tommy was having trouble also. The younger children didn't seem to notice. For them the Red Alert was more of a game than anything else. They were excited by the change of pace. The younger children had finished their meal with dispatch and had left Tommy and Janeway toying with theirs. "Maybe we should put these in stasis in case we're hungry later."

"OK, Mom."

Tommy rose and began gathering the remains of their meal. "Have you had grief in your life, Mom."

"Oh yes, the story I want to tell you is about the death of my father and my fiancé. Let's finish this, when I think about it, it's still painful." They quickly cleaned up the remains of dinner. Kathryn checked on he two younger children. They were happily playing in a bedroom.

Kathryn seated herself on the sofa and Tommy came and sat beside her and leaned on her arm. "Mom, I can't believe she's really dead. I keep thinking things like what we're going to do tomorrow and what I'm going to give her for her birthday."

"That's real common. I guess it's your brain's way to let you down easily. Over the years with all the grief that comes with being a Captain. The only thing I can say is let it happen. If you're sad, be sad - angry, be angry. It hurts to feel things, but if you try to hide from them too long, they turn on you. It can actually make you sick."

"Mom, are you ready to tell your story?"

(Note: This story is paraphrased from Jeri Taylor's Mosaic pp. 226-234 and 296-301.)

Janeway sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. She hadn't thought deeply about this particular incident for years. "We were returning to the Tau Ceti system after spending some time at Mittern Station. We were in a special prototype ship that was lean and powerful. It had been developed by my dad and my fiancé, Justin Tighe, was his test pilot. We'd had an uneventful trip and were in the early part of our descent when I remember my father said something about wind shear. I was thrown clear of the ship along with a large piece of the hull. It was a miracle I survived the fall. It seemed like I fell endlessly and as I was falling it was restful and effortless. I remember thinking I wanted it to go on forever. Suddenly, I heard the hiss of the wind and I hit the ground. The pain was terrific and I lay stunned for an unmeasurable period of time. When I could finally move, I looked around and thought I saw an iceberg. It was no iceberg, it was a ship. Our ship. I could see Justin and my father in the cockpit. They were alive. I had come down on a section on the ship and the section still had power. I could transport them from the wreckage." Janeway stopped lost in the memory.

"Mom," Tommy called softly.

She started and put her arm around Tommy's shoulders. She was the one needing support. She was trembling. Tommy took her other hand. "It comes back as if it were yesterday. It's such a desolate feeling. I checked my power levels, they were too low. There was another complication, the ship was sinking. I managed to rig or find ways to transfer enough power to transport one person. One of the two most important people in my life, my daddy, and my fiancé. I couldn't choose. How could I choose? What I did do was figure out a way to cheat death of her prey. I tapped into the capacitor circuit. My plan was working. The power level was coming up, slowly, but every second was closer. It was so close. I just needed a few seconds and I would have the necessary power. Then I had it. I had the power. I activated the beam and. . .They didn't materialize." Her voice was bleak. "I tried everything, every command I could think of. The fuselage had sunk below the water and they were gone. I was unable to choose between them and now they were both gone." Kathryn sat staring into the memory, eyes brimming and an occasional tear streaking her face.

"How did you go on?"

"For a long time I didn't. It was my sister who finally made me, then a puppy. I didn't remember it accurately for many years. You are the first person I've ever told about this. Chakotay doesn't even know."

"Mama!" Rachael ran over to her mother and climbed into her lap.

"Yes, Rachie."

"Eddie said my epe-dum-us was showing."

"Epidermis?"

"Yea, that."

"Well, Eddie's is showing, too. It's your skin."

"My skin?"

"Yes, he was playing with you."

"OK." Rachael scrambled down and ran back into the room. "Mom says. . ."

"Mom, do you and dad want me to go to the Academy?"

"At this time, the point is moot. We are ten years out of the boarder of Alpha Quadrant. We would still have several months travel to the Federation boarders as we knew them."

"OK, let's say we were home. Would you?"

"You're pushing my buttons, Tommy. When I think from the perspective of being your mother, I want you to be happy and choose what you want to be from your interests and goals. Ask me as Captain of Voyager and I think, yes. It would make me so proud. I also think good grief find something peaceful to do. Between you and me, I love this job and wouldn't trade it for anything!"

"What would you say if I told you that I'm starting on accelerated coursework in preparation for Academy exams tomorrow."

Kathryn swallowed and cleared her throat. "Since you chose this yourself, I'm very pleased, son."

"Lieutenant Griswold to Captain Janeway."

"Go ahead, Lieutenant."

"Captain, we've scanned something I think you better see."

"I'll be up in about 10 minutes. Are we in danger of moving out of range?"

"I'd recommend remaining at this location."

"Very well, all stop, go to station keeping. If Seven isn't on duty ask her to report to Astrometrics. Tommy, I'm going to have to ask you to take care of your brother and sister. Who knows when I'll be back. You know the routine. You don't need give your sister a bath, just wash her face and hands, right now she's very anti bath. I need to change." She started into her bedroom, but turned back to Tommy. As she walked over to him, she appraised him. "Are you up to this? I don't want to put too much pressure on you. You've had a rough day."

"You've been through a lot, too. You're not showing any hesitation about going up to the bridge."

"I'm the Captain. Captains are not permitted to have weaknesses or be tired. Sixteen year old sons are."

"Maybe I'm practicing to be a Captain."

Kathryn smiled and shook her head as she went into her room to change clothes. She never knew what to expect from Tommy. That trait certainly hadn't changed.

***

The bridge was a hive of activity when she arrived. Lieutenant Griswold had apparently felt justified in calling out the troops. This was something of a surprise, Lieutenant Griswold was a very conservative officer. Definitely not prone to rash decisions. "Report."

"Captain, we've come across a wormhole. Preliminary scans indicate it opens in the Alpha quadrant." Griswold was barely containing his excitement.

"What have you done to investigate?"

"Only basic scans, Captain. That and man the bridge, Astrogation, and Astrometrics. Commander Chakotay has also been informed."

"Good man, let's get to work. Seven, are you in Astrometrics?"

"Yes Captain. I am currently recalibrating the console. I estimate another 30 minutes."

"Let me know when you are ready. Lieutenant Kim prepare a probe. Advise when ready."

The investigation continued over several days. The telemetry suggested that the wormhole was stable and of sufficient size to accommodate Voyager easily. It appeared to remain in our dimension and our time. The next step was to send a manned shuttle through.

The senior staff had convened in the briefing room. "Chakotay, Seven you are obvious choices to since we won't yet be in Federation space. Suggestions for the rest of your crew."

"I'd like Lieutenant Kim along. We could also use a back up pilot and someone else qualified in Astrometrics." Chakotay gave Janeway a significant look. Janeway returned it puzzled until it dawned on her he was talking about Tommy.

"Commander, he's 16 years old. He's not even Starfleet."

"Captain, I beg to differ, unless you decommissioned him without informing me, Tommy Paris' current rank is Lieutenant junior grade."

Janeway looked at him and shook her head. Chakotay coolly turned to the officers assembled in the briefing room and said, "The briefing is temporarily in recess. Dismissed."

Janeway waited until the rest of the staff had filed out, then nailed Commander Chakotay with her eyes, her voice steel when she spoke. "You had better have a good reason for doing that, Commander!"

"I didn't think the Captain would want to have this discussion in front of the rest of the senior staff."

"A discussion of what, Commander!"

"Whether Tommy Paris is going on the away mission through the wormhole."

"I am not in the habit of sending children on away missions."

"He's gone before."

"That was a special case and you know it." She rose from her chair.

Chakotay rose also. "Captain, I respectfully submit you are not thinking like a Captain, you are thinking like a mother."

"Commander, you are coming dangerously close to the line."

Chakotay stepped back mentally. He knew Janeway, he would never succeed in convincing her by confronting her. That would simply harden her resolve. He came in through another door. His voice almost whispery it was so soft. "Who else has the qualifications? Who else is a qualified pilot and knows Astrometric's procedures?"

When she turned away, he knew he'd succeed. "Very well, Tommy'll go." Turning back to him she said. "Commander, please accept my apology. Chakotay," she came into his arms. "I never thought any job could be harder than Captain." She lifted her head to kiss him. "Bring him back, just bring him back."

The shuttle mission was set for the next day at 0900. His parents informed him together and he was ecstatic. They allowed him to enjoy the feeling for a while and allowed him to revel in his newly restored rank and uniform. After sufficient time had past, they began to slowly, gradually, but very, very thoroughly impress upon him the responsibility he was undertaking and how every member of the team was essential to the successful completion of the mission. Both Chakotay and Janeway related how the actions of one member of a team had been responsible for saving a mission or for causing loss of life. Lieutenant Tommy Paris left the interview with a subdued attitude and serious countenance.

"Could we have come down on him too hard?"

"I don't think so, as I read Tom Paris' record. This is about the time he began to have difficulties with making choices. I remember myself as a sixteen year old. I was brash, fearless, and full of myself. It was a tragedy Naomi had to die, but some good could come of it, Tommy having an experience with death at this time may cause serious reflection on the effects of his actions.

***

"Tommy, are you on your way our already?"

"Yea, Mom, I left you a note."

"Just a minute, let me be a mother before you leave. You look almost the same now as my helmsman, Tom Paris. You're going to start loosing your hair! Right in through there."

"Mom!"

"I love you, hon. I know you'll do fine." She hugged him. "I promise I'll be your captain in public. Take care."

Tommy walked several steps away, stopped, and turned around, "I love you, too, Mom." He walked back to her and hugged her again, turned and was out the door. Kathryn barely managed to get back to her bedroom before her tears broke loose.

"Kathryn, come here." Chakotay had awakened and understood her feelings. He held her for a time then began to kiss her tears away. "Computer, bedroom door, privacy lock."

***

Captain Janeway was fully Captain Janeway when the shuttle left at 0900. They had rigged several special apparatus for communication in the hope that contact could be maintained with the shuttle at all times. Data was sent back to Voyager continuously. The bridge was fully manned and everyone was busy, everyone, but Janeway it seemed to her. Her crew was entirely too well trained. She quipped to herself. Now when she wanted to be distracted, there was nothing to do! With the data that had been gathered by the probes they had sent through, the trip was expected to take about three hours at warp 1. They were ten minutes into the trip and Kathryn was already ready to climb the walls.

"Ensign Roberts, would you pipe the data stream through the computer in my ready room. Commander Tuvok, you have the bridge." In her ready room, she could watch the stars. An activity that always calmed her. She needed calmed. She knew a price would be paid sometime for marrying an officer under her command. She hadn't really thought there would be a price for a child. The prices were different, both were dear, if she had to she didn't think she could choose between them. She chilled, surely fate wouldn't force her to do so again. By and by the stars worked their magic and she felt calm enough to reenter the bridge. They had been gone almost three hours. Janeway sat calm now amid the orderly bustle of activity. The carrier wave stopped. All heads came up alert. The drone of the carrier wave had become such a constant that its absence was alarming.

"Ensign Roberts, are we receiving anything? Any data at all."

"No, ma'am."

"Helm, bring us to within 1 kilometer of the worm hole 1/4 impulse. I want that the closest we come. Understood?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Anything, Roberts?"

"No, ma'am. Sorry."

"We wait." She deliberately walked over to her chair and sat down, consciously preventing herself from fidgeting. Ten minutes past, twenty, forty, an hour. The tension on the bridge was palpable. Janeway could stand it no longer she made her way around to everyone on the bridge patting a shoulder here, hugging there. As she clapped the last person on the back, the data stream started, after a fashion. If everyone had come to attention when the data stream had ended, the action taken when it returned was redoubled. The data stream was broken up. Broken up into bits about the same size, in patterns.

"Computer, activate decryption algorithms. Computer, can you identify that code."

"Yes, it is Morse code."

"Computer, decode message. Notify when complete."

"Message complete."

"Relay message."

"Personnel healthy. Unable to return. Suggest Voyager travel wormhole. Important. Do not exit wormhole while in warp. Important. Do not exit wormhole while in warp. Important. Do not exit wormhole while in warp. Wormhole is exactly two hours. Twenty-three minutes. Fourteen seconds long at warp one. Warp engines off line. Exit wormhole. Papa C waits."

"Prepare to enter the wormhole. Deflectors on maximum." The Captain was fully engaged.

"Captain, since Commander Chakotay is not here to fill this capacity," Tuvok began. "I feel the obligation to do so. We have no assurance this message is genuine. We could be walking into a trap."

"Chakotay put his stamp of approval on this message." Janeway informed him. "The end, 'Papa C'. Do you know who called him that name? Tommy did. There isn't any way it could be faked."

Preparations continued and very soon Voyager was ready o enter the wormhole. Janeway opted to allow a buffer of three minutes, fourteen seconds to insure that Voyager did not pass out of the wormhole while the warp engines were on line. She also had B'Elanna prepare so that the warp engines could be taken off line as efficiently as possible.

They entered the wormhole. A hush fell over the bridge as Voyager began to probe the inner reaches of the wormhole. The telemetry from the probe coincided with the current data Voyager was picking up. There was occasional turbulence, but thus far, this was a summer drive compared to the ride one experienced with the wormhole at DS9. The first hour passed essentially without incident. The second hour was more turbulent; however, there was no damage to the ship or crew. The most exciting incident was the walls of the wormhole began closing in and continued to do so until a mere half kilometer remained on either side of Voyager. This condition existed for about three minutes and the wormhole regained its regular proportions. It was time to drop out of warp and take the engines off line. At full impulse it didn't take all that long to reach the end of the wormhole and exit.

First priority was to find the shuttle and that wasn't difficult. The shuttle hailed Voyager as the ship left the wormhole and was aboard in no time. Captain Janeway went to the shuttle bay to meet the away team. Captain's privilege after all! Foremost on Janeway's mind was to find out the reason for the telemetry blackout. At least that's what she told herself.

Chakotay filled her in. "The warp engines reacted with an energy field on this end of the wormhole and caused a catastrophic, cascading burnout of all our energy systems. Our first priority was to communicate with you and Morse code was the simplest. Tommy thought of using Papa C to let you know it was authentic."

They had returned to the Alpha Quadrant. Actually they overshot Federation space by about eighteen months. They were exactly 19 months, 20 days from Earth at a constant speed of warp 5. Getting to Earth was the most straight forward problem they had. Voyager could now contact the Federation and expect an answer within a month. The question was would there be legal problems? Voyager will have been away from Federation space for about eighteen and one half years. They had been able to communicate with them once when they were four years out. Circumstances had prevented any other communication. For several days Captain invited debate on the subject in order to address and take note of as many issues as possible.

Each member of the crew was asked to decide whether they wanted to remain in Starfleet after returning to Earth. A careful review of each persons rank was made to evaluate whether further promotions should be granted. These were supported by the thorough evaluation schedule Chakotay had followed. Janeway was going to ask that each person remaining in Starfleet be retained at their current rank. A more significant issue was that of a pardon for the Maquis crew members. The issue of the war with Cardassia had become moot even fourteen years ago when the array had allowed a brief communication with Starfleet. For fully half of her crew, Janeway would have to take time to think whether or not they were Starfleet or Maquis.

Families and friends needed to be contacted. A schedule was set up that a person could send up to 5 messages once a week. Lieutenant Kim set up a system where the return messages were left on a person's personal terminal, saving delivery time and frazzled nerves.

***

Tommy. They had informed him gradually over the years about the adult he had been previously. They had not yet given him all of the details. It appeared now was the time.

Chakotay and Kathryn invited him to dinner, a practice they followed with all of their children. A practice that tended to signal to that child that something of importance was about to happen. That was exactly what Tommy thought. As he sat down to eat he said with anticipation, "OK what's up!"

Janeway looked at him and smiled, "I guess we've become predictable over the years!"

"We have," Chakotay affirmed. "We are going to eat and enjoy our dinner together before we talk." This was also predictable for Tommy though he didn't say anything. It meant the subject matter wasn't pleasant. He resigned himself to wait. Once his parents stated something like that solidly, they never budged.

After dinner they went into the sitting room and Janeway brought a chair up to sit across from Tommy. "Over the years we have told you about the man, Tom Paris, who through a ceremony that could not be reversed, brought us a 3 year 5 month old child who needed parents. We became those parents. For many years you remembered the abuse your blood father inflicted upon you. Do you still remember it?"

"I remember being beaten by my daddy. . . I know it wasn't Chakotay."

"Much of what we have told you about Tom Paris occurred after he came aboard Voyager. He was brash, irreverent, and often charming. You flirt exactly like he did and he was beginning to show the true regard for people you already do before he was changed. What we need to tell you now is the darker side of Mr. Paris. This is a side we truly hope we have prevented from coming about. Do you have any reservations about hearing this now?"

"I have suspected for a long time that Tom Paris had a dark side to his life. No one on the crew outright told me, but I have heard many side comments over the years. I can't say I want to hear this. Whether I want to or not, I need to hear this."

Janeway nodded accepting his reasoning. "Tom Paris was the best pilot I have ever seen. You're very good Tommy and show all the potential that was later realized in Tom when he was 29. He knew he was good, too. That may have been part of the problem. There was a fanaticism about his piloting. Everyone knew he was good and he found ways to remind you, as if he had to be constantly told he was good for it to be true. He was stationed out of Caldik Prime awaiting posting to the Potemkin, serving as a pilot as needed. He had three officers to shuttle from Caldik Prime's moon to the planet. He had been dating one of them. He started to do some acrobatic stunts, showing off for his girlfriend, and the shuttle exploded. He was injured terribly, and he was the only survivor. He didn't remember all the details for a long time. There was an inquiry held, and for a reason I'm not clear about, he told one story about the accident, but later changed his story. He was forced to resign or face a general court-martial."

"After being cashiered out of Starfleet he worked with a freight company for a time and actually saved someone's life. The pilot had a heart attack and Tom took over the ship and was able to transport the man to a hospital quickly enough that he survived. Afterwards, he left the freighter company and drifted for a while."

"That's where I met up with him." Chakotay took over. "Some of my Maquis crew had been to a bar that Tom frequented and he overheard what they were saying. He told them he was a pilot, by then he was frantic to fly, and they came to get me. Frankly, I was suspicious, he had a wild, uncontrolled quality about him. He seemed like a wild animal, as much frightened as angry or mean. I decided to give him a chance. I also decided I would become his friend or mentor. He would have nothing to do with my friendship and with his sarcastic and devastating wit, he would cut me off every time I made an overture of friendship. Finally, I quit trying and Tom intensified his barrage. The last I saw him before Voyager was sending him off on a supply run that I thought he double crossed us on. He actually saved our colony and was captured in the process. He was tried and convicted as a traitor and sentenced to prison." **see end

"That is where I recruited him to help on what we now call the Caretaker Mission." Janeway continued. "He was surly and smart with me. He later said he was testing me to see how much I wanted him to come. I was not impressed with what I saw. I did need him and he came. On Voyager he encountered hostility from the start. He came onto the bridge with my new Ops officer and the first officer warmly greeted Kim, but even when Paris extended his hand he only reluctantly shook it."

"You know the rest of the story." Chakotay finished. "I'm sure the crew has told you the many times he heroically saved the ship or put himself in danger to help someone else. I know I've told you about the time he saved my life during Caretaker. I even told him to go away and save himself. He made some crack about it, but he saved me at great danger to himself anyway."

Tommy sat for a long time in silence, eyes downcast, brooding. Finally, he looked up, first at Janeway, then Chakotay, "What if to do the good he did in his life, he had to do the bad, or rather experience the bad. Tom Paris experienced incredible trials as a child growing up. His logs record that. What if those trials made him what he was?"

"Son, we debated about things like that for hours when you first came to us. As you know it was impossible to return you to the adult Tom Paris. Kathryn and you had bonded during the three day shuttle trip and frankly you had her in the palm of your hand. To be honest, it didn't take long for you to win me over and shortly thereafter we decided to marry so that you could grow up in a family. I thought that was a very convenient excuse to marry your mother!"

"And I fell for it! When we told you we were getting married, Chakotay kissed me and you told me I loved him more than I realized. You were right."

"We had to raise you according to our values and conscience." Chakotay explained. "At 17 you have a solidness and self confidence that wasn't evident in the Tom Paris of 29. I am not going to apologize for taking pain out of a child's life. Your behavior showed scars for years from the abuse you did suffer. Those scars may still remain."

"You will choose what you are by the choices you make. You may never save someone's life. Tom Paris lived at a very dangerous time for Voyager. There were many opportunities for heroism. Remember the mission to Shandelon, you saved my life then. You will not have the same opportunities. You have your life. Hopefully, you will be able to avoid making mistakes as serious as Tom made. He never stopped paying for the mistakes he made at Caldik Prime. He never forgave himself. He would slip into depressions occasionally and the self recrimination he would put himself through was merciless. He was harder on himself than any tribunal would be. If you could see under the façade he put up, he was tragic. The only time I ever saw him truly happy was when he was with B'Elanna."

"B'Elanna?"

"You didn't know about Tom and B'Elanna?" Janeway was surprised. Tommy shook his head. "Tom and B'Elanna were very close. I don't know for sure they were lovers, but that was very possible. B'Elanna was quite hurt by your accident. She tried to get to know you as a three year old, the stretch was too great, she couldn't do it."

"Mom, Dad, you've given me a lot to think about. I need some time to let it sink in. I'm going to go up to the observation deck. If someone's there, I don’t know, page me if you need me."

"He looked bleak." Janeway commented as she moved from her chair to sitting beside Chakotay. "I hope we didn't tell him too much."

"He had to know before we reached Earth. We passed the one year mark last week. We could get visitors any time now."

"I'm just glad that all the legal posturing is over." Janeway sighed at the memory of the wrangling she had had to do. "We have the documents in hard copy and in the computer granting a full pardon to the Maquis and certifying the rank advancements for them and for the Starfleet crew. To think we had to threaten to destroy the data we collected."

"I'll bet Tom goes to visit B'Elanna." Chakotay picked up this statement and dropped it in the middle of the conversation.

"What?"

Chakotay nodded. "I have seen him admire her from afar for quite some time now. He's all but an adult. I'll ask him the next time I see him. I'll let you know what he does."

***

The day came that the first visitors hailed Voyager. Three Admirals and their aids. They had come in a streamlined fighter with a sustainable cruising speed of warp 8. To give them the subtle message they weren't exactly welcome, Captain Janeway had them transport to transporter room two and instead of meeting them herself, she ask Tuvok to meet them.

The Admirals were complimentary of the look of the ship and the sharp look to the crew. It evidenced good morale and positive leadership. The Admirals were waiting on the turbo lift when it arrived and ejected a young, blond man who nodded and said good morning and strode on his way.

"Tom!"

Tommy stopped and turned toward the Admirals. "I believe you have me confused with someone else."

One of the Admirals spoke. "Aren't you Tom Paris, my son?"

"No sir, my name is Tommy Janeway-Chakotay. If you'll excuse me I need to be in school." He turned sharply and walked away.

"That young man is the image of my son. There hasn't been any mention of him. No message of his death either."

Captain Janeway was waiting for the Admirals at the turbo lift. She had an appraising look for Admiral Paris as he stepped on to her bridge. "Welcome to Voyager, to what do we owe the honor or this visit, sirs?"

"Well, Captain, to be frank, you seemed a little too good to be true." Admiral Washburn admitted. "We wanted to catch you off guard. We owe you an apology. This is obviously a well run ship and a tight crew. Please accept our apology."

"Accepted Admiral. I'm quite proud of Voyager. We have come through a lot and have done so with grace and courage."

"Your son dashed past us on our way here." Paris said. "He bore a striking resemblance to my son, Tom. He said his name was Tommy Janeway-Chakotay."

"Yes, sir." Janeway was polite and solicitous.

The Admiral was a bit flummoxed. "I, um. . .very good."

I can imagine what he's thinking. Janeway thought. Aloud she said, "Are there other parts of the ship you would like to see? Perhaps a tour of inspection."

"Why don't you show us several places you'd like us to see." Admiral Washburn filled in when it was evident that the other two weren't going to say anything.

"Fine, let's start in engineering. First, I'd like to make sure they aren't doing a major overhaul. "Janeway to Lieutenant Torres"

"Torres here, yes Captain?"

"Lieutenant, I have three Admirals here on the bridge who would like to see engineering. Are you in the middle of any major projects?"

"No, Captain, bring them down. Torres out."

The tour of engineering went smoothly and Janeway showed them some of the modifications they had made to increase speed and dependability. Janeway chose to show them the mess hall and Neelix. On the way there they passed the school and stopped in. The children ranged in age from 3 to 17 and all were industriously engaged in age appropriate study. Tommy was in a semi-transparent cubical. As he had attempted more and more theoretical subjects, it had been easier and easier for him to be distracted by the younger children's studies.

Admiral Paris took Janeway aside, "Kathryn, what is the story about Tom. Did he die?"

"Not exactly, Admiral, I can't go into it now." To the Admirals as a group. "As you can see, we have had a good number of crew who chose to have children. In fact our first child was born very early in our journey. Unfortunately, she was killed during a sneak attack on Voyager a couple weeks before Voyager came through the wormhole."

"Captain Janeway, could I speak to you privately?" Admiral Paris had determined to find out about his son Tom. The Admiral lead Janeway into the corridor. "Kathryn, I insist you tell me what happened to Tom. It's my right as his father."

"Wait here, I'll be right back." Janeway went into the classroom and spoke to Tommy in his cubical. "Tommy, Admiral Paris is becoming very insistent about finding out what happened to Tom. Have you decided how you want to handle the situation?"

"I'll talk to him alone in the conference room with the camera. I want a record of the interview."

"I'll have Chakotay finish the tour with the other Admirals and I will go with you and Admiral Paris to the conference room." Janeway explained to the other two Admirals that Commander Chakotay would be joining them shortly and to enjoy the children until he came. Tommy and Kathryn exited the classroom and collected the Admiral. Once they came to the conference room, Janeway lead the way inside and introduced the Admiral to his son and left them alone.

"You told me that you were Tommy Janeway-Chakotay.

"That is now my legal name. I consider Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay my parents. In fact you are my blood father. Let me tell you the story." Tommy related to Admiral Paris the story of the Time Out of Time Ceremony. "That's most of the basic facts of the story. It was very unusual for a person to be youthened as much as I was. The extreme youthening was caused by that person having experienced an extremely serious trauma just before the age the person ended youthening. You wouldn't happen to know what serious trauma Tom suffered as a child, do you Admiral?"

"Well, no, Tom had a happy, privileged childhood."

"Tommy Paris was three years, five months old. In addition to having a recently repaired femur, and upper arm. He showed eleven fresh belt marks and several older bruises on his back."

"What are you implying, Tommy?"

"I would think it would be obvious, Admiral. I thought you were an intelligent man."

"How dare you!"

"I dare because it happened to me. I remember you beating me as a helpless three year old. We have copies of Tom's logs when he was an adult relating incident after incident.

The Admiral took a deep breath and sighed. "Tommy you are making me do this. It's because of your actions that I must punish you. You always caused it. There must be consequences for your misbehavior." He said it like a rote memorization.

Tommy's blood ran cold, but he stood his ground. He knew his mother was watching on monitors close by and Tuvok was right outside the door. Admiral Paris bore down on Tommy and slugged him twice in the ribs before Tuvok entered, phaser drawn and ordered him to back away. He then ordered a site to site transport to Sickbay for Tommy.

The Admiral swayed and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he was looking directly at Tuvok and noted the phaser. "No! Not again! Where's Tommy?" He started to move toward Tuvok.

"Stay where you are, Admiral. You are under arrest for assault. You will be retained in Voyager's brig." Tuvok proceeded to explain his rights.

"Commander, I do not know exactly what happened here."

Captain Janeway entered in time to hear what the Admiral said. "Admiral, you will be given a chance to make a statement. We have the incident on tape. I might note that the first words out of your mouth were 'No. Not again!' That does imply that you were aware something. I'll remind you again that the tape is rolling."

"Kathryn," the Admiral started to move toward Janeway and Tuvok stepped between them. "Commander, can we sit down and talk about this?"

Tuvok looked at Janeway. "Admiral, any talks that are conducted will be official and in the brig."

"Very well." Tuvok motioned for the Admiral to precede him and they were joined by an additional security personnel who were waiting in the corridor.

Janeway went to Sickbay to see how Tommy was. It had takes a lot of courage for Tommy to do what he did. Since Admiral Paris said he didn't remember hitting Tommy in the face of witnesses. Janeway though that she would ask Tuvok about the advisability of showing him the tape.

"Chakotay." He had been coming from the opposite direction. "How's Tommy?"

"Three broken ribs! One on his left and two on the right. He'll be OK. They were powerful punches. I had the Doc take pictures and consolidate all of his data on to a PADD."

Janeway explained how Admiral Paris was denying knowledge of the incident. "I'm thinking of showing him the tape. I don't think he believes that he did it. I want to question him about Tom's childhood, too."

"You need to make an explanation to the other two Admirals. They are in your ready room." Chakotay informed her. She sighed. "Would you like some moral support."

"Yes, I would. We better get up there now. Admirals never like to be kept waiting."

Janeway and Chakotay spoke to the Admirals at length about the situation with Admiral Paris. At first they refused to believe that Admiral Paris would commit such a crime. Especially with so little provocation. Janeway showed them the tape with the date incised in the lower right hand corner. The first time they saw it the Admirals looked at each other and Admiral Washburn said to show it again.

"That is damning evidence." Washburn admitted. "Where's the boy?"

"I'm not sure, he could have been released to quarters. I can call sickbay to find out. Why do you want to know?"

"I'd like to question him."

"I'll call Sickbay and inquire." Tommy was in their quarters and the Doctor said they could talk to him for a short while.

They entered the Janeway-Chakotay quarters and found Tommy asleep on the couch. He woke after they entered and stood respectfully, acknowledging the Admirals. "Tommy, I'd like to introduce you to Admiral Washburn and Admiral Satie. They would like to ask you some questions."

Admiral Washburn started, "Are you feeling better, Tommy?"

"Yes, sir. I was fortunate, the bones didn't pierce my lungs. Doc said that's always a sticky problem."

"Could you clarify how the memory was preserved?"

"Mom?"

"Admiral, I was told that all of Tommy's memories would be intact to the age he stopped youthening. A few memories would exist of the rest of his life, but they wouldn't necessarily be complete or even recognizable. Tommy do you know of any memories of the other Tom?"

"No, I don't Mom. Sometimes things will seem familiar that shouldn't."

"What memories do you have of the life you lived before three years, five months?"

"I remember my sister Moira. She loved and protected me. I remember I slept with her and she kept the monster away. I don't remember what the monster was." Tommy drifted off pondering.

"Was there anything else?"

"I remember being beaten by my father. I've remembered that since the day I reawakened as Tommy."

"One of the first questions I asked him was how he got the bruises on his back. He said he couldn't tell. I asked who said he couldn't tell and he said his father." Janeway related. "We have a full record of the examination Doc gave him when we returned to Voyager."

"How do you want to handle the current assault charge?"

Tommy deferred to his mother. "Admiral, It would be impractical to leave him in our brig until we get home. I haven't worked out all the details, but I was considering sending Commander Tuvok back with you and Admiral Paris. He would carry the evidence. Admiral Paris would be turned over to the justice system there, and Tuvok would look out for Tommy's interests."

"Kathryn," Admiral Satie interjected. "There is another wrinkle to this that you don't know about. Admiral Paris had been tortured by the Cardassians. He was evaluated and underwent some counseling; however, it is possible that the Cardassians left the suggestion that he would beat his son given certain stimuli. Similar suggestions had been left in other people. When I looked at the tape Paris looked to be in a trance before he went after Tommy."

"Would this entirely absolve him of responsibility?" Janeway inquired.

"Probably not, I have a suspicion that he was aware of a problem and if he was and didn't have it checked out, he would be culpable." Satie seemed sad. "Chet, I think we need to go have a heart to heart with Owen. Let's see what comes out of this, Captain."

The discussion the three Admirals had wasn't recorded. No one but the three can testify to the content. Satie and Washburn came out of the nearly three hour meeting looking haggard and pale. They also had a proposal for Tommy and his parents. Admiral Paris would publicly apologize to Tommy Janeway-Chakotay and to Tom Paris. He would make a full taped confession. Tom's convictions as a traitor would be reexamined in light of the abuse he suffered and the influence Admiral Paris exerted upon his son by influencing his story as would his forced resignation from Starfleet. Owen Paris would undergo intensive therapy to purge his mind of the suggestion so that no one else would suffer at his hand. Finally, he would resign from Starfleet and submit himself to the civil justice system for whatever charges might be relevant.

The two Admirals, Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay, and Tommy sat around a table. The Admirals proposal had been presented. "What do you think, Tommy? You have been the most effected by this. Your opinion has weight."

"I missed most of the abuse. I can't imagination what Tom would want. He had a strange love/hate relationship with his father judging from his logs. He wanted his love and acceptance, but never could seem to measure up. I need to think about it for a while. Can I have the PADD to read it over again? Thanks. I'm going to go think. I may not be back for a while."

Tommy left his quarters and walked for a while. How could he make a decision like this. B'Elanna! She knew Tom Paris better than anyone. He hit his combadge and paged her. "Torres here."

"Lieutenant, do you have time to talk to me, it's pretty important. It needs to be private."

"Things are pretty quiet today in engineering. Where would you like to meet?"

"Well as long as no one is in there, the observation deck."

"I'll meet you there."

B'Elanna arrived shortly after Tommy and they entered and found their seats. A universal reaction to the view of the stars was that one had to sit and gaze at them for a while. Only then could anything else be accomplished. Tommy sighed and started. "Were you aware that Admiral Paris was onboard Voyager?"

"Yes, they were introduced when they toured engineering."

Dad, Mom, and I talked about what to do if Admiral Paris wanted to talk to me. I decided that I would talk to him alone and confront him with the evidence of abuse we had. When I did that, he hit me, twice. Tuvok was in the corridor and came in and stopped him from hitting me more. The other two Admirals didn't believe us so we showed them the tape. Suffice it to say they believe now and they went in to talk to Admiral Paris. Admiral Paris agreed to a list of penalties. I don't know what the alternative is."

"What were the terms?

Tommy read them to her.

"My first impression is that they are severe. Did you ask the reasoning behind them?"

"No, it seems like I didn't ask enough questions. You knew Tom Paris better than anyone. What would he have wanted?"

"Tommy, you are Tom Paris. Literally. Sometimes I look at you. My heart stops. I don't think I've ever gotten over. . .him. We were soul mates in a very real sense."

"B'Elanna. . ." Tommy cleared his throat. B'Elanna I've thought,. . .that is . . .I think you are so beautiful. I've thought so for a long time."

"Tom, Tommy, I don't think so."

"So you're going to play hard to get. According to his logs Tom dropped subtle hints for two years before you even acknowledged him, me."

B'Elanna stood up. "Look Tommy, there are twenty-two years between us."

Tommy stood as well and strode to her, turned her toward him, and kissed her.

At first she was so stunned she didn't move. Then she pulled abruptly away and slapped him smartly. "I have half a mind to tell your father. He doesn't take kindly to sexual harassment."

"B'Elanna!"

"That's Lieutenant Torres to you, young man!"

"Yes, ma'am." Tommy hung his head and blushed deeply. shamed. "Lieutenant, please don't tell Chakotay. I'll do whatever you want to make up for it. I really didn't mean to treat you disrespectfully. Please, accept my apology."

B'Elanna was mollified. "I won't tell Chakotay. I know probably as well as you do what it's like being on the wrong side of Chakotay. It's not fun! Tommy, I really don't think it can work between us. I hope we can be friends. Maybe if we get to know each other better twenty-two years won't seem as big a gap. Weren't you going to ask Admiral Satie some questions?"

Admiral Satie said that the alternative to accepting the terms was a public trial. The terms were as strong as they were because the Admiral had known from the time he was released from Cardassian captivity that he had had a suggestion to beat his son implanted in his brain. He not only knew about it, he avoided therapy that could have excised it from his mind.

Tommy was somber after he finished listening to Admiral Satie. "I know what to do. I'll accept the terms."

"Tom was always very concerned about his father's opinion. He was almost obsessive about it. I think finding out his father could have avoided the abuse would have made him very, very angry."

"I would like to talk to him again. Not alone though, I would like one of those Admirals there to keep him honest and my parents. B'Elanna, may I call you that now?"

"Yes, but if you get fresh with me again, I will tell Chakotay."

"Yes ma'am." Tommy said that exactly the way Tom used to and B'Elanna did a double take. "I'm going to see my parents about visiting Admiral Paris. Thanks for your help, B'Elanna."

Tommy checked with the computer for the location of his parents and found they were on the bridge. He paged the Captain and told her he had decided what he would like to do concerning Admiral Paris, but he wanted to talk to him with one of the other Admirals and either her or Chakotay present. She said to go to the brig in half an hour.

Captain Janeway intercepted Tommy right before he went into the brig. "Tommy, I was hoping to catch you before we went in. Do you mind telling me your decision?"

"No Mom, I'm going to accept those terms. I was troubled because I thought the penalties were too harsh. I talked to Admiral Satie. She told me that Admiral Paris knew from the time he left Cardassian interrogation that he had a suggestion in his mind that he would beat Tom given certain stimuli. He not only didn't pursue therapy, he avoided it. Maybe I'm a little vindictive, but for me that earns him the full weight of the law."

"I would agree Tommy. What do you want to talk to him about?"

"I wanted to see how he reacts to me now that he has confessed. I also wanted to ask him why he didn't get help."

Admiral Satie walked up. "Hello Tommy, you want some company this time."

"Yes ma'am. I figured he would be more likely to be honest if you were with me."

"Shall we go in," Satie suggested.

Admiral Paris was lying on the cot when they entered, but sat up immediately when he saw the three enter. Captain Janeway removed he force field and they entered his cell. Paris stood and said, "To what do I owe the honor of this visit?"

"Tommy has a couple questions, Owen." Admiral Satie informed him.

"Tommy," the Admiral had a lot of trouble even looking at him. "I've been brought to understand the unspeakable terror and pain that I put you and Tom through. I know it won't make up for it; however, I am truly sorry I did it and I will probably pay for it the rest of my life. I hope you can accept my apology."

"Admiral, it will probably take me while to fully accept it. I thank you for the gesture." Tommy responded. "I wanted to ask you why you didn't take the therapy when you knew you had that suggestion in your head."

The Admiral turned away from his visitors and leaned his head against the wall. He stayed that way so long that Satie went to him and put her hand on his shoulder and called his name.

"Hum."

"Owen, answer the boy's question."

Still not looking at him, he said, "At first I thought I could control it. By the time I realized I couldn't, I'd already beaten you several times and broken your arm and leg. It was probably very close to the same age Tommy was when he came to Voyager. I seem to remember a particularly vicious beating around that age. The stimulus could be my own irritation, or disobedience or resistance from Tom. I went into a trance like state and delivered the punishment. I would often awaken to see you laying in front of me either crying hysterically or sometimes unconscious. You got pretty good at avoiding me as you got older and the number of beatings diminished. Once I realized I couldn't control the response. I had beaten you several times and I got selfish and afraid of the penalty I would have to pay for not turning myself in earlier. Later, I blamed it on you in my mind and absolved myself of responsibility. I made a terrible run of mistakes. I couldn't stand it if Tom did anything wrong. I could always find something to pick at in what he did. You are fortunate to have a second chance with parents who didn't abuse you. Parents who loved you and sacrificed for you.

"Are you willing to take the consequences now?"

The Admiral was silent for long moments. "I am ashamed to say that if I were not forced into it, I would not be doing this. I'm too much of a coward. Probably why I got into this situation in the first place. If I'd had more moral courage in the first place, I would have taken the therapy and taken the risk that it wouldn't have worked. I would have had to accept the possibility I might have had to resign from Starfleet. I'm not sure what would have happened with Tom and my family."

"Admiral, you've been courageous in your answers to me. Thank you." Tommy extended his hand to Admiral Paris. Paris looked at it for a moment and searched Tommy's face then took it and tentatively drew him into an embrace.

"I'm truly sorry, Tommy." The Admiral reinforced after their brief embrace. "I've lost more than I ever thought I could. I've lost my son." He sat down utterly deflated, a man who knew he had committed the incomparable wrong and would pay the incomparable price.

They exited the brig in silence and continued on in the corridor. Tommy abruptly stopped and said, "Mom!" She turned and was enveloped in Tommy's hug. "Mom, thank you, thank you for being my mom." He realized where he was and who was watching and he didn't care. "I need to go find Dad. I'll see you later." Captain Janeway turned back to find Admiral Satie smiling as broadly as she was and briefly enjoyed a camaraderie as Mothers.

The Admirals finished their business in a few days and went back to Starfleet. Admiral Paris and Commander Tuvok went with them. The remaining eight months saw a load of fuel for the engines that didn't need to be refined and the replicators no longer had to be rationed. A representative from Starfleet Academy arrived and Tommy was able to complete the entrance exam and record an interview. The representative could not definitively give an answer about his chances except to say he passed the exam. He was in the running. After they passed into Federation space, the families of the people on board started arriving and Janeway began designating places they would stop in order to make any forward progress at all.

They were slightly under one month to go when an answer to a request Captain Janeway was quite concerned about finally came through. She would get Voyager back! It would be considerably modified, new engines, the inside completely remodeled, new shields and weapons, updated sickbay. Those incidentals were secondary. She would be Captain and Chakotay first officer and they could keep their children with them. She was also given he privilege to choose 75 members of the crew. One Hundred seven people wanted to stay with Starfleet and she notified those about the offer and asked them to let her know who wanted to stay with her. The only drawback was that it was possible that advancement wouldn't be as fast. They would also be permitted to keep children with them. Seven would be permitted to stay on Voyager. A sadness connected with this choice was Tuvok. He elected to take a planet side assignment so he could be with his wife and family. Tuvok's choice saddened Janeway, but she fully supported it and understood it. She would miss him.

The biggest disappointment so far was about the Doc. He was not going to be permitted to stay aboard Voyager. The holoprogrammers at Jupiter Station wanted him back for study. They weren't going to guarantee whether he would remain intact. Captain Janeway demanded a sentience hearing and was practically laughed back to the Delta Quadrant. She remained firm and received a grudging acquiescence. She retained a lawyer for the Doc and the lawyer insisted upon coming to evaluate Doc herself before permanently accepting the case. She, her name was Margaret Robinson, wanted to see how the Doctor acted if he didn't know who she was. Ms. Robinson went to sickbay feigning an intestinal problem and the Doc told he couldn't find anything to be causing her problem. When the 'problem' continued, the Doc said, "If I was the suspicious type, I would think that you were trying to trip me up. There is nothing wrong with you ma'am." Margaret Robinson took the case.

Captains Log, Supplemental.

We are one day out of Earth. I have been informed that there will be an official welcoming corridor of ships to usher us in to Earth. I would much rather go to Earth and say, "Here we are." We are to be welcomed back by the President of the Federation and then, of course, start the debriefings. The senior officers will probably undergo four to six weeks of debriefings the rest of the crew considerably less. I have also insisted that Seven be accompanied by someone from the Voyager crew that knows her well at all times. This person will have the authority to suspend any proceeding that Seven has trouble handling. They will then notify me. Harry Kim wanted to do it, but he will be debriefing also and won't be available. I've had several volunteers. We will debrief for a standard work day and be put up in quarters on the Academy grounds. Those with families will stay in homes as close to Starfleet Headquarters as possible. It appears we are going to be treated well.

Tommy was accepted into the Academy. He won't be shipping out with us. That's a bittersweet situation. My first child. In fact, I mothered Tom Paris quite a bit. Maybe that's why I fell so naturally into the roll with Tommy. I’m quite proud, quite proud.

Owen Paris pled guilty to assaulting Tommy and several other charges in relation to the abuse of Tom. Tom's conviction as a traitor was overturned. He was also reinstated into Starfleet. For official purposes, Tom Paris and Tommy Janeway-Chakotay were declared different people with a notation in each person's record explaining why their DNA is identical. Owen Paris will spend time in a mental rehabilitation facility to undergo therapy to purge his brain of the suggestion placed there by the Cardassians. He will then be transferred to a prison for the remainder of his term.

The Doc's case comes before the sentience board in a month, the lawyer is confident of a win. Ms. Robinson has a good track record, she wins about seventy-five percent of her cases. If she's confident, I'm confident.

Starfleet is really putting on a show. Numerous ships are saluting us as we make our way through the solar system. On the bridge we are all standing. I have edged over to Chakotay and have taken his hand. This is overwhelming. I need the support. Earth. First a 'large star'. Slowly it grows larger and larger until the blue and white and brown can be discerned. I find myself crying, looking around I see many others, including Chakotay, are crying, too. I put my arm around Chakotay's waist. He looked over at me and smiled, his arm went around me.

"Lieutenant Mabouto, stand by for orbital insertion instructions. Lieutenant Kim, contact Earth Traffic Control. Relay instructions to the helm. Mabouto implement when instructions are transmitted."

"Aye aye, Captain."

"Implementing orbital insertion, Captain."

"We have instructions from Earth Central that the Federation President is standing by." Kim relayed.

"Notify Earth Central we are ready."

"Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay and the rest of the officers and crew of the Starship Voyager. It is my great pleasure to welcome you back to the Federation and specifically back to Earth. You have heroically and steadfastly worked for this day for nineteen years, three months, and twenty-two days by our calculation. Not only have you exemplified the highest values of the Federation, you have extended our knowledge of the galaxy and broken new ground in the Delta Quadrant. In overcoming the many technical challenges you faced, you have developed in different ways than we have and will contribute valuable improvements in our technology. It is with great enthusiasm and heartfelt joy that I say these words: Welcome home, Voyager, welcome home!

"Close the link, Lieutenant Kim."

Now it's all over but the moving out. I'll be the last to go. The past almost twenty years we've spent on this ship. I get her back, but completely overhauled, she'll be a different ship. I'm going to walk her before I leave. She's been a good ship, a valiant ship. I stopped as I walked by holodeck two. No one has downloaded the programs off of it. I decide to download them, Tom's Sandrine's, the mountain cabin Chakotay and I honeymooned in, so many more I can't bear to leave to be destroyed. Chakotay came up behind me and smiled at what I was doing. After the programs were downloaded, we went to our quarters and finished packing. We find ourselves siting on our bed and knowing our belongings will not be transported to earth for several hours, we lock the door. It's time for a different type of new beginning!

A door of our lives is closing. Another one must be opening, somewhere.

**For this story I used a summary of my story of Tom's back story, "Tom Paris. . .Kathryn Janeway" also found on this site.