Disclaimer: VoyagerTM and its crew are the intellectual property of Paramount Pictures. The Girls Scouts is a trademark of the Girls Scouts of America… Which one am I more afraid of suing me? The GSA, of course.
This story is dedicated to Annick. For her wonderful image about Janeway finding a box of Girl Scout cookies under her seat in Spring Cleaning.
"We're being hailed," called Harry Kim from his post at Ops.
Captain Janeway of the starship Voyage immediately rose to her feet and moved to the center of the Bridge. She stood, arms akimbo, with her feet shoulder-width apart and her chin held high, prepared to deal with whatever hostile and aggressive species was attempting to make contact. "On screen. Mr. Kim," she snapped authoritatively.
"I am Captain Janeway of the Federation starship Voyager," she announced as the viewscreen swirled to reveal…to reveal…to reveal a small blue-skinned girl wearing juniper green vest covered with multicolored patches and brightly enameled pins. Janeway paused in her rote recitation and smiled. "Hello. How many we be help you?"
The small being didn't falter. " Hello. My name is Glaawrack and I'm selling Girl Scout cookies. Would you like to buy some?"
Janeway gave a patronizing smile. "I'm sorry, but…." And then she heard a sound behind that she had only heard once before in her life: a terrifying sound, a sound that sent adrenaline coursing through her body, and froze her between conflicting fight or flight reflexes: Tuvok deliberately and delicately clearing his throat.
Janeway plastered a smile on her face. "Will you excuse me a minute while I talk to my staff?" she asked sweetly. She gave Kim the hand signal to close the comm line. Janeway whirled around and stomped over to the Tactical station. "Report, Tuvok. Are they powering their weapons? Attempting to lock a tractor onto us? Preparing to board?"
"No. A complete scan of the alien reveals them to be exactly as they appear: a small unarmed juvenile. However, given Voyager's reputation throughout the Delta Quadrant as a purveyor of death, destruction and rapine, this situation appears to afford us an excellent opportunity to send a message of our good will and friendly intentions. Besides," the stoic Vulcan continued, "I am rather fond of the Thin Mints."
At his station, Harry Kim smiled a smile of pure rapture. "I've always liked the Peanut Butter Sandwiches," he sighed. Then realizing that most of the Bridge staff was looking at him, he blushed profusely . "I wouldn't mind having a box or two…." he said, "that's if you have no objection, Captain, " he amended hastily.
All around the Bridge came soft murmurs of agreement.
Janeway took it all in and shrugged in resignation. "I have no objections." She waved her hand and Kim restored communications.
"Yes," Janeway told the small being, "we'd like to place an order…."
* * * * *
"Captain!" Mr. Kim's harried voice lanced out across the Bridge, "I'm picking up a ship on long-range sensors!"
Janeway leapt to her feet and charged forward to pound on Tom Paris's shoulder at the helm. "Evasive maneuvers!" she barked.
"Too late, Captain" came the sonorous voice of the Vulcan at Tactical, "We have been sighted."
"I'm receiving a subspace communiqué now, Captain," reported Kim.
Janeway slumped into her chair wearily and waved a hand defeatedly. "Put it on screen, Mr. Kim."
The viewscreen wavered and resolved itself into the cherubically smiling shape of a small lumpy, gray-skinned, bald reptiloid girl wearing a familiar juniper green bolero…"Hello. My name is M'Hiss'rat and I'm selling Girl Scout cookies…."
Janeway didn't bother listening. Instead she leaned sideways to glance at the status board to her left that Chakotay was already punching up. Yes, there was still space available along corridor 33 on deck 6.
"Fine, fine, " muttered Janeway tiredly, "we'll take 5 boxes of Thin Mints and 3 of the Peanut Butter Patties. And 5 more of the Samoas if you have any left…."
The smile on Janeway's face was a rictus. Girl Scout Cookie season was scheduled to last another 4 weeks. Voyager would run out of room long before that--and worse luck, neither the matter recyclers nor the plasma reactors could deal with the cookies. They were going to have to eat them--all of them.
THE END