Captain Kathryn Janeway stepped outside into the corridor, anticipating her first morning cup of coffee. She navigated around the six crewmen who were stacking crates in the hall outside her door. She frowned in thought. That looked unsafe. Surely that must be some sort of safety protocol violation. She made mental note of the identification number stenciled on the side of the crate and continued on her way.

Inside the mess hall, Janeway threaded her way through the numerous barrels lining both sides of the room and finally found the replicator behind a stack of cartons labeled "C.O.D. Delivery to Named Recipient Only." She ordered her coffee with raised eyebrows, but cup in hand continued to the Bridge for morning shift.

She moved purposefully across the expanse of the Bridge to her seat in the center. She dropped into the chair, pushed her heels back under her seat and immediately felt an obstruction there. Leaning over, she pulled a large-ish yellow box out from beneath her seat. Her brows creased in puzzlement and she opened it. The box was filled with a dozen or more small gadgets that looked like a cross between a church-key can bottle opener and a multi-blade Boy Scout pocket knife. She picked one up, turning it over and over in her hand, trying to determine its purpose. She turned toward her First Officer.

"Do you know anything about this?" she asked.

Chakotay nodded sheepishly. "It's mine."

"What is it?"

"It's a Pocket Shuttle Repairman"

"I can see the appeal," Janeway admitted, "but I want it out from under my command chair. Now."

Chakotay scooped up the box and exited the Bridge, stopping only briefly to pass a significant look to Harry, who nudged the sixteen boxes under his console a bit farther under.

Janeway looked around the Bridge and noticed that everyone seemed unusually intent on his station and that there were boxes tucked into every nook and cranny. Shaking her head, slightly, she walked to her Ready Room.

She had no more than sat down behind her desk when the door to her office swooped open. Torres strode in followed by a dozen crewman all carrying large containers.

"There." Torres directed, pointing to the space behind Janeway's desk. Obediently the crewmen deposited their burdens and left only to return with still more stuff.

"Lieutenant," called Janeway, motioning Torres closer. "What is the meaning of this?"

"Sorry, Captain," explained Torres, "but I've had to requisitioned your Ready Room as additional storage space. We're all out of room in Engineering."

* * * *

The entire Senior Staff was seated around the table in the Conference Room, or at least Janeway was pretty sure there were all there. She couldn't quite see over the mountains of crates, cartons and containers that were heaped atop the table. She stood and paced around her the room--well, paced as well she could amidst the jumble of stuff that was piled haphazardly around the room.

"I can't believe we're out of storage space. Deck Fifteen is entirely unused..."

"Um...Not anymore, Captain," interjected her First Officer.

"Full?" asked Janeway incredulously.

"Full," Chakotay confirmed.

"What about the Shuttle Bays?

"Filled." supplied Tom Paris.

"Engineering Stowage?"

"Over capacity," answered Torres.

"The Jeffries Tubes?"

"Full."

"The holodecks?"

"Stuffed to the ceiling."

"Astrometrics? The planetary sciences lab? Sickbay?"

Filled. Filled. Filled.

Janeway turned, hands on hips. "You mean to tell me that there's not a single area aboard Voyager that hasn't been crammed full of.. full of....Just *what* is it that's we're crammed full of?" She glared at her officers, but when no answers were forthcoming, she snatched a Padd from the clutter.

Janeway read an item off her list. "Deuterium Fuel Additive?"

Torres nodded vigorously. "It's an essential item, Captain. Guaranteed to increase the mileage of our engines by 30%."

"Does it work?"

"Ummm. Not exactly " hedged the Klingon engineer, "But I haven't finished testing it."

Janeway looked back at the PADD. " Popeil's Plinka Rind Extractor and a complete 300 piece set of Corbomite Knives? Yours, I presume, Mr. Neelix?"

"Yes, Captain. And I may say how much easier it is to prepare nourishing, home-cooked meals for the crew using them…"

Janeway looked unconvinced. "Serial Murderers of the Delta Quadrant Trading Card Set?"

"It's only logical that I have the most complete and thorough security information available," replied her Vulcan Chief of Security. " I have also ordered its companion set, Con Men and Killers of the Delta Quadrant."

Janeway shook her head in disbelief. "Galaxy's Greatest Operas by the Original Artists?"

"It's an item of significant cultural value," protested the Doctor.

"I already *know* who the Pocket Shuttle Repairman belongs to. " She held up hand to forestall any comments her First Officer might have. "But who does the autographed collection of Playmates of the DQ holographs belong to? Tom?"

"Not mine!" exclaimed Tom nervously, as B'Elanna turned angry eyes on him. "They belong to Harry."

"Mr. Kim?" Janeway turned to look at her blushing Ops officer. "Yours?" Janeway held up a holo of a scantily clad Rixanian female who pouted seductively into the empty air. She clucked her tongue reprovingly. "You *do* know I'll have to tell your mother about this…."

Janeway consulted her list once more. "Am I to assume then, Tom, that you're the one who's subscribed to the Planetary Ecology of the Month Club?"

"Yes, ma'am," Tom agreed.

Janeway looked around the table, catching the eyes of each of her officers. "This situation has gotten entirely out of hand. This is deep space exploration vessel. It is not a portable storage unit. I want every last bit of this…this stuff removed. And removed permanently. Today." A low murmur of discontent rose from the assembled officers, but every one of them grudgingly nodded assent.

Janeway nodded once in approval and gestured for the meeting to be dismissed. Well, she thought as her staff filed out of the conference room, that went better than she'd expected. With any luck at all, all that detritus would be gone by morning and there would be plenty of room for the 200 "I Stared Down the Kazon and Won" T-shirts she'd just ordered.

The End

Author's note: I tok my inspiration for this story from a wonderfuls song by the late Steve Goodman.

Vegematic
(by Steve Goodman)

Fell asleep last night with TV on
Oh what a dream I had
Dreamed I went answered every single one
Of those late night mail order ads
And 4 to 6 weeks later
Much to my surprise
The mailman came to my front door
And I couldn't believe my eyes.

When he brought the vege-o-matic
And Pocket Fisherman too
Illuminated, illustrated History of Life
Boxcar Willie with ginzu knife
A bamboo steamer and a garden weasel too
And a tie-dyed day-glow souvenir shirt from Six Flags over Burbank

Well, the doorbell rang all morning
And all through the afternoon
I shook with fright as it rang all night
By the light of the Mastercard moon.
There was parcel post in the pantry
UPS in the hall
COD to the ceiling
And I just couldn't pay for it all.

I got the Egg Scrambler
With a Seal-A-Meal carrying case
A set of presidential commemorative plates
So I could eat my eggs off the President's face
A Minute Mender
And a needle that'll knit or crochet
And autographed photograph of Rin Tin Tin at Six Flags Over Burbank

I remembered I was dreaming
So I gave a mighty cheer
When I awoke
It was no joke cuz all that shit was here
So if you fall asleep with the TV on
Let me tell you what to do
Rip the telephone outta the wall
Unless you want it happen to you.

I got the vege-o-matic
And Pocket Fisherman too
Illuminated, illustrated History of Life
Boxcar Willie with ginzu knife
A bamboo steamer and a smokeless ashtray too
And all expense paid weekend for three at Six Flags over Burbank