Every good HôLmeister knows that unfortunately you need players to run a game of HôL. Players are the little worthless snots that you allow to come around to your place in the hope
that they don't pee in the toaster. Most of the time this is indeed the case, but with your good friend caffeine you will get through the wHôLe experience with minimal casualties.

All (yes, ALL dammit) players need one of these (see fig 1.1.1.1 character sheet), a character sheet. Now lets go through character creation squishy bit by squishy bit (oh, the joy of it!) shall we.

So you're feeling bored so lets get started. On the sheet you will see a number of headings, Name, Oldness, Bent etc. these go to determine what other people on HôL will call you (mainly Dug), how old you are and most importantly doughnut preference, because without doughnut preference you're just one in the countless millions and billions of people in and around HôL. Got that, doughnut preference is what makes you you, without it your nothing, NOTHING AH, Ha Ha Ha!

RICARDO Greymatta: 1 Meat: 5 Mouth: 6 Feets: 3 Nuts: 4		ED Greymatta: 4 Meat: 8 Mouth: -2 Feets: 3 Nuts: 5

Here are two, yes 2 characters from the HôL book (Ricardo & ED), they both have five, yes 5 abilities. They are:

• Greymatta is used for thinking, doing crossword puzzles, and operating machines smarter than your average pot noodle.
• Meat is used in bashing, whacking and generally beating the living be-Jesus out of someone.
• Sometimes it not how you say it but how LOUD!, this is where Mouth comes in it, can be used to frighten, demean, shatter cheap glass, and crack skulls are close range.
• Feets is used for jumping, driving tiny vehicles (& large ones), and running over almost every surface on the plant without hooking your foot on a steel spike.
• Nuts is...no not that, but more to do with courage, and is used whenever you want to do anything you think know is stupid.

  Now that you are in awe of the long-winded explanations, and if you're still sulking well then try your eye at the Spot the Wastit and WIN, WIN, WIN...(well maybe not)