From: AwesomoFox@aol.com
Date: Wed, 9 Aug 2000 14:02:03 EDT
Subject: FanFic Submission
Source: direct
1000 Lies
By: Awesomo Fox aka A. Lalad
Category: VA, Pre-XF, Young Mulder POV
Rating: PG
Spoilers:
Summary: A Pre-XF story with a song in it...
Disclaimer: My Psychiatrist says they aren't mine. And if
you sue me, I won't have any money,'cause all
this advice from her sucked my college fund
dry.
Thanks To: All of you X-cellent Philes out there who have
ever read a fanfic and wrote a feedback! :*D
Note: Awesomo is pronounced (and I say this only
because it is so frequently mispronounced)
*** Awe-SO-moe ***
Lalad is ***LAAA-lid***
Feedback: muldersdoctor@cheerful.com
#######
Become Part of the Fox's Boxers and Socks Academy Today!
http://zip.to/fbsfbi
#######
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
1000 Promises
By: Awesomo Fox aka A. Lalad
All they do is fight. Right now they're down there
screaming at eachother about everything and nothing.
How could I help it? They scare me when they're like
this. Of course I was gonna cry.
Dad saw me, hiding in the corner, sobbing myself sick,
and he slapped me across the face and sent me up here.
That made mom flip out even more- "Don't hit him!" she
screamed, and he grabbed her by her shoulders and
shook her- "I'll do what I want to him!" he shouted back.
I don't even really care anymore. I'm happy he sent
me up here. I didn't want to be down there anyways, but
sometimes if I leave just after the start of one of
their "discussions" Dad gets angry because...well, he's
ashamed. Ashamed that he's fighting like a child in front
of his 10 year old son. He's ashamed that I know they're
being childish, and I can tell. He tries to hide it by being
mean. It doesn't work.
I guess I'm just too insightful, and that makes him madder.
So I ran up here, to the loft-to my bed, and noted happily
I was alone. Sam was probably still outside, playing
in the tree house with her dolls, oblivious to the Hell
going on in her own home.
I keep hearing Mom say "divorce". I've heard that word
so many times in the past month or so...
"I swear I'll divorce you if you-"
"I want a divorce if you even think about-"
"If you do, I'll get a divorce!"
But everytime they start to talk about WHY they would
even CONSIDER divorce, they muffle their words.
I hear things about "projects", "experiments", "tests",
but it makes no sense to me. I wonder if it ever will.
Dad's associate from work-that smoking man-is always
here, and they always go into the den or the basement,
shut the door and talk, or sometimes even yell.
Why is this happening? Why can't life be happy again?
I'm too young to have a crisis, even though I'm the
smartest 5th grader in the Vineyard.
The voices below are starting to cool down, but I can't
stop crying.
What happened to those great fishing trips dad used to
take us on? What happened to Mom and Dad taking us to
the drive-in theater, and letting me and Sam have the
front so they could put their arms around eachother in
the back?
What happened to my parents LOVING eachother? And why
do I always feel like the world is going to fall apart
at any minute, right around me?
I have so many questions, and no one who can or will
answer them. I'm so confused and I have no one to
turn to. I feel like I'm going crazy!
I would do anything to help them stop fighting. Some-
times I feel like it's all my fault. I just want them
to be happy again.
*I* want to be happy again.
And even though I hate them fighting, I hate the lies
more.
"Soon everything will be great." Dad will say, or
"Just sit tight-your mother and I just have some
things to work out."
Mom isn't much better. "Don't worry, it'll all be
over soon, and then we can have fun again."
Or, my favorite, "Nothing is going on that we can't
handle."
I want to scream at them and tell them they're
insulting me by telling me these transparent lies! I
want to tell them to tell the truth, but in the same
respect, I don't.
I used to, but I realized that after a certain period
of time, promises do indeed become void. And every
promise being made to us had that big red VOID stamp
on it.
And I envy Samantha. She believes everything they
say, and seems to live off of her belief that soon things
will be wonderful. She still thinks that Mommy and Daddy
know best, and always tell the truth. But she's only 6-
going on 7-what does she know of the world?
I want to believe their lies, deep down, because I
want to be like Samantha, because Samantha is still
relatively happy.
She believes the million lies, and the thousand
promises.
I wish I still could, but I have a feeling things are
only getting worse, and will continue that way for
a long time.
~^~^~^~
I close my eyes when it gets to sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
I close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them.
I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bed room door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again
I hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
I hear them scream, I hear fight
They say bad words and make me wanna cry
I close my eyes when I go to bed at night
Dream adventures that make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
"Everything will be wonderful someday."
Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world is so big
I just don't understand how you can smile
With all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now.
I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all OK
I have to laugh so my friends won't know
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go
Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
"Everything will be wonderful someday."
Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world is so big
I just don't understand how you can smile
With all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now.
No, No
I don't want to hear you tell me
"Everything is wonderful now."
No, No
I don't want to hear you tell me
"Everything is wonderful now."
I don't want to hear you say that
I will understand someday
No, No, No
I don't want to hear you say
"We both have grown in a different way."
No, No, No
NO I don't want to meet your friends
And I don't want to start over again
I just want my life to be the same!
Just like it used to be
Someday if I hate everything
If I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don't tell me
"Everything is wonderful now!"
No
Please don't tell me
"Everything is wonderful now!"
~^~^~^~
Fin
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
Didja like it? Did you hate it? Please, please, please,
pleasepleasepleaseplease, PUH-LEEEEEZE send me feedback!!
I live for it!
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
NOTE:
Ok, three things:
1.) This is a piece that is Pre-Letters to the Lost,
which is another of my stories. I figured this
could be a potential budding point for the Mulder
family tradgedy.
2.) I know that the line in the song, "...like a Star Wars
poster on my bedroom door..." is impossible, since
this story took place in 1972, and Star Wars didn't
come out until 1977-but that's just me nitpicking and
covering my own tracks at the same time.
AND
3.) The song "Wonderful" is by the (great) group Everclear,
and can be found on their newest CD (something about
"...songs from american movies..." I think...)
I don't own it-I just borrowed it for this story.
Thanks so much!
~A. Lalad
"A writer is a person who has taught their mind to
MISBEHAVE..."
~Stephen King
(
geocities.com/area51/portal/1720) (
geocities.com/area51/portal) (
geocities.com/area51)