From: Para8Dice@aol.com
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1999 15:17:15 EST
Subject: Paradise's Fan Fiction
Source: direct

Disclaimer:  The characters, Dana Scully, Melissa Scully, Fox Mulder,
Margaret Scully, Bill Jr. Scully, and any others portaining to X-Files are
not mine.  They are the property of Chris Carter, Fox, 1013, and
Productions. 

Title:  Breathe Again, (Revised) 

Rating:  R

Summary:  Pre X-Files.  Melissa found her way to London, got drunk one
night, met someone equally drunk, and years later, slowly recalls that
night. 

Spoilers:  Pilot, One Breath, Christmas Carol

Comments:  I really liked Melissa Scully who was portrayed by Melinda
McGraw.  So, I use her character in any way I can but just to reassure you
shippers, I'm a huge one too! 
_______________________________________________________

July, 1981 Airport 9:21 PM

Dear Dana,

	I've gone from Zacatecas, Mexico, to Seattle, to Madrid, to L.A.
to Kiev, Russia, and the list goes on.  I've seen a lot of places and had
a lot of experiences, but they weren't for me. 
	Right now, I'm just out to have a good time.  I think I've finally
found my place.  England.  It's beautiful, exciting, fantastic.  I think
I'm going to study things out here, and see if any of it works for me. 
	His name is Dan.  It's not meant to last long I don't think, but
we enjoy each other.  I met him, and he's going to England.  That's why
I'm going.  I have a lot of luck getting places, but staying there's not
in the package.  I think this is it though. 
 Wish me luck.  I love you. 

			Love,
			Melissa

Melissa put a stamp on the letter and put it in the mail box, hoping Dana
would catch it soon.  She had a seven and a half hour flight to look
forward to.  She took some sleeping pills and looked forward to getting
there, and meeting someone who was reall y the one. 
_______________________________________________________

London, England Three Days Later

Well, in a day and a half, she'd sweetly and with talent broke up with
Dan, got a low paying job, and began enjoying the world.  She flirted her
ass off, not realizing how natural she was at it, and having a wonderful
time. 

She got an apartment, smaller than a normal kitchen practically, and tried
to decide what to do and what to see next.  She'd met some random guys and
partied in her own way, and managed though to never get attached to those
she didn't click immediately wi th.  She didn't know what the hell she was
looking for. 

She'd called Dana once, and Dana had told the family about her latest trip
to England.  Dana told Melissa to stop searching for love from the
outside, and love herself.  Melissa insisted that this had nothing to do
with the need to find love.  It was a pl ace she could feel comfortable
in. 

Melissa didn't want to admit the truth. 

Melissa sat, writing in her journal, after a hard day's work.  She wrote
about the sights in England, and decided to buy a good camera to take
photos with.  She taken photos of every place she'd gone, but someone
stole her camera.  Not a big surprise from
 some of the places she'd been. 

The phone rang. 

"Hello?" 

"Melissa?" 

"Dana?" 

"Yeah, I bet you thought I'd never find you." 

"True.  How the hell did you do that, I've only been here a few days." 

"Doesn't matter.  What are you up to?" 

"I was just writing in my journal.  I do that where ever I go.  You know
that.  God, it's so great to hear your voice.  How's mom and dad?" 

"They're worried about you.  They want you to come home.  They want you to
settle down and have a life." 

"I'm nineteen Dana." 

"Hey, did I say I agree with them?" 

"So, you're on my side?" 

"Dammit Melissa, even when you're wrong I'm still on your side.  I'm
always on your side.  You always have a place to come home to." 

"I'm not coming home." 

"Because of mom and dad?" 

"Right." 

"Can you explain to me why you're so opposed to coming home for a while?" 

Melissa felt tears prickling her eyelids. 

"Don't you see Dana?  I could never be you.  You're the perfect daughter. 
You're the perfect woman.  I can't come home.  Dad loves me, but wants me
to settle down and have a family like you said.  That just isn't me." 

"Back up dear.  I am not the perfect daughter." 

"In their eyes, compared to me you are." 

"Melissa, you're wrong.  You know your mom's favorite daughter." 

"Yes, but I'm not the one she's proud of." 

"Just because I'm going to be a doctor doesn't mean anything.  They love
you to death.  I love you.  We all miss you so much.  Mom mentions you at
least every other sentence." 

"But Dad-" 

"Dad and I are the closest.  I won't deny that.  But he loves you.  He
does.  He tells me all the time." 

This stunned Melissa. 

"They're our parents Missy, they're supposed to want more and more out of
us.  If we're better than they were, then they've succeeded as parents. 
You're living the life you are choosing, and you're rebelling against us." 

"I'm not rebelling at all." 

"Then what are you doing?" 

Melissa didn't know what the hell she was doing. 

"I don't know Dana." 

"I know.  You're running around the world trying to find yourself.  You're
trying to fill up the empty space in your heart.  Do you know what mom
would say?" 

"Yes I do Dana." 

"Go to the priest and let him save your soul," Dana and Melissa said in
unison. 

"Dana, I might as well not have been born catholic because not only have I
broken most of the rules, I don't believe in it at all.  It's as if it was
forced on me and therefore I don't want it as a part of my life because it
reminds me of my childhood." 

"Sweety, what was so terrible about your childhood?  We grew up with the
same parents, same siblings, and I'm not as unhappy as you.  What did I
miss?  Let me help." 

"You're what you're missing Dana.  Don't you see?  Ever since the moment
you were born and mom let me hold you for the first time, you were their
dream.  Bill, Charles, and I, we were *your* siblings.  You are the
American dream daughter." 

"Bull shit.  I may have wanted to be a doctor, but that doesn't mean
anything.  I'm starting to branch out and be my own person.  Okay?  Mom
wants me to have babies and I want to tell her to kiss my ass." 

"I appreciate that comfort Dana." 

"You are wonderful Melissa.  I love you." 

"But they don't." 

"Yes they do." 

"Not the way they love you." 

"No one loves one person the way they love another.  I love you though,
and I love you for who you are.  That's something to cherish.  You know
you can always see me.  When I get the hell out of this house, we'll be
together a lot more." 

"Yes I will.  I'm gonna kill your phone bill sweety, why don't I let you
go?" 

"All right, one more question.  Do you love mom and dad?" 

"Yeah, the same way they love me.  We love each other, we don't want
anything bad to happen to one another, but we don't understand each
other." 

"Well, Charlie misses you." 

"Yeah, what's it like with only two kids living in the house?" 

"It's weird.  Charlie still bugs the crap out of me, but I love him.  I'm
so much closer to him than I was to Bill." 

"Well Bill's a sexiest pig Dana!" 

They both laughed. 

"One last question Missy." 

"What?" 

"Would you love Bill if he wasn't our brother, would you love him?" 

"No!" 

Dana laughed again at Missy, not overly surprised at her sister's answer
because she felt exactly the same way.  Bill just didn't get it. 

"All right my big sister, I love you very much, and I will talk to you
soon.  Write for God sake, and come home someday.  Send me some pictures." 

"You got it babe, bye." 
_______________________________________________________

Two Weeks Later 10:53 PM

Melissa had gone to a night club.  She was doing drugs now, but much more
serious than ones she'd done before.  She'd smoked pot as a younger teen,
but tonight, she'd done cocaine. 

It was so seductive.  If she had an endless amount of money, she'd never
give up on it.  It made her intsense.  It made her feel like she could
conquer the world.  It was wonderful. 

She was dancing her heart out now, with some man who's name she didn't
even know.  He was so attractive.  He was going to Oxford, but was from
America.  Melissa had enough experience to know that he was hurting from a
break up.  She didn't want to push ri ght now though. 

"How do you feel," she asked. 

"I feel fine.  What's your name?" 

"It doesn't matter." 

"Why not?" 

"It just doesn't," she told him.  "Just dance with me, hold me close, and
shut up." 

He didn't have to be asked twice.  He pulled her close to him, and felt
her warm body against his.  His arm glided from her back down to her rear
end.  His lips kissed hers, overlapped, touched deeply.  The crowd of
others dancing were quickly erased from
 their minds. 

Melissa kissed this man.  Kissed him like she'd never kissed anyone, and
cried as she did it.  Her face was wet in moments, and the blazing lights
began to dim.  The music was louder and louder, and she became lost in
what she was doing.  Then she realize d she had always been lost. 

He held her hand with his and used the other to dip her far back.  She
came back up and looked at him.  He was so consumed in his own pain, he
didn't think of how he could make her pain ease. 

They were both incredibly drunk.  They felt each other's pain in the way
they kissed and danced, but never asked each other what was wrong.  Hours
went by and they kept dancing. 
_______________________________________________________

Melissa Scully's Apartment 2:38 AM

Melissa had set him down on her tiny, cheap couch.  She'd bought a bottle
of cheap wine and began to pour it.  She tried to not ask him anything too
personal, but couldn't help herself. 

"So, what should I call you," she asked more seductively than she'd
intended to. 

"Jeff." 

"Jeff," she repeated.  "So, what are you majoring in?" 

"Psycology." 

"Why did you choose England?" 

"Why did *you* choose England?" 

"Because it's the farthest place away from home I could get over night." 

"Me too." 

They were silent for a moment, and they both took a huge gulp of wine, and
let it burn down the stomachs and relieve the pain.  It calmed them both. 
She sat next to him and rested her head on his shoulder.  He wrapped his
arm around her. 

"What should I call you?" 

"Vivien." 

"All right.  Why are you in so much pain?" 

"You're in pain too.  Deep, throbbing pain.  Talk to me, let it out." 

He reached over and caressed her shoulder.  His touch was so perfect. 
She'd never felt such intimacy.  Was he going to become her lover?  She
almost wished he wouldn't, but yet wanted to be as close to him as
possible. 

"Vivien.  I've never shared these things with anyone.  I hardly know you,
but I need to tell someone.  Someone who'll listen." 

"I'm right here." 

He was silent again for a moment.  Then, he began to speak. 

"My mother didn't love me father.  I mean, I don't know if she loved him
when they were married but she sure didn't love him as I grew up.  One
night though, before she divorced him, I woke up from a terrible headache,
and I went to see her, and she was i n bed with someone else.  I was
thirteen." 

"I can't say I understand what it's like to have an unstable family, but I
understand the pain of not knowing where you belong.  Being in second
place." 

"What do you mean?" 

"It was a Christmas night.  My sister and I had snuck downstairs to guess
what the gifts were.  We picked up identical packages to each of us, and
our mother came down telling us we could open them then.  We both received
crosses.  This one." 

Melissa showed him the cross she bared around her neck. 

"My sister lost hers immediately, so then for my sister's next birthday,
she received another one.  She found the first one eventually, and she had
two.  I don't know why that makes me so mad, but I just felt like she
always gained so much more than me in
 every way." 

Melissa wiped away the tears prickling her eye lids.  She giggled. 

"So, Jeff, what about you?  Do you have a sister?" 

"I did." 

"She grow up first?" 

"No." 

"Did she die," Melissa asked sympathically. 

"I may never know." 

"What do you mean," she said taking another sip. 

"I mean that I don't know what happened.  She disappeared right in front
of me in 1973.  I was twelve years old.  There were no facts, or evidence,
or support to lead us to any idea." 

"She just disappeared?" 

"I guess so.  I tried to save her, but I couldn't." 

"You tried to save her from whom?" 

"From whatever it was that was taking her from me.  She was screaming and
fighting right in front of me." 

"Someone broke in and took her?" 

"I guess you could say that." 

"Oh my God.  That's terrible.  I know sorry doesn't mean anything, but I
am." 

He spoke quickly.  "It's everything in my life.  My mother, my father, my
life.  I came here to escape the pain and disappointment in my family.  My
mother is completely closed up from the loss of her only daughter, and I
know that she'll never open her h eart again.  And my father!  He was
involved in it somehow, but I don't know how.  I've been searching for her
since she left, and I won't stop until I find her." 

"But...how?  You said there was no evidence." 

"Are you a faithful person?" 

"I suppose.  Yeah." 

"I have all the faith in the world that she's alive and that there is a
way to prove it.  I myself don't have to prove it, believing it is enough,
but I have to see it to believe it." 

Melissa pulled him in her arms.  They both cried.  She wanted him, she
wanted to make love to him, but every time she did that, she ended the
relationship.  She didn't want to end this.  She didn't want this to be
like all the others.  He was so beautiful .  Somehow, she knew it wasn't
meant to be. 

"What do you want to do tonight," he said in a husky voice. 

"Talk, sleep." 

"Me too.  Let's just talk until there's no more to say." 
_______________________________________________________

Melissa Scully's Apartment 9:29 AM

He woke up by the noise coming from outside.  He was clothed completely,
but she wasn't resting on his chest any longer.  Where did she go?  He
picked up a note that had been left where her head had been. 

Jeff,
	You show yourself out.  You gave me a piece of myself I didn't
know was there.  I part of myself that I needed.  Trust.  Thank you so
much.  I'm sorry I can't be with you, but I'll never forget you. 

			Love,
			Vivien

He tore up the paper and left.  Never again, was he going to open himself
up the way he had to her.  Never again was he going to love someone and
admit it to himself or her. 
_______________________________________________________

Bill and Margaret Scully Residence Christmas Eve, 1990

Dana Scully sat, thinking.  Her father had thrown a raging fit.  But it
felt so right.  Something was there for her.  She would someday be a
doctor, but now, it was time to do something else.  Something she wasn't
supposed to do.  But was it wrong?  She'd
 worked for what seemed like eternity trying to be a doctor, and as soon
as she graduates, she changes her mind? 

A hand landed on her shoulder. 

"Dana..." said a soothing voice. 

"Melissa?" 

"You know anybody else who's up?" 



Dana stretched.  "I couldn't sleep." 

"Oh," as she walked towards the couch.  "Worried about Quantico or, who
gets the most presents this year?" 

"I guess I'm just worried I'm making a big mistake.  I could tell Dad sure
thinks I am." 

"Oh.  Well, it's not his life Dana." 

"Oh I know that it's just...you know when I started med school it felt so
right.  It felt like that's where I was supposed to be.  And by the time I
graduated I just knew it was wrong and...now the FBI feels right and, what
if that's wrong too?" 

"There is no right or wrong.  Life is just a path.  You follow your heart
and it'll take you where you're supposed to go." 

"God, you sound like a greeting card." 

Melissa smiled at Dana. 

"I don't believe in fate.  I believe we have to choose our own path." 

"Well just don't mistake the path with what's really important in life." 

"Which is what," Dana asked. 

"The people you're gonna meet along the way.  You don't know, who you're
gonna meet at the FBI.  You don't know how your life is gonna change.  Or,
how you are gonna change the life of others." 



"Dana, truth or dare." 

"Truth." 

"Are you happy?" 

"Not really.  But I'm working on it." 

"Why not?" 

"Because I feel like I've disappointed the family." 

"You know Dana, not so long ago, I felt that way.  But I found myself, and
that's how I came to grips with my life.  You're gonna do the same.  Trust
yourself.  Do what's best for you." 

Dana held out her hand for Melissa.  Melissa took it and placed her other
hand on top of Dana's. 

"Thanks Melissa."  _______________________________________________________

Hospital November, 1994

Melissa ran into Dana's room after receiving that horrible phone call from
her mother.  Dana, attached to all that crap!  Doctors thought they knew
it all.  Prolonging a life that would otherwise end.  Who the hell do
these people think they are?  Dana wa s a doctor, she didn't want her life
like this. 

There was something familiar about this place.  It wasn't just Dana. 

Melissa reached into her purse, cleared her mind, and prepared to have a
little chat with her sister.  The crystal.  Melissa held it above Dana,
and forced Dana to open up so she could speak to her.  Melissa tried to
sooth her sister as best she could, an d began to talk about her present
life.  It was then she felt a presence in the room. 

Melissa opened her eyes to see a stranger. 

"I've been told not to call you Fox." 

"By who?" 

"Dana, just now." 

"Dana talked to you just now?  If she'd talked, the EEG would've moved." 

Melissa exhaled a laugh.  She was certain she knew this man.  She couldn't
quite put her finger on it, but she'd recognize that voice anywhere.  It
would come to her soon. 

"No.  Her soul is here." 

Just then, Melissa's mother, Margaret Scully came into view.  She looked
depressed but when she saw her eldest daughter, her eyes sparkled. 

"Hi Mom." 

"I'm glad you could come Melissa," her mother said. 



"You're Scully's sister," Fox Mulder asked. 

Melissa smiled, answering yes.  He knew that smile.  He couldn't quite
figure out from where, because he never knew this personality in anyone,
but he knew that smile. 

"Dana's choosing, whether to remain or move on." 

Margaret Scully walked away, she couldn't take it.  Melissa grabbed
Mulder's hand. 

"You can feel her." 

Seconds passed and Melissa felt her sister, but Mulder didn't. 

"She's not here." 

"No your fear, your anger's blocking the positive emotions she meets you." 

Mulder took his hand back.  "I need to do more than just wave my hands in
the air." 

And he was gone. 

Melissa turned back to Dana, and in an instant, remembered who he was. 
She had to go see him.  What the hell was he doing?  She had so many
questions to ask.  She was sure though.  It was Jeff. 
_______________________________________________________

Fox Mulder's Apartment 7:32 PM

Melissa knocked on the door and he answered it a minute later. 

"Hi," she said. 

"Melissa, hi.  Come in." 

She stepped inside. 

"Look, Fox, I need to know something.  You look so familiar to me.  Is it
just me?" 

"Were you ever in England?" 

"Yes.  1981.  Is that where you remember me from?" 

"Sort of.  It wasn't you though, it was someone totally different, but she
had your smile." 

"Were you Jeff?" 

"Jeff?" 

Mulder had to go back in his thought.  It was over ten years ago.  He was
drunk, not to mention what else.  But he remembered the joy and pain of
that night and the next morning. 

"You were Vivien.  That night.  That night we danced and stayed up all
night talking." 

"Oh my God!" 

Melissa dropped her purse and jumped into his arms.  He pushed her back. 
She hadn't known his name, where he worked, or his life since then, but
she'd known things no one else had.  Mulder pressed her back. 

"You left me.  You left me the next morning.  You left behind a note
telling me to show myself out." 

"Yes, I know.  I'm sorry.  I wasn't myself.  At that period in my life, I
was lost." 

"You could've stayed.  I wasn't asking you to marry me you know.  I was
hoping to wake up with you and then I would've left on my own had you
asked." 

"Look, I don't excuse what I did, but I'm better now.  I'm not lost and in
pain." 

"Oh that's right.  So, let's see, harmonics conversions right?" 

"Faith Fox." 

"What, should I call you Melissa now?" 

"Yes dammit.  Why are you making this so hard?" 

"Me," he asked surprised.  "I had the best talk in my life with you.  We
made out for what, two, three hours?  Then we go back to your place, we
stay up all night talking, I finally drift to sleep with you in my arms,
and two minutes later I wake up and y ou're gone!" 

"All right.  You win.  I was a selfish bitch.  Are you happy?" 

She looked down, placing her hand over mouth. 

"Look, *Melissa*, I have enough people walk out on me in my life.  I don't
need anyone else leaving.  I lose everyone, and now I'm losing her." 

Melissa felt like she wanted to die.  He was choosing Dana over her in
every way.  Dammit, she won again.  This man had changed so much.  She
loved the man he used to be, but she didn't know who he was anymore.  She
wanted to though. 

"Fox, why don't we just sit down and talk for awhile?" 

"Because I'm not in the mood to be walked out on again." 

"If Dana dies, it's the way it was meant to be.  I don't want to lose her
anymore than you do, but we have to accept-" 

"I do not except the loss of a thirty year old woman who's life was just
beginning," he said firmly. 

"Well, as far as I can see, there's not much we can do." 

"I can do more than wave my hands in the air." 

"You are so paranoid.  What happened?" 

"You wanna know what's happened since you left me thirteen years ago?" 

"YES!" 

"I finished my degree in pyschology.  I came back here, and started
working at the FBI.  I came across The X-Files.  It's a project that
looked like something everyone would laugh at, but I was intensely
interested in it.  They were about abductions, UFO sitings, mysterious
events, paranormal activities, everything." 

"Because of your sister," she stated. 

"Maybe.  I worked for years until your sister came.  Dana Katherine
Scully.  I never would've known she was your sister, because you never
told me your name.  Now though, the pieces she's told me and all you told
me, it begins to sink in." 

"You feel responsible for her condition." 

"I hate what I've become, and if she dies, it's over." 

"What, you're life?" 

"The X-Files.  My life as an agent." 

"You really care for her Fox." 

"Yes I do.  I never told her the consequences of working like this.  She
deserves more than this." 

"Yes she does, but if you can't give it to her, you have to go on." 

"Get out." 

"Dammit Fox, don't shut me out!  You owe me more than that!" 

"I don't owe you a damn thing.  You don't owe me anything either.  I'm not
even sure if you want her alive.  Weren't you the one who said she always
had twice as much as you in every way?" 

"What did you say," she hissed. 

"You said she always has twice as much as you." 

"No, before that.  You don't think I want her to live?" 

"You're not acting like it." 

"How dare you say that to me.  I'm her big sister.  I love her more than
I've ever loved anyone else.  Dying though is a part of life.  If she
dies, I know that she will be safe.  She belongs where ever she goes.  If
she survives, I will never ask for ano ther thing again.  If she doesn't,
I'll find a way to go on because that's what she'd want!" 

"You are such a liar." 

"What a cold bastard you've become." 

Mulder was silent for a moment.  Tears were in her eyes.  She was shaking. 
He walked over to her slowly, feeling guilty, and rubbed her shoulders. 

"Look Melissa, I'm sorry.  I could lose her, and I can't live without her. 
Let's just forget about the past, and try to go on." 

"Deal.  I assume I'll see you back at the hospital later?" 

"Yeah." 

"All right, bye." 

Melissa kissed him on the forehead and left. 
_______________________________________________________

Hospital Cafeteria Midday

Melissa sat eating, watching Mulder with his head down on the table,
feeling incredibly bad for him, for what he was losing, and not knowing
how to make it right.  What could she say? 

"You Fox, sorry, Mulder.  You could spend the rest of your life searching
for who's responsible and it's still not gonna bring her back." 

She knew she didn't help him by saying that. 

"Whoever did this to her has an equal horror coming to them." 

He looked up, he was tired as hell. 

"Including myself," he asked. 

"Excuse me sir," a woman asked him, "Do you have change for the cigarette
machine?" 

Mulder checked his pockets. 

"Nope, sorry." 

"There's a pack already in there.  Morleys, not my brand." 

The woman walked away, and Mulder looked deep in thought. 

"What do you mean, yourself," Melissa asked. 

Mulder got up, retrieved the left over cigarettes, and left immediately
after pulling something out of the package.  Melissa was left there,
wondering what had happened.  She immediately went to see Dana. 
_______________________________________________________

Hospital Afternoon

Margaret Scully had decided to free Dana.  She knew in her heart that both
Fox and Melissa were right in their own ways, but it was Dana's decision. 
Dana deserved that respect. 

Fox couldn't take going in and watching them let her go.  Melissa helped
her mother to the hospital bed where Dana was lying, still lifeless. 

"Mom, would you like a moment alone?" 

"No Melissa, I need you here." 

"I wouldn't be anywhere else Mom.  Dana's going to be set free.  Not held
back by some machine prolonging her life.  This is what she wants Mom." 

Maggie Scully began breathing hard, in and out, and she felt dizzy. 
Melissa placed her hands on her mother's shoulders and bent her down. 

"That's it Mom, oh I know.  Just breathe.  It'll be okay.  Take it easy." 

Tears were forming in Melissa's eyes.  She was amazingly controlling, but
this was hurting her too.  Despite what Fox or her mother thought, she
loved Dana more than she loved anyone else on the planet. 

"I can't...I can't lose my baby.  I can't...go on Melissa.  She was so
strong, so full of life.  And now, I can't face life alone..." 

Maggie broke down in tears.  Loud, wrenching sobs followed and Melissa's
heart was broken.  Without Dana of course, her mother was alone.  She was
just, some daughter who was loved, but was never the spark in her mother's
life.  She used to be.  Her mothe r used to spend every waking moment with
her, but then Dana grew up, and she was every parent's dream. 

This wasn't a time to be jealous of Dana though. 

"Mom I know.  Dammit I know.  And I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that God-" 

"Oh this isn't about God!  I just want to hurt someone.  I don't know how
I'll live.  I want to know why!  This isn't fair!" 

Melissa grabbed her mother and hugged her.  Her mother was holding her so
tightly it felt as though her mother was squeezing tears out of Melissa's
eyes. 

"Mom, I love you.  I know I'm not Dana, but I'm here." 

"Oh Melissa.  I love you more than I knew I could love.  My first
daughter.  I love you so much and there's no one else I could ever survive
this for but you.  You are my angel." 

Melissa was almost stunned by her mother's words.  Her mother meant this? 
Melissa wasn't Dana in most ways.  Was she like her sister at all? 

"Mom, was I like Dana in any way?" 

"Oh yes.  You both believed so strongly.  Even if it was in the opposite
things, you both held onto that faith so intensely.  You both could go on
and on and did about what you believed." 

"All right, let's free her Mom.  It's time to let her go." 

Margaret Scully grew very quiet.  She looked up at Melissa. 

"Missy, tell me what I need to hear.  Just because we take her off life
support, there's a chance we could still get her back." 

Melissa saw the need and desperation in her mother. 

"Of course there's a chance mother." 

Margaret's eyes relaxed and Melissa knew she'd for once, said the right
thing.  The nurse slowly came over and released Dana from the life
support.  Margaret squeezed Melissa's hand and Melissa squeezed back for
support. 

"Isn't your sister beautiful?" 

"Yes Mom.  Dana's the most beautiful woman in the world." 

"You both have red hair and gorgeous eyes, but she was so petite.  You
were both born blondes though." 

If had been any other time but then, Melissa would've roled her eyes.  Her
mother doted over her two daughters, and always compared them in one way
or another.  Dana always won. 

"I had a dream she was taken.  I came to see her and they wouldn't let me
in.  Fox was there.  He had blood on his hand.  Her blood.  He said she
wasn't there.  We talked." 

"What do you think of him Mom?" 

"I think he's wonderful.  Amazingly intense.  He's so opposite from Dana,
and yet they're such a great team.  They're so right together." 

The hairs on Melissa's arms were rising from how angry this was making
her.  Mulder had more in common with her than Dana.  They'd known each
other so much more intimately.  Or, maybe that was how Melissa wanted to
see it.  She was probably wrong. 

"Mom, do you think he loves her?" 

"Oh I know he does.  Don't tell him I told you that.  He doesn't know
himself yet, but I see it.  It's there." 

Melissa tried changing the subject. 

"Are you planning to stay here Mom?" 

"I'm not leaving her side, unless Fox wants a moment alone with her." 

"I'll stay with you." 

"Thank you sweety.  I'm gonna miss her so much." 

"I know Mom, I know." 
_______________________________________________________

Fox Mulder's Apartment 7:30 PM

Melissa knocked on his door.  He was there.  She knew he was. 

"Mulder!" 

He opened the door briskly. 

"Sorry," she said.  "Can I come in?" 

He looked at her firmly.  "For a second," she pleaded. 



He grabbed her shoulder and guilded her in.  She noticed it was really
dark and was concerned about why. 

"Why's it so dark in here?" 

"Cause the lights aren't on," he said. 

She thought about smiling, but knew this wasn't the time. 

"Okay..." she said.  "I just came from the hospital.  Doctor Daily says,
she's weakening.  It could be, anytime.  So I figured you'd wanna come
down as see her." 

"Well I can't?" 



"Well I'd think that you would-" 

"Yeah, I would, I can't, not right now." 

"Listen, I don't have to be physic to see that you're in a very, dark
place.  Much darker than where my sister is.  Willingly walking deeper
into darkness can not bring her back at all.  Only the light that-" 

"Oh ENOUGH, with the harmonics conversions crap okay, you're not saying
anything to me." 



"Why don't you just drop your cynasism, and your paranoia, and your
defeat!  Just cause it's positive and good doesn't make it silly, or
trite." 



"Why is it so much easier for you to run around trying to get even than
just expressing to her how you feel?  I expect more from you!  DANA,
expects more!" 

She sighed and turned to leave.  He helped her open the door and she
turned back. 

"Even if it doesn't bring her back, at least she'll know.  And so will
you!"  _______________________________________________________

Dana Scully's Hospital Room Later That Night

She was losing color.  She always had so much fire in her, but now she was
cold.  No longer was the respirator forcing her to breathe.  This was what
she wanted.  If she didn't live... 

He couldn't think about it.  What had they done to her?  Why her?  He sat
down quietly, looking at her, and taking her hand.  He hoped she'd wake up
and argue. 

"Scully I feel that, you believe, you're not ready to go.  And you've
always had the strength of your beliefs.  I don't know, if my being here,
will help, bring you back, but I'm *here*." 

With saying that, he sat back and watched her until morning.  At dawn, he
left and returned home.  Would he ever see her alive again? 
_______________________________________________________

Dana Scully's Hospital Room Early in the Morning

Melissa sat, holding Dana's hand tightly.  She hadn't had enough faith. 
She felt stupid.  Mulder should be here any minute.  Dana was exhausted. 

"Mom, I love you." 

"I love you more Dana.  God, it's so wonderful, my two little girls,
together." 

Dana and Melissa both rolled their eyes. 

"You're sure Mulder's coming," Dana asked. 

"Well, I called him and I doubt he'd wait two seconds to see you sis." 

"Okay.  Just checking.  So, what was it like while I was gone?" 

"Hell," Melissa said.  "We missed you to death, and somehow, I couldn't
see the Scully family without the main star." 

"I'm not the main star," Dana replied. 

"Yes you are.  And I love you more than anything.  You're my baby sister. 
You're the only sister I've got.  Our brothers are coming in the evening,
but just us girls is the best." 

"It sure is," Maggie stated. 

The door opened and Melissa turned to see Mulder.  She moved aside. 

"Hello Fox." 

"Not Fox, Mulder." 

Dana turned to see a smiling Mulder.  She didn't see that often. 

"How you feeling?" 

"Mulder I don't remember anything.  After Duane Barry I-" 

"Doesn't, doesn't matter." 

Dana nodded in response. 

"I bought you a present.  Superstars in the SuperBowl." 

"I knew there was a reason to live," she replied with a slight smile. 

Melissa bit her lip to keep from laughing. 

"I know you wanna get some rest, I just came by to see how you were doing,
say hi." 

He turned to leave but Dana said, "Mulder, I had the strength of your
beliefs." 

Mulder was deeply touched that she'd heard his words last night, but with
her sister and her mother in the room, he didn't know how to respond.  He
reached in his pocket and pulled out her cross.  He thought about
Melissa's story. 

"I was holding this for you." 

Dana looked up at him, now herself slightly uncomfortable.  Mulder turned
to leave, looked at Melissa, then closed the door behind him.  Margaret
practically jumped up out her chair to hug her baby girl. 

"I was so afraid I'd lost you baby." 

"No Mom, I'm right here." 

"I never wanna let you go again." 

"You won't have to." 

Melissa slowly snuck out of the room, allowing her mother and sister some
time alone, but that wasn't the only reason she left. 
_______________________________________________________

Fox Mulder's Apartment One Hour Later

"Mulder, open up, I have to talk to you." 

He opened the door and looked at her.  She gestured towards his apartment
and he stepped aside. 

"Did something happen to Scully?" 

"No, but something's going to happen to you in about two seconds if you
don't get your act together." 

"Excuse me?" 

"I know you better than you think I do.  I see what you're doing and I'm
wondering if it's my fault." 

"Melissa, what are you talking about?" 

"You love her!  You care more about her than you've ever cared about
anyone in your whole life.  So why are you wasting this time?" 

"Wasting time?" 

"Yes, you are not taking this opportunity.  Go to Dana.  Talk to her the
way you talked to her last night.  Be totally honest.  Tell her how you
feel." 

"I did." 

"Yeah, but you weren't completely honest with yourself." 

"What did I miss?" 

"You love her.  You couldn't care about anyone that much without their
being love." 

"I don't..." 

"Yes you do.  You always have.  But you're so closed up to the joy of
being around other people.  You're so consumed in your need to pursue and
continue the work to find your sister when Dana is right in front of you. 
This should've been a wake up call t o you.  You need to feel comfortable
around people.  I don't know all the details of your life, but I can see
that you are so damaged and you feel so betrayed, that you've shut
everyone out." 

"Who are you to tell me what I feel?" 

"I'm the only one who will.  Stop fighting the need.  You're in love with
my sister." 

"I'm what?" 

"God, what the hell is wrong with you." 

Melissa walked over and slapped him in the face. 

"WAKE UP!" 

"I'm awake.  What the hell did you hit me for?" 

"Because you don't see that you love her." 

"I...I see it now." 

"Really?" 

"Yes." 

"Then get out of my face and go see her." 

"It's not that simple." 

"What?" 

"Everyone that I've ever loved was screwed up because of me." 

"That is not true." 

"Yes it is." 

"No it isn't.  Your sister's disappearance was NOT your fault.  Your
mother closing up, your father leaving, none of that was your fault. 
Dana's abduction was never your fault either.  Stop doing this to
yourself." 

"Scully doesn't love me back." 

"Yes she does." 

Mulder looked down and sighed.  Melissa walked closer to him. 

"Mulder, do you feel so unlovable?" 

"Yeah.  Melissa, you don't know what it's like to go through your life
since you were twelve not knowing if you were ever really loved." 

"You're right, I really don't.  But that's not your fault.  My sister
loves you.  Whether she's admitted it to herself yet, I can't say, but she
does, and you love her.  You are worth love." 

Mulder nodded.  She embraced him.  She exhaled and remembered dancing with
him all those years ago.  She never knew she'd see him again, but of all
the people she'd known, she was glad it was him she saw again.  She could
never have him even though in her
 heart she wanted him, but, she was glad that maybe she could do something
right. 

"Go to her," she said. 
_______________________________________________________

Dana Scully's Hospital Room 7:42 PM

Mulder opened the door to Scully's room, she was sleeping.  As he walked
into the room, she opened her eyes.  She tried to sit up more straight but
was slightly weak. 

"Hi," she said. 

"Hey hey, don't, kill yourself there." 

"I'm fine.  Just overcome with lassitude." 

"Thank God." 

"You just missed Skinner," she said. 

"He came to see you?" 

"Uh huh.  My brothers did too.  That was hell.  I love em, but I'm glad
they're with my mother now." 

"Not close to them?" 

"Well, Charlie I'm close to, but Bill, he's such a jerk sometimes.  When I
was little, he threatened to kill my little rabbit.  He was just mean. 
All the time too.  I don't think there was ever a time when he stood by me
and thought I knew what was best.  " 

"I'm sorry." 

"Charlie though is funny.  Never stringent like Bill.  When I was about
sixteen, we had the house to ourselves for the first time because Missy
and Bill had left.  It was great.  We would always talk.  He was the only
member of my family who wasn't trying
 to compete with me." 

Mulder and Scully were silent for a moment.  They didn't know what else to
say.  They weren't used to talking much about anything but work. 

"What's in the bag," she asked. 

"Oh I a, I thought I'd try to ameliorate my gift a little more and so I
got you some chocolate." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah, try some." 

He retrieved a piece of chocolate from a little box.  He peeled the
wrapper and gave it to her.  She looked at him strangely, but placed it in
her mouth.  It tasted wonderful surprisingly. 

"Ooh, good Mulder.  Thanks." 

"Anytime Dana." 

She looked up at him, he smiled a goofy smile wondering if it was okay to
call her that.  She really loved it.  She never minded Scully, but Dana
was nice. 

"So, what'd you do while I was gone?" 

"Looked for you." 

"I'm sorry." 

"Hey don't be.  You had us all worried, but you're safe now." 

"Mulder I don't even know what happened." 

"I know you don't, but you will." 

"Mom said I was missing for a few weeks?" 

"Yeah." 

"Mom said it was the hardest few weeks of her life." 

"Mine too," he said softly. 

Scully held out a hand for Mulder to grasp, and he took it lovingly.  She
squeezed his hand hard. 

"I'm sure I look really attractive right now.  Melissa's bringing me some
make up in the morning.  She's gonna come early and do my make up, and
then we're having the family over.  What's left of the family." 

"Hey, you're here, and that's what's important." 

"I miss him Mulder." 

"I know you do." 

"It was so strange.  While I was in my coma, I could've sworn I heard his
voice talking to me." 

"You saw your father?" 

"No, I didn't see him, but I heard him.  He told me that he would've
traded every metal, every promotion, for just one more second with me.  He
said we'd be together again, but not now." 

"Your father's a smart man." 

Dana's eyes started to water.  Tears were forming.  He squeezed her hand
reassuringly, but the tears didn't keep from falling.  He reached over to
her shoulder and massaged it gently. 

She wouldn't stop crying.  She wasn't sobbing, but tears kept rolling
down.  He gently brushed away the tears with his finger tips, and leaned
over.  He cupped her face in his hands, and looked at her with concern. 
She became very serious and stopped crying, and placed her hands around
his neck.  He looked at her with such sadness, and yet asking permission. 
She understood his need to know if what he felt was okay, and nodded
slightly.  She opened her mouth a littl e a pulled him closer to finally
kiss him. 

The kiss was innocent, and full of fear.  Fear between both of them.  But
it was love.  She'd been scared to death herself, from previous
relationships, but always wanted it. 

He broke free quickly, but stayed close to her. 

"I'm sorry," he said. 

"Shh, it's okay." 

"I'm sorry," he said again. 

Dana Scully tilted her head the side, curiously, and her eyes questioning
him. 

"Are you," she asked. 

He looked up at her.  Her eyes were serious.  He wasn't quite sure what
she wanted him to say.  She knew what she wanted, but was afraid of it. 
Evidently not as afraid as he was. 

"Well, was it wrong?" 

"Mulder, do you think it was?" 

"I...you have some part in this, you tell me." 

She smiled, knowing he needed that reassurance. 

"Did I once hesitate or stop you?" 

He smiled.  He quickly leaned in to kiss her again, and she wrapped her
arms around his neck, desperately kissing him back. 

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