...But I Don't Anymore
by Tim S. Flanders (lathus@hotmail.com -or- xfpoems@hotmail.com)
Website: ('The Truth Is A Lie')
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NOTE: Scully has been abducted, and Mulder is asking to any
god who will listen ... that she might be returned.
I wrote this during Mulder's 5th season "disenchantment",
so in this poem he still doesn't believe in aliens anymore.
This poem is about one man's lonely escape from society
... searching for someone he lost ... and in the end,
asking for a God he doesn't believe in, to help.
This is who we are.
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I used to live there ... but I don't anymore,
Out there with the blind and dilluted people.
... but I don't anymore.
I used to care too.
I had to bite my tounge to keep from crying.
I don't think I'll ever see her again ... but I will look for her.
I went out last night and tried to find her,
In the back alleys where I had looked a hundred times before,
Calling her name into the darkness.
Hoping beyond hope to have something ... anything returned,
Something that I need to keep going.
And I will look for her tonight.
With her, I have the faith to keep looking.
Without her ... there would be no point to look.
I used to believe
... but I don't anymore.
I used to believe that the truth would set us free.
I used to look up into the night sky, and wonder and dream
... but I don't anymore.
I used to see the turning windomills,
I used to see the hidden meaning in things.
I used to know what it was all for,
The deceptions and cover-ups
Or ... at least I thought I knew
... but I don't anymore.
But if You would ... could You see it in Yourself to talk to me?
I just want to see her ...
To know that she's out there ...
I can't stay, and I don't believe,
But for her, I will try.
If it will bring her back,
I will believe.
She doesn't have to love me ... but could I love her?
... at least for a little while?
Do whatever You want ...
Ask whayever You will ...
But just answer .... please?
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