"First Light" by Marie Endres
joemimi@prodigy.net
Classification: Mulder Angst
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Bigtime for "En Ami"
Summary: What would have happened if Mulder
had been the one to give Scully that little
note at dinner?
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully aren't mine.
They belong to Chris Carter, 1013
productions, and Fox broadcasting.
Thank you's forever to Georgia-You continue
to inspire and encourage me! This story is
as much yours as it is mine! You're the
best. And to Joe, for the idea-You always
have the best ideas!
"First Light"
The only family emergency is the one within
our family of two.
We've become that to each other- a solace, a
haven- because every other semblance of home
has been taken from us, tainted for us, in
some way. Now, though, a thief has even
broken in there, taking the last possession
to which we had tenaciously held- trust.
It killed me to look through her e-mails;
I'm glad that the boys were the ones to read
them word for word. What they found
convinced me, as if I needed any help, that
she was far from "fine."
Now that melodrama has begun to set in, I
try to think of this logically. She's a
doctor- chances are she discovered something
about that boy and she's following it to
it's logical conclusion. But that's not all
there is-there is this other entity, this
Cobra to contend with. Add to that the fact
that she is with him. Why? How? What did he
say to her, do to her to get her to turn
away, to lie to me?
Maybe it was just that he said something to
her at all, that he appealed to her sense of
how to go about things. Maybe, for once, he
let her shine as the first light of day
does, as I have never allowed her to.
But whatever it is that this Cobra has to
offer her, it is not truly meant for her.
She is merely the tool, the conduit, for
something, someone far more evil than she
has allowed herself to imagine. She has
always sought the best in people, believed
in justice. There is no justice here, only
pain ahead for my partner.
She is far more than that to me, but
whatever it is that has always kept me from
letting her know, continues to dog me still.
Damn, it's cold out here- damp, too. Why do
I feel like I'm waiting in a tomb? I guess
that's where I would be if I felt anymore
alone, apart from life as I do now. I glance
at my watch- 5:20, it's at least 10mins more
until the first light of day.
I knew from the correspondence of the past
five months that last night was the night.
I also knew that it was a mere formality. A
look see. The swap was already set into
motion, already scheduled for later this
morning. And so I took a chance that I could
get to her first out here in the cove.
Cobra's e-mails were never sent before 7am,
so I knew he wasn't a morning person. First
light, that's what my note said.
How fitting that I would ask her to meet me
then. It is a time of illumination, a time
to see what's been hidden. The question is,
do I really want to see what she has hidden
from me? Do I want to come face to face with
the fact that she chose to go alone, without
me, into this valley of the damned?
The start-up of a small boat engine shatters
the silence; I see her red hair over the
cattails which circle the edge of the lake.
If only I could have been man enough to tell
her the truth, to take that next step, maybe
I wouldn't be sitting in the middle of some
dark cove waiting for evil to once more rear
its ugly head. Maybe if I could have been
strong enough to get over myself, to
remember as she so cuttingly told me, "It
isn't all about you, Mulder," I wouldn't
have to witness her deal with the devil.
As she draws closer, I am aware of another
boat back and to my right.
Damn it. That must be Cobra.
My intentions that seemed clear a few
moments before, left me in flash wondering
what I should do now. Keep her from this
exchange that would change her life? Change
many lives?
Do I protect her as I should have done in
the past, from those who would seek to
destroy her very being? Pfaster, Duane
Barry, Peatty.
As I watch her, I realize I can do nothing.
I am about to once more chide myself for my
inertia, but I stop.
I am doing something.
I am allowing her to chart her own course
through these murky waters. I will let her
go, with my watchful eye always upon her,
ready to give my life as ransom for hers if
necessary, ready to allow myself to love
her.
END
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