TITLE: Sleepless Nights
AUTHOR: Spookette
EMAIL: spookette@usa.net
ARCHIVE: Anywhere but please drop me a line and let me know :)
CATEGORY: MSR
RATING: PG I think
SUMMARY: A recurring dream causes come uncharacteristic behavior
DISCLAIMER: Chris owns them, I just wish he would let me borrow
Mulder. I'll return him, I promise :)
*Why does he keep licking his lips like that? Does he know what that
is doing to me? There he goes again, how much longer I can possibly
sit here and still keep my composure? *
"I'm going to get a drink. Do you want something?" Dana Scully
offers her partner as she stands to leave the dim basement office.
He looks up from his screen only having half heard what she had said.
"Huh? Yeah, I could go for something cold myself."
Closing the door behind her, she let out a long sigh. Lost for a
moment in the thought of the tongue running along Fox Mulder's lips
being hers instead of his own.
*This has GOT to stop. Mulder's lips aren't exactly what should be
occupying my thoughts when I am on the clock. Hell not even when I'm
not on the clock*
She slides a crisp bill into the soda machine which spits it right
back out. Trying again she's relieved when the machine accepts her
money and rewards her with a plop as the diet coke appears. She opens
the drink and lets the cool liquid slide between her lips and down her
throat. Refreshing as it was, it just didn't seem to help her regain
control of her thoughts. Before she realized it she had emptied the
can. She fought the machine for another drink for herself and an ice
tea for Mulder. **If there's an ice tea in that bag, could be love**
She thinks back to so long ago, wondering just what he would have done
had she pulled a tea out of that bag.
Pulling herself back to reality Scully heads back to Mulder, drinks in
hand. When she reaches the door to the office she pauses, takes a
deep breath and turns the knob.
"Hey, I was starting to think you left for a more glorious position or
something."
"I've tried, Mulder. The FBI already has someone to clean their
toilets." she returns with a forced grin.
She hands him his drink, accepts the grunt he released as a 'thank
you' and returns to reading the file Mulder had given her earlier.
Looking up to comment on the case she again notices the tip of his
tongue slide out, cross his bottom lip, and slip back out of sight.
"Mulder" she says with a hint of annoyance.
"Yeah?"
"What are you doing?"
"Checking departure times. Why?"
"No, I mean you keep licking your lip like a wounded dog. Are you
sure you aren't checking out some educational adult anatomy site?"
He grins then shoots her a look of a hurt little boy. "Me? No way,
Mom, I was doing my homework." When she doesn't look amused he
continues "I burned my lip on some hot coffee this morning, it's a
little tender but I'll live"
Intending to return to her work she finds herself watching him,
completely mesmerized each time she catches a glimpse of his tongue.
She makes a mental note to write a thank you note to Juan Valdez very
soon.
*What would he do if I just walked up and kissed him, right here,
right now? What's the worst that could happen? If he pushes me away
then he pushes me away. I'll live, right? Hell, think about it. He
already tried to kiss me (damn bee). He told me that he loves me.
Granted he was heavily medicated at the time, but he didn't say it to
Langly or Frohicke or Byers or even Skinner, he said it to me. At the
very least I can stop wondering*
She grabbed the file she had been working on and walked towards
Mulder's desk. When he glanced up at her she looked flushed, there
was something in her eyes that he had never seen before. Just as he
was about to ask if she was okay, she put her hands on his shoulders.
Scully tilted her head to the side and slowly leaned closer to her
partner. She could feel his breath, hear the beat of his heart, it
was now or never.
Dana Scully woke from her dream. Her heart was beating so loudly that
she was sure it would wake her neighbors. She took a few deep breaths
before standing up to head for her bathroom. The cold of the tile
stung against her hot skin as she walked to the sink. She turned on
the water trying to splash herself fully awake. This recurring dream
was starting to take quite a toll on her. She couldn't remember the
last time she had managed to sleep through the night without waking up
at the same point.
--------------------------
Later that morning Scully tried to seem as alert as possible as she
walked into the office, knowing Mulder would already be there. When
she walked through the door she was immediately greeted with a file
folder and a smile.
"Read through this. We'll be leaving as soon as I book us a flight."
"Good morning to you too, Mulder" she says a little more harshly than
intended. "Should I even ask why we are taking this field trip?"
"It's all in the file. Unexplained deaths. I would have given you
fair warning, but I just finished reading all the reports myself."
*Oh my God. When did I fall back asleep. There goes that tongue over
the burnt lip thing again. I am either dreaming again, or sleep
deprivation has finally driven me over the sanity line*
"Scully? Everything okay?"
Realizing he had been speaking to her, but having no idea what he
said, she tried to pull herself together. "I'm fine, Mulder, just not
enough sleep lately I guess. Nothing a good cup of coffee won't fix
for now. Want one?"
"None for me, the last one bit me back. Burned the hell out of my
lip"
*Oh yeah, I know I've lost it now.*
Cup of coffee in hand, Scully sits down to start digging into the
file. Half way through the first report she is already convinced this
will be a wasted trip. When she looks up she finds herself staring at
her partner as he repeatedly glides his tongue across his lower lip.
The lip that has occupied her every sleeping moment for the past few
weeks.
Remembering what she was doing before so easily distracted she picked
up the file and walked over to his desk. "I just don't get what you
see in this. We are going to fly off to Louisiana in the middle of
summer because of some dead birds? How does this qualify as any sort
of a case?"
"Scully, first people are noticing unusually large numbers of crows
flying all over town every day, then all of a sudden the sky is
literally raining birds down on them. Yards filled with hundreds,
streets covered. All at once, this doesn't sound odd to you?"
"Have you ever spent a summer in the south, Mulder? People die from
the extreme heat. Is it that hard to comprehend birds dying from it?
Even large numbers."
"Of course not, but these birds have shown no sign of dehydration.
And even beyond the heat factor, no trace of disease, no bacteria, no
infection, nothing found in any of them."
She doesn't really hear his reply, her tired mind starts to drift.
*I wish I would just wake up already. Wake up and take a sleeping
pill strong enough to put me out so hard I won't dream at all. That's
what I need. Hell, all I have to do is give in and kiss him. If I do
it fast the kiss might actually happen. Maybe then this damn dream
will be resolved and it will stop*
"Scully?"
Before he could say another word she decided to put it all to an end
right then and there. She bent down and firmly pressed her lips
against his. Sliding her tongue along that burnt lip that haunted her
every night. When she tried to gain further entrance to his mouth she
felt his hands tight on her arms, pushing her away.
Mulder's whole face screamed with confusion and shock. He tried to
speak quite a few times before finding his voice.
"Wha-what was that about?"
*Oh shit. ohshitohshitohshit. News flash Dana, this is NOT a dream.
You just kissed your partner. Just flat out kissed him. If that's
not embarrassing enough...he stopped you. ohshitohshitohshit*
"Scully?"
"Mulder, I uh I...I just. Oh my God"
She just wanted to hide. Wanted to step back a few minutes in time
and bypass the whole thing. She walked out of the office leaving
everything behind and just left. Left the office, left the building,
got in her car and left.
--------------------------
She didn't remember driving but she was home, already unlocking the
door to her apartment. She headed straight for the bedroom and
started to pack a small bag. She was still so embarrassed that a
glance in her changing mirror showed a face almost as red as her hair.
By the time she realized her cell phone was ringing she was almost in
tears. She told herself to just ignore it, but it didn't stop and she
knew it wasn't going to.
"Hello?", she answered as if there was any doubt who was on the other
end.
"Where are you?"
"I'm at home, Mulder, I'm all packed. When do we have to leave?"
"Scully.."
"Just tell me when we leave, Mulder. I'll you at the airport."
"Fine, departure is in less than an hour, but stay where you are, I'm
coming to pick you up. I'm almost there." and he hung up before
giving her a chance to argue.
Within three minutes Mulder was standing at the door to her apartment.
He knocked and the door was immediately opened. He fought the urge to
cringe when his partner, his best friend, walked right past him
without a word or a look.
She put her bag in the trunk and by the time he closed it she was in
the passenger seat of the car, snapping her seat belt into place. He
took his place behind the wheel and headed for the airport. Mulder
looked over several times on the way, but Scully was intently focused
on the scenery outside her window.
They were at the airport, on the plane and ready for take off before
he broke the silence.
"When we check into the motel get some rest and we can get started
tomorrow."
Scully just stared out the window and nodded.
Mulder slept through almost the entire flight, or at least he
pretended to sleep. His mind was racing the entire time. When they
landed he opted to grab their bags while Scully went to get the rental
car. The drive from the airport to their motel was just as
uncomfortable as the last.
Mulder carried Scully's bag to her room. He was startled when she
finally spoke to him.
"Thanks, Mulder. I'm going to lay down for a while."
She shut the door and left him standing there like a bellboy just
stiffed out of a tip.
*Sleep, oh sure, sleep is just what I need. And I'm sure I'll just
sleep like a baby.*
She decided that her sleeping pill idea from earlier was quite
insightful. She dug the bottle out of her bag, poured a glass of
water from the sink and went straight to the bed.
--------------------------
It took a few minutes for the knocking on the door to register.
Scully rubbed her eyes and sat up. Her head felt like it weighed a
ton. She drug herself to the door, opened it and turned right back to
the bed.
Mulder figured that was as much as an invitation he was going to get
and entered the room, shutting the door behind him.
"Thought you might be getting hungry by now." He motioned to the bag
he was carrying as he crossed the room.
"What time is it?"
"It's almost 11. I grabbed some Chinese, did you sleep?"
"I guess I did. You didn't have to go through the trouble, Mulder."
"Well, contrary to popular belief, I am human. I need to eat from
time to time, so I got enough for two"
"Thanks."
"Mind if I join you?"
"Sure, just let me wake up a bit"
She stood up off the bed and walked tiredly to the bathroom. Mulder
listened to the water run as he sat the take out containers on the
little table by the window. Maybe her nap did her some good. At
least she was speaking again, but he was still more than a little
worried about his partner.
She washed her face. Looking in the mirror she was relieved to find
her color back to normal, not to mention how relieved she was that
Mulder had asked no questions about her earlier behavior. What could
she possibly say about it? "Oh, sorry, Mulder. You see I dream about
you every night and I wake up when I'm about to kiss you. Thought I
was dreaming and tried to wake myself up. Sure that would have made
her seem perfectly sane.
Mulder turned when he heard the door open. She still had not yet
looked at him since morning. She sat down across from him and started
looking through the containers, spooning food onto her plate. Mulder
wanted to talk to her, talk to her about anything, but had no idea
what to say. She seemed fascinated by the site of the food on her
plate, yet didn't seem very interested in eating. He watched as she
moved the food around with her fork and every once in a while decided
to take a bite even if only out of boredom.
"Do you want me to let you go back to sleep?"
"No"
*A whole syllable. This is going well* he thought as he watched her
food inspection continue.
"Want me to run to the soda machine and get you a refill?"
"No"
"Want to go out to the pool for a midnight skinny dip?"
"What?!?", she exclaimed dropping her fork to her plate.
"Careful, Scully, you might make eye contact or something."
The glare that followed made him wonder if maybe it was better when
she refused to look at him.
"I didn't ask you to come here, Mulder. I didn't ask for you to
deliver dinner. I didn't ask to be stuck in this damn city in 100
degree weather. And I sure as hell didn't ask to be assigned as your
partner, but here we are. Does whether or not I look at you really
make any difference?"
"Fine, sorry I bothered you. We have an appointment at 8am with
someone from animal control. I'll be ready to leave by 7:30, see you
then."
He stood up and took one of the containers off the table. He looked
at her one last time and headed out the door.
*Don't do it, Dana, don't do it. Let him leave*
"You said you loved me."
Stopping the door just before it slammed shut, Mulder froze in place.
He wasn't completely sure what he had heard, he knew what he thought
she said, but...
"I did what?"
"You said you loved me. Or have you forgotten your little drug
induced proclamation?"
"Yeah, I know what I said. I'm just not sure where this is going."
"And before that you tried to kiss me, right?"
"Scully? What's wrong?"
"Am I right?"
"Yes, I was going to kiss you."
"So why did you push me away this morning?"
He pinched his bridge of his nose between forefinger and thumb and
stared straight down. He inhaled deeply before speaking.
"I just don't know what to say, Scully. One minute we're arguing
about the legitimacy of a case, then out of nowhere...dammit, Scully,
you took off so fast and I kept calling. I'm the one who isn't
supposed to make any sense, not you."
She knew her recent actions had been more than abnormal. She knew
that if she just blamed it on lack of sleep and asked him to forget
any of it had ever happened, he would. He would at least pretend for
her sake. The catch was that she couldn't forget.
"Tell me something, Mulder. Do you love me?"
"Do I love you? After everything we have been through together, after
all this time, you have to ask? Come on Scully, can you seriously
tell me that there is anything you think I wouldn't do for you? You
are my partner, my best friend. I would lay down my life for you. Of
course I love you."
"But in a big brother sort of way, right?"
"Scully, family is someone who is in your life because of birth. Good
or bad, like it or not you are stuck with them. I WANT you in my
life, hell, I need you in my life. You can't pick family, only
friends."
"Okay, you love me as a friend. Question answered. Silly me took all
your little comments and innuendoes as some type of signal. Don't
worry, I know my role now, Dana Scully - friend. I'm sorry about this
morning. If I could take it all back I would, Mulder. If you don't
mind I think I'll try to get some more sleep before we have to get to
work in the morning."
That said she motioned to the door and curled up on the bed, her back
to him. When she heard the door close she let the tears flow freely
onto her pillow. She felt like the whole world was closing in around
her. How could she have been so wrong about his feelings for her?
She just wanted to stay there alone forever and not have to face him
ever again.
"Scully" came his voice, so soft it was almost a whisper. "Scully,
please don't cry, please. The last thing I ever want is to hurt you.
I can't leave you here like this, Scully, I'm so sorry."
He knelt down beside her bed and started pushing her hair back,
tucking it in place behind her ear, but he still couldn't see her
face. Would she ever look at him again? He wanted to take the pain
away, make everything alright. The problem was he knew he couldn't.
He knew that it would stop eventually, but right now every tear she
shed was burning a hole in him.
"Scully, I don't want anything to hurt our friendship. It's the most
important thing in the world to me. I wouldn't want to jeopardize it
for anything. Know what the worst part is, Scully? One day down the
road I'll realize what a fool I was tonight, but it will be too late.
You will already have your perfect life with Bob Smith, the CPA from a
well respected Virginia family. You are going to laugh at me, Scully,
tell me how I blew it that night in the motel room. Please, Scully,
don't cry, see me for the fool I am, you are too good to shed tears
over a fool, Scully."
She took a few deep breaths trying to steady herself enough to speak.
She couldn't look at him, not right now, she wanted him out of that
room, didn't want him to see her be weak. After a few moments she won
control of her voice.
"Mulder, I'll be okay. We have an appointment in a few hours. Just
go get some rest and let me do the same. I will see you in the
morning."
He stood up, but she could feel his hesitancy lingering in the room.
Would this night never end?
"Really, Mulder, I'm fine. I just need some sleep."
Without another word he finally left. She felt relief and loss all at
once. She pulled herself up just long enough to make sure he was
really gone this time and to lock her door before crawling back to the
bed. The tears started once again, and she let them. The horrid day
finally ended as Dana Scully cried herself to sleep.
--------------------------
The knock on her motel room door echoed through her body. She was
tempted to not even answer it, but he would probably just knock the
damn thing down anyway, so she pulled herself up out of the bed and
opened it.
"Morning, Mulder."
"Hey. I went for a run and grabbed some coffee and bagels." He said
offering her a white bag and styrofoam cup. "I'm going to jump in the
shower and get ready. We leave in an hour, okay?"
"Thanks, I'll be ready in an hour."
He flashed her the perfect little Mulder grin and turned to open the
door to his room. She sat her breakfast down on the table. She
decided take a shower and wake up a little more before eating. She
opened up her bag and set out her clothes on the bed. Bathroom
essentials in hand she went into the small bathroom and started the
water.
*He probably didn't even sleep. My insanity spell has taken it's toll
on everyone, how nice.*
She got the water to the perfect temperature and stepped in. Under
the refreshing spray she realized she had actually slept without the
invasion of that damn dream. It was like a weight had been lifted
from her. Maybe she would survive this whole ordeal after all.
After her shower she sat down and had breakfast. The bagel was stale
and the coffee cold, but she finished every bit before starting to
dress. She was almost ready when Mulder returned to her room. She
let him in and went back to the task at hand.
"Three more minutes and I'm ready to roll."
"Women!" he said trying to sound aggravated. Then ducked as the shoe
raced towards his head. He looked up and to his amazement saw a smile
stretching across his partner's face. He thought this was a site he
might never see again. Sitting back up he laughed, not really from
humor, more from relief. This woman never stopped amazing him, and he
thanked the powers that be and hoped she never would.
He waited for her as she locked up the motel room and they headed for
the rental car. On the way he placed his hand on the small of her
back to guide her. He not only felt her stiffen under his hand, he
felt it through his whole body. Removing his hand quickly he took the
keys from his pocket and fumbled with them for the rest of the walk.
It was going to be next to impossible to keep himself from touching
her in little ways like that, but he realized that for now, for her
sake, he would have to.
In the car they talked about the case. Scully still thought this was
a total waste of time and the only mystery was how people could
actually choose to live in this climate. When they pulled up to the
animal control office they stepped out of the car looking like two
professionals with nothing more than work on their mind.
The meeting was slow. Fact after fact, how many birds animal control
had picked up. How many calls they had received from concerned
citizens. Common causes of death for birds. By the time they had
finished up, both agents felt totally drained. They each all but fell
into the car.
Mulder slumped over and rested his head on the steering wheel then
turned to her with a simple, "Early lunch?"
"Please", she said with a smile as he started the car and pulled off.
They found a friendly looking diner and settled down in a red vinyl
booth. Over lunch Scully offered her theory about Mulder being a
'hick wanna be' and dragging her to little nowhere towns whenever he
could just to indulge his fantasy. He returned with his ideas of too
many late nights with Alfred Hitchcock causing Scully to have a deeply
embedded fear of birds. They laughed with each other, it felt so good
that neither wanted it to end.
Scully looked up from her chicken salad and caught Mulder staring at
her, watching her eat. She didn't know whether to scream from his
mixed signals or to laugh at the goofy look. She decided to just
ignore it and enjoy the time they were spending together that day.
She noticed that same look several times before they finished eating
and walked out to the car.
Outside the diner he did it again. Without even realizing he had done
it Mulder found his hand resting on Scully's back, his thumb rubbing a
small circle. This time when he felt her tense he smiled.
Still looking straight forward as he walked he asked, "Hey, Scully,
think there were any bees in that diner?"
She stopped dead in her tracks, took a step away from him and answered
with a confused look.
He stepped right up to her, put one hand on her shoulder and the other
in her hair. He leaned over and started examining her shirt collar.
"I could swear I hear a buzzing sound."
She thought her insanity must have been contagious because now Mulder
had obviously lost it. He was checking her neck and hair as if the
answers to the meaning of life were hidden there.
"Scully.."
"Yeah?"
"If you ever meet Bob Smith, tell him I'm no fool"
She sighed and shook her head, deciding he was definitely nuts.
"Mulder.."
He cupped her face in his hands, looked right into her eyes and
smiled.
And he kissed her.
And God help her, she kissed him right back.
**End**
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