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"YOU'RE WATCHING ... CBS ... WELCOME HOME."
=================================================================
{The screen fades in from black, to black & white footage of
the outside of the Molson Centre, as "Oh Canada plays ...}
INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT: MARCH 16, 1998
{... and then switches to highlights of wrestling action,
beginning with Future Shock's match to open the card ... El
Hombre Octubre with a tiger bomb on Kieth Matthews ... his
partner, the Tomorrow Man, with a rolling German suplex on Alex
Matthews ... and EhO hitting a somersault shoulder-mount into
victory roll for a pin.}
[Music]
It's astounding/Time is fleeting
Madness/takes its toll
But listen closely/not for very much longer
I've got to/keep control ...
--"Time Warp", Rocky Horror Picture Show
{... cut to "Mastermind" Alliyah Johnston escorting 'Cool' Kitty
Taylor to ringside, to match up against Dacia Blackthorne ...
Dacia with a neckbreaker ... a woman in a red bodysuit coming to
ringside ... and throwing Blackthorne into the 'Child's Play'
backbreaker ...}
[Music]
I realised that long ago
Is anybody out there?/Anybody there?
Does anybody wonder?/Ooh oh/Anybody care?
Oh, I just gotta know
If you're really there and you really care
'Cos baby I'm not
F-F-F-Foolin'/Ah F-F-Foolin'
F-F-F-Foolin'/Ah F-F-Foolin'
--"Foolin'", Def Leppard
{A slow motion shot of Robbie Stevens blathering, while the Grey
Guardian V winds up and nails him in the back of the head, then
unmasks as Ed Carr ... the music plays the opening bars of Pink
Floyd's money, stops, and repeats a number of times ...
... and eventually cuts to Kerry Masters playing to the
crowd while an infuriated Maurice Jackson looks on ... Kerry
landing a flying dropkick ... Maurice retaliating with a
belly-to-belly suplex ... and Masters with the Awesome Ending for
the win ...}
[Music]
Hello/ I wish I was little bit taller,
I wish I was a baller/I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her/I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a '64 Impala
--"I Wish", Skee Lo
{The team of Steve the Insane and Joe Walker, aka Looking For a
Fight, as it makes its way to ringside ... quick cut shots to a
wild-looking Nick Vorpal, referee Brandie Mulroney, all four
men brawling in the ring, the Reverend Jeremiah James dumping
Steve to the outside ... then a shot of Mikhail Tzskova at
ringside, Steve with a Yappian Facedriver, and James with the
Cross of Burdens in return ...}
[Music]
are you ready steve? uh huh. {audible record skip}
All right, fellas ... let's GOOOOO ... (audible record skip}
oh I see a man at the back as a matter of fact
his eyes are as red as the sun
and the girl in the corner that no one ignored
she thinks she's the passionate one
oh yea it was like lightning/everybody was frightening
'cause the music was soothing/and they all started grooving
yea yea yea yea yea
and the man at the back said "everyone attack"
and they turned into a ballroom blitz
and the girl in the corner said "boy I wanna' warn you"
it'll turn into a ballroom blitz/ballroom blitz
--"Ballroom Blitz," Sweet
{Slow pans of the four wrestlers in the next match: Tank Bradley,
Toshiaki Hasegawa, Blunt Dakota, and Zap London ... then Hasegawa
with the Booty Call ... Bradley with a trapezius pinch on Dakota ...
Hasegawa trapped in a Dakota STF ... Zap landing on his feet after
a missed flying roundhouse kick to nail Bradley with an
enziguiri ... Robbie Stevens blasting Dakota with a chain ...
Hasegawa collapsing mid-handspring ... and finally a near-out-of-it
"Smilin' Joey" latching on the Fashion Victim on Zap ...}
[Music]
In this proud land we grew up strong/We were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win/I never thought I could fail
No fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I've changed my face, I've changed my name
But no-one wants you when you lose
Don't give up/'cos you have friends
Don't give up/You're not beaten yet
Don't give up/I know you can make it good
--"Don't Give Up", Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush
{Brenda Storm and Angela Dante hitting the ring against Dream
Succubus ... Brenda with a Thesz Press on Devil Marumaya ... Devil
catching Brenda mid-air for a press slam ... Dante with a drop kick
on Demoness Kimura ... and a somersault legdrop ... and Brenda with
the Thunderstorm for the win ...}
[Music]
Fire! I'll take you to burn
Fire! I'm gonna take you to learn
I'll see you burn
You fought hard and you saved and earned
Now all of it's going to burn
In your mind, your tiny mind
You know you've been completely blind
Don't you dream of what you left so far behind?
--"Fire," Pete Townshend
{The Fallen Angel taking a knee shot from Sara Victory following
a flying elbow drop attempt ... the Angel with a clothesline ...
and a top-rope splash ... another flying drop kick -- and a shot
to the face with nunchucks from Victory ... the pin-count ... and
Victory holding the title belt ...}
[Music]
I have fallen from grace, and my ashes are scattered
No longer a passion and flesh
My flame is alive, though my wings have been shattered
They laid my body to rest.
My spirit is breathing, my senses are pure
Like reincarnation my soul will endure
Oh oh oh oh oh oh/Back on earth/Back on earth/Back on earth
The spirit it never lets go
--"Back on Earth," Ozzy Osbourne
{Jerry Straite coming to ringside with the maple-leaf flag of
Canada and the Quebec-province flag ... and locking up with
Crystal Crow ... Crow with an Asian spike ... Straite with a side
suplex ... Straite knocking Crow to the outside ... a big brawl
with Crow, Straite, Jade Tiger, Nick Vorpal, and Looking For A
Fight (wearing touks) ... Straite with a powerslam ... and the
Straite Down, as the ref awards Jerry the belt ...}
[Music]
He's got a problem with his poisons
But you know he'll find a cure
He's cleaning up his systems/To keep his nature pure
Learning to match the beat of the Old World man
Learning to catch the heat of the Third World man
He's got to make his own mistakes
And learn to mend the mess he makes
He's old enough to know what's right
But young enough not to choose it
He's noble enough to win the world
But weak enough to lose it --/He's a New World man...
--"New World Man," Rush
{Perfection heading to ring wearing amateur wrestling helmets,
arm braces, and elbow pads ... special referee Billy Gerber ... a
martial arts flurry by Kim "Tiger" Lee on Mike Kirwan ... "Asylum"
John Smith with a leg lariat on Jilliam Bole ... Smith tossing Kim
Lee in the way of a Jilliam flying karate kick ... Asylum with a
rana on Lee ... and jumping off the ringside steps to fly at Lee
with a chair ... Kirwan with a tilt-a-whirl shoulderbreaker ...
Jilliam with a bulldog on Kirwan ... and Asylum with a shooting
star fist drop for the pin ...}
[Music]
By the time you hear the siren/It's already too late
One goes to the morgue and the other to jail
One guy's wasted and the other's a waste
It goes down the same as a thousand before
No one's getting smarter/No one's learning the score
Your never ending spree of death a violence and hate
Is gonna tie your own rope
Hey man you talkin' back to me?/Take him out
You gotta keep 'em separated/
Hey man you disrespecting me?/Take him out
You gotta keep 'em separated
--"Come Out And Play," the Offspring
{"Danny Boy" McGill with a DDT on D.A. Bookthrower ... Bookthrower
with a chokeslam ... a powerbomb ... and the Instrument of
Justice ... with the ring personnel piling into the ring to try
and get D.A. to break the hold ...}
[Music]
Respect the badge - he earned it with his blood.
Fear the gun - your sentence may be death because ...
I AM THE LAW!
And you won't around no more - I AM THE LAW!
I judge the rich, I judge the poor - I AM THE LAW!
Commit a crime I'll lock the door - I AM THE LAW!
Because in Mega-City ... I AM THE LAW!
--"I Am the Law," Anthrax
{An ultra slow-mo shot of Ken Mischief whipping "War Machine"
Greg Gardner into the ropes, and catching the giant into the
"Big Trouble" ... then slinging the World Heavyweight
championship over his shoulder ...}
[Music]
You're one in a million/Yeah, that's what you are
You're one in a million, babe/You're a shooting star
Maybe someday we'll see you/Before you make us cry
You know we tried to reach you/But you were much too high
Much too high, much too high,/Much too high, yes, ow!
--"One in a Million", Guns 'n' Roses
=================================================================
{The view fades into a CGI image of a gun barrel interior (a
la Bond movies), the POV rapidly backing out along it's length
to bring the gun itself into view. As Golden Earring's
"Twilight Zone" cues up. The gun turns to the left in profile.}
[Music]
It's 2am (it's 2 am)/Fear is gone (fear is gone)
I'm somewhere where/The Gun's still warm
Thinking my connection/Is tired of taking chances
{The chamber of the animated revolver opens, as a sequence of
video images of wrestling action move up the right side of the
screen, encased in a "film loop". Every other image is "sucked"
into one of the revolver chambers as it passes the center.}
Yeah, there's a storm on the loose/Sun reigns on my head
Wrapped up inside themselves/Circuits are dead
Cannot decode/My whole life spins into a frenzy
Now I'm steppin' into the Twilight Zone
This is a madhouse/Feels like being home
My feet they can't move/Under moon and star
Where am I to go Now that I've gone too far
{The chamber of the gun closes and spins, as the gun rotates
around the long way to eventually face the viewer.}
You will come to know/when the bullet hits the bone ...
You will come to know
... when the bullet hits the bone ...
{A loud drumbeat corresponds with the firing of the gun; as the
bullet rapidly "strikes" the screen, it causes a bright flash
and the logo:
=================================================================
_ __________=___ A W I ___=__________ _
\\@([____]_____() | | |\ | [~ ()_____[____])@//
_/\|-[____] |_ | | \| [_ [____]-|/\_
/ /(( ) OF ( ))/ \
/____|'----' [~ | |} [~ '----'|____\
\____/ [ | |\ [_ \____/
=================================================================
: Marine Midland Arena, Buffalo, NY
{... and the camera zooms in over the packed crowd cheering
wildly at the prospect of being on TV ... the camera eventually
makes its way to ringside, where a wild group of fans mug for the
camera behind the announcer's table and its occupants: a
clean-cut Hispanic man in his late twenties, a smug-looking hunk
with wavy dark blond hair, and the back of a head, with long
black hair ... the screen captions beneath them:}
: Justin Escobar Chad Swayze Mike Marone
[Escobar]
And WELCOME, ladies and gentlemen, to the first action-packed
edition of AWI: Line of Fire, the new era in Allied Wrestling
International! Tonight we've--
[Marone]
IS THIS EXCITING OR WHAT?! THIS IS THE BEST!! YOWW!!!
[Escobar]
Uh, Mike, you're, well, you're facing the wrong way--
[Marone]
Whaddya mean? The fans are out THERE! MY PEOPLE!!! AROOOOOH!!
[Escobar]
The, uh, camera's /this/ way, Mike ... my ... zealous colleague
is our color commentator, former WWA veteran "Madman" Mike
Marone, and directly to the right of me ...
[Swayze]
... is all the star power this tiny little booth needs for
illumination, bay-bee ... "Roadhouse" Chad Swayze's back from a
hiiiiighly successful tour of the Third World, and instead of
humiliatin' the less-talented in the ring, I've decided to take a
sabbatical, the better to bestow the true teachings of the Team
Stevens Path to Prosperity upon thee ... pretty cool, huh?
[Escobar]
It probably is, except I have no idea what you're talking about
... but the less said about that, the better, because the sooner
we can get to the action on tonight's standing-room only schedule
of wrestling competition ... as you saw in our opening, we have a
NEW North American heavyweight champion in Jerry Straite, and
he'll be taking on a man who takes risks as fast as he makes
enemies: "Mr. Excitement," Doug Abercrombie!
[Marone]
{still facing the wrong way} Man, I can't believe Straite's still
wrestling at the top of his game these days ... I remember taking
him on when he was practically a rookie ...
[Swayze]
Showed the cocky S.O.B. a thing or two, eh?
[Marone]
No, he beat the stuffin' out of me. Man, he's tough.
[Escobar]
And speaking of tough, we've also got the self-proclaimed Walking
Weapon of Mass Destruction, "Tank" Bradley, set to face the AWI's
own brand of justice -- the man in fact named Justice! Also, the
exciting new duo of Joe Walker and Steve the Insane will face off
against ... {Escobar trails off as "Puttin on the Ritz" by Taco
comes over the PA ...} ... will face off against ... what's going
on?
[Swayze]
Whoa, dude -- Cuckoo's Nest flyboys, eight'o'clock ...
>>AISLE ENTRANCE<<
{The momentary confusion on the fans' part transforms into a
rather hefty crowd pop as Steve the Insane, Joe Walker, and
Angela Dante, of all people, make their way down the aisle.
Angela is wearing a sparkling full-length white dress; Steve and
Joe are dressed in tuxedos (though instead of a bow tie, Steve is
wearing a Jimmy Buffett tie with a large parrot on the front).
Joe is wheeling down a small round cloth-covered table, with a
fine china dining set, several silver-domed platters, and a
champagne bucket. The trio takes the table just left of the
announcer's table, and take seats around it, Joe acting
momentarily as "waiter" by popping the champagne cork and pouring
the glasses.}
[Marone]: Hey, COOL ... nobody told me there was gonna be
refreshments!
[Swayze]: Man, if Steve-a-rooni goes any more loco, he'll
jump the tracks all the way back to sane, and then what's
he gonna do? Like, who's afraid of Steve the Well-Adjusted?
[Escobar]: I'm ... not sure what it is we're witnessing
here, but I /am/ sure that we'll get to the bottom of it as
soon as possible ... in the meantime, we've got some
interesting footage from International Incident participants
who spent their time off in unusual -- some might say
disturbing -- ways.
[Marone]: Disturbing? If you're talking about what's on this
here monitor, it's a felony in 4 states ...
=================================================================
{As the video starts, we see a black screen, with a red rip in
it. The letters "NLS" appear in the rip, before it fades to what
looks like an old abandoned warehouse with a wrestling ring set
up. The self-proclaimed "Master Of The Northern Lights Suplex",
Maurice Jackson is standing in the ring, looking down at an
unknown wrestler, who is crawling out of the ring. Maurice
suddenly turns his attention to an off-screen person, and we pan
slightly to see that four other guys are standing around.}
[Maurice]
Get your into the ing ring, already.
{One of the four guys reluctantly enters the ring. Once he's in,
Maurice charges him with a double leg pickup, before unloading on
him with several hard shots to the face. Maurice drags him up,
loads him up in a tombstone piledriver and drops down. He then
picks him up by the hair before taking him up and over with a
released Northern Lights Suplex. Maurice then stands over his
opponent, counting the pinfall himself, before kicking the
opponent in the ribs to get him out of the ring. He then turns to
his right and signals the next person in. This one is equally
brief, ending with a super shoulder-breaker and a double
chickenwing NLS. The third opponent enters the ring, tries to
surprise Maurice with a kick, only to be pulled in, Maurice
landing a shoulderblock to the gut while still holding on to
the leg. The opponent is then finished off with an NLS with an
added leg cradle. The final opponent is hesitant to enter, so
Maurice pulls him in himself, landing a heart punch and a
follow-up fireman's carry rib-breaker. Maurice then starts to
lock the opponent into some kind of move, before stopping and
looking at the camera.}
[Maurice]
Too soon. You'll see the Northern Lights Driver soon enough.
{The camera quickly pans up, holding that pose for a few seconds,
until a large boom is heard, and the camera shakes slightly. The
camera then pans back down to see Maurice looking down at the
opponent with a nasty smile. The opponent looks totally
unconscious, with the other three men quickly coming into the
ring to see if he's seriously hurt. The camera fades ...}
=================================================================
{... into a post-match locker room. Mike Kirwan is seated on a
bench in the foreground. Taking a drink from a bottle of water,
Kirwan empties the rest of the bottle over his newly shaven head.
Off to the side John Smith, still with blue and black hair, lies
on another bench.}
[Mike Kirwan]
AWI, this is something you're not used to seeing ... Intensive
Care having broken a sweat. See, over here in Japan we actually
have some competition. There actually are teams that /WANT/ to
fight us, teams that are on our level. Do we win every match? No,
we win more than we lose, but we don't win every time ... unlike
in the AWI. We have teams that, for lack of a better term, beat
the /HELL/ out of us ... unlike in the AWI. There are teams here
that we respect ... unlike in the AWI.
The only reason the AWI World Tag Team titles still mean anything
is because they're around the waists of the best team in
wrestling, period. It certainly doesn't have anything to do with
the rest of the teams in the league. So, my partner and I are
going to change that. We're going to run the gauntlet ... every
team in the AWI will get a match. Not for the titles, mind you
... beat us, THEN you get a title shot. Why are we doing this?
Simple ... to survive us, you're going to fight like you've never
fought before. Just by being in the ring with us, you're going to
become a better team, or you're going to get out of /MY/ sport.
{Smith rises and heads over to take a drink from the now-empty
water bottle. He then goes and stands behind Kirwan.}
[Kirwan]
So, AWI, I suggest you prepare ... for Intensive Care will soon
be back, and we are /NOT/ happy.
[Smith]
I'm proud of you Mike. I told you we had to start being nicer,
doing things for the fans, now you wanna help everyone. By the
way, what happened to my water?
=================================================================
WHEN THE AWI RETURNS: THE DEBUT OF SMITH DURBIN!!!
COMMERCIAL BREAK: Dry Mouth is seeking asylum in Switzerland,
because Citra's on its trail ... The Truman Show: On the air &
unaware, at a theatre near you ... diiiid somebody say--
McDonalds? Yeah, and it was probably Disney ...
=================================================================
{The camera fades in to a well appointed office, in the center of
which sits a desk of dark hardwood. Behind the desk are two
individuals, one seated at the desk examining a folder of what
look like legal forms, the other standing discreetly behind
looking over the shoulder of the first. The first appears to be
an older man, late forties perhaps, with snow white hair and a
concentrated frown on his lined face. He is wearing a dark grey
suit which does nothing to hide his broad shoulders. The second
is a much younger man with the smooth muscles of an amateur
wrestler. His hair is solid black, strangly flecked with gray
despite his youth, and his blue jeans and white t-shirt look out
of place in the office. The first man speaks with a rich,
resonating voice.}
[Older Man]
Here is the final contract, and our copies of all the proper
waivers. Everything seems in order for you to begin wrestling
within the week.
[Young Man]
Yes, sir.
[Older Man]
{shooting a glance at the second} I am no longer a memeber of the
military, Smith. You need not call me 'sir' unless you want to.
[Smith]
I understand, sir.
[First]
{slightly exasperated} Let me be more clear. Please do not call
me 'sir'. From this point on, we are on an equal footing, and it
does not do to have you referring to me in such an overly
respectful manner.
[Smith]
Yes, s-- Mr. Deacon.
[Deacon]
Now, Smith, that is still too much. Simply Deacon will do nicely.
Tell me, why are you so nervous? Are you worried about your
performance?
[Smith]
Oh, the wrestling I can handle, it's just ... just ... {He waves
his hands vaguely as he gropes for the right words.}
[Deacon]
It's just that this is a complete departure from the small town
life that you have grown accustomed to. Do not worry. That is my
problem now. You focus on your wrestling skills. Let me worry
about the rest. That is the role of a manager.
{The man called Deacon stands and a slightly pained expression
passes briefly across his face as he does so. Now vertical he is
an impressive figure. A bit more than six feet tall, he stands a
head taller than Smith. His well fitted suit emphasises a hard
build despite his age. He places a hand on Smith's shoulder for
emphasis as he speaks to the young man.}
[Deacon]
You have a great amount of potential, both as a wrestler and as a
human being. Your family and I are proud of you already, so you
need not fret about proving yourself. This is for you, to prove
to yourself that you can accomplish what you set out to do. {He
squeezes Smith's shoulder and locks Smith's gaze with his own.}
Look at what you have accomplished already. Just a few years ago,
you were an unknown in a small town in Texas. Now you are signed
with one of the most prestigious wrestling federations in
America. The rest should be almost easy in comparison.
{Smith manages a smile, which gains in confidence until it
becomes a grin of expectation. With that, the scene fades out.}
=================================================================
[Escobar]
That was a glimpse of the man we're about to see up-close right
now, as he steps in the ring against Digger Douglas: Smith
Durbin ...
>>IN RING<<
[Swayze]: C'mon, how far can he get in the AWI? He ain't
got the backbone what to stand up to his own manager,
amigos ... how's he gonna look a man like the Cannon from
Camden, Tank Bradley, in the eye and stay standing? I give
him three weeks, tops -- six if he whacks that Deacon
character upsides with a a good stiff board ...
[Marone]: That'd be me right about now -- good, stiff, and
bored ... they're just circlin' right now -- what's up
with that? SOMEBODY BEAT ON SOMEBODY ALREADY! Y'suppose
they have chicken over there?
{Durbin uses a single-leg takedown to put Digger Douglas on the
mat, and follows it with a front facelock to bring him back to
his feet. Digger breaks out with a kneelift, and then cuts him
with a back elbow shot, before whipping him into the ropes and
flooring him with a clothesline.}
[Escobar]: Durbin shows some technical expertise to start
the match, taking the leverage away from Douglas ...
chicken?
[Marone]: Our boys over there! Under the platters ... I
think I smell chicken ...
[Escobar]: Try and keep your mind on the match, Mike ...
and Douglas knees his way out, and pounds on the rookie ...
and now the cagey veteran taking charge early on!
[Marone]: It's definitely chicken .. marsala, maybe.
[Swayze]: "Cagey veteran?" That is to laugh, Justy ... why,
I've beaten Digger there all the way from Tupelo to San
Antone!
[Marone]: That's like, what -- three states?
[Swayze]: One busride, actually ... the dude had my seat.
[Marone]: Was there chicken on the bus?
[Swayze]: Will you quit thinkin' about your stomach?
{Douglas drops to the mat and puts Smith in a side headlock; both
men stand, and Durbin breaks out, then hauls up Digger in a
fireman's carry before dropping him headfirst on the mat.}
[Escobar]: Douglas trying to keep Durbin off his feet here,
but the youngster refusing to give in ... and what a
POWERFUL move to turn this match around!
[Swayze]: That's why they call him Digger, man -- it
doesn't take him long to dig a hole he can't get out of.
[Marone]: Maybe they're trying to call Durbin a chicken,
and that's why they got it out here?
[Swayze]: STOP with the chicken already!
[Escobar]: I, somehow doubt that, Mike ...
[Marone]: I'm hungry.
{Durbin picks up Digger and whips him into the ropes,
leapfrogging him on the return, then ducks a clothesline attempt
on the rebound; Digger likewise ducks a clothesline attempt from
Durbin on a second rebound, only to get snared into a DDT. Smith
picks him up and snaps off a belly-to-belly suplex.}
[Escobar]: And it's a-- no, Digger eludes, and comes back
with-- nothing but air, Smith staying out of harm's way ...
and he catches Digger on the rebound for a RAZOR-fine DDT!
Durbin has Douglas up again -- and look at the execution on
that suplex!
[Swayze]: It's easy to look good facin' a tacklin' dummy
like Douglas ... I'm tellin' you, we're watching NOTHING in
the makin' here ... this dude's destined to be dazzled by
the Dougs, tortured by the Tanks, and considered a klutz by
King Ken ... I can't believe we're wastin' airtime that /I/
could use to talk.
[Marone]: Right! -- Except, you're talkin' NOW.
[Swayze]: I meant talking about me and my buds. Not One Tin
Soldier here.
{Both men stand up, and Durbin whips Douglas into the ropes;
Douglas bounces off, leapfrogs Durbin, and comes off the other
side with a clothesline, but Durbin ducks it. Douglas rebounds
from the opposite side, and Durbin scoops him up for a powerslam,
hooking the leg for the count ...}
[Escobar]: Douglas tries for a clothesline, Durbin gets the
drop on him ... SCOOP POWERSLAM of SERIOUS intent! He makes
the cover ... 1 ... 2 ... and Smith Durbin has his first
AWI victory!
>>BOOTH<<
[Swayze]
And probably his last ... that kid done looked so shell-shocked,
the backbeat of his entrance music was the sound of his knees
a'knockin' together.
[Marone]
I dunno, man ... I think I really like him -- he's got a great
future ... he's a little green, but he's got his technique down,
and he won't back down from some tusslin', which is the kind of
stand-up tough y'expect from people 'n' Texas ... yeah, he
reminds me a lot of that John Robertson guy -- remember how he
was kinda green 'n' stuff when he got here, 'n' all the stuff he
accomplished? So Smith here'll probably win some gold in the AWI
-- heck, he could even go all the way to the top ... and then he
could turn his back on everybody, and spit on the fans, and start
hidin' behind monsters and freaks to protect his belt, and
bad-mouth everyone and their sister, and get an ego the size of
his home-state ... for PETE'S SAKE, DURBIN, HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH
YOURSELF LIKE THAT!? JEEZ, WHAT A SLIME! YOU BETTER NOT LET ME
CATCH YOU IN A DARK ALLEY SOME TIME, YOU MOUTHY LITTLE PUNK!
YOU--
[Escobar]
MIKE! Mike -- he hasn't done ANY of that ...
[Marone]
Huh? Oh, yeah, right -- sorry ...
[Escobar]
Whyyy don't you go find out just what Angela, Joe, and Steve are
up to down here, Mike?
[Swayze]
Yeah, good idea, Justin -- maybe they'll get him drunk and save
us the trouble of listening to him the rest of the card.
[Escobar]
No need for that, Chad.
[Marone]
Sure thing ... maybe I can score some food.
{The camera follows Mike as he heads over to the table}
[Marone]
YO, JOE! Man, I'll bet you get that a lot ... I had a coupla Joes
when I was a kid, but they got half-melted when the Viet Cong
held a commando raid on the front lawn-- oh, wait, that wasn't
why I came over here ... why did I come over here ... OH YEAH!
What's with the chicken and the monkey suits?
[Joe]
Hmm? Oh, you mean this ost-ten-tatious display? Well, Steve and I
got to talking about this match we've got signed with Perfection
tonight. See, this sport is all about competition -- showing how
you're better than the other guy, right? Well, to be honest, I
think everyone *knows* when it comes to a knockdown, dragout,
kick-your-teeth-in-and-call-for-your-mama fight, Steve and I have
just a TINY edge over Kim and Jill. {He pauses, turns to Steve}
Are you SURE those names are right? We didn't get *Angela's* next
opponents by mistake, did we?
[Angela]
{shrugs} I don't know... we got tired of waiting for someone to
sign for a match.
[Joe]
Whatever. Anyhow -- the point is, we figured to be sportsmanlike
we ought to be competing against Perfection's strong points. Show
off a little class, a little sav-wa-flair. You know, get snooty.
[Steve]
{to Angela} See, you say we don't go out enough. You can't beat
this though ... we've got great food, great company, and the best
seats in the house for the best wrestling out there. Only thing
we're missing is a serenade by Barry Manilow.
{Angela's expression is frustration mixed with amusement}
[Mike]
Speaking of great food ... can I have some chicken?
[Joe]
Sure. Help yourself.
[Mike]
{digging in} Thanks ... so you wanted to do snooty, Steve?
[Steve]
{to Mike} Well, sort of. See, I can be as snooty as the next guy
... remember, I used to team with Lord Imperious. Snooty isn't
much fun though. So, we've added a little of our own touches.
Perfection, you're better technicians than us. We're better
brawlers. You two think you're the class of the tag teams in the
AWI ... well, we've got class too. Heck, I'd even go as far to
say we're the best dressed tag team in the AWI. I mean, we look
/GOOD/!
[Joe]
We look /FINE/!
[Steve and Joe]
And we've nearly lost our minds! {singing} Doo-wah, diddy ...
[Angela]
{sighs} I knew ... *knew* ... I shouldn't have lent you that
tape ...
[Marone]
{shouting to the other table} DID YOU GET THAT, GUYS?
[Escobar]: Uh, yes, Mike ... I think it's time for some
more promotional announcements.
=================================================================
WHEN WE RETURN: Robbie Stevens! Ed Carr! Can you stand it?!?
COMMERCIAL BREAK: Always the real thing, ALWAYS Coca-Cola ...
Big Movie -- SMALL SOLDIERS ... Saturn: #1 non-luxury car in
customer satisfaction, according to J.D. Powers & Associates ...
=================================================================
>>SNIPER'S NEST<<
[Chad]
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guests at this time, the
AWI TV Champion Robbie Stevens ...
{The crowd gives the champ his weight in boos, which, since sound
waves are basically massless, is a heckuva lotta boos ...}
And one-half of the AWI North American Tag Team Champions, Scott
"Tank" Bradley ...
{The boos don't die down much, as Stevens parts the curtain
carrying both tag belts over his shoulders and wearing the TV
title belt. He's followed by Bradley.}
[Chad]
Well, Robbie, since you're never exactly at a loss for words,
your comments on what happened at International Incident?
[Robbie]
First of all Chad-du, HOW DO YOU LIKE MY *NEW* BELTS! {He holds
up the tag belts and runs around the platform to draw even more
contempt from the fans.} You know, maybe they should start
calling me the King Midas of AWI because everything I touch turns
to gold! My team, Agony & Ecstacy, Smilin' Joey and the Tank,
they went out there with the odds against them. They had to
wrestle more matches than anyone else in that tournament, and did
that stop them? No! They went out there and over came the odds
and they brought the belts home to me!
[Tank]
Chaos Brothers, I'll give you credit. You can real close to
owning those belts. You almost broke my partner's legs. But
*ALMOST* doesn't cut it in that ring. We showed every team in
that tournament what we were made of. We don't care who you are,
if you try to take what rightfully belongs to us, we're gonna beat
the hell out of you!
[Chad]
Any comments towards your opponent tonight?
[Tank]
Justice, I've faced you before and I've fused your neck once. Now
you've gone out and beat whatever your mental problem was, but
guess what, you still got a problem because you're facing the
walking weapon of destruction, Tank Bradley! I don't care if
you're crazy or sane, you step in the ring with me and you're a
beating victim waiting for his turn. And your number's up, pal!
[Chad]
Well, that should be an interesting match up tonight...
[Robbie]
{cutting off Chad} Chad, before we go, there's one last point I'd
like to address. And that point is you, Ed Carr! As everyone saw
at International Incident, I was physically assaulted by that
loser! And did those stupid Queerbecers do anything? Did those
Dudley Do-Rights arrest him? NO! They cheered a public assault on
yours truly! You're lucky I don't get ol' Slick Willy on the
phone and have him bomb those Froggies back to the stone age ...
which in reality would only push them back a few weeks.
[Escobar]: Oh, Lord ...
Ed Carr, I'm everything you wish you could be! I'm young! I'm
smart! I'm a ladies man! I'm successful! And I'm tall! Ed, you're
nothing but a old, stupid, ugly, never-was midget! The only
reason anyone in this business knows who you are is because I
felt sorry for you and gave you some free plugs for your school.
Well, you no-good leech, the free rides on the gravy train are
over! I'm not going to let you bleed any more kids with hopes and
dreams of growing up like me out of their hard-earned cash! If
you want to be a wrestler, go to the AWI Launch Pad, don't waste
your money on that know-nothing, Ed Carr! And Ed, I know you're
plotting a way to steal my belt, but guess what, you evil little
lawn gnome? To kick my butt, you'd need a step ladder. And the
only way to get a title shot is to prove yourself in that ring
against someone. And since my pal Roadhouse is on assignment,
I've got the next best thing ... if you want to prove yourself to
me, you'll have to beat Corey! I practically had to teach him
from scratch how to wrestle after he went to your school, but I'm
sure he can beat the tar out of you.
[Escobar]
On assignment? You're right here!
[Swayze]
That's right ... I've been assigned to make sure the anti-
Stevens bias gets balanced in the booth ...
[Escobar]
WHAT?! That's crazy!
[Swayze]
See? Man, do I have my work cut OUT for me ...
[RS]
So it's up to you Ed, if you've got the guts, step in the ring
with Corey. The ball's in your court.
{The pair step down from the platform, heading back to the locker
area.}
>>BOOTH<<
{Marone rejoins the crew, carrying a plate.}
[Escobar]
Ask, and ye shall receive ... the ball IS in Ed Carr's court --
he's wrestling next.
[Marone]
It's true -- I asked for this chicken, and I got some ... it's
pretty good, too.
[Swayze]
Man, I am SO not hungry now, watching you eat that.
[Marone]
That's a relief -- I only got enough for me.
>>AISLE ENTRANCE<<
{"I'm No Angel" by Gregg Allman keys up on the speakers, as the
camera cuts to show Ed making his way into the ring. As soon as
the bell rings, Carr opens with a leg takedown, moving into a
hammerlock.}
[Escobar]: And Carr wasting NO time getting this match
started against Kurt Bollea ...
[Swayze]: No time? Justy, the whole MATCH is a waste of
time ... didn't you hear the Man with the Plan? Ed Carr is
a man living on borrowed time from a mortgaged clock.
{Ed breaks the hold, and delivers a stiff forearm to Kurt,
following that up with a hamstring pull ... Bollea manages to
kick his way to freedom, however, and scoop Carr up on the attack
for a bodyslam.}
[Escobar]: And Carr's opening offensive is stopped flat by
a BIG bodyslam by Kurt ... Kurt moving in for another-- no,
stopped by an Ed Carr forearm to the chin ...
{Ed regains control with a further series of forearms, until
Kurt decides to just jab the eyes, then bodyslam his dazed
foe ... he whipped Ed into the ropes, but Carr managed a drop
toehold to take control again.}
[Escobar]: Again, I must stress how uncalled for tactics
like that are ...
[Swayze]: When you're a no-talent bum like Kurt, not only
are those tactics called for, it's an 800 number.
{Ed drove a knee into Bollea's back a couple of times, and
followed it up with a kneebeaker, but fell victim to a
hairpull-matslam picking Bollea up. Carr seemed to blow up,
and drove a knee into Bollea's nether regions, then proceeded
to pummel him senseless.}
[Escobar]: Carr seems FURIOUS at Bollea's tactics, and
he's just going to town over the bigger man now ...
[Swayze]: Bigger man ... haha ... that's funny, Esco!
[Escobar]: I was merely making a factual observation,
Chad ... Kurt is 6' 4", after --
[Swayze]: Heeeyyy, don't make excuses, man! The man
deserves it! Just this morning, I saw some clowns and
animal trainers running around the arena -- I figured
they were looking to take Ed back to the circus!
{He then goes for a piledriver -- Bollea counters with a
backdrop; Ed counters this with sunset flip/small package
kinda thing, which Bollea rolls out of. Ed applies leglace,
goes for crossface ... Bollea fights it off a couple times;
Ed then locks on double chickenwing w/ the leglace still
intact ...}
[Escobar]: That's not even half as amusing as you
think it is ...
[Marone]: THIS is, though -- wait 'til you hear the
neat sound Bollea's head makes when that piledriver
whacks him into the mat!
[Escobar]: It does look like things are over for --
no, Bollea managing to get his feet back on the
mat, and he backdrops Carr -- but Ed pulls him over
into a pinning predicament! The count ... 1 -- 2 --
and Kurt out ... but Ed's got the stepover toehold
on him ... he's trying for an STF, but Bollea
resists -- Ed with a double hammerlock instead!
Bollea's gift-wrapped with no address, and he signals
to the referee to end the match!
[Swayze]: And THAT's the difference a genius like
the Main Man of Managing can make in your corner ...
I'll bet Robbie could see at least a DOZEN ways out
of that hold!
[Marone]: Yeah, but most of them involve powder or
a chain.
[Escobar]: And an impressive win for the Wrestling Expert
... *our* Chad, Chad Duncan, has hustled over to get some
comments from Ed, so let's go to them now ...
>>RINGSIDE<<
[Chad Duncan]
An impressive showing in your *official* debut here, Ed, though
your appearance at International Incident had a little more of
an impact ...
[Ed Carr]
{interrupting} Yeah ... $10 worth. {He chuckles, joined by an
audible crowd element} In all seriousness, it's good to get in
the ring again. The arm's doing well, but it's time to put it to
the test. Now, I've always liked a challenge, and I'm certainly
gonna find some here in the AWI. You've got the big strong guys
like Greg Gardner, Ken Mischief, and Jack Robertson. You've got
boy scouts like Justice. You've got total nuts like Weasle and
Steve the Insane ... {turns to Steve} no offense, Steve.
[Escobar]: Quick recovery ...
[Ed Carr]
You've got the technicians like Danny McGill and Mike Kirwan.
You've got the high flyers like John Smith and Angela Dante.
You've got your brawlers like Steve and Joe here. You've got guys
that won't shut up like Kerry Masters and Jerry Straite. You've
got your smug, self centered types like Maurice Jackson, Doug
Abercrombie, and, well, Kerry. You've got total scumballs, guys
that you just wanna beat the crap outta, guys like Nick Vorpal and
my pal Robbie.
Now where do I fit in with all this? Well, I'm no powerhouse, and
I'm certainly no boy scout *smirks*. I'm not exactly known for my
aerial ability either. I can brawl though. and I can wrestle. I
admit, I can be a little cocky myself, and as this is proving
I've been known to talk. As for my place in AWI - simple: making
Robbie Stevens' life miserable.
Stevens, I'm not gonna run down the Launch Pad. It's a good
school, and they've put out some good kids ... you're not one of
'em. You're not the highlight of my career, you putz, you're the
black spot on my career. Now, I'm not a crippler ... yet. So, I
guess you and I will play for a bit. You wanna hide behind Corey?
Hey, fine by me ... consider the match signed. I may even have a
little surprise for you. One day, though, Stevens ... one day
you're gonna run out of folks to hide behind. Playtime will be
over then Robbie ... I hope for your sake you're ready.
=================================================================
WHEN THE AWI RETURNS: Can Justice Be Delivered to Tank Bradley??
COMMERCIAL BREAK: For just pennies a week, you too can indulge
morbid thoughts about your own death and how it would
financially benefit others ... Hey, Beer Man, get me a Coors
Light ... Kevin Spacey is: the Negotiator ...
=================================================================
{Open up in the ring, with announcer Rod Allen waiting.}
[Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen, your next bout for the night is a contest
set for one fall, with a time limit of ten minutes. Entering the
ring first, from the badlands of Grand Forks, North Dakota ...
weighing in at 250 pounds ... this ... is ... JUUUSTIIICE!!!
{The crowd pops heavily as "It's a Mad, Mad World" by Tom
Cochrane plays on the PA, and Justice makes his way to ringside.}
[Allen]
And his opponent ... accompanied by his manager, the AWI
Television champion, Robbie Stevens {boos ensue} ... weighing in
at three-hundred and sixty-four pounds, he is one half of the
North American Tag Team champions {more boos} ... from Camden,
New Jersey, here is ... Scott "TANK" BRADLEY!!!
{The crowd erupts into disapproval as "Peace Sells" by Megadeth
plays; Tank and Robbie seem to care little, if at all, as they
march down to the ring, Robbie showing off the gold again.}
[Allen]
Your referee for this bout is Curtis Keyes.
{The two start in a collar-elbow tieup; Justice gets control, and
throws Bradley with a hiptoss. Bradley gets up, Justice tries a
second toss, but Tank blocks and clotheslines him. Tank picks up
Justice, who pushes him off, and bounces off the near ropes with
a clothesline of his own, but Tank stays on his feet. Justice
rushes to the far ropes, and hits a second clothesline, but Tank
still stands. Justice locks Bradley into an abdominal stretch.}
[Swayze]: Leeeeett ... the beeeatttings .... commmeeeeeence!
[Escobar]: Chad, please ... we are indeed locking up for
the first time here ... and Justice surprises Tank with a
hiptoss! OOOOoo, what power from the big man -- but Justice
not going down, and he gives back what he gets ... Bradley
staggered but not down ... ANOTHER line fails the job ...
and yet -- NO, Justice with an abdominal stretch! How did
he sneak THAT one on Bradley?
[Marone]: Top secret martial arts techniques, taught only
to the rarest of pupils, handed down from generation to
generation in a remote forest location a secret even from
its inhabitants ... that, or Tank was asleep at the wheel.
[Swayze]: Coupla lucky shots don't the difference make, my
friends ... Tank's gonna lay out the AWI's boy scout faster
than Justice can fail his merit badge test in common sense.
{Bradley reaches the ropes, and the referee calls a break. Tank
forearms Justice in the face, then grabs his head and runs his
eyes along the ropes; he then scoops up Justice for a bodyslam,
before locking on a half-nelson.}
[Escobar]: These tactics are simply uncalled for by Bradley
... he's too good a wrestler to rely on sheer sadism like
that.
[Swayze]: Maybe they ARE uncalled for from Tank -- after
all, ROBBIE does the callin' 'round here ....
[Marone]: 'N' right now he's callin' for Stevie to leave
him alone.
{Camera pans over to Robbie arguing with StI, who's yelling "down
in front". It then cuts back to the ring, where Justice stands
up, and kicks his way out of the nelson, then whips Tank to the
ropes, rushing to the opposite side. The pair duck-and-cross
in the center, and rebound. Justice attempts a sunset flip,
nearly pulling down Tank, but Tank breaks it with a punch, then
drops a knee on Justice.}
[Escobar]: Justice leaps over Tank -- and into a sunset
flip! Tank is flailing, trying to keep his leverage ...
he's going ... he's going ... NO! Bradley drops a fist on
Justice's head to break the impending pinfall ... and then
adds insult to injury with a knee drop!
[Swayze]: Justin, m'man, THAT was adding INJURY to injury.
{He drags Justice to his feet, and whips him into the corner; he
rushes in with a clothesline, but Justice ducks to the side and
he hits the turnbuckle.}
[Escobar]: Tank Bradley seems overeager to get the quick
win, and it costs him!
[Swayze]: Those jokers at ringside are flashin' signals
to justice! How can you expect Bradley to get a fair
match here?
{Justice puts on a side headlock; Tank breaks it by scooping him up
as for an atomic drop, then slamming him crotchfirst on the
turnbuckle.}
[Escobar]: OH, my! That's a BRUTAL power maneuver from the
big man!
[Swayze]: Justy, if I've said it a million times, I
haven't said it enough: my man Tank is the Walking Weapon
of Maaaaaass Destruction -- ALL his moves are brutal ...
I've seen people tap out when he calls them collect!
{Tank climbs the ropes and forearms Justice in the back of the
neck.}
[Escobar]: Tank going up to the top now -- could we be
seeing the Nail in the Coffin?
[Swayze]: YEeeeeeaahh, bay-bee! Time for some carpentry!
{He sets up an inverted facelock.}
[Escobar]: Wait, Tank changing his mind -- he's setting --
no, this is brutal -- he's setting up Justice for what
looks like an inverted super DDT!
[Marone]: In my professional opinion: that's gonna leave
a mark.
[Escobar]: But Justice pushes off the top turnbuckle with
his feet -- and both men go crashing to the mat, with
Justice on top! Keyes with the count -- no, Bradley out
already ... Justice barely saving himself from the
high-impact maneuver that could have ended it all ...
[Swayze]: I just SAID, Justy -- ANY maneuver from Bradley
is high-impact -- and they ALL can end *careers* ...
Justice is just prolonging the inevitable, and making the
Camden Cannon MAD ...
[Marone]: He's also not being pinned. That was always
important in a match back when I wrestled.
[Swayze]: Did your mama have you play in traffic as a kid?
{He puts Tank into a hammerlock. Justice brings Tank to his feet,
and throws him into the ropes, downing him with a drop toehold.
Tank breaks, and both men stand; Tank nails Justice with a back
spin fist, then locks on a full nelson one arm at a time.}
[Escobar]: Tank shifting to a more technical approach here.
[Swayze]: Speakin' of endin' careers, Justice gets a taste
of the Kryptonite clutch ... let's hope for the kiddies that
Justice's neck holds out just a bit longer than Popsicle
Piersall's did ...
{Justice reaches the ropes, and leverages out of the hold; Tank
chokeslams him. Bradley drags Justice to his feet, then whips
him into the corner; he rushes in with a shoulder lunge, and
again Justice gets out of the way.}
[Escobar]: Tank Bradley hits the buckle *again*, and
Justice is quick to capitalize!
[Marone]: This is good -- if any move from Tank can end
a career, maybe Justice can get Tank to end his own career.
[Swayze]: Tank was DISTRACTED, I'm tellin' ya -- I mean,
look at the boss-man bein' manhandled over there!
{The camera pans over to our dinner party, where Steve has
apparently tired of yelling "down in front" ... he's picked up a
struggling Robbie and setting him down on the other side of the
ringside stairs.}
[Swayze]: That's an instant DQ right there! Ring the bell,
Curtis!
[Escobar]: He didn't even hit the man -- it hardly affected
the match at all!
[Marone]: Oh, I wouldn't say that -- now Joe and Angela
have a clear view of things. That's different than before.
{Justice drops the stunned Bradley with a Russian legsweep, and
attempts a Boston crab, but gets kicked off.}
[Escobar]: And here comes the SUMMON-- no, Bradley keeps
him away just long enough!
[Marone]: Why does he have to Summon Bradley? Tank's THERE
already.
[Escobar]: It's the -- just never mind.
{Tank returns to his feet, and Justice throws him into the
turnbuckle, then monkey flips him. As both men stand, Justice
scoops Bradley onto his shoulders for a fallaway slam.}
[Escobar]: HELL-O! Justice delivers a bit of power himself,
and Tank is hurting for it! And here comes the Summons--
but Robbie's on the apron! Justice sees him, and apparently
does not like it -- he clotheslines Robbie off the apron!
Tank's back on his feet behind him-- TANK BRADLEY SICKLES
HIM OUT OF THE RING!!!
[Swayze]: That's what makes Robbie the genius he is,
Justin! He's tough enough to take that small hurt for his
men!
[Escobar]: Small hurt? I'd say he's almost as long gone as
Justice right now ...
{Tank leaves the ring, and sets up Justice for a piledriver, but
gets backdropped.}
[Escobar]: A desperate recovery there from Justice keeps
him in the game ...
[Marone]: This is a game? Wish somebody had told me that ...
It always felt like survival ...
{Justice shoves Tank back into the ring, and slides in himself; he
tries to bodyslam Tank, but Tank shrugs him off and bodyslams
Justice. He whips Justice into the corner, and repeats the atomic
crotch-drop; he climbs the ropes and hits the super tombstone
piledriver.}
[Escobar]: No more second chances for Justice ... Tank
hammers in the NAIL IN THE COFFIN!!! There's the count ...
one ... two ... THREE!!! The crowd is struck with horror as
Tank Bradley gets the win!
[Swayze]: The Roadhouse smugly rests his case -- point,
match, and game!
[Marone]: If I was Justice, I think I'd have a little talk
with Robbie after the match ... preferably in a dark hall
with no witnesses.
[Rod Allen]
{entering the ring} Ladies and Gentlemen ... the winner of this
match ... TAAAAAAAAANK BRAAADLEEEY!!!
=================================================================
{The screen cuts to an image of a pair of crash-test dummies
fitted with tights in a mock-wrestling ring; they are driven
together by motorized pistons, colliding in the center of the
ring with a CGI explosion that fades to reveal the "GM" logo
in the background, with the words "General Motors CRASH TEST!"
superimposed over it ... it then splits apart, opening like doors
to show slow motion footage of .}
[Escobar]: And here we see tonight's General Motors Crash
Test, as Tank Bradley does his best to give Justice an
impression of the automobile accident experience ...
{The footage shows Tank scooping up Justice atomic-drop style
before planting him crotch-first on the top turnbuckle; it
"confetti-fades" to an image of Tank Bradley with the super
tombstone piledriver.}
[Escobar]: That's power! That's impact! That's the General
Motors CRASH TEST for this week ... and the kind folks at
General Motors would like to remind everyone that seatbelts
save lives, so buckle up!
=================================================================
{Cut back to the ring, where Rod Allen stands with mic in hand.}
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and Gentlemen... I give you at this time... "THE
AWESOME ONE" KERRY MASTERS!!!!!
{The Prince-high-pitched-wail signals the entrance of "The
Awesome One" through the curtains, as "Gett Off" by Prince
and the N.P.G. accompanies down the aisle. Once he gets to
ringside, he plays to the female fans, then clinbs into the ring,
does a "pointed arm flex (ala Hogan), as sprinklers go off
spelling "AWESOME" with a superimposed "1" over them. He takes
the microphone from Rod Allen, who leaves the ring.}
[TAOKM]
If you can direct your attention to the video wall...
{The Video Wall clicks on, showing a shot of Ken Mischief
giving "The War Machine" Greg Gardner the "Big Trouble"
Tilt-A-Wirl Backbreaker for the 1,2,3 and the World Title at
International Incident...}
[TAOKM]
One move. I hear a lot of rumors ... a lot of locker room stories
... I cruise the Internet ... heck, I even check the sheets every
once in a while. And everyone is saying the same thing. One move.
A helluva move ... in fact, can we see that again?
{Replay of the "Big Trouble"}
[TAOKM]
For some reason, I get some weird pleasure watching that over and
over again. I don't understand why. {Smiles}
One move shot you up to the World Title. One move some would
consider an ingenius, strategically placed move ... but not many.
One move some would say was executed with extreme precision ...
but not many. No, many ... perhaps most, agree on one thing: That
one move was a FLUKE.
Ken Mischief, you and I have a match in two weeks. Non-title, but
still, a BIG, BIG match. Because you know, and I know, that if I
beat you 1,2,3 -- I'm getting a World Title shot. And if I beat
you once, I WILL do it again. You would think the pressures on
The Man The People Paid To See ... but oh, no. Not this time.
This time, Ken, I'm the established star ... and you're the young
buck with something to prove: that you beating War Machine ...
that your one move ... can I see it again please?
{Replay of the Big Trouble}
[TAOKM]
Ah. That feels good to watch ... as I was saying, that your one
move, was not a FLUKE.
Now, I've gone on and on about what OTHER people are saying ...
and what I KNOW you're hearing ... but I haven't said what /I/
think. I think that there are only two men, in AWI HISTORY, that
have ever put Greg Gardner's shoulders to the mat for the 1,2,3
on national television. That would be you ... and myself. It's
an exclusive club, Ken ... don't think I don't remind Greg of my
membership in it every time I see him.
What all of the people that are talking behind your back don't
realize is that it's an exclusive club for a reason. The War
Machine is the bar. He's the test. The War Machine has become the
standard of excellence for the AWI, that only the chosen few
{coughs}like myself{coughs} has managed to defeat. And, even I
have to say that my win had more to do with outsmarting than
actually BEATING him. Fluke or not, Ken ... you beat /THE MAN/.
And I, more than anyone else, respect that.
The funny thing is, Ken ... that I have /NO/ pressure. I think
it's pretty established that, when I went after War Machine all
of those months in the AWI ... I wasn't after his North American
title ... I was after /HIM/. Titles are all nice and good ... but
they aren't a big thing to me. But you, Ken ... that title is
everything. That title proves you're top-tier. /YOU/ have to
prove that /YOU/ deserve the title ... by beating someone at the
top of the AWI. That would be the True Trend Setter And Fine
Woman Getter of the AWI ... Kerry Masters.
Ken, you may be the champion ... but I don't have to beat you
this match. /YOU/ have to beat /ME/.
You have two weeks, Troublemaker. Use them well. If you don't, I
guarantee that The Epitome Of What Everyone Wants To Be will fly
all over and around you, give you the wrestling lesson everyone
that steps in the ring with me gets, and more importantly, give
you the Awesome Ending you deserve, as the first step to me
becoming the World Champion.
=================================================================
WHEN THE AWI RETURNS: The 'Machine Declares WAR!
COMMERCIAL BREAK: Microsoft -- where do you want to go today? ...
AWI International Incident: only available on Alliance Home
Video ... Unlike Barney, you can have Cocoa Pebbles without a
chubby caveman trying to break your legs ... The AWI showcases
excitement -- at Pontiac, we build excitement!
=================================================================
{And back to the Arena ...}
>>BOOTH<<
[Escobar]
Welcome back fans ... we're about to see a man who came within
inches of the World Championship in the ring, in the person
of the "War Machine", Greg Gardner --
[Swayze]
I've got a poem about him. (ahem) Gardner thou klutz/I'm not
afraid of thee/a choker thou art/in matches times three.
[Escobar]
I'm speechless.
[Swayze]
Pretty good, huh? See, "thee" and "three" rhyme ...
[Marone]
Suppose Greg's going to like that poem when he comes out?
[Swayze]
Welllll, I mean, this was more of a private reading --
{'Control' By Traci Lords comes onto the PA system; the crowd
makes unrestful noises.}
[Escobar]: This-- this is Sarah Victory's music ... but she's
not--
>>AISLE ENTRANCE<<
{Sarah Victory steps out of the curtains wearing black jeans,
black Nike high-tops, and a blue denim shirt worn open over a
black sports bra and held in place by the AWI Women's World
Championship belt. She has on sunglasses, but her hair is no
longer jet black, rather her natural dark blonde color.}
[Escobar]: ... I'm afraid we're in for an unscheduled
appearance by the Women's World Champion ...
[Swayze]: Whooooa, bay-bee! When you look like THAT,
you can SKIP the scheduling!
{She walks confidently towards the ring but seems rather annoyed
about something ... or maybe everything. She gets in the ring,
ignoring the boos cascading down, and grabs the mic.}
[Sarah Victory]
{Listening to the boos for a second, then sarcastically} Gee,
you're too kind ...
[Escobar]: It would appear her self-imposed silence has
ended with the beginning of her title reign ...
[Swayze]: Some women just know how to accessorize --
And that gold belt's the best accessory of all ...
[Victory]
So the suits in the fancy offices screw up and get their TV deal
cancelled? Yeah, that figures. Can't trust them to tie their
shoes right, let alone run a company. Now, I don't know a whole
lot about the behind-the-scenes dealing that was supposed to be
going on, nor do I care. So long as the suits stay out of my
business, we'll get along famously.
[Marone]: Hey, /I/ care -- no new TV deal, no JOB for the
Mikeman!
[Victory]
Or not ... What is all this garbage about some 60-day probation
nonsense? I work my butt off to win this belt, and now you tell
me that I have 60 days to prove that the women's division should
still stick around? Why didn't they tell me that before I ran
Suzi-Q O'Malley, Fallen Angel and the Mississippi Mob out of
town? But fear not, because I know all you fans want the ladies
to stay around in the AWI. Fear not, for despite all the cowards
who fled like rats from a sinking ship, Sarah Victory is more
than capable of carrying the whole AWI ladies' division on her
own.
[Swayze]: She can carry MY division any time ...
[Escobar]: Grow up, will you?
[Victory]
Oh, one last thing. Firestorm, I haven't forgotten about you? If
you two ever find the courage, I'd love to get a partner and take
those belts away from you. I may not even need a partner. I can
probably take the both of you myself, but I'm sure Chamberlin and
his suits will have all kinds of conniptions about that. So,
Firestorm, I'm challenging you to a match, for those titles you
are wearing. Chamberlin, just find me a partner -- I don't care
who -- and I'll prove I'm the most dynamic force in women's
wrestling today.
{With that, "Control" comes back on and Sarah tosses the mic back
to the timekeeper and heads back to the dressing rooms.}
[Escobar]: Well, that was certainly some words to chew on
... I don't think women like Madeleine Freechilde or
Firestorm will take a challenge like that sitting down!
{Rod Allen takes the mic from the timekeeper and steps back
inside the ring.}
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen, the next bout is set for one fall, with a
time limit of ten minutes ... first, already in the ring, from
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania ... Frederick Holland! And his
opponent tonight, from the city of Olympia, Washington ... he
stands seven feet, one inch, and weighs in at three-hundred and
eighty-five pounds ...
{The crowd begins to pop wildly as the bass guitar chords of
"War Pigs" by Faith No More bellow through the arena.}
[Allen]
... he is the IRON MAN of the AWI ... THE WAAARRR MACHINE ...
GRRREEEEEG GAAAAAAAAARRRDNER!!!
{Gardner climbs up the ring steps and steps in over the top rope.
He shakes hands with Holland, then backs away; as the ring bell
sounds, he breaks out with a clothesline, then scoops him up in
a bodyslam as he staggers to his feet.}
[Escobar]: Greg Gardner beginning with a powerful start ...
we have some prerecorded comments here from the former
North American champion.
{The action on the screen is superimposed with an inset window,
through which can be seen the face of "War Machine" Greg
Gardner.}
[Gardner]
Time, people, that's what this is all about. Time spent
away from the ring, away from the action and the
competition. Time spent thinking about what's been done,
what could have been done, and what *will* be done.
{He drags Holland up, and whips him to the ropes, catching him
with a powerslam on the rebound.}
[Gardner]
I had this time before, some months ago -- on ice, watching
the grand game play out from outside the board. That time,
I let my ego get the best of me, jumped right in without a
second thought and threw myself in front of the karmic
freight train of this league. Was there ring rust? Yes,
there was ring rust. Were mistakes made? You know they
were. All it takes is a pair of sawbucks to nab the tape
from Alliance Home Video, and a pair of eyes to watch it:
Greg Gardner on the wrong side of a 1-2-3.
{He slaps on a side headlock to drag Holland to his feet; Holland
breaks out with a body-blow punch. Holland follows with an
uppercut, but Gardner catches his arm, and pulls him into a
shortarm kneelift; as Holland is doubled-over, Gardner picks him
up and drops him with a poppa-bomb.}
[Gardner]
Ken Mischief, the fact is, that night you were the better
man ... *that night*. You've got your championship now, and
a bagload of challengers to boot -- and for the moment,
that doesn't include me. Greg Gardner is restarting from
base principles tonight, the simple things that make it
work: hard work, fair play, and the support of the
thousands of fans out there who keep this promotion moving,
who keep *me* moving. This time, I do things right, one win
at a time, starting at the bottom. You walk that long golden
road now, Ken Mischief ... but be certain and be warned,
when you reach the end of it, you *will* find me waiting ...
{The video window closes, as Gardner lets him stagger back up,
then whips him into the corner; he pulls him out and brings him
down with a pyramid driver.}
[Escobar]: Gardner certainly showing off some of his
renewed spirit here tonight, as he subjects Frederick
Holland to one of the many powerbomb variants he's brought
back from his tours in Japan ...
[Swayze]: Can you believe that sour-grapes junk? "Oh, I
have to get back in touch with my fans, I don't want to
fight Mischief right now" ... We KNOW he doesn't want
to fight Mischief -- he's SCARED! Big man sleeps with a
night-light these days, to keep the Mischief Man away!
[Escobar]: Oh, please ...
{He pauses to play to the fans a bit as Holland slowly gets up,
before lifting him into an atomic drop position, spinning him
around to the other shoulder, and slamming him down powerbomb
style, holding for the pin.}
[Escobar]: Gardner with an atomic bomb to make the pin --
easy 1-2-3 for the big man!
[Marone]: Fighting Gardner's like riding the Edge at an
amusement park ... 'cept it hurts more ... a LOT more ...
actually, come to think of it, that part makes a lot of
difference, doesn't it?
[Escobar]
It, uh, certainly does, Mike ... and Gardner making the
rounds at ringside before heading to the lockers ... let
it not be said that the War Machine's fans aren't vocal ...
[Marone]
Yeah, they're practically draggin' him over the railing
to get high-fives ... actually, they ARE dragging him
over the rail ...
[Escobar]
What? Wait a minute -- that's NOT the fans --
{The camera cuts quickly to ringside opposite the announcers,
where the War Machine has indeed been pulled into the crowd,
by a large, somewhat disheveled-looking man in well-worn street
clothes ... as the other fans in the section back away, the
man pummels Gardner with a series of forearms and elbow drops,
forcing towards the back of the arena walkway, as the camera
follows, then locks an STF on the giant as the camera zooms
in, allowing a better look at the face ...}
[Escobar]
JACK FURY!! I don't believe this -- Jack Fury is here, but
what in the WORLD is he doing??
[Swayze]
He's giving Gardner a chiropractic treatment ... what's it
LOOK like he's doing, too-trustin' Justin? He's puttin'
the hurt on the Iron Man of the AWI, and turnin' him to
zinc oxide!
[Escobar]
This is disgraceful -- more than that, it makes no sense!
Jack Fury was one of the true superstars of the AWI --
what is he thinking!?
[Swayze]
I don't know, but I LIKE it!
[Marone]
The brain's a little fuzzy here, but didn't these two go
at it a couple times before? They WERE both former North
American champs -- maybe it's gold envy?
[Escobar]
Yes, but those were friendly confrontations -- and Joe
Walker and Steve the Insane have finally made it over the
railing, and Fury breaks off his attack -- and the look on
his face is downright scary, as he heads off into the
arena, Steve and Joe checking on Gardner's condition ...
fans, we have GOT to go to commercial, but we'll try to
keep you updated ...
=================================================================
WHEN THE AWI RETURNS: Wrestling and the World Cup?
COMMERCIAL BREAK: It's nostalgia time! Just for the fun of it,
just for the taste of it, Diet Coke! ... Hot Dogs, Armour Hot
Dogs -- the Dogs Kids Love to Munch! ... See the U.S.A. in your
Chevrolet ... I am stuck on Band-Aid, cuz Band-Aid's stuck on me!
We now return you to 1998.
=================================================================
[Escobar]
We're back, fans ... and we've dispatched Chad Duncan to try and
find out SOMETHING about Jack Fury's horrific attack on "War
Machine" Greg Gardner just now ...
[Swayze]
Is horrific like, Latin, for "pure delight to watch?" It's just
a shame Looking For A Fight had all the champagne, 'cuz if I had
some I'd be toasting Jack one right now!
[Escobar]
You are a sick man ... and unfortunately, /I/ may be sick as
well in the next few minutes ... despite my feelings, we take
you now to the AWI Sniper's Nest for comments ...
{The camera returns to the cheering crowds in anticipation of a
new match ... "We Trying to Stay Alive" by Wyclef Jean and the
Refugee All-Stars starts playing ...}
[Escobar]: I don't care what the contracts say -- there
has to be a way to get the FWA to take this man back ...
[PA:Voice]
Bon soir, yeu stuupid Americahns! Et ees tihme to gev eet uhp
fohr ze next AH-DOBLE-YEU-AHYE SUEPARSTAHR!!!
[Marone]: What did he say?
[Escobar]: You're better off not knowing anything he
says.
{Suddenly, an overly short, overly large (in the waist) man
emerges from backstage. He is wearing a pair of white knickers
which resemble something a fencer might wear, and a green shirt
with a logo of three fencing swords; below it are written the
words "Stefan Schriber's Fencing Academy" ...}
[Stefan Schriber]
SEH BONJOUR TO STEFAHN SCHRIHBER!!!
[Escobar]: This ... is the end. The end of Allied
Wrestling.
[Stefan Schriber]
Eet is so vehry ... desgusteng toh be 'ere tonaht ahfter pahtying
foh zee lahst week ... whay, you ask? I vill tell you! No, no, no
... yeu STUUPID Americahns would noht uhndahstand, I vill sho
yeu!
{Stefan pulls from his back pocket a copy of _Le Monde_, the top
newspaper in France, and unfolds it. Despite it being written in
French, the photos accompanying the article he points to makes it
pretty clear that celebrating the French world cup victory.}
[Stefan Schriber]
Yes, Americah, wance again FRANCE has provehn her SUPEREOHRATY!!!
Een fahct, Zizou 'as ahlmost ehkwaled mah pohpulahate ...
ahlmost! Ahv cohse, ze teem ohs me eets chredet, ahs I, STEFAHN
SCHRIBER, was ze one who gahve ze speech toh ze plahers toh geeve
them ze enchoragemant they needed toh ween ze kup ... ahfter ah
sahnged awtograhfs foh them ... ahnd foh ze Brazeeyan tehm ahs
well. How awful et must 'ave been foh you to see yohr Brazeeyan
idol Rhenaldo fahl at ze might of ze greht FRANCH FUUTBAHL
IMPAHR!!!
[Marone]: Hey! Since when did FRANCE have FOOTBALL teams?
And how did they beat the Broncs? And why didn't I see it?
[Escobar]: {sighing} He means soccer, Mike.
[Marone]: Well, why didn't he SAY soccer? WHY CAN'T YOU
TALK PLAIN ENGLISH, YOU SNEAKY FRENCHMAN!!!
[Swayze]: Didn't I see your brain on a milk carton
somewhere?
[Stefan Schriber]
Waht must 'ave been evahn wohse es wehn, despaht yeur
'uge lohve of fuutbahl, and ze fahct zaht yeur fuutbahl
shampeonsheep, ze Supahrbohl, es ze mohst wahced televeseon
prohgrahm een ze contry, yeu steel lost meserabley, evahn to
AHRAHN! Zere 'as noht been thes mach celebacion en Frahnce
seence ... well, seence I wohn mah gohld medahls en fenceeng, ze
thruest of ahll spohrts ... ahv cohrse, yeu STUUPID Americahns
ahr ahlmost ahs bad at fuutbahl as yeu ahr at fenceeng! Whay,
yeur fenceeng tehm would phrobable lose feefteen to nahtheeng toh
Ahrahn!
[Marone]: HEY! You can't talk like that about our soccer
team! Our teams do not SUCK! Our soccer teams are GREAT! Just
because they only finished ... say, how did our soccer team
do?
[Escobar]: They finished in last place.
[Marone]: What? Jeez, man do we ever SUCK!
[Stefan Schriber]
So, I sopose yeu stuupid Americahns wahnt to kno whay ahm 'ere
... wehll, ahftehr domonateeng the Ehf Dobleyeu Ah foh so long,
eet becahme bohreng, so I decideed to cohme 'ere to ze Ah
Dobleyeu Aye toh prove wance agahne that ze FRENCH ahr supereohr
aht everyetheeng to everyeebodee, espesially yeu STUUPID
AMERICAHNS!!! Soh, ah shall leev yeu nohw, but rehmember, yeu
STUUPID AMERICAHNS, TOHDAAY, WAS ZE DAY THAT STEFAN SCHRIBER TOOK
OVEHR ZE AH DOBLEYEU AYE!!!
{"We Trying To Stay Alive" kicks in again as Stefan struts out,
waving the headline above his head and taunting the fans with it.}
>>IN RING<<
[Rod Allen]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ... your next bout is a tag team contest,
set for a time limit of ten minutes ... the first team weighs in
at a combined total of four hundred and seventy-three pounds ...
they are Jilliam Bole and Kim "Tiger" Lee, the combination of ...
PEEERRR-FEEECTIIIOOON!!!
{The fans boo strongly as the perfect pair struts down to
ringside to the strains of "Perfect Strangers" by Deep Purple.}
[Allen]
And their opponents tonight, weighing in at a combined total of
five-hundred and fifty-one pounds ... {Allen checks the match
card} accompanied at ringside tonight by the lovely Angela Dante,
who is wearing a Donna Karan original in sequin-embroidered white
silk ... they are appearing tonight in matching tuxedos courtesy
of Brooks Brothers Company -- for the very best in men's fashion,
trust Brooks Brothers ... from the Isle of Yap, Steve the
Insane ...
{The camera cuts to Steve climbing into the ring, as Joe outside
points to him in a "pistol shot" fashion, as the crowd pops
wildly.}
[Allen]
... and from the city of Denver, Colorado, Joe Walker ...
{Joe steps into the ring, as Steve returns his goofy pointing
gesture; the pair then bounce fists in the fashion of amateur
boxers.}
[Allen]
They're not only looking GOOD ... they're LOOKING FOR A FIGHT!
{Perfection interrupts this fashion spectacle with a double
dropkick that sends Steve out of the ring.}
[Escobar]: And have they FOUND one! Good LORD -- Perfection
showing their impatience, taking out the Insane One with a
flawless double-team, leaving Joe alone to fend for himself!
[Swayze]: Oh, THANK you, boys! Damn, I've been waiting for
that all NIGHT!
{The camera shows Steve recovering outside; the audio barely
picks up him speaking: "Oh, *man*, this was a *rental*!" as he
starts to take off his jacket, vest, and cumberbund.}
[Swayze]: {*snort*} Oh, gee, did Stevie get dust on his
cwothing?
{Jilliam rushes to the ropes as Kim chops Joe; Jilliam returns
with a bodypress on Joe. Steve reenters the ring as Joe punches
off Jilliam, and matslams Kim. Jilliam and Joe exchange punches
as they return to their feet; Steve stomps on Kim, who rolls out
of the ring. Joe delivers a forearm shot to Jilliam, as the
referee orders Steve out of the ring.}
[Escobar]: And referee Brandy Mulroney finally restoring
some semblance of order to the proceedings there ... though
I daresay Steve should be less of a handful for problem
than the man he just eliminated from the ring!
{Jilliam responds with a hiptoss, then puts on a spinning
wristlock as Joe gets back to his feet.}
[Swayze]: An important lessons for you kiddies out there --
clothes do NOT make you a decent wrestler, no matter HOW
classy you think you are ... unless, of course, it's a
Team Stevens T-shirt!
[Escobar]: Swayze, don't SAY that -- there could be
impressionable young minds out there!
[Swayze]: I sure as shootin' hope so ...
{Joe kicks his way out of the hold, and whips Jilliam to the
ropes, only to be met with a dropkick on the return. Jilliam
drops an elbow on Joe, but Joe rolls aside, then scoops him up
for a bodyslam as he staggers to his feet.}
[Escobar]: Fairly even going for these two competitors so
far ...
[Marone]: Man, watchin' Joe always gives me flashbacks,
like those 'Nam guys ... I can practically feel the steel
chairs alongside my head ...
{Joe drags Bole back up, but Bole snapmares Joe to the mat, and
slaps on a side headlock; he drags Joe to his corner, and tags in
Lee. Lee chops Joe in the back; Steve rushes into the ring but is
warded off by the referee, as Joe gets dropped by a double savate
kick.}
[Escobar]: And Joe Walker now uncomfortably touring double
team city!
[Marone]: BAM! BAM! BAM! Man, they won't let up!
[Escobar]: Uh, Mike?
[Swayze]: Just let him be, Justy, just let him be -- he
done took the last train to Clarksville, and I think it's
gonna be awhile before he gets to the station ...
{They pick up Joe and whip him into the ropes; Kim attempts a
legsweep and gets cut off by a kick from Joe. Joe throws a backspin
punch at Jilliam, then drops a headbutt on Kim.}
[Escobar]: IMPRESSIVE set of counters from the Colorado
Rocky!
[Marone]: SLAMMO! Take that, Outlaw Riders! Sneak up on
ME, will ya? WHAM!
{Joe returns to his corner to tag in Steve, but Jilliam distracts
the referee as Kim cuts him in the back with a karate kick. Steve
jumps in the ring.}
[Escobar]: What the-- it looks like Brandy Mulroney didn't
see the tag, and she's making Steve return to the outside!
No doubt, this is *exactly* what Bole and Lee were hoping
for ...
[Swayze]: It's called 'strategizing', Justino ... and Kim
and Jil have more of it in their little finger than those
two bruisers have collectively-like ...
{Kim whips Joe into the Perfection corner, and Jilliam wraps a
hammerlock on Joe around the ringpost, just in time for Kim to
close in with a flurry of kicks, finishing with a high savate.}
[Escobar]: Joe Walker is subjected a BRUTAL tag team
combination -- and Steve is *not* happy about it!
{Steve attempts to charge the ring again, and is again held off
by the referee. Visibly annoyed, he drops down off the apron near
the dinner table, and apparently tries to bribe Brandy with a
dessert cup.}
[Escobar]: The Insane One, desperate to help out his
outnumbered partner, apparently now resorts to some ...
unconventional tactics -- but Brandy is not giving an inch.
[Marone]: Maybe she's on a diet?
[Swayze]: Oh, you're back, now?
[Marone]: I heard somethin' about dessert ... do they have
cake?
[Swayze]: I think I liked you better nuts.
{Joe breaks the hammerlock, and kicks Kim, then slams Jilliam's
head into the post. Kim strikes back with a karate chop; the two
exchange blows as Jilliam climbs to the top. Joe sends Lee
reeling with a windup punch; Steve finally gets the referee to
look at the double-team, as Lee strikes back with a karate punch
swiftly followed with a flying karate kick by Jilliam.}
[Escobar]: Another burst of resistance from Joe, and he may
break free ... Steve's sending the cavalry over -- AND JOE
GOES DOWN!!! A HARSH martial arts combo from Perfection!
[Swayze]: That's some REAL kickboxing for ya, Joe ... when
you wake up in post-op, don't forget to write home and tell
Mommy who kicked your can -- and did it PERFECTLY!
[Escobar]: I knew THAT was coming sooner or later ...
{The referee delivers a warning, and puts Jilliam out of the
ring, as Joe kicks Kim from the mat. He stands up and whips Kim
to the ropes, but Kim returns with a dropkick, then applies a
rolling sleeper on the mat.}
[Escobar]: Tiger Lee now looking to slow this pace down,
and dull Joe's edge a bit more ... and it may be working ...
[Marone]: This could be it for Joe ... and Steve looks
meaner than a Chicago taxi driver right now -- I'd hate
to see what happens when he gets in the ring finally ...
[Swayze]: Which is why Perfection's gonna keep him OUT
of the ring ...
{Joe breaks out, and Kim rebukes him with a slap, then pulls him
up and whips him to the ropes, as Jilliam climbs up top again;
Steve hops off into the aisle and runs around the ring.}
[Escobar]: It looks like we're nearing another tandem
special from Perfection ... but not if Steve has anything
to say about it!
{Joe surprises Kim with a spinning backfist, as Steve interrupts
Jilliam with an axehandle to the back.}
[Escobar]: Joe says "No!" -- and Steve the Insane backing
his play!
[Marone]: So, this fits into Perfection's strategy how,
Chad?
[Swayze]: Leave me alone ...
[Marone]: I'm just tryin' to learn ... education's a good
thing, they say, and one of these days I'm gonna try it.
{Joe hits the rising Kim with a crescent kick, as Steve climbs up
top with Jilliam. Joe throws Kim into the ropes, and catches him
in the rebound with a tilt-a-whirl inverted atomic drop; Steve
grabs Jilliam by the head, and ...}
[Escobar]: HOLY -- A YAPPIAN BULLDOG, right into their
dinner table!!! I don't even want to IMAGINE what that took
out of *Steve*, let alone Jilliam Bole!
[Marone]: But you know, I think Jilliam went through that
table PERFECTLY, don't you, Chad?
[Swayze]: Drop it, OK?
[Marone]: I see what you mean -- I've never seen such
a perfect crash in all my years watching this sport --
those guys really ARE perfection ...
[Swayze]: I said, shut up!
[Marone]: Right -- true perfection should be admired quietly
from afar ...
[Swayze]: Justino, shut him up, would you PLEASE?
[Escobar]: I think you're on your own here ...
{Joe staggers to his corner to tag, but Steve is absent; Kim
lunges for him, and he defends himself with a thrust kick.}
[Escobar]: Now Steve the Insane is within range -- and the
tag is made! Steve the Insane is now the legal man!
[Marone]: And the poundins are gonna start soundin!
[Swayze]: That wasn't a legal tag! There's just no way!
[Escobar]: What was illegal about it?
[Swayze]: Kim wasn't in his corner!
[Escobar]: Looking for a Fight was making the tag -- where
Perfection is has nothing to do with it!
[Swayze]: Oh, you're always looking for technicalities ...
{Kim hits a karate chop on Steve as he enters the ring, then
attempts a legwheel throw; Steve blocks it, and rams Lee
headfirst into the turnbuckle. He then throws Kim into the ropes,
knocking him down with a running headbutt. Steve picks up Kim
in a shouldermount, but Lee turns this into a victory roll:
1 ...}
[Escobar]: An impressive reverse from Kim Lee could end
this ...
{Steve reverses the roll: 1 ...}
[Escobar]: ... but now Steve rolls it back!
[Marone]: Wow -- I never thought of doing THAT.
[Swayze]: Why do I get the feeling your won-loss record
doesn't have a lot of digits before the dash?
{Kim breaks out; he grabs Steve in a side headlock, and drags him
to his feet; he pulls Steve into Perfection's corner, and tags
Jilliam, who climbs up top. Bole drops an elbow on Steve's back,
then locks him in a bearhug as Kim leaves the ring.}
[Escobar]: Perfection has switched gears again, trying to
wear down Steve to the breaking point.
{Steve reverses the bearhug into a belly-to-belly suplex. As
Jilliam returns to his feet, Steve comes from behind with a
belly-to-back suplex; he then picks up Bole by the waist, and
falls backwards to drop him facefirst into the turnbuckle.}
[Escobar]: Steve's got Bole where he wants him ... FOR THE
FRONTAL LOBOTOMY!!! Jilliam Bole looks to be OUT of the
running!
{Steve makes the cover: 1 ... 2 ... Joe clotheslines Kim as he's
rushing in for the save ... 3!}
[Escobar]: THERE IT IS! Looking for a Fight adds another
check to the Wins column -- not a bad reimbursement for
their catering check!
[Swayze]: Right, never MIND that Joe was in the ring at the
end there! Brain-dead Brandi should've stopped the count
right there!
[Marone]: Yeah. Or at least held out for the fruit cup.
[Escobar]: Don't even PRETEND to argue this match, Chad ...
fans, we'll be back after these messages ...
=================================================================
WHEN THE AWI RETURNS: THE MAIN EVENT!
COMMERCAL BREAK: All new action! All new effects! ALL NEW TURTLE!
_Gamera: Guardian of the Universe_, on videocassette in stores
near you ... Earth: it was fun while it lasted -- _ARMAGEDDON_
now in theatres everywhere ...
=================================================================
{Camera opens on Doug 'Mr. Excitement' Abercrombie, wearing a
swimming suit and sunglasses, as he sits on a sunny beach,
catching some rays and talking to a couple of attractive young
ladies in bikinis. He sees the camera and turns a bit to address
it.}
[DA]
Well, it's nice to be back in the AWI. You wouldn't believe the
demands on a superstar's time while his company is closed down. I
kicked around a couple of the indies, undefeated of course ...
nearly broke my dang neck trying a somersault plancha off a cage.
Luckily, my tremendous talent saved me. Not to mention finding
some time to just come, relax and chat with the ladies.
But now, it's time to go back to work. Back where I belong: in
the main event. The only problem is that I'm taking on Jeriatric
Straite, and he won't put his belt on the line. Oh sure, he had
some excuse, something about me not having enough matches to
qualify or some drivel like that. That's okay. I'm in the main
event. Where I shine. So, I'll beat you, Jerry -- badly. Title
or no title, you're going down.
Just one thing, Jerry. Please don't have a heart attack or
anything on me. My First Air certification has expired and I
haven't had time to get it renewed. So don't die or anything, OK?
If you are feeling woozy or anything, just stop the match. Your
health is more important. Remember, the signs of a heart attack
are pain in the chest or arms, sweating, dizziness -- that sort
of thing. So don't be a hero. When I beat the daylights out of
you, just give up. There is no shame in losing to a more talented
man like myself.
Well, now that that's settled, it looks like I have some more
pressing business here, so beat it!
{Camera fades as Abercrombie puts his arms around the two women
as they giggle over something he says.}
=================================================================
{Cut to ring, with Rod Allen.}
[Allen]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ... tonight's MAIN EVENT ... a contest set
for one fall, with television time remaining ... introducing
first, from Monument Valley, Arizona, weighing in at two-hundred
and twenty-eight pounds ... accompanied to the ring tonight by
{visible grimace} the Weasle World Wrestling champion, the Weasle
... "Mr. Excitement" himself, DOOOUUUG ABERCROMBIIIEEE!!!
{The crowd alternately boos and sneers as Doug and Weasle stride
down the aisle, with "Winning It All" by the Outfield on the PA.}
[Allen]
And his opponent tonight ... weighing in at two-hundred and
seventy pounds ... from the city of Winnepeg in Manitoba, Canada
... he IS the current NORTH AMERICAN Heavyweight CHAMPION ...
JEEERRRYYY STRAAAIIITE!!!
{The crowd gets into it as "Here on Earth" by the Crash Test
Dummies kicks up, and explodes as Straite steps through the
curtains. He's in his wrestling duds, wearing the N.A. title
belt, and holding a mic. Jerry stops for a moment, and absorbs
the adulation for a few seconds, then signals for the music to
be cut.}
[Straite]
Thank you ... and just as a reminder ... {slaps the belt} WE
STILL GOT IT!!!! {The crowd cheers enthusiastically in approval.}
But enough gloating ... for the moment. I'll be more'n happy to
give my full feelings about this next week. Now, we got "Mr.
Excitement" in the ring ... {waves to the ring} Just stand there
a moment, Dougie, I've gotta explain a few things ...
First off, as you've all heard by now, this is not a title match.
I've said it before, and I'm sure Dougie thinks differently, but
basically, kid, YOU DON'T DESERVE IT! This is a lesson, Doug; the
only opportunity for you here is a chance to learn. If you win
... and stranger things have happened ... just ask Ken Mischief
... *then* maybe I'll give you a title shot. But that's a BIIIIG
'if'!
{Jerry starts walking to the ring}
[Straite]
See, I requested this match 'cause of some stuff Dougie there
said and did a bit before International Incident. It's really
amazing, but he actually managed to break FOUR of Jerry Straite's
Commandments of Wrestling. Let's review.
{A clip plays on the video wall, showing Abercrombie jumping a
flame-wielding Steve the Insane, then mouthing off about Angela.}
[Straite]
One: Thou shalt not mess with Jerry's friends ... even if they've
slipped off the deep end for a bit.
Two: Thou shalt not come between a man and his woman. The Queen
didn't want you, Dougie. Angela doesn't want you. The only thing
you're gonna accomplish is get a *lot* of people you can't handle
ed at you.
{A clip of Abercrombie mouthing off, the only thing that's
actually heard is "He's A HOMO"! Jerry starts to look a little
more serious.}
[Straite]
Three: Thou shalt not give the big mouths a bad name. Bad enough,
me and Kerry teaching kids how to be arrogant and come up with
good one-liners.
{The clip plays again; same audio. And Jerry's *very* serious.}
[Straite]
Four: Thou shalt not demonstrate stupidity beyond that of mortal
man.
Consequences, Doug. There's always consequences.
{Jerry strips off the belt and hands it and the mic to the ring
attendant before climbing into the ring. The bell rings, and
Jerry charges into the approaching Doug with a kneelift, then
snaps a short-arm clothesline on him to take him down.}
[Escobar]: AND HERE -- WE -- GO!!!
{Pulling him up without letting go, he whips him into the corner,
and then traps him in for a flurry of kicks.}
[Escobar]: Jerry Straite looks positively *mad* tonight,
and he's venting every square inch of pressure on Mr.
Excitement!
[Swayze]: Oh please -- the man makes a few odd comments
to liven up a dull broadcast, and Canada Dry there gets
in a tizzy? What's this promotion coming to?
[Marone]: Must be in a bad way ... they hired us, after
all.
{Doug manages to push him away, then take him down with a
clothesline. Jerry gets up, and Doug whips him into the ropes,
catching him on the rebound with a dropkick; as both men get back
to their feet, Doug snaps off another dropkick. Abercrombie picks
Jerry back up and sends him to the ropes, and bounces off the
opposite side to leap into a bodypress, for no count.}
[Escobar]: There's a quick pinfall, but not long enough by
far ... Doug seems to have turned around Jerry's initial
momentum.
[Swayze]: Just goes to show, you can't keep the excitement
out of the AWI, no matter HOW hard Straite-Arrow tries!
{Doug drags Jerry up with a side headlock, then standing
dropkicks him. Doug picks up Jerry and whips him to the ropes; he
jumps for a rana, but Jerry catches him in midair and shifts him
into a shoulderbreaker.}
[Escobar]: A POWERFUL reversal from the Canadian superstar
leaves Doug *dumbfounded*!
[Marone]: Just goes to show ... you can't keep the
excitement out of the AWI -- but you CAN break its shoulder.
[Swayze]: Where in my contract does it say I have to work
with HIM?
[Escobar]: I guess you'll have to take that up with Robbie.
{Jerry lets Doug get up, and scoops him into a bodyslam, then
stomps on him. He tries a second stomp, but Doug rolls aside;
Doug attempts a legsweep, but Jerry jumps it and drops a leg
on him. Jerry scoops him up for a side suplex, but Doug flips his
way onto Jerry's shoulders, preparing for a victory roll; Jerry
blocks the roll, and pushes off Doug into an atomic drop.
Abercrombie kicks him from the floor, staggers to his feet, and
whips Jerry to the ropes, dropkicking him on the return. He drags
Jerry up, whips him to the opposite ropes, and nails him with a
handspring back elbow.}
[Escobar]: Doug Abercrombie now *showing* the crowd some of
the agility he's been *crowing* over since his debut ...
though I must say, the Buffalo fans here tonight are less
than excited about it ...
[Swayze]: Yeah, well, since when did anyone expect to find
good taste in Buffalo?
[Marone]: How about buffalo wings? They taste good.
[Swayze]: AAAGH! AGAIN with the chicken?!?
{He then climbs the turnbuckle, jumping off as Jerry gets to his
feet; Jerry catches him in mid-air and powerslams him.}
[Escobar]: And ONE MORE TIME, Jerry Straite overpowers Doug
Abercrombie! This man has seen it all, folks, and maybe no
one in the AWI knows the game better than Straite!
[Marone]: I think he's actually gotten BETTER since I
fought him. That's scary.
[Swayze]: Abercrombie's just tailin' this baby out for the
fans! Mr. Excitement knows what he's doing -- he'll turn
this around ...
{Jerry attempts a full nelson, but Doug twists around into a
backslide position: 1 ...}
[Escobar]: An inventive countermove from Doug leaves Jerry
back to the mat -- but it's only good for a one-count ...
{Jerry breaks the pin, and grabs Doug in a grinding headlock.}
[Escobar]: Straite is not a happy man, and he's looking to
make Doug suffer a bit for his successes in this match ...
[Swayze]: Hey, if he doesn't want to look bad, he shouldn't
sign a match with the AWI's new pulse!
{Straite pulls Doug up on his feet, whips him into the ropes, and
cuts him short on the return with a gut punch, then lifts him up
for the suplex-driver.}
[Escobar]: Up he goes ... AND STRRRAITE DOWN!!! Jerry makes
the cover: 1 ... 2 ... and-- WAIT!
{Weasle slides into the ring, with his bat "Louie" in hand, and
yells "PINCH HITTER!" before whacking Straite in the back.}
[Escobar]: That's abominable! It's vicious! It's --
[Swayze]: It's a solid double to left field, my man!
[Escobar]: And now Weasle and Abercrombie double-teaming
Straite ... and Abercrombie with his spinning spleen kick,
even as the ref calls for the bell ... and here comes
Justice and Looking For A Fight! Doug and Weasle pile out
of the ring--apparently, two-on-1 is the only outnumbering
they care for ...
[Swayze]: Which just goes to show how much smarter they are
than Straite ...
[Rod Allen]
{stepping into the ring} Ladies and gentlement, the winner of
this contest, by a DISQUALIFICATION ... JERRYYY STRRRAAAAAAIIITE!!!
[Escobar]: We'll be right back after these messages!
=================================================================
PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATIONS PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING:
* Coca-Cola: Always the real thing, always Coca-Cola.
* Microsoft: Where do you want to go today?
* Nintendo 64: Get N or get out!
* Buick, Chevrolet, Geo, Pontiac, Saturn, and the other
fine automobile producers from General Motors
=================================================================
{"No Shelter" by Rage Against the Machine comes up, as Hector
"Power" Martinez and Jayson "Fury" Michaels come out of the back
area. Power pounds fists with fans on the way to ringside, but
Fury merely slaps the hands with the occasional fan. As they get
to ringside, Fury manages to obtain a microphone, climbs in the
ring with Power, and begins to speak in his standard whispery
tone (ala Christopher Walken).}
[Fury]
A few moments ago, we were graced with a few words by our World
Tag Team champions. These words were less than kind. These were
words that were meant to demean. Meant to embarrass. Meant to
humiliate. What Intensive Care said about the AWI's tag team
division was a declaration that we were beneath them. They were
top tier, and all that was left in the AWI were mere students of
the game barely worthy to study them, much less compete with
them.
Unfortunately ... in many ways, the words were true.
{The fans voice a low note of disapproval, close to but not quite
a boo. Fury waves them down.}
[Fury]
Intensive Care has been the standard bearers of Allied Wrestling
International. The list of teams which have defeated them is
very, very short ... and none of them are here now. Since
becoming Allied Wrestling International World Tag Team champions,
Intensive Care has been near unbeatable. You don't have to like
them. I don't. John Smith is a sick man that deserves, if
anything, pity and hospitalization. Mike Kirwan's desire ... need
... to injure makes him equally worthy of mental hospitalization
... though not even worth our pity. Make no mistake: We do NOT
like Intensive Care.
{The fans cheer slightly, in agreement with that sentiment.}
[Fury]
But, what makes their words hurt most is that you HAVE to respect
Intensive Care. And it hurts to know that someone that you
respect has none for you.
[Power]
INTENSIVE CARE ... THEY SAY THAT TA BE THE MAN, YA GOTTA BEAT THA
MAN!!! WE'LL GIVE YA THAT ... YOU'RE THE MAN RIGHT NOW!!! SO, IF
YOU DON'T RESPECT US ... THAT'S FINE. WE'LL JUST HAVE TA BECOME
THE MAN OURSELVES ... BY BEATING YOU!!!!!
[Fury]
You have made quite a statement, Kirwan and Smith. Now it is time
for you to enforce it. We accept your challenge, Intensive Care.
We ask to be the first in the Gauntlet. You're an incredible
team. But you're not undefeatable. You've been beaten in the
past. And I think it's time for you to be defeated again.
[Power]
YEAH!!!! YEAH!!!! YEAH!!!! YEAH!!!!
{The crowd joins in with Power after the second "Yeah!!!", until
it's an outright chant, that accompanies Intensity as "No
Shelter" keys back up and they make their way back out of the
arena.}
[Escobar]
Those were strong words we saw from Mike Kirwan of Intensive Care
earlier ... and now they've been met with equally strong
intentions, by the aptly named INTENSITY! And -- wait a minute --
>>AISLE ENTRANCE<<
{Camera shows a brawl has broken out.}
[Escobar]: Intensive Care has come back out, and they've
met Intensity head-on! All four men are just laying into
one another!
[Swayze]: Remember, Justino -- you said intentions, not
actions! Intentions are just the on-ramp to the road to
HELL, bay-bee, and you KNOW that's just what a match with
John & Mike is: hell in a hospital wing!
[Marone]: I'm not sure who's going to end up in the
hospital wing -- that brawl looks pretty even!
[Escobar]: The AWI's security personnel is now struggling to
get the four men apart ... this shows us at least one thing
-- Intensity certainly has a lot of fight in them, and they
*could* very well be the team to take down the world
champions ...
>>BOOTH<<
[Swayze]
They could ALSO very well be out of wrestling by this time next
week!
[Escobar]
We're running short on time, here, fans -- be sure to tune in
next week, when our main event will be the diabolical deacon
of destruction, Reverend Jeremiah James, against the prophetic
powerhouse ORACLE! AND, our own Chad Duncan will have an interview
with an enigmatic newcomer to the AWI, a man whose words we leave
you tonight: Dominic Nightshade!
=================================================================
{A steadicam moves slowly through an overgrown field at dusk.
Crooked locust trees flank a weathered, abandoned barn, whose
entrance gapes darkly in the fading light. The camera moves
around to the side of the barn, where a rough-hewn table stands
in a field of weeds. Upon the table is a hideously-carved
jack-o-lantern, lit from within by a flickering candle. Nearby, a
ragged scarecrow dressed in black tatters hangs limply from a
wooden crossbeam, and a rusty scythe leans against it. The camera
closes in slowly on the jack-o-lantern as a harsh, half-whispered
voiceover begins:}
[Voice]: You don't know who I am.
{A quick cut of an orange-illuminated wrestling arena, complete
with crowd noise, briefly interrupts the camera's slow zoom.}
[Voice]: This is not a joke -- although you'll hear me
laughing.
{Quick cut of a wrestler dressed as a scarecrow giving another
wrestler a chairshot to the head with a loud >whack!<}
[Voice]: This isn't a nightmare -- you are awake, and I am
real.
{Quick cut of the scarecrow-wrestler pressing an opponent over
his head, and beginning a dash across the ring. The camera has
continued its slow zoom, and the jack-o-lantern now almost fills
the screen.}
[Voice]: No. You don't know what I am.
{Quick cut of the Scarecrow landing a top-rope leg drop, with
gasps of dismay from the crowd.}
[Voice]: But you will.
{Suddenly, something slashes through the jack-o-lantern, taking
off the entire top half of the pumpkin. The candle inside flickers
and almost goes out, flaring up again to show the face of the
Scarecrow, the black diamonds painted around his eyes eerily
echoing the ruined jack-o-lantern. He leans down further,
concealing his own mouth behind the jagged grin of the pumpkin.}
[Scarecrow]
Trick or treat.
{Slow fade to black.}
=================================================================
This work copyright © 1998 by Allied Sports Enterprises. Allied
Wrestling International is a member of the Summit Wrestling
Alliance; permission is given to distribute or rebroadcast AWI
footage in cooperation with Summit Wrestling events.
"CBS Eye" is a registered trademark of Columbia Broadcasting
System, used without permission for purposes of parody; no actual
association between the writers and CBS should be inferred.
"Promotional" trademarks likewise used without permission or
affiliation for purposes of parody.
=================================================================
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to
do nothing." -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
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