These are all fun to just say to someone out of nowhere.

Insane Quotes To Remember

26. If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you. 27. What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid-gold baby? Maybe we'll never know. 28. I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away. 29. If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been. 30. I hope that after I die, people will say of me: ``That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'' 31. If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting! 32. If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But ONLY if you're serious about adopting the vulture. 33. If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control. 34. If you're an archeologist, I bet it's real embarrassing to put together a skull from a bunch of ancient bone fragments, but then it turns out it's not a skull but just an old dried-out potato. 35. To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad. 36. Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too! 37. I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around. 38. Whenever I need to ``get away,'' I just get away in my mind. I go to my imaginary spot, where the beach is perfect and the water is perfect and the weather is perfect. The only bad thing there are the flies. They're terrible! 39. Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. NOW who's asking the questions? 40. Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, ``Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in THAT.'' 41. Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don't think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass. 42. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. 43. If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. 44. I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver. And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him and hand it to him. 45. Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS? It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around. 46. If you're a boxing referee, it's probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins or changes colors. 47. I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when someone kills someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet. 48. There are many stages to a man's life. In the first stage, he is young and eager, like a beaver. In the second stage, he wants to build things, like dams, and maybe chew down some trees. In the third stage, he feels trapped, and then ``skinned.'' I'm not sure what the fourth stage is. 49. When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves. And usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV. 50. For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness. Next 25 Insane Quotes Previous 25 Insane Quotes

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