Ever been really angry with a fruit? Ever wanted to make one pay? Read on to find out how to.

Fruit Dissing

Have you ever just been pissed off at a piece of fruit? Why not put it down? Make that fruit sorry. Call it names.

It's a well known fact that fruit does not like to be called names. It can become depressed and rot. The real reason fruit rots is not because it is old, but because it is lonely. It needs to be loved. It wants to be wanted. When you've become mad at a piece of fruit, horrible amounts of damage can be done. You could cause it to rot early, or worse, you could cause it to grow a frowny face. Nothing is worse than a piece of fruit with a frowny face. Look at the example below:

Example A - A perfectly normal piece of fruit:

*(:-))

Example B - A piece of fruit after having profanities yelled at it:

*(:-()

As you can see, the piece of fruit on the bottom is extremely unhappy. It has the classic 'frowny face' look. There is obviously a large difference between the fruit in example A, and the fruit in example B. The fruit in example B, having been called names is obviously frowning, but what is very curious, is that if one examines closely enough, the fruit in example A actually appears to be smiling. The fruit in example A is clearly a happy fruit, while the fruit in example B is clearly a sad fruit. If one is going to be angry at a fruit for any particular reason, one needs to know how to go about making it sad, or dissing it. One also has to try to discern whether the fruit actually deserves to be dissed, or not. Many things that happen, are not caused by the fruit, and after all, it is just a fruit. What damage to anything could a harmless fruit do? If however, a fruit does happen to make you angry, you will need to know how to take care of it correctly. Let's say a fruit rolls across the floor, you trip on it, and you fall, which causes you to shatter your elbow. You are obviously going to be mad at the fruit. It should not have been in the way. The first and most obvious route you could take is to yell at the fruit. Anything will do, as long as it does not sound happy. Many people like to stick to name calling, such as "Rotton Tomatoe!", or "You've got bad breath you rotton piece of fruit!" This should severely dishearten the fruit, therefor serving your purpose. Another method is to just make a plain old blood curtling scream. Fruits are terrified of blood curtling screams, and it hurts their ears. Just be sure to direct the scream toward the fruit, so as to let it know for sure that you are screaming at it and not something else. Yet another way of dissing the fruit, is to take a less direct route. Fruits are easily startled, and a good scare will be enough to take the smile off of any fruit. You can try many different methods, such as the simple sneaking up behind it and yelling "Boo!", or you could get a bit more creative. It's a well known fact that fruits are afraid of heights. Dangling a fruit from the edge or a high building is sure to make the fruit unhappy. It's almost a form of torture, seeing as how the fruit cannot scream, therefore it's forced to dangle above it's sure death in a silent scream.

As you can see, fruit can be dissed in many different ways, to many different extents. Take care to know the proper punishment for your fruit if it comes time to diss it. Always remember that no matter what the crime, no fruit deserves to die. They may be eaten, but this is a path of enlightenment for the modern fruit. I must now get back to my rolling fields of shiny happy fruits, and enlighten a few of them before the night comes. I wish you all good luck with your fruit, and if the luck gets down, good luck with your fruit dissing.

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