Masks of Sorrow
Written by Rachel Narow.
Masks of sorrow were all anyone wore. Some were crying, others were grim, but there was one face that was different. Her face. It was blank. Her emotions were masked, her face gave no sign of what she was thinking, feeling, if she felt anything at all. If not for the glint of tears in her eyes, it would look as if she was made of stone, but then again, no one could see the glint in her eyes.
Rogue ran away from the grave, Gambit following after her. Scott looked at the grave helplessly. Jean placed her hand on Logan's shoulder, trying to comfort him. He glanced up at her, his face a mask of rage. He pushed her hand away, got up and pushed his way past Scott and strode out of the cemetery, but not before he cast a scathing glance at Storm. She lifted her chin, not allowing him to see how much his anger hurt her...but he wasn't paying any attention anyway.
Bobby drifted away on an ice slide, crystal tears streaking his cheeks. She had been a dear friend. But Samuel... he suffered the most. He would look at no one, just sat by her grave. Sara's grave. Ororo made her way to his side. "Samuel... I..." He cut her off, shooting her a look of pure hatred. "Shuttup ma'am." He ground out. "You couldn't just accept her could you? You had to keep pushing her away...don't you think she tried? She forgave you...she wanted to help you...she needed you...and look how you repaid her...you killed her." He laughed bitterly. "Sam that's enough." Scott said.
Sam was quick to turn his icy stare over to their leader. "What do you know Scott? Did you care? No...and you weren't there...she saved Ororo's life...and she let her die..." He turned again to Ororo. "You hated her, you killed her once...and now you've killed her again...no you didn't rip out her heart...this time...but you left her there...suffering...you heard her screams...you should be the one dead...not her." With that he stood up and flew away, his blast field emanating out behind him.
Ororo looked around at her friends. No one would meet her eyes. She stifled a sob and flew off to be alone.
----------
The pain was all around her. She heard screams...loud and agonized...then she realized they were her own...but she couldn't seem to stop them. The pain and blackness swarmed through her mind. In the distance there was a faint light. She struggled towards it and in a flash she remembered... images... memories...lights...flooded her mind, driving away the darkness. She reached out to a memory and grabbed onto it...Suddenly there it was...many years ago...
She looked up into her mother's beautiful eyes. She thought her mother was the most beautiful woman in the world. Perhaps she was, in THIS world, a world of darkness and shame. A world of tunnels and exile. She opened her mouth to call out to her mother when suddenly a sharp scream was torn from her throat. She placed a small hand to her side and felt something moving. She felt something warm and wet on her hand, it was blood. She lifted up her shirt, torn and tattered, and stared in horror at the bone sticking from her side. "Mommy...Mommy..." she started screaming. Her mother rushed over to her. "Sarah...my darling Sarah...what is it? Oh my..." her mother was staring at the bone. "What's wrong with m- AHHH!" Sarah ended her sentence in a scream as another bone forced it's way through her skin. She heard her mother's voice. "Shhh...darling...it's ok..." It was a long night...maybe it was longer than a night...at that age time seemed to be distorted. But when it was over, she had bones sticking out every which way from her small body.
Time passed for young Sarah...things happened...many things...but as happens with youth, time does not seem to flow in the proper order. Once there was an angel...a beautiful god...he was hurt...Sarah did not want to see him hurt.
She would sneak to his side...bringing food and water. "Mommy...he's MY angel...isn't he mommy...you always told me that Mr. God would send me an angel because I was such a good girl...and because I was special..." she said as she fingered a bone sticking out of her forehead.
One day SHE came...a goddess...beautiful and light. She was golden. Sarah saw true beauty for the first time in her life. "Mommy..." she had whispered, "can I grow up and be just like her?"
Evil men...all around...so much blood...why isn't he moving? Uncle Frenzy...why can't he see me? He just stares up at me...Mommy...where's Mommy? "Sarah!" She heard someone shout. There was her mother...Sarah ran into her mother's arms. There was blood, Sarah realized, lots of blood...her mothers blood..."Mommy" Sarah said in a whisper. Her mother closed her eyes and fell to her knees, to weak to carry them both. "It's ok Mommy...She'll save us...the Bright Lady will save us...she has to...she's so beautiful..." Sarah heard her mother's breathing stop and she started to cry in earnest. Where was the Bright Lady?
Somebody picked her up, his arms tightening around her small body. She started to struggle. "No... no...leave me...my Mommy..." she said pushing against his chest. She stopped when she heard his voice. "Shh...chere...please be quiet...and I'll get you outta here...don' make a sound." She was quiet...and he did manage to save her...
She lived with others like her...ugly mutants who no one wanted...she grew up with no one wanting her...for she was hideous...an outcast to all but the monsters who roamed with her.
Her heart grew cold...turned black...she killed them, the beautiful people, because they would kill her if they could...but she was strong...The Bright Lady came...she hated her...She hadn't saved them...Sarah's people died because the Bright Lady was too beautiful to save them. So she tried to kill the Bright Lady...maybe...just maybe God would see fit to give her back some of those she had lost...maybe he would send her back her angel...but the Bright Lady had killed her...well... she had tried. She ripped out her heart...the one that was blackened with hate...leaving the small heart of a child to grow in it's place.
Sarah found refuge with one of her own, Callisto...she took care of Sarah, nurturing her child's heart. One day Sarah made her way to the bright upper-world. People screamed and pointed, chased her, hurt her, and her child's heart was shattered. It started to blacken. Even Callisto could not remove all the shadows that lingered in her heart.
Sarah grew into a woman, a quick wit, and a sharp tongue, her way of trying to shield her heart. As much as she tried to stop it, the continued rejection from the upper-worlders wounded her, shadowing her heart more.
Once again Sarah's life was touched by evil, as a devil took it upon himself to rid the world of all mutants. Sarah found herself making unlikely allies, a beautiful healer, and a man of ice...She kept them at a distance, she wouldn't trust them. She had learned her lesson, beautiful people had no use for the ugly.
Together they destroyed the devil. Sarah was offered a fresh start with the beautiful people, they actually wanted her with them. She was careful not o show them how much this meant to her... because if they knew they might use it against her. Secretly she was overjoyed...the shadows covering her heart started to recede.
She returned with the healer and the "iceman" to their home, and came face to face with the Bright Lady herself. Sarah tried not to show her fear...would the Bright Lady once again kill her? Would the healer and the "iceman" turn against her? Would she be forced back to the netherworld?
She was granted a reprieve...the others...her...friends? They would not let the Bright Lady hurt her, they wanted her to stay. That same day Sarah met a beautiful man...Samuel...she felt her heart speed up whenever he entered a room. And amazingly enough...he did not seem repulsed by her appearance...he seemed to genuinely like her...and he was never afraid to stand up for her. The shadows receded even further off of her heart.
The leader...Scott, as she discovered, was wounded...she had to help, or else he would die. She quickly grasped two of her bones, ones not yet ready to be removed, and pulled. Pain lanced through her. She ground her jaw, trying not to cry out. The bones came loose. She ran from the room, covering her arm, leaving a trail of blood drops behind her.
Sarah started to grow accustomed to her new life. She grew closer to Bobby, which she had learned was the ice man's name, and to Sam. Rogue and Joseph also reached out to her. But Logan and Ororo, who she still thought of as the Bright Lady, remained distant. It would be hard, but she wanted to make amends with these people.
Logan and Sarah fought, but no one really won. Sarah fled. She had done it now, she thought, they would all hate her...even Sam. She returned underground, not knowing what else to do. There she found Callisto, very ill. She stole some medical supplies from the Healer, Cecelia, and tried to help her friend.
She prayed to God...and she prayed to her Angel. God must have heard her prayers, for he gave her her Angel. But evil was close by, and it was after her Angel. She had to save him...so she tried. But the Evil Man went after her, and her Angel saved her. "Please...don't look at me..." she whimpered. "You are so beautiful...and I don't want you to know how ugly I am..." she tried to hide her face. But her Angel forced her to look up at him, and she found no trace of repulsion on his face. "You are mistaken..." he said in a soft, beautiful voice. "You could never be ugly, not with a heart like yours. You are truly beautiful...never forget that." A single tear trickled down her face. He cupped her face in his hands and delivered a kiss to her forehead.
The shadows left her heart completely.
She was reborn.
Sarah mustered the courage to return to the upper-world, thanks to her Angel. And her friends, they did not hate her. She felt loved and accepted, even Logan viewed her with a look of grudging admiration. But the Bright Lady continued to look at her with distrust. Sara just tried harder.
Life was peaceful. Sarah grew closer to Sam. One bright afternoon he took her on a picnic, and gifted her with something very precious, his love. She was beyond happy. She had found love, she had found peace, and she had found beauty within herself.
Rogue and Sarah started working together, trying to control their powers. It wasn't easy...and for the longest time it seemed not to show any results. But one day, Sarah managed to make a bone grow, mature, and be ready to be removed, all in a matter of minutes. It was a huge break through. Now she was trying to learn how to suppress her powers.
As is bound to happen, Sarah's bone started to replenish those that had been removed. The pain was fierce, as always. She fell to the ground, cradling her ribs, and gasping for air. Rogue rushed over to her side. "Believe you can do this Sarah...KNOW that YOU control your powers...stop this bone..." Sarah closed her eyes and concentrated. Miraculously the pain stopped. Sarah looked down at her ribs, they were smooth. "Rogue...how did you know...thank you my friend." Sarah reached up and brushed Rogue's face with her hand...and nothing happened. Rogue quickly jerked Sara's hand away. Both Sarah and Rogue wore twin expressions of shocked surprise. "Oh my..." Rogue said. "I touched you..." muttered Sarah. "And I didn't absorb your memories...I didn't expect you to touch me..." "So you didn't expect to absorb my powers..." realization dawned in Rogue's eyes. "May I..." she asked hesitantly. Sarah nodded, trust shining in her eyes. Rogue's hand trembled as she reached towards Sarah's face. I will NOT use my powers, she told herself. She bushed her fingers over Sarah's face. She felt a slight flow of Sarah's memories surge into her mind. Rogue concentrated harder, and the flow of memories stopped.
Tears filled Rogue's eyes. "Thank you... oh thank you..." the friends embraced, cheek to cheek. "Shall we tell them?" Sarah asked. Rogue shook her head, "Not yet... let's wait until we can surprise them... both of us." Sarah smiled at Rogue.
Together Rogue and Sarah worked, secretly of course, to perfect control over their powers. Sarah stopped new bones from forming, but not enough so that it was noticeable. One afternoon Rogue and Sarah were ready to show the others. Sarah concentrated on maturing the bones so that she could pull them, all of them. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, all of Sarah's bones were on the inside. Rogue removed her gloves and reached out for Sarah's hand, together they walked into the briefing room, where they had asked everyone to join them.
"Oh my..." were the first words out of Ororo's mouth. "Sarah...What happened to your bones...and Rogue...my god! You're not wearing your gloves.. and yet you're touching Sarah..." Cecelia rambled, Bobby stared in shock, Joseph gaped. Sam smiled and walked over to Sarah, gathering her into his arms and placing a kiss onto her lips. "Well darlin'...now you're as beautiful outside as you are inside...and softer too..." There was a twinkle in his eyes. Sarah smiled up at him, love glowing in her eyes.
Sam turned to Rogue and gave her a hug, and kissed her cheek. "I'm so happy for you Rogue...you more than anyone deserves to be happy. " Bobby was quick to follow Sam's lead and also embraced Rogue. "Knew ya had it in ya..." he clapped Sarah on the shoulder. "Always new you were a miracle worker. And he kissed her cheek. Logan smiled at Sarah and Rogue, "I'm happy for you girls." and he walked out.
Ororo walked over to Rogue. "My friend, I am so happy for you." They hugged. Rogue couldn't stop smiling. Ororo turned to Sarah, "Congratulations..." she turned and walked out. Sarah tried to hide the hurt in her eyes, but Sam noticed it. He shot a disapproving look at the door Ororo had just exited through, and he slipped an arm around Sarah's waist, hugging her to his side.
Life was good. Sam and Sarah were married. Joseph left... nobody knew where. There seemed to be a little spark of something between Cecelia and Maggott...but neither would admit it. Logan grew genuinely fond of Sarah, and he taught her everything he knew. Jean and Scott were still up in Alaska. Warren, who Sarah still thought of as her Angel, and Betsy occasionally visited the team...but they were also very busy at home, Betsy was pregnant. Rogue was the only one who was noticeably unhappy, although Ororo was still somewhat distant.
There was a large uproar one day, Gambit returned. Sarah had a slight feeling of recognition, but she couldn't quite place why. Rogue looked hesitant as she approached him. She lowered her head, shame filled her eyes. Gambit looked at her strangely...she had broken his heart and left him to die...yet he couldn't quite condemn her. "Remy...uhh...can Ah talk to you alone?" her voice quivered. He started to shake his head no...but he saw the moisture gather in her eyes, and he changed his mind.
"Ah'm so sorry Remy..." she sobbed. "Ah don't know why Ah did what Ah did...but Ah've never forgiven mahself...Ah'm so sorry...can you ever...ever...forgive me?" she looked up at him pleadingly. She dropped to her knees and covered her face with her hands, sobbing. Gambit's heart melted. He fell to the floor in front of her. He took her hands in his and pulled them away from her face. "Chere...look at me..." she looked up, her bottom lip trembling. "I love you Chere...and I forgive you...if you'll forgive me for bein' so thick headed. Den we be even..." Her face lit up, she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. Gambit jerked back in surprise. "Chere?" he asked questioningly. His gaze dropped down to their clasped hands, and his eyes widened in shock when he realized she wasn't wearing gloves. "Ah...um...Ah've learned how to control my powers Remy..." He looked at her, joy lighting up his face. He cupped her face in his hands, almost hesitantly. Gently he pressed his lips to hers. Everything would be ok, he realized.
And life was once again full of love and happiness. Rogue and Gambit were married later that year. But the mirage of happiness soon was shattered, as a sliver of evil waiting for the chance to spread darkness makes it's presence known.
A monster was loose on humanity, and the X-Men were called on to protect the same people that branded them criminals. "You can't go." Sam insisted to Sarah. "But I have to..." she replied. "Sarah...my love, my life...you can' t...what of the youngin?" he asked, placing a hand on her still flat stomach. "We'll be fine Sam...with you by my side how could anything bad happen...but you need me." He nodded his head grudgingly. "Ah know you're right... but Ah'm so scared for you." He said shaking his head. Sarah smiled at him, she knew it would be ok.
"'Ro you alright girl?" Logan asked as the crawled through the tunnels. "I'm fine Logan...let's go." The team made their way through the tunnels to the heart of the netherworld, right into the lion's den so to speak. They confronted the evil head on.
Ororo lived up to her codename, she called the force of the elements down on the monster. Rogue used her super strength hand in hand with Gambit and his exploding missiles. Eany and Meany snapped at the monster, waiting for an opening. Cecelia used her force field to launch missiles at the monster. Sam lived up to the human cannonball reputation...attacked with the bone knives Sarah cultivated at need. Logan dealt the killing blow to the monster.
Screams were heard...Ororo and Sarah ran to investigate. The hostages of the monster, they were trapped. Ororo and Sarah worked to set them free. As the last of the captives escaped, the tunnel walls started to shake. "Ororo...Look out!!" Sarah screamed and dove towards Ororo. She pushed her out of the way and was buried in a pile of rocks. Ororo screamed as images of her past invaded her mind, memories of being trapped. "Sarah...SARAH...answer me...please..." she called, digging at the rocks. "Ororo..." she heard faintly. More rocks slid down, one of them landing on Ororo's leg, she cried out in pain. "Sarah..." she whimpered... "I'm scared...I can't help it...please...I can feel it...I can't breathe..." she started to shake, the claustrophobia taking over her mind, causing panic. "Go...Ororo...please...leave me...I'll...be...fine...please...go..."
Ororo sat there, shaking. "I can't leave you...but I can't help you either..." Sarah cried out in pain. "Go...get...the others...please...go now..." Ororo pushed the rock off of her leg and flew through the tunnels yelling. "Help me...Sarah's trapped...please help her..."
Sarah heard her voice start to fade as she flew further away. She heard the screaming again...her screaming...it was awful...why couldn't she stop it? The blackness threatened her again...she couldn't bear it anymore, she gave in. Darkness swarmed over her. She heard voices...faint voices..."Don't leave me..." and it faded away...then..."Stick in there kid..." she heard Rogue...felt the weight lifting off of her...but it was too late...the darkness was too strong. She felt someone lifting her...it was Sam... "Ah love you...please don't leave me...Ah need you..." The darkness lifted...she raised her hand to his face, barely brushing it with her fingers. "I...love...you...too... so...sorry...didn't listen..." she closed her eyes. Her breathing slowed. "Ororo...please...letter... in...my...drawer..." her breathing grew labored...and stopped... "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sam wailed, barring his head in her shoulder.
----------
Ororo snuck into the room Sam and Sarah had shared. She opened one of the drawers, digging through it. Nothing but clothes. She opened another, digging through this one too. Along the bottom she found an envelope with her name on it. She picked it up with trembling fingers and walked to the window, she opened it and flew to Sarah's grave.
She sat at the grave for a long while before opening the envelope. She pulled out a single sheet of paper and read through the letter.
Ororo,
If you're reading this, I must be dead. It's a scary thought really, thinking of my death, but there are some things I need to tell you. Part of me is hoping you'll never read this, that we will reconcile before my death, but as you're reading this, I guess that didn't happen. I want to thank you...that fateful day you ripped out my heart...you saved my life. Evil had been living in me...evil had become me...but you tore out the evil seed. I owe everything I have, all my happiness, to you. I know I did many evil things, and I understand that you have had a hard time accepting that I've changed, but I have, all thanks to you. I hope that in death, there will be peace between us.
Eternally Grateful,
Sarah "Marrow" Guthry
Ororo dropped her head into her hands, sobbing. "Oh Sarah...I was so stubborn...I knew you had changed...and I knew you were a good person...but my pride wouldn't let me tell you...God Sarah...you're dead...and it's my fault."
"No Ororo...it wasn't your fault." She spun around, startled to hear Sam. "Ah'm sorry Ah blamed you...Ah just...Ah needed to blame someone...because Ah I already blame myself for letting her go...please...forgive me..." There were tears in his eyes too. He crouched down beside Ororo and quickly gathered her in his arms, both giving and receiving comfort.
They sat that way for hours...alternately crying and comforting each other...saying goodbye.