Buffy Summers Journal
September 18, 2003
Glendale, California
Sigh, I still haven't had that conversation with Angel yet. On the up side, I did find dad. He's divorced wife number two. Was in Europe finalizing said divorce- heh sound kind of like a lawyer there... until the day before Sunnydale disappeared forever. He heard the LA news version of the story- which of course was nothing like what happened, something about a massive natural gas explosion caused by ruptures in the lines caused by previous earthquakes.
Wife number two, dad refuses to even say her name, and I can't remember it, think I met her like once, was a "goldigger" who had a cousin that is a divorce lawyer. Unlike with mom, dad had to pay big time with her, and they didn't even have any kids. I think this divorce made dad feel guilty about abandoning us and he set up a $100,000 dollar bank account for both Dawn and me. Each of us with $100,000 that is. Boy I could have used that money last year, but then again it'd be all gone now probably, considering all the bills. Gone with nothing to show for it, even worse.
Dad's already married again though. Brenda is actually pretty nice. Kind of freakily like mom- not in looks so much (that would have been major wiggins if she had been) but the way she acts. But she doesn't have a career outside of the home, well she sort of does, but not anything she gets paid for, she's volunteer working at like fifteen different places- I know it's at least ten...
I told them about the baby, but majorly lied about the circumstances. I called Spike by his human name William, showed them my lone picture of us- taken on a lark at a photo booth after a patrol this year, just a couple of weeks before Sunnydale went goodbye. I also said he was my husband and that we had become seperated from another during the explosions as Sunnydale went up and I feared he was dead. (I had already thought of the cover story before I found Dad and had bought a plain gold band that looked like a wedding ring.)
It's kind of weird though, ever since I put that ring on my finger, I've kind of felt like Spike and I are married.
Brenda's taken me shopping for baby clothes, furniture and everything. Dad set me up in this apartment- two bedroom townhouse, very nice, and he's paying for it. Both Dad and Brenda are insistant they will help me out, there's no need for me to get a job right now in these cirumstances, but they're going to try to help me get back into college, after the baby is born.
Xander is stopping by regularly. His parents finally divorced, but are now fighting over the phone every day. I told Xander my cover story and he laughed, "So you really are Mrs. William the Bloody, now huh?" He knows not to bring up anything about Slayers, vampires, demons, etc... around Dad and Brenda. Neither are the type that could ever grasp it like mom did eventually.
Dad and Xander get along pretty well. Xander has told him "carefully edited" Sunnydale stories and sometimes I wonder if they were "edited" enough, because Dad will sometimes give me a look that is a bit worried afterwards.
I'm still having dreams about Spike every night. But now sometimes they are the strange altered histories, and sometimes it's like we are having a conversation-and other things...right at that very moment.
I need to build up my resolve and talk to Angel to settle things between us. I really want to do this before I'm as big as a house too. I'm already showing some, and this morning I felt the baby move for the first time. I dread now what Angel will say now that it's obvious I'm pregnant. I think he'll guess pretty quickly that however it happened, Spike is the father. I don't want to have to deal with Angel in a jealous rage.