Lilian
She said yes.
She looked him in the eye and said ‘yes’.
Damnit.
Goddamnit.
I should be happy.
I really should.
James is my best friend. Lily too.
But I’m not.
I love her.
I really do.
She’s...smart, talented, pretty, kind...
She’s Lilian.
At least, to me.
Lily is the sweet innocent girl everyone else sees.
Lilian is the one I see. The one who knows what darkness is, who understands fear and darkness, and who is not afraid to oppose it.
I know some people think she’s a fool.
A Muggle-born witch marrying one of the most ardent fighters against Voldemort? Lily Potter? She’ll be targeted for sure! She’ll die!
Lily can seem a fool with her popularity and fashionable robes.
Lilian is not.
Lilian knows what will come. And she is not afraid.
Lilian understands, and she will take her chance.
She is brave. Braver than I.
And that is why I love her.
I know I will smile at their wedding.
I know I will dance and laugh.
I know I will wish them luck.
And I know I will wish she was mine.
That she was marrying me, not James.
That she loved me, not him.
But I do not hate her for choosing him.
I have never chased her. Not once.
I always considered her a friend, but never more.
Until James.
It was fifth year.
He asked her.
She said yes.
And I realized how much she meant to me too.
It was too late.
And I am too late now.
But I do not regret not acting.
She is happy.
He is happy.
And I can pretend.
The friendship of two of the most important people in my life matters more than my personal love.
But I still love her.
I always will.
Back to The Cupboard