octobre fin

It was late.
The night of the full moon.
The clouds were out, the moon was hidden.
Sirius was there.
With him.
On the last day of October, on Halloween.
1982.
When James died.

 
October 31, 1982 — 9:54 P.M.

"Sirius, shouldn’t you go?" Remus finished mixing the hot chocolate. "It’s nearly ten."
Sirius shrugged. "It’s cloudy. If you don’t transform, I’ll just stay here."
"All right." Remus didn’t deny that he enjoyed the company. It was rather lonely living in solitude. "Just change and nip me into the cell if I happen to start sprouting fur, ‘kay?"
Sirius laughed. "Sure. Fluffy pink collar too?"
Remus sent Sirius a dirty look. The collar had been a prank birthday present from James the previous year. "If you ever put me in that thing..." He let the threat hang.
Sirius waved it off, the amused look never leaving his face. "Like a werewolf would let me near it with that thing, honestly."
A slight beep interrupted the conversation.
Remus turned to his fireplace. "Professor Dumbledore?" He jerked back slightly with surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"I—" He stopped and shot a quick look at Remus. "Shouldn’t you have transformed by now?"
"It’s rather cloudy down here, Professor."
"Ah, well, that’s not important. Sirius!"
"Yes?" Sirius moved from his seat closer to the fire.
Remus noted that the look of concern on Sirius’ face now matched Professor Dumbledore’s.
"I’ve gotten word that Lord Voldemort is pursuing the Potters, and that he may attack tonight."
"What?!"
Sirius shot a quick look at Remus.
"That’s impossible! He can’t find James." Remus looked from Dumbledore to Sirius. "Can he?"
"No," Sirius whispered, but his voice was suddenly hollow, and his face paler, though it could have just been the light of the fire.
"Sirius?" The room was suddenly several degrees colder to Remus.
"You’re the only one who knows where they are," Dumbledore continued. "Would it be safe to check on them?"
Sirius nodded, but Remus knew his friend better than that. Sirius was thinking of something, something the rest of them didn’t quite understand.
"I’d go now, but..." Sirius hesitated and looked at Remus.
"Go." Remus agreed. "Just lock me in now."
Dumbledore nodded. "I must go now, and hope we are only being overly cautious."
With a small puff of smoke, he was gone.
Remus opened the basement door and started down the stairs.
A sharp pain shot up his spine.
A loud crack as his tail shot out.
He looked down at his hand. Fur.
"Oh, God, no..." He shot a panicked look at Sirius.
Not now, oh, please, not now, not when...
Sirius was already changing.
Sirius...
And then he was gone.

 
It had been a full moon.
October 31, 1982.
Halloween.
And the full moon...
He had been in his own home, howling and tearing up the furniture.
And Sirius...

 
October 31, 1982—10:12 P.M.

Hurry!
The street came into view.
So did the Dark Mark. It hung high in the air over its victim, like it had done so many times before. The bright green lights flickered against the patches of cloud in the sky.
He pushed the bike faster.
Down the street. Around the curve—
No. His heart hammered in his chest. No. Nononononono...
He saw the house. Merlin, no!
The motorcycle skidded on the pavement and he jumped off before it had completely stopped.
"JAMES!" He screamed.
He can’t be dead. He can’t. cantcantcantcant...
He stumbled forward into the debris. Bits of broken wood and smashed concrete surrounded him. Where were James and Lily?
And then he saw the body.
James.
A hoarse croak escaped him lips. No. "James?" He knelt down, pushing aside the planks.
The man stared up at him, his blank brown eyes empty.
His throat constricted. No. Not James. He grabbed the hand as if he was trying to grab at the life that was already gone. It was cold. He was too late. Too late...
"JAMES!" He screamed. Tears fell like rain on the body as he cried in heaping, convulsing sobs. He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand how his best friend could be dead, how...
"Peter."
How could he...? Unless...? Merlin, NO!
Sirius dropped the hand and backed away. "NO!"
How could he be so stupid? How could he not have seen? Peter, a traitor.
"I’m sorry, James, I’m so sorry." Sirius backed away, shaking his head. He was such a fool. And he was responsible. He let this happen. He let James die.
He tripped over a piece of rotting wood. He flipped over to get up.
And stared into the cold dead eyes of Lily Potter.
"No!"
He stared. The sparkle was gone. The smile was gone. Lily was gone.
He touched her cheek. "I’m sorry, Lily. I’m sorry."
A sound. Sharp. Sudden.
A baby’s cry pierced the silence of the night.
Harry.
Harry. Alive.
Sirius, slowly, as if he were in a dream, removed the bundle from Lily’s arms.
The child stared up at him with his wet green eyes. He had Lily’s eyes.
Sirius rocked him back and forth, but the screaming did not stop. "Oh, Harry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry."
I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I’m sorry I came too late. I’m sorry I didn’t see. I was wrong. I’m sorry...
"Sirius?"
He turned. "Hagrid."
"What are yeh doin’ here?"
"James...James..." He couldn’t say the words, but it didn’t matter. Hagrid saw the bodies.
"Oh, Sirius..." Hagrid wrapped him in a bear hug. "I knew he was like a brother ter yeh."
Sirius let himself sob into Hagrid’s coat. He stood there and let the tears fall. He didn’t care who saw. None of that mattered anymore.
"Sirius, I’ve gotta take Harry ter Dumbledore."
"What? No! Hagrid, I’m his godfather! Let me take him!"
"I’m sorry, Sirius, but I gotta. Dumbledore’s orders."
Sirius swallowed and looked around him at the destruction. "Take my bike."
"Sirius?"
"Take it. I don’t need anymore." He kissed Harry and handed the bundle to Hagrid. "Take care of him."
He turned and ran down the street, leaving a stunned Hagrid standing on the sidewalk.

 
It was morning.
The banging woke him up, the banging on his door...
The man was from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. The woman was an Auror.
When they told him, he sat down and cried.
It was 8:01 A.M.
It was ten hours too late.

 
November 7, 1982 — 9:43 A.M.

He stood a ways away from the mourning crowd, watching. There had to be a thousand witches and wizards down there.
Dumbledore, he realized, was talking, no doubt of the noble lives of Lily and James Potter.
He should go down there. Go and acknowledge his friends. Go and say a few words, just a few to try to express what they meant to him.
He didn’t.
He wasn’t quite sure why.
Things...things had happened in a way he couldn’t quite understand; didn’t really want to understand.
James was dead.
That much, he could understand. They all knew the dangers of opposing the Dark Lord. He missed his friend. He missed Lily. But he understood. He understood that Voldemort murdered them, that they died because they were good, decent people. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair, but it was the way things were.
But James and Lily were betrayed. He didn’t understand that.
Because Sirius, the Sirius he knew, would never do that. Sirius, go to the Dark Side...Never.
But he had. He had turned to Voldemort, and he had sacrificed his brother in the process.
Who was it that had murdered his brother? Cain? His memory of the Bible was spotty, but his grandfather had been quite religious. But his grandfather had died long ago, before Remus was bitten.
But Sirius had never been jealous of James. He...he just couldn’t have.
Could he?
And Peter. Why Peter? And all those Muggles...
It didn’t make any sense. None of it did. It...
He realized he was crying. Crying for James, crying for Peter, crying for Sirius.
Sirius.
He had been sent to Azkaban. The sentencing hearing had been the day before...
Life in Azkaban.
Life.
But what was life in that godforsaken place?
What was life at all?
He, last of the Marauders, was for the first time in his life alone. Truly alone. Before he had his parents, then he had his friends. Now he had nothing.
Because they were all dead.
Even Sirius.
If he had betrayed James, then he had slashed his own throat. If he hadn’t...
Azkaban was enough to destroy the strongest of souls.

Remus placed the flowers on the grave. Lilies. Lilies for Lily. He wanted to laugh at that, but all he managed was more tears.
James’s body had been far too mangled to display.
But Lily...
She still looked as beautiful as before. The Sleeping Beauty.
He wondered where Harry was.
Dumbledore had taken him and placed him with his only remaining relatives, but Remus did not know who they were or where they lived.
And it didn’t really matter.
A werewolf would never be allowed to adopt a child.
And there was no other Marauder left to protect Harry.
He could never keep his promise.

 
James had promised. Promised they would be friends forever.
Forever was a long time.
But forever didn’t beat death.
Forever was a long time to wait.
And a long time to remember.

 
November 7, 1982 — 5:07 P.M.

He headed for the lake, where he had spent many happy hours during his childhood.
With his friends.
With James.
He fingered the note in his pocket.
Moony, if something happens, and I’m scared it will, I know you’ll hold everyone together. I know it will be hard, but hang on. Sirius will try to throw his life away avenging some wrong. Don’t let him. You have always been like a brother to me, and I know that you will stay rational, just like the old days. Please take care of Harry for me. Just because the law doesn’t say you’re his godfather doesn’t mean you’re not.
Give this to him when he’s old enough. –Prongs
The ring had been for Harry.
James’s old Hogwarts School ring. They each had one. Gold, with a ruby and the Hogwarts crest and the Gryffindor lion.
James was gone, and so was Sirius, and it was left to him to watch out for James’s only son.
I’m his father now, he realized, startling himself. Because James trusted me.
One day, he’d find Harry. And he’d...
But he couldn’t, could he?
The law forbid it. He was nothing without his friends.
And if he ever met the boy? What would he say?
‘I’m sorry, but I couldn’t save your parents ‘cause it was the full moon, and I was a werewolf’?
I couldn’t get there in time. I didn’t find out ‘til the next morning. Until James was already dead, until they’d moved the bodies way, until Peter was gone and Sirius was in chains.
Until...
I was too late.
Remus took the ring from his pocket and flung it as far as he could into the lake. Maybe the giant squid would find it someday.
James was gone. The Marauders were gone. And he, Remus J. Lupin, had to move on. Moony was something of the past. From this day forth, he was no longer the Remus of Hogwarts. He was...
Nothing.
He didn’t know who he was or where he was going, but he knew that that day, the last Marauder died with the rest.
Goodbye, James.
He turned and walked away.













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