Memories
When I was young I was a fool
But happiness cannot last
It melts away when love dies
Into Shadows of the Past
Tobias turned and stared at his wife. She was lying next to him, still sleeping.
Tobias smiled, remembering the night of passion they had shared.
Life on the base wasn’t easy. They both worked the same exhausting twelve-hour shift from 7:00 to 19:30, with a half hour break for lunch at twelve, and overtime fluctuated between common and the norm. Their sex life was the only thing that sustained them. They had promised themselves they would have sex at least once a month, no matter how tired they were, and it was the only thing they looked forwards to all month.
He and Rachel had been married two years now. In fact, it would be exactly two years next month. Their anniversary was in 27 days. Tobias smiled. He would make it a special night for Rachel.
Tobias glanced at the clock. 6:30. Time to get up.
Tobias reached over and gently shook Rachel’s shoulder. Sure, the alarm would wake her in a few minutes, but that always made her grumpy. "Wake up, Rachel. Time for work."
Rachel rolled over and yawned. "What time is it?"
"Six thirty."
"Damn." Rachel jumped out of bed and slipped into the steam shower.
"What’s the big hurry?" Tobias asked as she got out a minute later.
"I’ve got a shipment coming in at 7:10. I’ve got to go set up." Rachel explained as she yanked on her clothes.
"Bye, Tobe." She grabbed a ration bar off of the counter and gave him a quick kiss goodbye.
Tobias watched as his wife breezed out the door. He too had to get to his shift.
Tobias sighed and pulled himself out of bed. His uniform (one of two, the other was in the wash) was neatly folded on his dresser. Thank God for laundry machines. Tobias smiled as he remembered the look on Rachel’s face when she found out they only received two outfits, one for formal dress and one for everyday.
The night before, Tobias had returned to his quarters three hours early after trading a shift with Jameer, a fellow pilot. He was planning to heat up some rations and get dressed up in his formal to surprise Rachel when she got back.
And she had been surprised, not to mention happy.
Tobias hopped into the steam wash and a minute later, came out cleaner than clean. He pulled on his uniform and began to eat a ration bar. The bars tasted rather like sweetened bread to Tobias, but Rachel called the stuff ‘puke’.
Tobias glanced at the clock again. 6:45. His shift started in fifteen minutes, and the bridge was on the other side of the ship.
After checking the mirror one more time to make sure he was presentable, Tobias left their spartan quarters.
On the way, several Andalites gave him formal salutes when only informal was necessary, a sure sign they detested the idea of a non-Andalite for a commanding officer. However, Tobias felt much better when he arrived on the bridge, where he was welcomed by several of his Andalite friends and Alex, his best friend and the only other human on the base.
"Morning, sir." Alex gave an elaborate salute and a wink.
"Morning, warrior." Tobias grinned.
Tobias moved to his console, one that was facing the vast viewscreen and directly in front of the captain’s station.
Alex, two stations away, kept conversing with him in sign language, and Tobias would respond in private thought-speak. He had found that the thought-speak that came with a morph was much easier to direct than natural thought-speak, probably part of the technology, which was why most Andalites didn’t use thought-speech on the busy bridge.
Andalites were slowly filing in and out as the day shift replaced the night shift. The Andalites worked on the equivalent of a 25-hour day, which took a little adjusting to.
One second before 7:00, the captain walked in, as he always did. Everyone turned and saluted, then went back to what they were doing.
What are you doing tonight? Alex signed.
<Sleeping. I’ve got an extra three hours to pull tomorrow morning.>
Got some action last night, huh?
Tobias sent him a dirty look.
Alex laughed. Sorry, couldn’t resist.
<Speaking of action, how’s Sarah?>
Alex sighed. She hates it here. She wants to go back to her farm. To her painting. He shrugged. And I can’t really blame her. I mean, this place is pretty dull unless you work on the base, and there are hardly any humans, and the Andalites aren’t very talkative. Alex sighed again. She’s bored, plain and simple. She wants to leave. She wants me to transfer to a ground base.
<But you love it here! You’ve been dreaming about this your whole life!>
Yeah I know... But I don’t know what I’m going to do right now. We’re just...not talking about it.
<You guys fighting?> Tobias asked sympathetically.
Alex winced and nodded. She’s being real cold to me.
Tobias sighed. <Just let her go, Alex.>
Alex looked up, startled. Go? But I love her!
<Well, either she goes back to Earth without you, or you both go back.>
I don’t know if I can stand her being so far away...
Tobias paused. <Alex, lots of couples are separated for months at a time. Look at the Andalites. Almost everyone on this base is away from their family. If you guys really love each other, you’ll make it work, no matter where you are.>
<Prince Tobias.>
Tobias looked up, startled. Had someone noticed them talking? <Yes, Captain?>
<Come here.>
Tobias jogged over to the elderly Andalite. Whatever it was, it has to be pretty clandestine if the captain wasn’t willing to risk being overheard in private thought-speech.
<Tonight. 20:00. War Room Five.>
The message was brief and to the point. Tobias shivered with anticipation. War Room Five was reserved for the top-most level of missions. Something big was up.
<I’ll be there, Sir.>
Tobias waved to Rachel across the green plain.
Rachel waved back and jogged over. "Hey." She leaned over and kissed him.
"Mmmmhhh." Tobias smiled. "How was your morning?"
"Got the shipment, but Lab Three caught on fire and I had to go put it out. That’s why I smell like smoke." She added. "Pretty normal morning if you ask me."
Tobias grinned. "Hear ‘bout the meeting?"
Rachel nodded. "Yeah. Galuit told me. Sounds big."
Tobias nodded in agreement. "Hey, there’s Cinto. He should know what’s going on." Cinto was Galuit’s Chief Tactical Officer.
Tobias and Rachel walked alongside each other across the field. On either side, Andalites walked or trotted along, feeding.
"Does Alex know?" Rachel asked. "He hasn’t said anything to me."
Tobias shook his head. "I don’t think so."
Rachel frowned. "But why not? If this has to do with the Alliance, Alex would know about it."
Tobias paused. "Maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with the Alliance. Maybe this is something else."
Rachel’s frown deepened. "But every meeting we’ve had is about that. They always want us to smooth things over with the Alliance."
Tobias nodded. "But if this is about the Alliance, Alex would know. He is our liaison with the Alliance."
Rachel bit her lip. "But then... What would merit a level Five meeting?" Tobias shook his head. "I don’t know. I don’t know..."
Tobias and Rachel stopped by the pond where Cinto and several other Andalites were drinking. "Hey, Cin!"
Cinto looked up. <Hello, Tobias, Rachel.>
<Cin,> Tobias switched to private thought-speech. <What’s that meeting about?>
Cinto shook his head. He couldn’t talk about it. <See you for that bout tonight? I’ll show you some moves your father made famous.>
Tobias understood. This was classified. Even the existence of the meeting was secret.
Tobias and Rachel shared a dark look. They had chosen this base because it specialized in weapons design and covert operations and stayed out of direct war. Something Tobias wanted to keep Rachel away from. But now it seemed Apex level warfare had reached this sector too.
Tobias grabbed two ration bars out of the pantry and tossed one to Rachel.
Rachel ripped the wrapper off and took a bite. "God, Newbel is driving me crazy. He crashed the reactor again for the third time in a deglash!"
Tobias’s jaw dropped. "The third time in ten days?"
Rachel nodded. "He’s out first thing tomorrow. I’ll making Galuit move him somewhere else."
Tobias raised his eyebrow. "Isn’t that a little harsh? He’s just a rookie. Maybe a bit clumsy, but-"
"A BIT? I’m constantly cleaning up after his mistakes! It takes four hours to restart the reactor. If we didn’t have this meeting I’d be there ‘til midnight! He gets in everyone’s way. He doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing..."
"Rachel, he’ll get better. Remember when you first started? You spilt 26 molar acid all over the lab. Good thing that floor’s so thick the acid didn’t eat all the way through the hull!"
Rachel blushed slightly, but her rant was far from over.
"But what really grills me is that Paigek. What a snotty brat! I swear to God if I don’t get rid of her-"
"Rachel..."
"She’s annoying, no one likes her..."
Tobias held up a hand. "What’s the real reason you want to sack her, Rachel?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that I’ve never seen you this worked up, except when that warrior on the bridge laughed when someone told him I was a prince, and then you tackled him and was halfway grizzly before I could pull you off!"
Rachel sulked. "I heard her say she couldn’t believe an inferior human was her commander."
Tobias nodded. "I see. So you want to show her who’s boss."
Rachel didn’t say anything.
"Rachel, you know you can’t do that."
Rachel shrugged. "Why not?"
"Rachel..." Tobias said warningly. "Rank and position will not be determined by race, species, gender or anything else unrelated to performance. You wrote that charter. You should know it by heart."
"She’s an insolent brat!"
"Rachel, you overheard her. She didn’t say that to your face."
"So?"
"What did you think of her before you heard her say that?"
Rachel shifted uncomfortably. "She was all right. A rookie, but smart. Able. Nice. What’s your point?"
"One, you’re in a bad mood and you’re taking it out on me and you’re about to take it out on her. Two, give her a chance. You never know. She might change her mind about humans after she’s seen you in action." Tobias smiled. "And if she ever insults you again, I’ll give her a good tail-whipping."
Rachel grinned. "You’ll have to get in line first!"
Tobias downed the last of his water. "Come on. Meeting’s going to start without us."
The circle of Andalites in the large meeting-room stood as Tobias and Rachel entered. Several saluted.
Then Rachel and Tobias saluted to the senior officers in the room.
Tobias scanned the faces quickly. A few, he knew, several, he didn’t.
<What are they doing here?> An old Andalite scoffed.
Galuit bristled. <They are the ones that will complete this mission.>
<They are human children!> The Andalite, who, by the way he carried himself, was probably on the Electorate, snapped back.
Tobias felt his cheeks grow hot with anger, and he saw Rachel tense out of he corner of his eye.
<Besheney,> Galuit’s slits flared. <you may be Lirem’s protégée, but while you’re on my ship, you will treat my officers with respect!>
Tobias was stunned. Besheney was treated by many as Lirem himself, and Galuit had just reprimanded him. Tobias wondered how the Andalite would react.
He didn’t have to wait for long.
Besheney was literally shaking with anger. <How dare you say such things to me! I will not tolerate this kind of insubordination!>
Galuit was unfazed. <Insubordination my tail. Your rank is equal to mine, and since I am an older, more seasoned warrior, you will obey my commands.>
<I am here under Prince Lirem’s orders!>
<Lirem is not here, and even he is not fool enough to insult the man who saved this galaxy from the Yeerk scum.>
All four of Besheney’s eyes glared at Tobias even as he spoke to Galuit. <I will report you for this!>
<Do so, and lose Eleca.> Galuit flicked his tail. <We are the only forces in this sector, and you cannot spare the main fleet. These are my only warriors prepared to undertake such a mission. If you leave now, I will not be responsible for explaining to Lirem why the Yeerks took such an easy victory from us.>
<Then send them to their deaths.> Besheney snapped as he stormed past Tobias.
Galuit relaxed. <My apologies, Tobias, Rachel. He must be tired from the flight here.>
Two chairs emerged from the liquid metal that formed the floor and solidified. Tobias and Rachel sat down.
Everyone acted as if the altercation had not occurred.
The Andalites all lied down, their deer-like bodies touching the floor, but their human-like torsos erect.
A three-dimensional hologram of a red and blue planet appeared.
<This,> Galuit began, <is Eleca. It is a planet slightly larger than Earth, positioned in the fifth orbit of a yellow star system at the edge of this sector, almost in unexplored space.
<Its inhabitants have recently discovered the Elbachi equation.>Tobias felt his mouth go dry. The Elbachi equation...
"E equals MC squared." Rachel whispered.
<Precisely.> Galuit nodded. <And we all know what that means. Soon they will develop nuclear reactors, build nuclear weapons, and harness nuclear power.> There was a pregnant pause. <Their civilization is highly advanced. They have space travel. Primitive, but they have explored their system and landed on their moons. They have theories of Z-space. Much of it wrong, but enough of it correct. All they need to connect all this together and break into Z-space is the Elbachi equation, and now they have it.
<They will soon become aware of they rest of this galaxy. Ten years to send and receive broadcasts. Thirty to build ships. Fifty to find us. A hundred to rival us.
<At most.
<It is very possible they will accomplish all this in a much shorter time.
<The Yeerks have decided to attack now, before this species becomes Z-space capable and out of their reach. However, Yeerk forces, as ours, are spread thin in other sectors. They cannot afford to send in a large contingency, so a pre-force has been sent to quickly take the highest officials of the Eleca government and the top scientists involved in the space program in hopes of slowing it down. A hundred Yeerks--twenty Hork-Bajir, fifty Taxxons and thirty Yeerks awaiting hosts. Four already have theirs.
<That is where we come in. The fleet cannot spare any troops, and we are the closest base. We will send a team of five. Kill these Yeerks. Free the hosts if you can, otherwise kill them too. Any freed Hork-Bajir may be brought back.
<We want the Eleca people to stay uninformed. They should be left alone to develop their own technology.>
Tobias sent Rachel a knowing look. The Law of Seerow’s Kindness may have been scraped for the Law of Elfangor’s Wisdom, but the Andalites were by no means ready to share all their secrets.
Galuit looked to an Andalite next to him. <Merdin?>
<We have two deglash. That is when our final intelligence reports will come in and this mission will begin I have brought with me Aelex-Rondin-Lateder, a computers expert and Selynce-Desyki-Mecon, an assassin. I am Merdin-Rajami-Tasubik, an explosives expert as well as an expert on Yeerk activity in this sector. Prince Galuit suggested the two Animorphs join us on this mission because of their field experience.>
Galuit looked around. <It is agreed?> The Andalites flicked their tailblades up in agreement. Tobias and Rachel nodded. Galuit stood. <Meeting adjourned. You five, briefing tomorrow. Here. Same time.>
All through the next day, Tobias was distracted, thinking about their mission. they would be on a planet. Alone. In secret. Fighting against a bigger enemy. And they only had days to do it.
He wondered what Rachel thought of all this. She seemed pretty happy in the lab, but did she love killing more? Could one more mission make her snap?
Tobias knew Rachel was strong. He just hoped she was strong enough.
After their shift was over, Tobias and Rachel met up back at their quarters. Dinner was once again ration bars.
The three Andalites were already waiting when Tobias and Rachel arrived at the briefing. Galuit was not yet there.
The three saluted then went back to the diagram they were arguing over.
"I wonder why Galuit wanted us on this?" Tobias murmured to Rachel. "Sure, we have experience, but we’re relatively new hands at weaponry and such."
Rachel shrugged at Tobias. "Our winning personalities? I mean, they obviously have enough forces. After all they sent us three experts."
<Actually...> Merdin interrupted, seeming very uncomfortable with what he was about to say. <I couldn’t help overhearing, but all of us are er...recent graduates of the Academy. We have no field experience, which is why Prince Galuit suggested that you come with us.>
Rachel stared. "They sent us three Arisths?!" She demanded, outraged.
Merdin said nothing, obviously embarrassed.
It was Aelex who spoke. <We know how to do our jobs, we’ve just never done them before.>
Rachel ignored him and instead pulled Tobias to a corner out of earshot. "How the hell are we supposed to stop the Yeerks with three rookies?"
"We were rookies once, Rachel."
"We had two years!"
"Well, they have two deglash. And us."
They trained. They studied. And they planned.
At the end of the twenty days, Tobias and Rachel knew everything they needed to know about the invasion of Eleca, and the Andalites had begun to understand what war was, and what it meant to be an Animorph.
Respect from Andalites was hard to come by. You had to be famous or high-ranking, unless, of course, they’ve fought by your side. Ability, courage and leadership were respected far more on the battlefield than species or gender. The Andalites were an arrogant race, but they knew a warrior when they saw one, and they respected him for it. Of course, few races ever had the chance to fight alongside the Andalites, but the individuals, the ones who fought, learned to respect their peers.
Tobias didn’t need to tell the Arisths who they were. The name Animorph was legendary, and the name Tobias...It was both a myth and a curse.
Tobias embodied everything the Andalites loved and hated. Family and honor. A famous father. The hero, Elfangor. The Elfangor who broke the law. The Elfangor who married a human.
Tobias had a warrior’s heart. He was brave, noble, talented. Tobias was the perfect Andalite...in a human body. He was the merging of two cultures, two peoples, in one man.
But he was only one man.
Rachel crouched in the cave their ship was hidden in. "Tomorrow." She whispered.
Tobias, who had demorphed so he wouldn’t be so cramped in the small space, nodded. <Yeah. The explosive’s ready.>
Rachel bit her lip. "Tobias, I’m worried. These three will get us killed if something happens."
<Rachel, don’t worry about it. We’ll be fine. We’ve been on harder missions than this.>
Rachel sighed. "But I do worry."
She didn’t say, ‘I worry about snapping, about you dying,’ but Tobias knew she was thinking it.
<I love you.> He said simply.
Rachel stroked Tobias’s feathers. "I know."
"Shit, shit, shit!" Rachel muttered as the Dracons streamed overhead.
Tobias tried to look over the barrier they were behind but quickly ducked down. "There are a lot of them. At least ten."
Obscenity poured from Rachel mouth.
"We either have to make a break for it or wait for Merdin and the guys to save our butts." Tobias muttered, thinking to himself.
"This was supposed to be a covert operation." Rachel grumbled.
Tobias shrugged, then winced as another blast rocked their hiding place. "They know we’re here, but they don’t know we are here."
Rachel grinned, suddenly understanding. "Having an Animorph show up is rather demoralizing, isn’t it?"
Tobias nodded. "They’re on the alert for Andalites, which means we have to change the plan."
Rachel raised her eyebrow. "I take it I shouldn’t morph to Andalite again."
"No. Merdin can’t get in, but I can."
"Tobias..."
"I’ll go get him. He’ll morph me, and then Aelex and Selynce will cause a distraction so I can sneak in. Give me ten minutes, then let yourselves be seen. Mass destruction. Shake ‘em. Scare the shit out of ‘em. Then the bomb will go off and they’ll leave."
Rachel looked at Tobias worriedly. "That’s dangerous. Too many things could go wrong."
"You sound like Jake."
"And you sound like me."
"I’ll be fine. Go grizzly."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Tobias kissed her fiercely. "Good luck."
As he flew away, he thought to himself, and perhaps even out loud, We are forever.
The explosive was ready. Everything was ready.
Merdin acquired Tobias and flew off to meet up with Rachel.
The bomb was a chip. A very small chip. Tobias went ant. Small, but strong. As long as Aelex could get him close enough to the door, he’d make it.
The plan was simple. Aelex and Selynce would attack. Aelex would throw Tobias in ant morph into the underground cavern and Tobias would push the bomb into the pool. The timer was ‘wet’ start so they would have ten minutes to get out.
Rachel would provide a distraction. Tobias would fly out. Bird or fly. Either morph worked.
The plan worked rather well. Aelex and Selynce got into a rather messy tail-fight, but Aelex threw Tobias a good distance so it only took him about a minute to reach the edge of the pool and push the bomb in. After that, everyone was so distracted with the fighting that no one noticed him demorph.
Tobias called out the warning to Aelex and Selynce to get out of the pool. He could hear the sounds of fighting far away and knew that Rachel had come through.
The Yeerks saw them retreat and, as Tobias expected, chased after them.
The three converged with the other battle.
It was too perfect.
Two Hork-Bajirs attacked Rachel at the same time. She knocked one in the head, and he fell dead, but she didn’t see the other.
The Hork-Bajir slashed forward just as she turned to attack.
To Tobias, the moment lasted a lifetime. Rachel, paw raised. The blade cutting deep. Blood gushing out from the vein in her neck.
And she fell. Her heavy bear body crushed her attacker, impaling him on his own tail, and impaling herself on his blade. The tip of the blade could be seen poking out of her back.
<RACHEL!> Tobias didn’t know if he actually screamed or not.
There was a flash of red. Dracon beam. Rachel. He couldn’t see Rachel! Where was she?
<Prince Tobias!> Tobias was distracted as Merdin swooped over. <We must leave now!>
<No! Rachel’s still->
<Quickly, the bo->
A loud blast assaulted his sensitive ears.
The bomb.
something...something was moving… no, he was moving… falling…
why was he falling?
pain. his arm—wing—pain...
another bird. crushed. crushed under mortar and concrete and metal.
almost certainly dead.
too late.
he would die.
he would die with Rachel.
<Prince Tobias!>
A voice. Calling him.
<Merdin?>
A pause. <No, this is Cinto.>
Cinto? How was Cinto dead? Had the base been attacked? Were Galuit and Alex dead as well?
<Prince Tobias, you have suffered serious injuries. Please morph.>
Morph? But he was dead. Still, why not?
He heard the sounds of change, but felt nothing. Was this how it felt to be dead?
But, no... The numbness was retreating...
His eyes snapped open. The blurriness faded, and Tobias saw through human eyes the worried face of Cinto-Agarian-Llorns.
"I’m not dead?"
<No you are fine. The mission was a success.>
"Where’s Rachel? And Merdin?"
Cinto glanced at Aelex and Selynce, unsure.
<They’re dead.> Aelex replied angrily. <Merdin went back for you.>
"Dead? No! No..."
<Go.>
Tobias looked up to see the sympathetic face of Galuit in the doorway. <I must speak to Tobias alone.>
The others obeyed.
"Captain..."
<I’m sorry, Tobias.>
"Is she really..."
Galuit sighed. <We have yet to find the body, but no one could have survived that blast.>
"I did!"
<You were protected by a sheet of metal that had fallen on you. Aelex tells me Rachel was in bear morph.> Galuit sighed. <The area’s decimated. There’s nothing left. We would have seen something that big.>
"But she-"
<Tobias, I’m very sorry for your loss, but Rachel is dead, and you must accept that.>
With that, Galuit left.
Tobias tried to return to his life and duties but, but the memories were just too much. Everywhere he looked, he remembered Rachel.
And he couldn’t even talk about it. The mission was level Five. Top military secret. No one was supposed to know.
Tobias had to leave, to go to a place where there was nothing to hurt him, nothing to make him think of Rachel. A place with no humans, no one who knew him, no one who would remind him of his past.
-/|\-
Operation Eleca was deemed a success. The Yeerks were routed out. The planet and its people were safe.
Aelex and Selynce had escaped with only a memory of the horror.
Merdin, who had followed Aelex and Selynce out of the range of the bomb, had realized that Tobias and Rachel were missing. He had gone back for his commander. And lost his life.
Rachel’s body was never found, but there is little doubt she did not survive.
Tobias left the base to join the Pilot Academy. A fighter could easily be adjusted to house a bird, as nearly all commands were in thought-speak.
-/|\-
He promised himself he would never love, never care, again. It hurt far too much.
But Tobias was still human, and to be human is to care.
Six years later...
Tobias strolled down the hallway, looking for room AF-359. He was new to this base and unfamiliar with its layout.
"You looking for something?"
Tobias spun around, shocked to hear a human voice.
He saw a plump woman, probably in her late forties, holding a very large cake, and looking like she was about to fall over.
"I’m looking for my quarters, AF-359." Tobias explained, hoping she knew her way around here.
"Ah..." She nodded. "You’re the guy from Command, huh?"
Tobias nodded.
"Come on, then. I’m headed to the Mess Hall myself, but your quarters are nearby. I’ll drop you off."
"Mess Hall?" Tobias asked surprised. "I wasn’t aware there was a Mess Hall."
The woman laughed. "Well, Mess Plain is more like it. You know, the Dome."
"Oh!" Tobias remembered that the place where you ate was called the ‘Mess Hall’ in the human military.
"I’m Beth Ryser, by the way." She looked like she wanted to offer her hand, but they were full.
"Tobias Fangor."
"The Tobias?"
Tobias looked away. "Er... Here, let me take that." Tobias offered, gesturing at the cake.
"Oh, thanks." She said, relieved. "Andalites can’t carry much, so I always get stuck with the deliveries." She wrinkled her nose as she handed it over.
The cake was heavy, Tobias noted.
"You work here?" Tobias asked, though he couldn’t imagine the Andalite military taking in a middle-aged woman who looked more like a favorite aunt than a general.
"Goodness, no!" She laughed. "I’m here representing my church. I’m a missionary."
Tobias stiffened. He never liked missionaries. The idea of someone intruding on the native culture and pushing others to change their beliefs just seemed wrong to him.
Tobias’s mouth had fallen open at this surprising revelation. "I thought they didn’t allow missionaries." He muttered.
"Special permission through the UN. Technically, its cultural observation, but I’ve been a missionary most of my life. This isn’t any different."
"And they don’t mind you converting their troops?" Tobias asked in amazement.
She laughed. "Oh, no, I’m not converting anyone. I gave up on that after the first week!"
Tobias stared. "Then why are you still here?"
"They’re good boys, fighting for what they believe in. They’re like my boys in a lot of ways."
"You have kids?"
She nodded. "Two boys. Matt’s twenty. He’s in college. Jon just turned nineteen. He’s fighting too." She got a little teary-eyed. "I worry about him. He’s my baby, you know. And then I see these boys out here and I realize that they have mothers too. Mothers who worry just as much as I do. So I figure I’ll take care of their sons, and someone will take care of mine."
Tobias nodded. "That’s a nice thought."
"The cake’s for Nidee." She explained. "The latest mailstream came in, and he’s got a new baby brother he hasn’t seen yet! We’re having a party to celebrate."
Tobias was impressed. "You’ve got a close group here."
Beth nodded. "A crew of a hundred. We’re light-years from anywhere, so we tend to stick together. She stopped walking. "These are your quarters." She pointed to the door. "But, you know, if you’re not busy or anything, you can come join us."
Tobias thought about that. It would be an opportunity to see the rest of the crew and ship. The faster he wrote up this report, the sooner he’d be back in the fight. "Sure."
The dome was slightly crowded, as it seemed 90% of the crew was there. When Beth came in, they cheered.
"Everyone, this is Tobias from Command. He’ll be joining us for a few weeks." Beth introduced.
He noticed several wary looks in his direction and wondered.
Tobias set the cake down on the ground. One of the Andalites cut it with his tailblade.
Everyone morphed human and took a piece, talking and eating in small groups.
Tobias noticed several other foods had been prepared. He watched from a distance, wondering how the crew had managed this acceptance of human culture.
Beth came over with a piece of cake in each hand. "Here. She handed one to him."
"Thanks." Tobias licked the icing. It was creamy and rich. A delectable he hadn’t tasted in... how long? Six, seven years?
"Hi!" Tobias looked up to see Beth smiling cheerfully at him from the doorway.
"Hi." Tobias said, surprised.
"Writing stuffy reports?" She asked, teasing.
Tobias couldn’t help but agree. The reports were boring.
"Come on, you’ve been here a week and you haven’t left this room yet!"
Tobias shrugged. "Yeah, I guess I’ve been busy."
"Come on." She jerked her chin towards the hall. "I’ll give you a tour of the base."
A smile tugged at his lips. "Now?"
"Yes, now." She laughed. "Lord, you’re worse than some Andalites! Come on, quit being such a stoic."
Tobias put down his datapad reluctantly. "All right... Why?"
Beth studied him for a moment. "I want to show you something."
Tobias followed her out. Finally, they stopped at a pair of doors. CR-1.
Tobias looked at Beth quizzically.
"Open." She commanded, ignoring his look. "Authorization Mern Bethany Woods Ryser."
Mern. Tobias stared. Mern was a special title bestowed upon visiting officers, slightly below Prince, roughly equal to Lieutenant.
The room was large, in the normal open style of a meeting room.
"I needed to explain something to you." Beth said as she closed the door behind them. "Sit."
Tobias sat in one of the two chairs, Beth in the other.
"I came here almost a year ago. Exactly a year ago, actually, since I arrived with the last Command visit. I was supposed to leave with you."
"But...?"
"I don’t want to." She sighed. "Let me explain. When I was 22, I married my college sweetheart after graduation. A year later, Christine was born."
Tobias’s chest tightened. Christine had been Rachel’s middle name.
"Christine was my first child. We were young, so we decided to wait a few years before having more kids.
"Well, Ron got a stable job, pretty hard ‘cause of the recession and all, but we were all right. Matt came three years later, and Jon a year after that. Jon was a bit of an accident," she blushed, "but none of that mattered. We were building our savings, and the economy got better; our few stocks shot up; we were living the good life." She whispered bitterly. "Christine was thirteen when the war broke out. Ron was almost forty -too old, I thought- but he still left to join the army." She sighed. "I went with the kids to a shelter. Chris...Chris wanted to fight. I wouldn’t have let her join even if they were recruiting that young.
"Well, she joined a teen guerrilla group instead. I didn’t know about it until a year later. They did sabotage and spying, passing orders and information. Chris was devoted to it. During the last year of the war, she was always gone. I suspected, but I couldn’t confront her. What could I do? It was a war. She didn’t listen to me before, she wouldn’t have then." Beth stopped. "At least, that’s what I tell myself. Sometimes, I think if I had just said something, she wouldn’t have died."
"How did she die?" Tobias asked softly.
"I don’t know. They...two kids told me. It was in a raid at the Atlanta Pool, they said."
Tobias looked up sharply. "What was the group called?"
"What?"
"The Resistance force your daughter was a member of. What was it called?"
"Scorpio."
Tobias leaned back thinking. "The Atlanta Pool... January 4th, 2002."
"You know?"
"I was there." Tobias shook his head. "I remember that. It was ugly." He thought back. "Your daughter, short brown hair? Tall?"
"Yes... Did you know my daughter?"
Tobias let out a breath of air through his pursed lips. Should he tell her?
"I’ll explain later. Finish your story."
"Well, soon after the war ended, I found out Ron died at the Second Battle of Washington. I...I moved to Virginia. Savannah was completely wiped out. There was nothing to go back to. I home-schooled my boys at first, then ran a school of twenty kids.
"After Jon turned sixteen, he worked in Reconstruction with Matt. I join the volunteers in Eastern Europe. The place was awful. Crater holes surrounded by little white tents.
"But I couldn’t stay. The war was so close to my heart... I turned to God, and He brought me here.
"They didn’t welcome me at first, but everyone, even Andalite warriors, need a mother. I became their mother. They became my boys."
"So you take care of the crew."
"I’m needed here, and I need here. I know how hard it is to lose a child. These boys won’t die on my watch."
Tobias understood the unspoken meaning. "You didn’t fail Christine."
"She died."
Tobias sighed. How to tell her? "Your daughter, Mrs. Ryser-"
"You can call me Beth, you know."
Tobias shook his head. "I’m not talking to you as a friend. I’m telling you this as a Commander."
Beth rocked back. He saw shock and confusion in her eyes. Ten years. Ten years had passed. Who was he to pick at old wounds? And yet, perhaps those would heal better with the truth.
"Your daughter, Mrs. Ryser, died January 4th, 2002 at the Atlanta Pool. It was not a raid. It was a deliberate and carefully planned mission.
"I didn’t know your daughter, but I know what she did and how she died. She was a very brave woman, known to us only as Myen Twelve. The resistance had code names. Not the popular ones you hear about, but secret ones.
"Have you ever heard of Myen?"
Beth slowly nodded. "I received a note a week after Chris died. It said, ‘Myen forever’."
"Myen stands for ‘my mind’, the Resistance motto. Mind is the lowest level of secrecy, then Mynd, Myne, Myene, and finally, Myen. Your daughter was a powerful player in the Resistance."
"There’s something you’re not telling me..." Beth whispered.
"Christine died in a suicide bombing that obliterated the third largest Yeerk pool in the world." There. It was out.
Beth didn’t move. She just stared and stared.
"It-it was her choice. She helped free a lot of people and win the war."
"I...I never knew." Beth whispered tears falling down her face. "I never imagined that that she was in so deep... My God...She was just a kid."
"A very strong and courageous kid. We were all kids."
"How...how could the Resistance have allowed that? Didn’t they think of the danger? She was far too young..."
"Mrs. Ryser, the Resistance was completely made up of fighters younger than sixteen. Older than that and they were drafted."
"Oh, God..."
"War is war, but she died for what she believed in. I think that’s a worthwhile cause."
"Were you...Were you in the war?"
"Yes."
"You’re one of the Animorphs."
"Yes, I am."
"It must have been hard."
"It was hard, but life is hard."
"I’m sorry."
Tobias stood. "Thanks for telling me. I won’t report this to Command."
"Tobias..." Beth laid a hand on his shoulder. "If you ever need a mother, I’m here."
Tobias stayed for six months before finally being forced to leave. In that time, he learned to open his heart to others after Rachel’s death had slammed it shut. He had a mother, and he had friends.
He vowed to return when the next command report was scheduled.
But he never did.
Three months after Tobias left, Outpost Base 391 was attacked. There were no survivors.
Shadows of Ra -Part 4
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