Janeway stared at the door long after it closed. He'd been very proper, very formal...Every inch her First Officer.
And she hated it.
She reached for the report he'd left about the one Kirian infiltrator who had escaped with some of their technology. There was too much turbulence, the ship too damaged, and they had not been able to track him.
She groaned slightly as she shifted position. The senior staff had debated about going after the missing equipment. But in the end, the Kirians had refused to return the technology and it had been decided that what little had been taken was not going to effect the balance of power. The Vaskan ambassador had agreed with that assessment.
She rubbed the back of her neck and thought about going to sick-bay to get an analgesic for her headache.
Thinking of the Doctor caused her to smile. One of the items stolen had been the back-up of Voyager's acerbic physician that Harry, Seven, Tom, and B'Elanna had finally managed to put together. If the Kirians figured out how to open the program--they would have to deal with his tongue-lashing.
Served them right.
They'd completed the trade with the Vaskans last night and were again heading toward the Alpha-Quadrant. B'Elanna wasn't very happy with the quality of the dilithium...but it was better than none.
She reached for another PADD. Supplies were critical...Again. Recently it seemed that supplies were always critical. They would probably have to start rationing soon...
The Vaskan ambassador thought there was a class-M planet 3 weeks from here. Now if it was an uninhabited class-M planet with the materials and food-stuffs they needed...A little shoreleave would be a nice break for the crew from the daily routine.
Routine. Duty. Protocol. What kept a starship flying. Yet out here in the Delta Quadrant luck seemed to be playing a greater role than anybody cared to admit.
Of course skill, preparedness, training...the constant drills that Tuvok concocted to maintain battle-readiness helped.
Janeway glared at the pile of reports that sat on her desk. They were a constant reminder of just how precarious their existence was. She knew them by heart. Engineering reports. Supply reports. Morale reports. You name it, there was probably a report.
She admitted to herself that she no longer read every-single word. Some she skimmed. Some she just read the summary paragraph. But many she read.
Right now she was contemplating playing hooky. She knew no one would complain. (This was probably the main reason she just didn't just take the day off.)
The next report was a discipline report. After yesterday's memorial service, two crewmembers had gotten plastered. Discipline problems were rare. Chakotay had confined them to quarters, and fined them three days worth of rations.
His name brought another series of thoughts...Just what had gone wrong--again--between them.
She thought back to a few weeks earlier--the most recent rift in their friendship. And the Remorans.
The whole thing was confusing and bothersome.
On paper StarFleet allowed romantic liaisons between command staff and the crew. In reality...Reality was a different story: Admiralty frowned upon them.
She almost laughed. StarFleet was far, far away. And if they finally had to deal with Voyager...When, she corrected herself.
She had promised to get them home. So it was *when* they arrived home. Not if.
She stared blankly at the PADD, her thoughts still drifting.
And Chakotay. What to do?
Life was not simple. Her life was no longer quantifiable. A boyfriend there, her job here and never the two should meet.
Here...
Recently she had begun to wonder if they could have a relationship...All while he seemed to be drifting further away.
Had he finally given up on her...After Kellin she wondered hard. She had given him so little reason to hope.
There had been many safety nets during the four years. Mark, StarFleet...the crew. But if her conversation with Tuvok some three weeks ago was any indication, very few would be opposed.
She took a deep breath and tapped her comm-badge. "Janeway to Chakotay."
"Captain?" He responded.
"I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me this evening?"
There was a slight pause, and she imagined his grin slowly spreading across his face.
"Captain, I would be honored."
"Twenty-hundred hours in the mess-hall."
"Oh. I'll see you then. Chakotay out."
She felt pleased and uncomfortable. She decided that this *first* date would be informal and on neutral ground. She needed to know if there was any chance of recovering what had been there...
But first there was a day's worth of work to get through. She reached for B'Elanna's report, and decided to wear her blue dress.
Her mind returned to the day's business.
And B'Elanna's requests for more personnel, supplies...
Harry glanced at B'Elanna as the doors to the dining hall slid open. She grimaced at the caterwauling that greeted them. "I don't know how much more..."
"B'Elanna...He's trying."
"I know. But I have to eat his food--do I have to listen to whatever that..."
A that point Neelix hit a high note...Or tried to. B'Elanna clasped her hands over her ears. "Has anyone told him he's not a soprano?"
"Actually he's singing tenor..." Harry stepped into the room quickly. B'Elanna looked liked she was about to slug him.
Neelix smiled at their entrance, and stopped singing. Not surprisingly, the room was empty. "A late night snack?"
Harry nodded. "Long day, but we finished purifying the deuterium."
Neelix pulled some leftovers from the storage bin. "There isn't much, but I still have some velst casserole left. It's not very good reheated--but I'm still limited on supplies." He took a ladle and served them. "I look forward to returning to my quarters. The Doctor is not...a good host. I don't think he likes sharing his sick-bay with us." He leaned over the counter. "I'm planning to surprise him. I've taught myself "Me Sun Door Na"...It's opera."
Harry bit back the urge to laugh. "He'll like it..." He winked at B'Elanna, who was also trying not to laugh.
They sat down at a table. She glanced nervously back at the Talaxian before closing her eyes and taking a bite. "So help me, if he starts singing, I'll..."
She swallowed hard, a look of pure disgust on her face. "I'll kill him. I will probably be rewarded for doing so."
Harry laughed. "But then Tom will be our cook..."
B'Elanna opened her eyes in alarm. "But on thinking it over...I'll let Neelix live, as long as he doesn't start to sing."
"It is nutritious."
"Right now I'd settle for bad for me and tastes good."
"Taste is irrelevant." Harry was rewarded with a very angry stare.
"Eat fast, hold one's breath, and have plenty of water to wash it down." She rolled her eyes as she took several more bites. "The replicators should be back on-line soon. Chys-chocolate sundae with a thick caramel sauce..." She sighed at the thought.
"Too sweet. I'm thinking of cherry pie and vanilla ice cream."
"Don't...I won't be able to eat this..." She looked at her bowl. "I think Neelix gave me more than my fair share..."
Harry shook his head. "You had the same amount as I..." He glanced at his bowl. "But...Maybe he did serve us both more..." He groaned. There was nothing else to eat until the replicators were brought back on-line.
B'Elanna nodded in agreement. "It would be a safe crime. There are 140 prime suspects. Eliminate the Vulcans, the Captain and Chakotay...."
"Not all the Vulcans. What is with Vorik?"
"I have no clue. But if he says *cool* to me one more time...I'll kill Tom for teaching it to him."
Harry laughed. "No way. I need him around. I have a few ideas I'd like to volunteer him for."
"So do I Harry, so do I." B'Elanna grinned wickedly.
#
#
Kathryn glanced over the Doctor's report. It was very interesting...But today she couldn't concentrate on the words. She instead leaned against the back of her sofa and studied her companion. He was busy reading one of the multitudes of reports they saw every week. She smiled slightly. Since their first dinner date several weeks ago, they'd had dinner three or four times a week. Most were working dinners in the dining hall.
Tonight they were in her quarters. She'd brought the dinner over from the dining hall. The promise of free entertainment was a bit much. Anyway she wanted to finish the reports...
Yet, she hadn't been able to concentrate.
"Kathryn?" Chakotay's voice was distant.
She smiled. "Yes?"
"You haven't been reading. Is everything okay?"
"I...I guess so. I was just wondering?"
"About our clones?"
She nodded. She had not really wanted to have herself replicated--but had done so to be a role model. In the end 94 members of the crew had done so, including Chakotay and B'Elanna. "What will they do there?"
"Create a life for themselves. Build a home."
"I can't imagine settling there or anywhere." She stared at the PADD. "I made a promise to get this crew home. To decide to settle some place is...Is like giving up, admitting failure."
"Why?"
She glared at him. "Because..." She knew in some dark corner of her mind, she'd thought about this scenario. "Because...I'd be breaking my promise. Out there somewhere is a way home."
Kathryn waited for his comments--realizing she knew what they were. Realizing she had thought about this more than she cared to admit. He didn't speak as he watched her. Finally, she put the PADD she was holding down and stood. "You aren't going to tell me that we are home? That it would not be a failure--because the task of colonizing would be more difficult than continuing?"
"I didn't have to. None of us are ready to consider colonizing. But we've all thought about. And someday it will become a real issue."
She paced behind her couch, a deep frown on her face, before she went to her viewport and leaned against it. "Someday. I suppose." Her voice was very soft. "But someday we'll find a way home--to the Alpha Quadrant."
"Optimist."
She shook her head. "I've had to work at it recently. This year in particular. So much loss...So many problems." She turned to look at him. "There are times when I look at the few uninhabited class-M planets and wonder...But I can't do it...It's just not me."
He smiled as he stood. "It's a different life. A different set of challenges." He stepped over to her. "But it has its own rewards."
"I guess." She stared at the floor and wondered why she was telling him this. Normally these kinds of thoughts she kept to herself. But she admitted, it was also good to share them.
He smiled at her. "You would survive."
"I can't imagine living the rest of my life on a planet far from Earth..."
"Yet you agreed to be cloned..."
She shrugged. "The good leader routine only--I didn't want to. I don't know how she stands it."
"They seem to have very close ties with the planet. I would say better than you think..." He smiled suddenly.
"What?"
"Just thinking." His dimples would be her undoing...
She put her hands on her hips. "Commander..." Her voice carried a mock warning.
"These creatures just discovered intelligence...I'm wondering how they will react to..." He was dragging this out, she realized. She stared at him.
Chakotay studied her face, waiting until that first flash of impatience showed in her eyes. He didn't have to wait long. "How they will react to some basic human desires..." He almost laughed at her look of horror.
"You don't think that they are...well..."
He did laugh. "I would think that the answer might be yes. It would be interesting to return in 10 months and see." She tried to glare at him, but couldn't. It meant looking into his eyes--something she found very dangerous...
She did look at him when he took her hand. "I wonder what our counterparts are doing right now?" He asked.
"I don't want to think about it..."
He kissed her hand and released it. "Good-night Kathryn. We can finish the reports in the morning."
"Chakotay?" He stopped by the door and looked at her. Neither spoke as she moved to stand near him. "I..." She glanced at the floor, then at him. She smiled shyly as he stepped nearer until there was almost no space between them. She knew what was coming, had even dreamed about it. Her hands crawled up his chest and around his neck as he buried one hand in her hair and wrapped the other around her back.
Their lips brushed together gently. The second contact was more intense, hungry. Kathryn was lost in the sensations of finally kissing him...
Chirrip.
They parted a few inches as she took a deep breath and tapped her comm-badge. "Janeway here."
"Captain," she should have known. Tuvok. "There has been an incident in sick-bay."
She smiled as she took another step back. "What happened?"
Chakotay tried not to chuckle, as he whispered. "The Doctor killed Neelix?" She glared at him.
"There were reports of unusual noises coming from sick-bay, as if something was in great pain. When security arrived, they found only Neelix and the Doctor. Neither claimed to have heard anything unusual..."
Chakotay was doing a poor job of not laughing. "This sounds scary." She punched him playfully.
Tuvok was still speaking. "We have investigated and found nothing unusual."
She bit her lip to control the urge to laugh. Four years in the Delta Quadrant, and she wasn't sure about her long-time friend. She quirked an eyebrow and shrugged. "Another of the many things we'll never understand. Commander, if you feel the situation is secure, send everybody to bed."
"Captain?" She swore she heard an element of amusement in the Vulcan's voice.
"Is everything secure?"
"Yes, Captain."
"Good. Thank-you for informing me." She smiled. "Janeway out." She looked over at Chakotay. "I should have you deal with the miscreants--since this must be your fault."
Chakotay smiled at her, and shrugged innocently. "Me?"
"Corrupting my Security Officer. I think he knows exactly what happened."
"He does seem to interrupt us at critical moments..." He took her hand and pulled her back into his arms. "Almost like he is trying..."
"No. He's not." She kissed him quickly. "Good night Chakotay."
"Kathryn. Pleasant dreams." They were still very close.
She darted back several steps, not sure if she was ready for what would happen if they kissed again. She looked at him and smiled. He grinned. "Night," he whispered then left.
Janeway stretched, long and comfortably. It felt good. Almost six weeks in stasis was just too much. But she had to laugh, a brief chortle, at the thought of the weeks of reports she didn't have to read. They just didn't exist.
Actually, that wasn't quite true, she reminded herself. The Doctor and Seven had written reports, and the computer had stored the computer generated logs.
Over a month of their lives had vanished--as if it had just never existed. She thought of all the things she'd missed, coffee, food, people...Chakotay. Since they'd kissed that night, she'd had no time to think about their relationship. Systems had been falling apart on a regular basis--and still were. She hadn't slept much, she hadn't eaten much.
This brought another smile. Her post-stasis physical. The Doctor had made one of his infamous sarcastic remarks, that she was in better health now than before.
She hated stasis--and if she never saw another chamber, it would be too soon. The chambers made her claustrophobic. To her, they represented bad things--like untreatable illnesses. Tom had just been much more open in his uneasiness.
This train of thougth brought a smile as she remembered another time--another planet: New Earth. "Oh, Chakotay. How much time I've wasted." And pushed those thoughts away. She had a staff meeting in 15 minutes, and a meeting with the department heads in 2 hours.
Then she was meeting with engineering to discuss the ongoing problems with the bioneural gel-packs, then she was meeting with Seven in the astrometrics lab...
She sighed, and slipped into her Captain Janeway mode. The number of reports was still small...
But that wouldn't last.
"Captain, I have detected a class-M planet," Seven voice interrupted her thoughts.
#
#
The yet-unnamed-planet was incredibly dull. Tom studied the landscape and sighed while he waited for his companions to join him. He motioned toward the small canyon they had come to explore--it was the most interesting site on the planet. And why they had picked this area for their four hours of shoreleave. He smiled at B'Elanna's evil glare, then offered her his free hand.
"Pig," she whispered as she looked around. "Ugh." She pointed toward a drab brown-green grove of plants. "I think I would have preferred a holodeck." She turned and watched Seven and Harry clamber up the rise. She leaned against him. "We could have had more fun alone..."
Tom grinned. "Uh huh. But she looked so lonely..."
B'Elanna sighed. "I know. She surprised me...I...well..."
"I know. She's still a pain-in-the-ass."
Tom took B'Elanna's hand and escorted her to the grove of tree-like plants, where they would have their picnic. It wasn't an ideal picnic site, he realized, but he didn't care. After all those long days in those damn coffins, even the ship had seemed a little close. He set the basket down and pulled out a large blanket. The picnic would have been nicer if they could have replicated most of the food...but the replicators were still having problems.
"Hurry up Harry, Seven," B'Elanna shouted as she sat down and grabbed the thermos from Tom. "Please tell me, you did *not* get one of Neelix's coffee substitutes."
Tom shook his head, "Sorry. Just water." B'Elanna groaned in disgust. The water on the planet had a high metallic concentration.
"Oh." She reached into the picnic basket. "Well we need some of those minerals."
Tom nodded as he considered kissing her, but the arrival of Harry and Seven prevented any such action.
"Lieutenant Paris, Lieutenant Torres. This is an...interesting spot." Seven stood at parade rest at the edge of blanket.
"Have a seat," Harry said as he collapsed by the food.
Seven grimaced. "I prefer to stand."
"Suit yourself," B'Elanna said. She handed a green sandwich to Harry, and another to Tom. "Seven?"
"I do not require nourishment at this time." The young woman shifted her weight. "But thank-you," she added.
"So, how does it feel to have everybody awake and active?" Tom took a bite of his sandwich.
Seven quirked an eyebrow. "It is pleasant, but inefficient. There is no routine."
Tom smiled slightly. Seven was not one for changes in the schedule. "Variation is the spice of life..."
"Indeed." Seven gave the word the same inflection as Tuvok. "Spice is irrelevant."
"Neelix is learning to cook," Harry said as he finished his sandwich. "Despite being green, the bread is actually edible." There was some quiet chuckling from the others.
Seven looked awkward, Tom thought as he grabbed another package. "I wonder what this is?" He started to unwrap it, then stopped. "He sent us cookies."
Harry and B'Elanna leaned over, "The ones with the magenta flakes?" B'Elanna asked eagerly.
Tom nodded. "Only four though. He handed one to his friends, then held one up for Seven.
She stared at it for a second, then took it. "This is a dessert?"
"Yep, one of the better things Neelix makes." Tom grinned.
Seven took a bite, "It has a high concentration of sugar. This is not nutritious?"
"Nutritious desserts--there's an idea I could live without," B'Elanna said as she finished her cookie.
"Is not the function of food, nutrition?" Seven asked blandly.
Harry rolled up the wrapping and tossed it into the basket--they were recyclable. "Yes. But humans prefer foods that taste good."
Seven finished the cookie, "It is acceptable." Then she looked out toward the dreary landscape. "I shall return to the ship and use my time more efficiently." She turned and walked away.
B'Elanna poured herself some more water. "I'm only taking four hours of shoreleave--and she still manages to make me feel guilty."
Tom took her hand. "It's just her way..."
"I guess..."
Harry frowned slightly as he watched Seven vanish. "She still needs to learn how to enjoy herself."
Tom squeezed B'Elanna's hand. "She still learning how to be human. The rest will come..."
"I suppose," Harry said. "The Doctor is trying to teach her how to interact on a less *efficient* level."
B'Elanna smiled. "She's better. Well, this may not be an exciting planet...I'm here to enjoy myself...So, if you two lazy p'taks want to sit and do nothing...be my guest. I'm taking a walk." She threw her trash in the basket and stood. "Coming?"
The other two stood. "As long as there are no liquid pools of deuterium," Tom folded the blanket. "I'm in favor of walk."
Harry nodded. "And moderate temperatures...Do you ever think about them?"
Both Tom and B'Elanna nodded. Tom didn't want to talk about it--and he noticed that B'Elanna was just as reluctant. Harry let the subject drop.
#
#
The Doctor looked up when Seven entered sick-bay and frowned. "You are supposed to be on shoreleave."
"It was an inefficient use of time..." She cocked her head slightly. "I was uncomfortable with them."
He nodded, that wasn't surprising. Most of the crew found being with the young woman an uncomfortable experience. "It will come, Seven. What did you do?"
"Nothing. Why do humans find doing nothing relaxing?"
He smiled, they'd made some progress, but there was still so much to teach her...He looked forward to it. "Doing nothing for short periods of time allows the human mind and body a chance to relax."
"Curious. Is this not what sleep is for?"
"Yes...But relaxation is important. Especially for this crew--we so rarely have the chance."
"I do not understand." Seven cocked her head.
The Doctor nodded, he didn't want to get into a physiological discussion with her. "Did you try to converse with them."
"We talked about food. I find dessert to be acceptable."
He almost laughed. "Dessert is not the most important part of a meal...But humans seem to feel it is."
"The nutritional value is unacceptable." She almost smiled. "Why did they chose to take shoreleave on this planet?"
"Mainly because we needed the break."
She nodded. "It was a very lonely planet. I did not like it." She turned.
He waited for her to remember her manners, but she left without saying anymore. He shrugged, and went back to repairing the biobed.
#
#
"Did you enjoy your day-off?" Chakotay asked.
Kathryn smiled guiltily. "I..."
"You didn't take it. I know." Chakotay took her hand and guided her to her couch. "However, I've arranged for you to have tomorrow off. Doctor's orders."
"Chakotay..." She squeezed his hand. "You are a pest. So's the Doctor." She nodded, it was a losing battle. "I agree, as long as nothing happens." The last of the crew had beamed up six hours earlier. They were, once again, headed back to the alpha-quadrant.
Chakotay kissed her forehead. "Good. I promise to contact you if anything happens."
"Thank-you." She turned to face him. "It's been a strange year." She ran her hand over his cheek then dropped it with a sigh. They were coming to their 4th anniversary in the Delta Quadrant--and if they'd thought their first three years had been *weird,* those were nothing compared to this year. There was a growing list of events and decisions that would be hard to explain to StarFleet and the Federation.
"A very strange year. But we survived."
She smiled causing her face to glow. "We've done more than survive. It's been an incredible experience." She kissed him gently on the lips. "I have the most incredible crew...We have. And I've done something I never thought I could do..." She kissed him again. "I love you..." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, kissing her again.
She moaned as he slipped his hands down to her waist and pulled her tight to him. She ran her tongue along his lips...
"Captain Janeway, report to the bridge."
The couple jumped apart. Kathryn stood and smoothed her uniform as she tapped her comm-badge. "Janeway here. What's happening?" She took a deep breath to calm down.
Lieutenant Rollins' voice responded. "There has been a malfunction in engineering."
"I'm on my way." She smiled slightly. "Time to go to work." She tapped her comm-badge. "Janeway to engineering." They exited her quarters and made their way to the lift.
"Captain." Joe Carey said. "We've had to shut the warp core down."
"Keep me informed." She stepped into the turbolift. "Well, so much for my day-off."
"Don't count on it. The problem may be fixed by then." He ordered the lift to the bridge.
The bridge was deceptively calm, when they arrived. "Report," she said as she strode over to her chair.
"We are proceeding at full impulse. All systems are nominal, except the warp core." Rollins stood at the ops station.
"Engineering to bridge." B'Elanna had made it to engineering, Janeway realized.
"Lieutenant?"
"A bioneural gel-pack in the plasma conduit relays has malfunctioned. I've sent a team. We should have warp capability within the hour."
"Very good." She frowned slightly. "Janeway out." Only four days had passed since leaving the nebula...And the gel-packs were still malfunctioning on a regular basis. Fortunately, treating the damaged gel-packs was easy. The Doctor had perfected a procedure while he and Seven were alone on the ship.
She winked at the First Officer. "Well, it's just another typical day here on Voyager."
He winked back. "I'd say. I'm just surprised it wasn't Tuvok..."
She studied his face, puzzled. "Tuvok?"
He grinned as he sat back in his chair. "Captain, I remind you that you are still officially off-duty all day tomorrow. Malfunctioning bioneural gel-packs are not serious enough to warrant your attention. I've taken the liberty of reserving holodeck one for you at ten-hundred hours."
She shook her head. "Very well, *Commander.* Since you won't let me forget." She sat back and smiled.
Harry looked at the yellow mush and frowned. It reminded him too much of home, so he picked the vegetables instead. Lavender with orange spots didn't remind him of any food in the Alpha-Quadrant.
"Hey, Harry," Neelix was smiling at him. "I was hoping you would help me with the party..."
"What party?"
Neelix put the ladle down and wiped his hands on his orange apron. "Well, we got the Captain and Seven back...I thought a celebration was in order."
Harry looked up at the Talaxian. "A party is a good idea." Hell, if he needed some cheering up, odds were, everybody did. "What did you have in mind?"
Neelix beamed. "I was going through the database, and was thinking of something very formal. Have everybody wear gorgeous clothes..."
Harry nodded. "That's not a bad idea, but I don't think many of us have formal wear."
Neelix rubbed his chin, "True...Then dressy, no uniforms." He picked up the ladle and pointed it at Harry. "I'd like your help selecting appropriate music."
"Sure, Neelix..." He had to grin. Despite all the criticism about the Talaxian's culinary capabilities--Neelix was a first-rate morale officer. He was feeling better already. After all, they were still alive..."Dancing?"
"But of course. I was thinking of tonight--after dinner?"
"I'll have something for you in a couple of hours..." He'd talk to Tom. Voyager's pilot had developed quite a collection of 20th century music. His own collection...
He practically jumped when a finger tapped his shoulder. "Hey, Harry. Wake-up. Some of us are actually hungry."
"Sorry, Megan."
The older Delaney twin grinned at him. "And here I was thinking you were protecting us from lunch."
Harry smiled, "Just doing my duty Ma'am." He did a half bow and took his tray. "Just avoid the pink peppers..."
Megan nodded, then turned to her friend behind her. "A party sounds good."
#
#
Janeway tugged at her green tunic, again wondering how long she would stay. They'd had their share of ups and downs this year, and Neelix seemed to schedule some sort of festivity to mark every occasion. She smiled slightly. Despite everything, crew morale was high. Even after this most recent event...
She could hear them in the hall-way. Sound-proofing had not been a major consideration when Voyager had been built. That was something they were fixing when time and supplies allowed. Most of deck-three had been sound-proofed. Which, considering how many couples there were, was probably a good thing.
The doors slipped open and she stepped into the holodeck. She said hello to those nearest the door, and quickly noted Chakotay standing at the far wall. She decided on a path to the food table before talking to him.
"Captain," Seven said in her normal, monotonic, loud voice. "I am curious about something." The woman did have a tendency to just leap into a conversation.
Janeway smiled slightly, wondering if her mother had felt this exasperated when she'd been a child. "Yes?"
"You told me, that as Captain, you could not always be a friend. Why?"
Janeway closed her eyes as she thought out her answer. "Because, as Captain I have to order people to do things they might not ordinarily do. I have to send them into dangerous situations...I cannot allow friendship to cloud my decisions."
Seven looked thoughtful. "I have spent the afternoon studying what it is to be human. Is not friendship and love one of the basic needs of a human? Equal to the need for food and a place to live?"
Janeway smiled slightly. "I suppose it is."
"You are trying to make me human..." A simple statement with none of the usual incrimination in her voice. "Yet you try to be less than human. Why?"
Janeway was startled by the question--she hadn't been expecting anything so...so off-the-wall. She had no answer, because she had never thought of it that way. "I don't try to...Seven...I..."
"You find the question embarrassing?" Seven asked matter-of-factly.
The captain glanced around the room, convinced that everyone was listening. She noticed Chakotay was not even pretending not to be eaves-dropping--he was actually trying not to laugh. "I find the question unexpected. Seven, I just don't see it that way."
"How do you see it then?"
Janeway took a deep breath. "The safety of the ship must come first."
"Of course." Seven looked perplexed.
Kathryn Janeway decided to switch the topic. "So, are you enjoying the party?"
"No. It is a frivolous waste of time and energy." She smiled slightly. "But I do find the food called chocolate cake to be a pleasant sensation."
"Chocolate is a very pleasant food," Janeway agreed. Chocolate was often considered the easiest food to introduce to new cultures. There were only a half-dozen known negative reactions--in fact early in Federation history, chocolate had been almost been worth its weight in latinum.
Janeway smiled in relief when the Doctor joined them. "Good evening, Captain, Seven."
"Doctor," both women said together.
"I am pleased to see you are here," he said to Seven. "I believe our next lesson will be on modulating your voice."
She cocked her head to the right. "Doctor?"
"You use the same volume for all your conversations. You need to practice speaking quieter."
"I am not sure I comprehend this."
"Some conversations are not meant for everybody's enjoyment." He shook his head.
"In the Borg there were no secrets."
"Yes, we know," the Doctor continued. "You were one. But come, you need to mingle with more of the crew." He took her arm and escorted her away from the overtly relieved Captain.
Janeway watched them for a second, then wandered over to the food table for some of that chocolate cake. She stopped and chatted with those she passed.
The mood of the crew astounded her. Yes, people were disappointed...but there was an underlying mood of expectation that she didn't understand. (And that she herself felt.) People talked about returning to the Alpha-Quadrant but home was Voyager.
"Good evening Captain," Neelix said cheerily. "If I do say so, my little soiree is going well."
She smiled at him "Very well indeed. I hear you have chocolate cake?"
"Three kinds of chocolate cakes. The Drulian Chocolate Tort is especially popular. I've saved you a piece." He reached under the table and pulled out a small slice of very dark chocolate cake with a thin icing.
She took it with a smile, that grew bigger with her first taste. "This is heaven Neelix. Keep the recipe."
He smiled. "Consider it saved. Samantha gave it to me. It was her mother's."
"I'll have to see if I have my mother's recipe for brownies."
"Brownies are a particular favorite of this crew. I'm always looking for a new recipe." He turned to serve someone else, leaving Janeway free to observe what was happening.
But only for a few minutes. From somewhere there came a sound of fanfare, then Tom leapt onto an empty table and whistled. The crowd silenced and turned toward him. "Friends, I know we are late, and I suspect she was hoping we would forget..." He shrugged but continued to smile as he waved his hand; the holo-band started to play *Happy Birthday.*
The Captain rolled her eyes, as B'Elanna motioned for her to step forward. She stepped up on a chair, then onto the table, where Tom handed her a glass of some strange orange concoction. He jumped down quickly.
She smiled slightly as she looked at her crew. "I had hoped you'd forgotten. But thank-you. You've been a wonderful crew, dedicated, concerned, loyal, inventive. And most of all just you..." She made a point of making eye-contact with as many as she could, letting her eyes linger on one far longer than protocol suggested.
"We've had our ups and downs, the good and bad. Yet we have forged something stronger than merely being the crew of Voyager. Yes, we fight, we disagree, we love, we live...and we survive. Its more than protocols and parameters. You all mean so much to me. I again promise that I will do everything in my...our power to bring this crew and ship back to the alpha quadrant. Thank-you one and all." She lifted the glass of orange liquid Tom had given her. "To Voyager's crew." She carefully stepped onto the chair then the floor and walked over toward her first officer. "Commander, may I have this dance?" She placed the glass on a table--no way would she drink anything that bright.
He smiled at her. "It would be my pleasure, Captain." He took her offered arm and together they walked to the dance floor. Both were fully aware of the stares and smiles this action caused.
#
#
Kathryn sat down on his couch and groaned. The party was still going strong when they'd left after an hour. She suspected it would be one of the rare parties that lasted well into the next day. She sighed as she shifted position. She was still stiff. She noticed that Chakotay was watching her. She tried to smile. "I'm fine..."
He nodded. "Captains always say that." He sat down beside her and turned her so her back was toward him. "Here..." He started to massage her shoulders. "You really need to take it easy..."
She snorted. "I was...Rather I thought I was. Try two hours playing Velocity with Seven."
"Competitive?
She nodded. "In the extreme. But for the first time since she came aboard, I really feel she is becoming comfortable with her life here."
"About time." He started rubbing circles on her neck.
She closed her eyes and leaned back slightly. "That's right," he whispered. "Relax." He worked a few minutes more. "You're not relaxing, Kathryn..."
"It's very difficult...Considering." She shuddered at the memory.
"It's past history..." He always seemed to read her mood and thoughts.
"But were we responsible?" She arched her back trying to ease the knots in her lumbar region.
"Who knows. But I suspect it didn't matter which side won in Arturis' case. 8472 could have wiped them out and he would still have come after us for not preventing that. Revenge can eat at the soul." He lowered his hands and started rubbing her lower back. "It would also help if you wouldn't play so hard."
"True." She sat there several seconds lost in conflicting thoughts, then smiled quietly. "This isn't working."
Chakotay stopped the massage. "Huh?"
She stood. "The massage. I need somewhere to lie down..." She looked at the couch and shook her head. She controlled the urge to smile as she reached out and took his hand. "I know..."
His eyed her carefully, wondering...hoping as he followed her into his bedroom.
She smiled seductively as she pulled off her dark green tunic.
#
#
Seven stared at her regeneration chamber. "I am one..." She said to the empty room. "One of many." She repeated that phrase. "Alone and yet not alone." It was perplexing. But in the days since not returning to the Collective she had been thinking. She was not Borg. She was not human. "What am I?"
"I am me." She replied then looked at the PADD that contained her logs for the past week. She didn't need to read them again, she still retained her photographic-memory. But there was something comforting--yet at the same time unsettling about seeing her thoughts of those tumultuous days.
"Supplemental to log. To my surprise, I do not regret my decision to not return to the Collective. I do not know if I want to be human; but I no longer desire to return to the Collective. Yet, I have often found the isolation from those around me to be ineffective. I find humans ineffective...But intriguing. I do not know if I consider any of these humans friends, but I no longer believe that such a relationship is impossible. It is an intriguing idea and a terrifying one." She paused. "I am confused by this contradiction I often feel."
She again looked around her living space. "I hope Arturis finds the peace he sought." She knew that he would--just not the way he'd imagined it--she knew the mind of the mindless drone. No regrets. No remorse. No guilt.
She stepped into her regeneration chamber.
#
#
B'Elanna wasn't sure what she was feeling as she stared at the text of that damn message. All that encryption, all the secrecy just to tell them, *Sorry, we can't help you. Here's a map.* She shook her head and placed the PADD on her nightstand. Tom sat up in the bed and smiled.
"Be? Are you all right?"
"I guess." She kicked off her left shoe. "It's ridiculous. Really, it is. I can't believe Star Fleet bothered to even encrypt the damn thing." Tom reached over and hugged her. "I have nothing in the Alpha Quadrant...Everything I want and need is here...Yet I want to get back to Earth. For what?" She kicked her other shoe across the room as she sat down on the bed.
"Shh. It'll be all right." He ran his fingers through her hair. "It wasn't all bad. Even if we can't use it, we do have the slip-stream technology." He grinned as he whispered in her ear. "And one of the brightest engineering minds Star Fleet ever let get away." He wrapped his arms around her. "You'll make this work..."
B'Elanna smiled, then laughed. "Tom, you're incorrigible."
He was nuzzling her neck. "I try...Really I do."
She turned to wrap her arms around him, and ran her hands along his chest. "Well, you'll just have to try harder." She kissed him on the cheek, then slowly slid her mouth along his jaw until she found his lips.
#
#
Kathryn stirred and rolled onto her back. The warm body that had comforted through the night wasn't there. She opened her eyes. He was standing with his back toward her rummaging through his dresser. The starlight provided enough light for her to contemplate his nude form. Especially his derriere. She propped herself up on her elbow and watched him, a smile floating on her lips.
Finally her curiosity got the better of her, "Chakotay?"
He turned slightly. "Good morning Kathryn."
She looked him up and down appreciatively. "A very good morning. What are you looking for anyway?"
"Uh uh."
She sat up, letting the blanket slip to her waist. "There can be no secrets from the Captain," she said in her best Captain's voice.
Chakotay just nodded as he continued searching and muttering.
She laughed. "Can I perhaps tempt you with something else?"
"Perhaps. Ahhh." He pulled something out and sat down beside her. "I know I'm a few days late...but considering everything, I wasn't sure..." He handed her a small box. "Happy birthday Kathryn."
She held the box, her eyes wet with tears. "Chakotay, you didn't have to..."
He kissed her forehead. "No, but I wanted to. I replicated this about a year ago. Open it." He placed his hands under hers as if to support them.
Timidly she reached with her fingers and lifted the lid. "It's gorgeous." She dangled a pocket watch from a chain.
"It's a replica of a watch that belonged to an English sea captain named Cray." He stroked her bare shoulders with his fingers. "His ship, the Endeavour, was badly damaged during a tempest..."
"He vowed to bring his crew home...When they finally returned to London, there wasn't much left of his ship..." She said as she stared at the watch. Deja vu? She shook her head slightly. Somewhere she'd heard this story before.
He studied her curiously. "You know the story?"
She shook her head. "No. I don't know..." She closed her eyes to block the strange feeling of serendipity. "Thank-you." She leaned over to kiss his lips.
She didn't resist as he took the watch and box and placed them to the side. He gently pushed her back down on the bed and knelt over her. "You mentioned another possible temptation?"
She laughed quietly as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down. "I think..." Her words were cut off as they gave in to their mutual desires.
#
#
Harry stared at the Kaltow set on the table. He had been practicing, studying the intricacies. He bent his head low, to see underneath. In the end it was logical, the one piece that brought order to the chaos. He smiled as he reached for that one piece and pulled it.
Nothing. He sighed as he sat up and looked at Tuvok.
"You are learning, Ensign," Tuvok stared at the pieces, Harry wondered how he could see everything without moving, without looking at it from other angles.
A shadow passed over them. "Good morning gentleman." Janeway glanced at the mass of pieces and cocked an eyebrow. "Life out here is like Kaltow. One needs to see the balance, the harmony. The solution is there, it is just a matter of finding how." She smiled slightly as she reached out to take one of the pieces and pulled it gently.
Harry groaned as the set shimmered into perfect harmony. Janeway glanced at Tuvok, who nodded his head, before returning his attention to the befuddled ensign.
"She is correct. The solution is always here." Tuvok stood. "Ensign."
"Commander." Harry stared at the shape and muttered curses under his breath.