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TARABONER [NOTE: I'm afraid this one ended up pretty short. I'm running out of ideas for fresh humor, but I am determined to see this voyage through to the end. This post will be followed by the Sea Folk one (also coming to you tonight!), and then the Sharan and Illianer posts, with a surprise ending that will - hopefully - make you all laugh out loud and thus justify all the time I've put into this silly series over the last couple of months. Once I have this series over and done with, I won't be starting a new humor series for awhile - I'm just taking time out from working on a novel to get this series done before you start making me feel guilty about leaving you all hanging :) ] [Please recall that all previous installments of the series are compiled for your convenience at http://www.oocities.org/Area51/Corridor/1815/wot/reviewdark.html] [SETTING: Ishamael's office as Acting CEO of the Darkfriends, in the absence of the Chairman of the Board, Mister Great Lord of the Dark himself! (His friends call him "Great Lord" for short). Or at least, this is the T'A'R manifestation of that office, since Ishy is still bound in the flesh for the time being.] [The Tanchico Station Chief suddenly appears in front of Ishamael's desk. He politely pulls off his dark veil, to reveal a perfectly transparent veil underneath it. Through this one, we can see his full moustaches and lined face.] ISHAMAEL [was starting to say something else, but changed his mind]: I give up. I'm finally going to break down and ask . . . WHY do you people wear those transparent veils? It can't possibly be for modesty, they don't conceal a thing! TARABONER: Great Lord! You mean you really don't know? ISHAMAEL [patiently]: No. Tell me. TARABONER: Seven hundred years ago the current King of Tarabon had a brother-in-law in the veil-making business! So he made it mandatory to wear veils at court, and the fashion spread throughout the land. They are transparent because the thinner the brother-in-law made them, the less material he had to buy for each new veil. He made a bloody fortune before the King was finally killed in a palace coup. It was lead by House Jasenna, who were in the scarf-making business and had been outselling the veil industry three to one until the King interfered. They were unsuccessful in their efforts to make the new King switch the fashion from veils to scarves, however. ISHAMAEL [rubbing his hands together]: Ah yes, the sweet scent of corruption in high places! Anything to make people lose faith in their government, that's my motto! I keep being afraid that one of these days they'll catch on and consider the advantages of representative government with strict term limits, but so far it hasn't happened. They prefer to let lifelong rulers lapse into senility rather than elect a new one, most times (chuckle). TARABONER: As you say, Great Lord. What else can I answer for you? ISHAMAEL: How's the level of corruption doing these days? TARABONER: You need to spend bribes to get anywhere in a petition to the government. Also, many of our own nobles are engaged in smuggling operations as part of their standard business activities. ISHAMAEL: Good, good . . . a crime is always a good thing, from our point of view. The less they obey the laws of the land, the better we do at recruiting rebellious souls to our own organization! TARABONER: Was there anything else? ISHAMAEL: Just one more thing. Have you ever seen anything like THIS in Tanchico? In the displays that can be viewed in the Panarch's Palace, for instance? [He gestures, and a large circle appears on the far wall. It is made of heartstone, marked with the classic symbol of the Aes Sedai, the left half white, with the bulging part toward the bottom and the tail at the top; the right half black, arranged the other way of course.] It would be about five inches in diameter . . . TARABONER [thinking carefully before he answers, to make sure he doesn't say anything he can't back up with evidence if challenged]: No . . . no, Great Lord, I've never seen a disk such as you depict there. ISHAMAEL: Darn! I thought one of your Kings or Panarchs might have picked one up for their collections, over the centuries . . . oh well. Off you go! [He snaps his fingers and the Taraboner fades out of view. What Ishamael does not know is that even as he disappears, the Taraboner has something on his mind] TARABONER [thinking silently]: Hmmm . . . maybe I should have mentioned a similar disk on a table in the Panarch's Palace that has the black thing on the LEFT and the white thing on the RIGHT? No . . . better not risk it. He was very specific about what he wanted, I shouldn't waste his time -] [NOTES: This is my humble effort to explain why A) one of the seals was lying right out in plain sight in a museum exhibit in the Panarch's Palace in Tanchico, yet B) Ishamael, in 3400 years of being intermittently awake, never seemed to find that one (or any of the others). Of course, one was in the the Eye of the World and one was in Rhuidean, and those places had certain protections, evidently . . . but what about all the others? Re the dimensions of the seal: five inches in diameter is my best estimate (a wild guess, basically). If anyone has better data, please let me know.] |