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TINKERS [SETTING: Ishamael's office as Acting CEO of the Darkfriends, in the absence of the Chairman of the Board, Mister Great Lord of the Dark himself! (His friends call him "Great Lord" for short). Or at least, this is the T'A'R manifestation of that office, since Ishy is still bound in the flesh for the time being.] [Wearing BRIGHT clothing below a black silk mask, the Tinker Darkfriend Chief enters. Hard to call him a "Station Chief," since (unlike most of his peers) he is NOT "stationed" in any single spot, such as the capital city of a great nation. But the rank is equivalent. Whenever his band crosses paths with another one, he hands out new orders from Ishy and the Darkfriend agents of the other band deliver their reports on what they've seen and done since their last chance to report.] ISHAMAEL: Welcome, welcome! Tell me, how are things going with the Traveling Folk? TINKER: Well, Great Lord, they still follow the Way of the Leaf. No violence against humans, no violence against animals, vegetarian diet, etc. ISHAMAEL (rubbing his hands together): Yes, yes, very good . . . how's the recruiting been going? TINKER (apologetically): Not so well, Great Lord. Only a handful of young people join the caravans each year, hoping to escape the violent troubles of the world. ISHAMAEL: Blood and bloody ashes! I kept hoping that if I ordered Darkfriends and such to leave the Tinkers alone for 3400 years or so, they would be able to convert a substantial portion of humanity to their idiotic teachings! Especially when I bent over backwards to let them PROSPER in the Trolloc Wars by giving my Trollocs strict orders - "If a caravan of a hundred of the Travelling Folk is two miles from you, and off in another direction you can see one lonely farmhouse that probably only has 6 or 8 people to eat, GO FOR THE FARMHOUSE EVERY TIME!" The point, of course, was to give the Tinkers a sense of false security, and make them think that if they leave the world alone then the world will leave them alone (snicker). I dared dream that pacifism, as it became clear that it kept you alive when Shadowspawn were ravaging your neighbors, migh convert as much as . . . ten percent of the populace? I LOVE dedicated pacifists, you know! Preferably with salt and pepper! They are one group we can count on to pose absolutely no threat whatsoever at Tarmon Gai'don, and we can use them as herd animals for the Trollocs afterward! [Tinker is listening politely] ISHAMAEL (shaking his head to get back to the topic): Well, that doesn't matter now. Your band is currently over along the border between Shara and the Waste, correct? TINKER: Yep! ISHAMAEL: Okay, linger there for another . . . . just a minute, I have to check my notes to get the exact timing. Where did I put that file folder? [Starts to rummage through papers on his desk. He is somewhat hampered by the fact that, as we have seen demonstrated in TFOH and LOC when people were ransacking Elaida's study, or the T'A'R reflection of it rather, papers tend to appear and disappear without warning when you're in the Dream] Hmm . . . . my Jain Farstrider file . . . no, no, that's old hat. He delivered his warning about 15 years ago . . . . then there's the folder labeled "And a doom yet to come!" No, that's the Seanchan matter . . . What's this? [Opens an envelope and reads aloud] "Dear Elin Morin: Caught as I am in a vacuole, I am only able to post these letters once every 550 years (from your point of view), but despite everything they said in the newspapers, I STILL don't believe you had anything to do with opening that nasty bore! And it's just sheer coincidence that I happened to end up caught in this nasty fluctuating long-term vacuole prison right after I told you I had found a better way to reseal the Bore to the Dark One's Prison than the Seven Seals proposal that Lews Therin was tossing around! Have you found a nice girl and settled down yet? Do you remember to carry an umbrella when it looks as if it might rain? You were always such a fragile boy . . . your loving Mother." [shakes his head] WRONG FILE! Dear old mother, I must remember to do something special for her when it's safe to let her out (she being even stronger in the Power than I am!) I know! I'll give her a personal introduction to the Boss and ask him to give me permission to merely still her and put her to work in my kitchen! When I think how long it's been since I tasted her apple pie . . . [looks around at his scattered papers helplessly] Now, what was I looking for again? Ah, HERE we are! At last, the correct file! Ah yes, Operation "Lay it on THICK About the Eye of the World Being in Danger, Part B!" Hmmm . . . a party of Maidens to be challenged to invade the Blight on such a day, scheduled to arrive outside a Trolloc camp on THAT day, Myrdraal have orders to leave them alone and pretend not to notice them, while LOUDLY talking back and forth about my plans for the Eye of the World . . . let the Maidens get a good head start heading back south into the waste, then send the Trollocs after them . . . give the Trollocs orders to leave at least one wounded Maiden alive as they see the dust of a Tinker caravan approaching on the horizon . . . [He does some hasty calculations of travel times for Aiel Maidens and Tinker Caravans on his faithful map of the Waste, the only such map in existence] All right, linger on the outskirts of Shara for another three months and five days, then come due west, at least a hundred miles south of the border between the Waste and the Blight. You will find something ve-e-e-e-e-ry interesting about halfway across. Pay careful attention, and be sure to tell people about it! TINKER: Yes, Great Lord! Three months and five days it shall be! ISHAMAEL [looking thoughtful]: Say, do the young women in the Tinker bands still do those . . . interesting . . . dances? TINKER: Yep! ISHAMAEL: I'm glad I arranged for them to learn those things from some hedonistic Darkfriends about 2500 years ago . . . livens things up. I might even drop in one night incognito and watch the girls in your band (AHEM), just to make sure that they are still up to the high standard of performance I envisioned for them. Those lewd dances were meant to be a MAJOR recruiting tool in persuading farmboys to become pacifists . . . TINKER: Er, yes, Great Lord. I'm sure you'd be most welcome . . . ISHAMAEL: First I have to get back the full use of my regular body *sigh*. Of course, this trip will go on my business expense account, as opposed to being marked off as vacation time, since it's STRICTLY for professional reasons! TINKER [keeping his face straight by a truly remarkable use of willpower]: As you say, sir! ISHAMAEL: That's all for now. On your way out, Davey, send in the Tairen who's waiting to see me. [NOTE: I had to break down and invent a name. We've only met a bare handful of Tinkers by name - the members of Raen's travelling band, including Aram who is now Lost to them - and I don't think any of 'em were Darkfriends. Nor would it be terribly funny to suggest that one of them was, even for satirical purposes. So I gave up and invented someone. Please assume that this is the Tinker who attended the "Darkfriend Social" (as we sometimes call it) in the Prologue of TGH. ] |