THE X-FILES
"HONEY, I SHRUNK THE FBI AGENTS"
By Alien Girl
comixgirl@juno.com
Rating: G
Classification: Adventure, Humor
Spoilers: None
Archive Info: Anywhere, anyway and anyhow, as long as my name and e-mail
are attached.
Keywords: Humor!!! (And some MSR)
Disclaimer: I'll make this *short* ...don't own 'em. Never have. Never
will. Don't sue. Cause if you do I'll murder you.
Summary: The results of some slightly unnatural food poisoning leave
Mulder and Scully in a rather *small* position...
Author's Notes: Hey, everyone, it's me!! (You *do* know me, don't you??)
Oh well, even if you don't you're welcome to read this next story. No,
this is *not* a crossover, I just thought that'd be an interesting title.
This is almost entirely humor, although I'll try and get in some MSR or
UST. One thing...in this story, the Lone Gunmen's headquarters are across
the street from the FBI headquarters. Look, for all I know, the
headquarters could be in Virginia. I'm just putting it there because it's
necessary for the story! This is post-movie. (All of my stories are
except for 'Lost Paradise', okay?!) This is also pre- "Two Fathers"/"One
Son". Hope ya'll like this one!!
Dedication: This is dedicated to Starsword, who came up with the idea for
this story. I love your jokes, even if I don't show it, and I really want
you to write some of those stories of yours! (I promise I won't steal any
more of your ideas!)
Feedback: You will give me feedback. You will give me feedback now. You
will give me lots and lots of feedback now. You will give me lots and
lots of feedback now if you want to live.
On with the show!!
--------------------------------------------------
"Honey, I Shrunk the FBI Agents"
By Alien Girl
"Would you look at that rain," Scully said with a heavy sigh as
she gazed out the window absently.
A steady stream of January rain poured down outside as the two
agents walked into the heated FBI headquarters cafe'. The two had been
working hard all morning, and they had finally stopped around one to get
a quick lunch so they could go back to work. It had been a long, rainy
day with nothing to do except extensive paperwork. Kersh always made sure
they had plenty of it. It annoyed Mulder and Scully to no end, but right
now, they were not in much of a position to argue.
Mulder leaned in closer to Scully. "This place is getting pretty
crowded. Why don't you save us a table and I'll get us coffee and
sandwiches. Do you want regular or decaf?"
"Regular. Need to keep from falling asleep."
Mulder nodded in acknowledgement. Scully truged over slowly to an
empty table at the far end of the cafe' next to the window. She flopped
down in one of the undersized, cafe' chairs with a sigh as Mulder got in
line for their food.
Mulder walked up to the ordering booth and said dully, "Two
number threes and two regular coffees, please." He waited a while before
the lunch was set out before him, then thumbed around in his wallet for
the appropriate change. A few sunflower seed husks, an empty gum wrapper
and half a pencil littered the cafe' floor before he finally dug out five
crumpled dollars and some change. He picked up their tray of food and
started towards the table in the corner of the cafe'.
He let his thoughts drift a little. It seemed that all he and
Scully did now was paperwork, investigating minor offense cases and more
paperwork. He missed the thrill of the unknown, missed the satisfying
feeling working on the X-files gave him, now that Spender and Diana were
in charge of them. It had been an enormous disappointment when they were
reassigned to a different department; he had felt somewhat depressed ever
since. All the joy seemed to go out of his work. He felt certain that
Scully had felt just as he did. But at least they were still together.
He was so abosrbed in his thoughts that he didn't even notice
where he was going until he ran head-on into Spender.
"OOOFF!!!"
Agent Spender collided with him in a horrible mess. He was
carrying a cappuchino, as well as a small flask containing a clear
liquid. The top came off the flask as they hit, spilling the clear
substance all over Mulder's tray. Part of Mulder's coffee went flying all
over Spender's suit as well.
Spender cursed under his breath, then picked himself up in a
huff. "Agent Mulder...sorry to have bumped into you like this..."
"It's nothing," Mulder said hurriedly. "I wasn't watching where I
was going."
"You alright?"
"Um...yeah. Didn't drop anything. Spilled my coffee, though."
"Hey, look, don't worry about it. I'll clean it up later,"
Spender mumbled, and walked off hurriedly.
"Yeah, whatever," Mulder cursed under his breath. He straightened
himself out as best he could and made his way over to Scully's table.
"Mulder, what was that about?" She asked as he set their food
down. "I heard you shout."
"Oh, it was nothing. I just ran into Spender on the way here.
Made kind of a mess."
"How ironic," Scully sighed.
"Well, at least I didn't drop the food. Here's your coffee." He
said, handing her the plastic-wrapped sandwich and steaming styrofoam
cup. Then he glanced out the window. "Weatherman said the rain should let
up by this afternoon."
"Which means it'll be raining all night," Scully concluded. She
unwrapped the sandwich, took a bite, and then took a sip of her coffee.
"How's the coffee?" Mulder asked, trying to start some form of
conversation."
Scully pursed her lips. "Kind of bitter. Tastes like mineral
water."
Mulder frowned. "When I bumped into Spender, he spilled some
stuff on our food. He must have had some mineral water or something. Do
you want me to go and get you another?"
"Oh, no, it's fine. Don't waste your energy. I'll just live with
it."
Mulder leaned back in his chair, grabbed up his coffee and took a
sip. "Must have spilled some in my cup, too. It *does* taste bitter."
"Well, now we're even."
Mulder looked out the window, then back at Scully. "I wish I was
out there now."
"Where? In the rain?"
"Right now, I'd rather be anywhere than here," He sighed
regretfully. "It's extremely disappointing to think that I don't enjoy my
work enough any more to want to be running through a downpour instead of
this. What has happened to us, Scully? What have they reduced us to?
Nothing more than small bugs to be squashed, that's what. Well, you know
how when you step on a pincher bug and then you kind of sit there for
five minutes and watch as it writhes about in agony with it's abdomen
crushed to a bloody pulp, trying to get up and run, before you finally
stomp down with a squish and a twist to finish it off for good? That's
what they're doing to us."
"Mulder, you're cute when you're depressed."
He sighed even harder. "Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be a
bug."
"Okay, Mulder, now you're just getting strange."
"No, really. It would be such a simple life. Find food. Find
shelter. Avoid danger." He looked at Scully. "Find a mate."
Scully managed a half-grin. "As long as you weren't a black widow
spider. The females mate and then eat the males."
"I guess you would know a lot about bugs, Scully, being you are
in their range of height..."
"Oh, shut up and eat your lunch, pincher bug."
Spender slammed the door behind him angrily and thumped the
cappuchino down in front of his partner, Diana Fowley. She looked up from
the file she was reading over.
"Do you have it?"
"Barely," Spender growled. "I ran head-on into Mulder while I was
getting *this* for you. Spilled quite a good bit of it." He set the flask
of clear liquid down on the desk.
"All we need is a small sample. It's no big deal."
"What if it affects something?"
"It won't. Completely ineffective on inanimate objects unless
they've been exposed to sweat or blood or some other such that has been
effected."
"I went to a lot of trouble to get this," Spender moaned. "Why do
we need it, anyway? It's not necessary for anything. Completely useless,
if you ask me."
Diana studied the clear liquid carefully. "This isn't for the
files department. The toxiology department wanted to analyze it and use
it for specific experiments or whatever."
"To what? Develop an antedote?"
"No. Just research or something. I don't know. All we had to do
was get it to them, and that's the end of our part."
"Well then, you go deliver it to their office. I'm sick of
carrying around cappuchinos for everyone and colliding with other
agents."
"Hey, I wanted an espresso, not a cappuchino!"
Despite the slightly unpleseant taste, the coffees were
completely empty when Mulder and Scully left the cafe'. They truged along
the halls to their office slowly, not wanting to go back to the extensive
paperwork and never-ending phone calls. Mulder held the door open
for her as Scully walked in. She stopped at her desk, clutching her
stomach.
"Something wrong, Scully?" Mulder asked worriedly.
"Umm...nothing. I just ate that sandwich rather fast," She said.
"Yeah, I feel a little queasy, too," Mulder added suddenly. "Need
to sit down..."
The two agents plopped down in their office chairs on either side
of the paper-covered desk. Mulder picked up a stack of papers to read and
was about to put on his glasses, (even though he didn't really need
them,) when he stopped. He rubbed some fingers against his forehead.
"Ugh...I feel...drowsy."
Scully leaned forward slightly. "Are you sure you didn't
accidentally get decaf, Mulder? I feel kind of tired, too..."
"No, I'm sure I got regular. Must be the weather and this
work...it has been such a long day..."
"I think I'll take a quick
nap...just want to rest a bit...."
"Yeah, and think what Kersh'll say when he catches you sleeping
on the job..." Mulder joked. But he too, was starting to feel extremely
sleepy. Scully laid her head down on the table. "Tell Kersh to
go bug Diana and Spender......" Mulder's head leaned forward. His vision
was starting to get fuzzy. He didn't know why, but he suddenly felt an
unstoppable urge to sleep.
"You tell him....."
Within seconds, both agents had their heads down on the desk
asleep, completely knocked out.
He awoke slowly to the feel of hard wood pressed against his
cheek. Mulder lifted his face from the desk, gazing around through
sleep-brimmed eyes. He still felt somewhat drowsy, but he knew that he
had better get up and get back to work. Who knew how long he had been
asleep? Maybe hours. And Kersh wouldn't be too happy about that. He
glanced over to one side and saw Scully, still asleep. Groaning heavily,
Mulder picked himself up completely and stood. He would have to wake
Scully up.
But then he noticed something strange. Looking down, he saw that
he was standing on wood, not the carpet of the office floor.
The wood of his desk.
Of his desk?!
Now that he got a good look around, he noticed that something was
*definitely* wrong. It was like being in a crazy dream. He and Scully
were on a long, wooden plain, and off in the distance, what looked like a
bizarre mountain range of thin, white stone slabs. And all around that,
even more strange, enormous sculptures. One resembled a pencil, another a
coffee mug, and another a desk clock.....
Mulder stared open-mouthed, eyes fixed upwards, for several
minutes before he ran to Scully and began shaking her violently.
"Scully, Scully, wake up!! Come on, wake up!!!"
Scully blinked at him sleepily. "Ugh...just five more minutes,
Mulder..."
"No, Scully, you have to get up NOW!!"
"Mulder..."
Mulder hefted Scully up so that she was standing upright and
shook her. "Look!! Look up! Look all around! What do you see?!"
Scully rubbed her eyes wearily, and gazed around. "Huh?...where'd
that gigantic pen suddenly come from?....Mulder, is this some kind of
joke?..."
"No, Scully, keep looking! Look all around you! Something's
happened!!"
"Mulder, what are you talking about?" He gestured all around
them, eyes wide.
"Everything's....big!!!"
"What's big?"
"*Everything*!!!"
Scully, hearing the urgency in Mulder's voice, forced herself to
wake up fully and see what he was so excited about. She also noticed how
the floor was wooden instead of carpet and the mountain range of white
slabs to one side. But she was the first to notice the
humongous...*thing* that looked like the largest big-screen TV in the
world. It took her a few minutes to notice it was a computer. *Their*
computer. And *their* computer was the size of a 30-story apartment
building, not including the keyboard, which looked about the size of an
Olympic swimming pool.
"Uhh...Mulder...."
"I have a feeling we're not in Kanses anymore..."
They stared upwards for several minutes before Mulder spoke
again.
"Scully, do the words 'size doesn't matter' mean anything to
you?"
"What is this Mulder?" Scully asked, gesturing at the scenery
around them. "It *looks* like our office....only *bigger*."
"*Lots* bigger," Mulder corrected.
She turned to him. "Alright. explain this to me, because I don't
understand it."
"Well, judging from the sheer intensity of these inanimate
objects and the approximate time in which we were knocked out plus the
possibility of..."
"Get to the point, Mulder."
"We've been shrunken," He said simply.
Scully stared at him. Her shoulders dropped, and she groaned
aloud. "Well, I should have expected that kind of answer from you,
Mulder. 'Honey, I shrunk the FBI agents' and all that. Yeah, Mulder,
you're absolutely right. We've been shrunken. And I'm Rodney King."
Mulder frowned. "Then *you* explain it, Ms.
Know-it-all-scientist."
"This is a dream. This is all some crazy dream. I'm still asleep,
and so are you, and because of that dang mineral-water-tasting-coffee,
we're both having nightmares. It's indigestion, that's all."
Mulder glanced at her slyly. "Maybe you're right, Scully. Maybe
this is all a dream. Bad coffee, that's it. We'll wake up, and everything
will be it's normal size again, right?"
"Right," Scully nodded.
"Well, okay, Scully. If this is a dream...then...WOULD THIS
HURT?!!" He shouted suddenly, leaning forwards and giving her a pinch on
the arm.
"OW!!" Scully yelped, stumbling backwards before regaining her
dignity.
"As you can see, Scully, this is very real," Mulder continued
with an innocent look on his face as if nothing had happened. "Judging
from the size of that computer, I'd say I was about an inch tall and you
were 7/8ths of an inch tall."
"Oh, and so now you're going to tease me about my height, are
you? Well, if *you're* so smart, please explain to me HOW THE HECK we
*got* shrunken!!"
Mulder thought for a moment. "The coffee!"
"Yeah, Mulder, it's *always* the coffee."
"No, I'm serious. I think whatever Spender spilled in our drinks
was some kind of shrinking poison. And when we drank it all, the effect
was getting shrunken! I bet if we hadn't both drank the whole thing we
would haven't have gotten so small." He moaned aloud. "Mom always said
coffee would stunt my growth."
"So what's Spender doing carrying around a shrinking poison?!"
"I don't know, but I don't think he meant for it to spill in our
drinks. Maybe he doesn't even know what the effects of it are. Who knows?
The point is, here we are."
"Well, doesn't it wear off? You know, we slowly grow back to
normal size?!"
Mulder shrugged. "How should I know? We could stay this way
forever."
"FOREVER?!!!"
"Hold it, Scully, let's not panic yet."
"I'm less than an inch tall and you're telling me NOT TO
PANIC?!?!!!"
"We'll get out of this somehow. We just need to think for a
little bit, sort things out."
"Whatarewegonnado?!?!"
"Should we call Spender? Maybe he has an antedote to this poison
or something."
"No, we can't do that! Spender would go and blab it off to
everyone, including Kersh, before he ever gave us an antedote. And then
Kersh would find some way to make it seem like it was our fault. And then
we'd have scientists putting us in little glass cages like lab rats and
perform all these horrible 'tests' on us..."
"Good point," Mulder grimaced. "We need to think of someone else
who can help..."
"Who?" Scully protested. "Who would believe us?"
Mulder's face lit up with a smile. "Who do you think?"
Scully's face dropped. "Oh, Mulder, not them..."
"Yes, Scully! The Lone Gunmen are the only ones who could help us
now. They wouldn't turn us into some experiments, they'd help us out,
find some kind of cure!"
"Mulder, their headquarters are across the street. Do you have
any idea how *long* it would take two people an *inch* high to get from
our office to their office?! It could be *weeks* before we got to them!!
What will Kersh and everyone else think has happened to us?!!"
"What would they care?" Mulder shrugged.
"Mulder, you're not getting my point."
"Well, you can stay here if you want, but I'm going to go do
something about this," Mulder concluded, and started off towards the edge
of the desk. Scully stood there for a moment, glanced around at the
enormous office furniture, then hurried after him shouting, "Mulder,
wait! I'm coming too!!"
She caught up with him just as he reached the end of the desk. He
was staring down at the ground that seemed like miles below. Scully
looked down and gulped nervously. "Please explain to me how you plan to
get down *there*."
Mulder glanced around at the desk for a moment. There were
several stacks of papers, two pens and a pencil, a pencil sharpener, a
Starbuck's coffee mug, a file organizer, two telephones, a box of
tissues, a small office clock, some empty CD cases, some disc organizers,
other miscellaneous objects and the computer.
He looked back. The computer.
"Hey...the computer!"
"What about it?"
"The electrical wire goes from the computer to the outlet in the
floor. We can go down the wire to get to the floor!" "You're
joking."
"No, I'm serious. We could get from the top to the bottom in a
snap!"
"Mulder, I am *not* going to slide down any computer wire, even
if I *am* less than an inch tall." She groaned.
"Fine, just stay here...shorty," He added before heading off in
the direction of the computer.
Scully ran after him. "You have no right to call me shorty! You
just come here and say that to my face and I'll bop you a good one!..."
Mulder edged his way to the edge of the cliff that was their desk
carefully until he came to the back of the computer. A tangled mess of
wires that instead looked like an array of black and silver firepoles
snaked from the computer to the floor that seemed like miles below them.
Scully joined him, looking nervously down at the descent. Mulder caught
her worried look. "I'll go down first, Scully, and then I'll tell you
when everything's clear."
"Oh...alright."
Mulder stripped off his coat, knowing it could get easily snagged
on something on the way down. He then positioned himself on one of the
silver poles, carefully bracing himself.
"See, it's a sinch. You just slide down!"
He jumped off the cliff as if he were repelling and disappeared
down the wire in a flash, crying out with surprise of the sudden fall.
The ride was pretty smooth...until about haflway down when he suddenly
lost his grip and went flying into the trash can.
"MULDER!!" Scully shouted in horror as she watched scraps of
paper and pencil sharpening waste spray in all directions as her partner
landed neatly right in the middle of a large pile of trash. Without
hesitation, she grabbed a black wire, leaped from the cliff and descended
a hundred stories down in a few seconds. She landed on the
carpet next to the metal trash can. Picking herself up, she heard
scrambling and shouts of dismay coming from within due to Mulder's
recovery from the fall. He began banging on the inside of the can. "Hang
on, Mulder!! I'll get you out of there in a minute!" Scully shouted up to
him. She glanced around anxiously. The question was...*how* was she going
to get him out?
Mulder, meanwhile, was still trying to get over his shock. The
metal can was half-filled with disgarded papers, pencil sharpenings, the
remains of half a sandwich and several sunflower seed husks that he had
actually remembered to put in the trash. But instead he felt like he was
swimming in two-ton thin stone slabs, tree branches and metal discs each
the size of rowboats. The metal walls of the trash can stretched up above
him like the face of a menacing skyscraper. "Hey, Scully!! Get me outta
here!" He yelled, pounding on the metal.
"I have a mind to just leave you in there," She groaned. Scully
looked around at their office slowly. It looked so different now that she
was looking at it from a bug's-eye view. The desk leg was as tall as the
empire state building, it's sheer face stretching up out of sight. The
bright overhead lights of the office glared down like a miniature sun.
The carpet, which was very short and dense, came up to her waist and was
like walking on a spongy swamp. 'At least we didn't get thick shag
carpet, or we'd be walking in a forest of yarn', She thought.
The office certainly looked a lot *larger* when she saw it from
the floor. An endless meadow of carpet stretched out as far as the eye
could see, and beyond that, nothing but straight, blank walls like cliffs
that stood up above them and disappeared into the nothingness above.
Because of her perfectionist self, the office floor was mostly clean, but
that hadn't stopped Mulder from littering it whenever he could behind
Scully's back. There were, of course, the usual sunflower seed husks,
plus a piece of scratch paper covered with used tic-tac-toe boards, and a
long, wooden plank that took Scully a moment to realize was a ruler.
"Hey, Scully, you still alive out there? Some help would be
nice!!"
"Hold on minute, will you?" She shouted back. She half-ran,
half-swam through the carpet before she finally reached the ruler, laying
down on the carpet patiently. She steadied herself, then picked up one
end. It took her a long time to drag the ruler over to the trash can,
since that one wooden slate was nearly twice her body weight. With much
grunting and exhilaration, she was finally able to lean the ruler upright
against the trash can.
"Hold on, Mulder. I'm going to climb back up one of the computer
wires, grab this and throw it in to you! Just hang tight."
"Like I have a choice," Mulder mumbled, struggling to free his
leg from under a sunflower seed.
Scully stripped off her own coat, rubbed her hands together, and
began to climb back up one of the computer wires. It took some
considerable effort, but she was finally level with the trash can and the
top of the ruler, and was able to peer in and see Mulder.
"Well, I guess Kersh was right when he said you spend your time
picking around in the trash can."
"Oh, just shut up. Heck, I can't even eat a sunflower seed
anymore! What's going to become of me now?!"
Scully ignored him. Being very careful not to slip, she wrapped
her legs firmly around the wire and grabbed up the end of the ruler with
both hands, grunting from the work. After much upward tugging, she was
able to tip the ruler over the side of the can and into the trash below.
"Hey, don't throw away that ruler. I like it." She heard Mulder's
voice from below.
"Use it as a ladder. I'll be waiting at the bottom," Scully said
simply, and slid the short distance to the bottom. Mulder quickly
found the ruler, considering that it had nearly landed on his head, and
pushed it upright until it reached to the top of the trash can like a
fireman's ladder. Making sure it was steady, he climbed up the long,
wooden plank slowly, taking care not to look below. The ruler was one of
those deep-riged ones, so he used the measuring dashes as ladder rungs to
climb up to the top. The end of the ruler stuck out of the trash can a
good ten centimeters.
Mulder reached the top and looked down, only to see Scully
standing in the carpet several stories below him.
"So now what do I do?"
"Jump. I'll catch you."
"You'll do WHAT?!!"
"Just jump, Mulder. It's not that far a drop."
"It is when you're an inch high!"
"Look Mulder, I'll try and catch you. If I miss, well, you'll
land on carpet. It's nice and soft, you won't get hurt. Trust me."
Mulder rolled his eyes skywards, which was pretty hard
considering how far away the sky was. "I *know* I'm going to regret
this."
"Hurry up, Mulder! We don't have much time left!" Mulder leaned
precariosuly over the edge of the ruler, still wondering if he should
jump or just decide to take up residence in his trash can forever. He
could survive on sunflower seeds and the last half of that sandwich. He
would just hope that no one would come along and decide to empty the
trash...
"Mulder, I'm waiting..."
His problem was soon solved. Because of the position of the ruler
and his leaning over to far, the trash can had begun to tip dangerously
over. As he leaned out a little farther, the can completely fell over
onto its side.
"LOOK OUT!!!" Scully screamed, running and dodging just as the
can fell over, spilling trash everywhere.
BOOM.
The entire world seemed to shake as the trash can hit the carpet,
it bounced slightly, then lay still.
As soon as the dust cleared, Scully peered from her hiding place
behind the table leg. She saw nothing but a mountainious pile of papers,
shavings, plastic and seeds. She didn't see Mulder.
"MULDER!" She shouted again, and rushed into the fray, moving
aside slabs of white material and six-foot seeds in a desperate attempt
to find him in the rubble.
She saw his arm sticking out from under a piece of paper, and
heard him groan. Scrambling over a piece of discarded plastic, she saw
Mulder... pinned beneath the ruler and several sunflower seeds.
"Mulder!" She ran, tripping over a seed. "Mulder!! Are you
alright?!"
Mulder groaned. "I *knew* I should have taken out the trash
yesterday..."
Scully ignored him and hefted the ruler off of him, as well as
several seeds. He stood up dizzily, apparently uninjured.
"Mulder, is anything hurt?"
"Just my pride..."
BOOM! BOOM!! BOOM!!!
Mulder and Scully instantly froze at the enormous booming noise
that sounded from far above them. Three claps of thunder in a row
followed the three they had just heard. As if a mountain were collapsing,
or a wave was pounding against a cliff. Or as if...
"I think someone just knocked on the door," Mulder said.
Scully wasted no time. She took him by the arm and dragged him
out of the pile of trash and behind one of the table legs, the wooden
legs the size of redwood trees.
"Someone's coming!" Scully whispered urgently.
"And that's bad?"
"We could get stepped on!!"
"Good point."
One of the smooth cliffs, which Mulder assumed was the door,
moved open like a tree being hit by a tornado, revealing what resembled
two enormous black trunks, supported by two dark brown boulders.
Shoes.
Shoes that could crush them as if a house were collapsing on top
of them.
"AGENTS MULDER? SCULLY??"
The two grabbed their ears in agony as a voice from up high rang
out briefly, calling their names. It was difficult to distinguish who the
voice belonged to. The sound was piercingly loud, like a hundred jets
taking off right beside them, and echoed over and over and over.
"It's so loud!" Scully cried.
"Quiet!" Mulder hissed. "Can't let him hear us!"
"As if he actually could," Scully countered.
The person's legs moved forward a step, creating a resounding
thunder and tremor in the earth with each step. Mulder didn't even want
to think about what might happen should they accidentaly be caught
beneath one of those boulders when they came crashing down to earth.
"HELLO? IS ANYONE HERE?" The voice called out again. Mulder and
Scully again plugged their ears to avoid being blasted with sound waves,
but they could still hear it clearly.
"Who is it?" Scully cried. "It's like a giant!"
Mulder risked a peek upwards at their visitor. "Worse,
Scully...it's Spender!"
Jeff Spender glanced around confusedly at the empty office.
Strange, he was certain that he had seen the two agents come in here
after their lunch. He had seen them on the way to the elevator. And he
doubted that they could have left.
'You'd better go check on them,'. He remembered the last thing
Diana had said to him after leaving their basement office. After telling
her how he had ran into Mulder and spilled some of the substance, she had
instantly become worried that some of it may have gotten on their food.
'Who knows what effect it could have on people. Lab rats, sure, but
people? What if it works on them, too?' Spender hadn't thought of that
possibility when he had rushed off to clean the coffee from his suit.
Leave it to Diana to think of details like that.
And now, looking around at the empty office, he began to get
suspicious. There was no sign of Mulder or Scully. The desk was still
cluttered with office papers, and the computer was still on. Half a cup
of water sat untouched on the desk. It was as if they had disappeared
without a trace.
He shifted his weight, and heard a crunching sound from beneath
his feet. Looking down, he saw that he had stepped on a sunflower seed.
He now noticed that the trash can had been knocked over, and papers and
shavings and seeds and a lone ruler littered the carpet. His suspicion
grew.
It couldn't be possible...could it?
Mulder pressed Scully and himself against the table leg tightly
as a deep rumble sounded from above. Spender shifted around and bent down
so that he was on his hands and knees. He began to scan the carpet floor,
searching attentively. Perhaps they had somehow ended up on the floor...
Now that he thought about it, the idea seemed funny. Agents
Mulder and Scully...a pair of small bugs! If it really *had* happened,
and he really did find them, he'd be laughing his head off. Diana would
probably scream at him, and so would Kersh. Oh well, he would just say it
was Mulder's fault. He wasn't watching where he was going when they ran
into each other. Besides, the scientists of the toxiology department
would be in a feeding frenzy to get their hands on them for study. Not
including the constant paperwork, Spender thought he'd be pleased with
the results of his actions, despite criticism from Diana and Kersh.
Mulder and Scully held their breath as Spender's head swung by
the desk leg. They both could hear and feel the sound of breathing, which
sounded incredibly loud in their ears. The hot, rancid wind beat down on
them for a few seconds before going on past them, accompanied by the
occasinal dull rumbling of Spender's movements.
The two agents breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't spotted them.
"Man, I never thought Spender could have such bad breath," Scully
winced.
"That's cause you're not in his altitude."
"Very funny, Mulder."
Spender stopped for a moment, thinking he heard voices. No, it
was too quiet to be anything. He continued to search the
"Agent Mulder? Agent Scully?" He called out again, this time in a
softer voice. But it still sounded too loud for comfort to the two tiny
agents hiding behind the office desk leg. Then something caught
Spender's eye.
It was a trench coat. A brown, worn, talored trench coat. A
trench coat less than an inch tall.
Scully cursed under her breath as she watched Spender's hand
reach down and pick up the coat that she had dropped in her rush. Spender
stared in amazement at the tiny coat in his palm that could have been a
good fit for Thumbelina. This was definitely Scully's trench coat, the
one she wore with her practically everywhere. Even Spender knew that. He
remembered what Diana had said, 'Completely inaffective on inanimate
objects unless they have come in contact with sweat or blood or some
other such that has been affected.' And if Scully's trench coat was less
than an inch tall, that could only mean...
Spender stood up excitedly. He lifted his feet from the ground,
making sure there were no squished remains of FBI agents underneath, and
hurried out of the office, being careful to watch his step.
Mulder and Scully waited until the echoing booms of Spender's
footsteps died away, leaving them once again alone. They waited a
reasonable time before venturing out into the open again. "He
took my trench coat!" Scully wailed, pointing in the direction of the
door. "I'm going to kill that little weasel!!" "Alright, you go
kill him...shortstuff."
"Enough with the short jokes already!"
Mulder grabbed Scully by the arm. "Come on, we're going to have
to hurry even more! There's no *telling* what Spender'll do once he shows
everyone his amazing one-inch trench coat that happened to belong to one
Agent Dana Scully."
Mulder and Scully ran across the carpet as quickly as possible
considering the loose threads that caused them to trip and stumble. It
was like trying to run through a field of thick bamboo. Mulder finally
stopped them at the door of their office, which loomed up above them
menacingly.
Luckily, the space beneath the door was large enough for them to
squeeze under; otherwise they may never have been able to get out. Scully
crawled beneath the doorspace first, then motioned for Mulder to follow.
All he had to do was crouch down slightly and he could walk under on his
hands and knees. Once out of the office, he stopped next to Scully.
His partner was cowering against the door in fear as he stared
out beyond them. They were in the hallway that connected the offices to
each other, as well as the elevator. The hallway was long, silver, and
the ceiling was too high for them to see. But what was the most
frightening was the other agents that walked through the hallways to get
to wherever they were going. Like Spender, they were as tall as giants,
and just as dangerous. Normal voices, footsteps, even breathing was
amplified a million times in Mulder and Scully's ears; and the air was
filled with booms, rumbles, and echoing voices from a mile up. The earth
vibrated every time someone took a step nearby, reminding them of the
disaster that would ascend upon them from other agent's shoes should they
be trapped underneath. And because there were so many agents walking
through the hall, it was like they were standing in a continuous
earthquake. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, the sounds echoed in their ears like
thunder.
Scully covered her ears again. "What do we do now?"
Mulder covered his ears as well. "I don't know. We have to
somehow get to the elevator, and without being noticed."
"The last part shouldn't be hard," Scully groaned.
They stood there for a few more minutes, watching other agents
walk by, or at least watching their feet walk by, and listening to the
neverending thunderings.
"I think we should just make a run for it. The elevator should be
in that direction. We just need to get on that side of the wall, and we
can make our way to the elevator there. If we can just avoid getting
stepped on, we should be home free."
"But how will we get to the bottom floor? It's not like we can
reach the elevator buttons."
"We'll worry about that when get there."
They stopped, and waited. A female agent passed by quickly, then
disappeared down the hall. For a brief moment, the hall was empty. Mulder
and Scully took their opportunity, and started to sprint across the hall.
The hallway was very wide, making their run a good many yards across.
They were about a third of the way across when *three* pairs of
agents came down the hall, thundering towards them threateningly. "Hurry
up!" Mulder yelled, urging Scully along. The pounding booms of
deadly shoes and the dull, rumbling echoes of voices from above grew even
closer, and was approaching faster and faster.
"RUN!!"
They were about two-thirds of the way across when the other
agents caught up to them.
BOOM!
Mulder grabbed Scully and held her back as a shoe the size of a
house crashed down right in front of them, causing the ground to shake
like an earthquake. They were both thrown to the ground by the sound of
thunder from in front of them and the shock of the weight hitting the
earth.
"Go, go, go!!" Mulder yanked Scully to her feet once again as he
saw yet *another* shoe approaching, this time heading quickly in their
direction. It was coming at them fast, too fast for them to get out of
the way.
In a despertate last instinct, Mulder shoved Scully out of the
way, but didn't move fast enough to save himself. He looked up just in
time to see the black, heavy tread of the person's shoe come crashing
down on top of him, but not enough time to open his mouth to shout.
"MULDER!!!" Scully screamed aloud as she watched Mulder disappear
beneath the black, solid form of the shoe. The ground shook and knocked
her to the floor as she cried out in horror. The shoe seemed to stay
there for an eternity, as if taking pleasure in pressing him into the
ground. Scully stood there, dumbstruck, her voice lodged in her throat.
Didn't this person know what they had just done? Didn't they realize that
they had just trod upon Mulder as if he were nothing more than a blade of
grass?
After what seemed like forever, the shoe lifted again, revealing
what remained beneath.
A strangled cry escaped Scully's throat as she saw Mulder lying
flat against the ground. He was curled up tightly, his hands covering his
head, quivering with shock. She shook him desperately, half with fear,
and half with surprise that he was still in one piece.
"Mulder, get up! It's me!" She pleaded.
Mulder lifted his hands from his head, slowly uncurling himself
from his desperate defensive posture. He looked at Scully, then at the
agents as they thundered away, and breathed a long, shuddering sigh of
relief. "Are you okay, Scully?"
"Am *I* okay? Am I OKAY?! Mulder, I just saw you...how come
you're not..."
He gasped thankfully again before answering in a halting voice,
"I thought I was, too. I could feel it pressing down on me. I think the
person had heels, or very deep treads..."
Scully hugged him tightly with relief before helping him to his
feet. He stared back after the agents as they walked away.
"Remind me to 'accidentally' step on that person's foot if we
get back to normal size."
"*When* we get back to normal size." Mulder glanced around at the
hallway, and saw another person approaching from a distance ahead of
them. "Look, we don't have time to hang around! There'll be others coming
if we don't hurry up."
Taking his advice, Scully led a trembling Mulder the rest of the
way across the hall before arriving at the wall where they stopped,
panting for breath.
"Mulder, don't you *ever* scare me like that again!" Scully
moaned.
"Sure thing...Thumbelina," Mulder joked. Scully rolled her eyes.
Even almost being stepped on by a person as tall as a skyscraper couldn't
shake Mulder's irripressible sense of humor. "Look, let's just
try and get to the elevator. Right now, all I want is to get back to
normal size."
"I don't think you'll be drinking coffee for a while after you
do."
"Oh, shut up...Tom Thumb."
The two ran down the hall, hugging the wall, and being careful
not to be seen by anyone passing by. There was no telling what someone
would do if they happened to glance down and see Agents Mulder and Scully
an inch high and apparently unconcerned about it. But most people who
went by were too absorbed in where they were going or what they were
going to do than to look at the floor the entire time.
The elevator was at the far end of the hall, waiting for them. It
came into sight about 20 minutes before they actually got to it. They
stood at the double doors, stopping to catch their breath again. A couple
meters was almost like a mile to them, and they had run the entire way.
"Most people don't think twice about going from their office to
the elevator...and here we are taking half an hour running to it," Scully
panted.
"Kind of a disadvantage if you were trying to catch a criminal,"
Mulder added.
"Kind of a disadvantage to life," Scully corrected.
Mulder strained his neck to look up at the elevator. "Now what?
'Open sesame'? It's kind of hard to open the elevator doors when the
button is in another atmosphere."
The problem was soon solved. Mulder and Scully pressed themselves
into a corner as a lone agent walked up to the elevator and pressed the
'down' button. They waited a few seconds before watching the great silver
skyscrapers slide open before them. The normal-sized agent stepped
inside.
"Okay, let's make a run for it," Mulder said, grabbing Scully and
leading her towards the doors. It wasn't until they were nearly there
when Mulder remembered the enormous gap in between the floor and the
elevator that would be wider than they were tall now that they were an
inch high. The elevator doors were starting to close again.
"On my count, jump! One...two...three!!"
Both agents took a running leap and jumped clear over the
bottomless crevice that yawned below them. Scully almost didn't make it,
but Mulder gave her a pull, and they both landed on their backs inside
the elevator.
They both breathed a sigh of relief as the doors slid closed in
front of them. "Close one," Scully sighed. All Mulder could do was nod in
agreement. He picked up himself and Scully and walked to a corner of the
elevator where they were least likely to be spotted. Looking up, they
both watched as the other agent pressed on the button for the bottom
floor.
"Okay, Scully. See, it's fine now. We'll soon be at the bottom,
and out of the building. It should be all downhill from there."
"Shh, not now. He could still hear you."
The other agent glanced around the elevator confusedly, thinking
he heard voices, then shrugged it off as nothing. Riding in an elevator
felt the same being an inch high as it did being six feet tall, just a
little longer. The elevator soon reached the bottom floor, giving a
slight bounce that made Mulder and Scully wobble unsteadily, but they
didn't fall.
The doors opened, and the taller agent stepped out quickly.
Mulder helped Scully leap over the gap in the door once again; though
this time it was not as frightening. They stopped to catch their breath
as the doors closed behind them once again. Now they were in the
main lobby of the building. They could distinguish little of what
everything was, all the desks and furniture looked like nothing more than
mile-high skyscrapers. Then there were the ususal echoes and rumbles from
passing agents and other workers.
"How come there's not that many people?" Scully questioned. "The
lobby is usually so *busy*. It's like everyone left."
Mulder glanced at his watch. "That's because it's almost 9:30,
Scully. Everyone's going home."
"It's been almost *nine* hours?!!"
"Well, yeah. We fell asleep around two, and my guess is we slept
for an hour or two. And it took us a good long while to get down here.
We're probably not going to be able to get to Byers, Langley and Frohike
until two days from now."
"So what are we going to do?"
"Let's at least get outside. I don't really want to stay in the
building where someone could easily see us."
"And *I* don't fancy having to try and run across the hall again.
The next person may not have heels."
"I know," Mulder grimaced. "We'll just keep to the walls and the
desks. And then we'll do the same thing with the front door that we did
with the elevator: wait for someone else to open it. I don't think the
front doors have doorspaces."
It took them a good hour and a half to walk from the elevator to
the front door, which normally would have taken them 30 seconds. They
stopped for a break only twice, and then forced themselves to keep going.
They always froze when someone passed by, and several times they had to
sprint to avoid being trod upon by someone stepping rather close to the
wall, but there were never any calls too close. During that long hour and
a half, they rarely talked, they concentrated only on getting to the door
and getting out of the building. There was little to talk about, anyway.
When they finally reached the door, they stopped for a good ten minutes
to take a rest and catch their breath.
"So...we made it, Mulder," Scully panted.
"Yeah...no big deal...just imagine how long it would take to walk
to the post office from the headquarters," He answered sarcastically.
"Do you see anyone coming? We need to get the door open."
Mulder looked back behind them. "Yeah, there's two people coming.
Come on, get to the corner of the door. I think they swing outward."
Mulder and Scully got themselves into their corner position as
the other two agents pushed the door open easily. Mulder and Scully
watched them with slight envy. They walked out the door, and Mulder and
Scully followed, sprinting fast to avoid having the door close on them.
They reached the outside just as the double doors closed behind them.
"Ohh....SHOOT," Scully groaned aloud.
Mulder looked at her quizically, until he too looked ahead, and
remembered the one detail that they had forgotten in their exhausting
journey: it was still raining outside.
They stared beyond the sheltering overhang that surrounded the
front of the FBI building out into the world ahead of them. And the world
suddenly seemed very large, cold and threatening. A steady downpour
rained down from the clouds above, filling the sidewalks and streets with
puddles of water that to them could end up being dozens, maybe hundreds
of feet deep. The raindrops themselves were enough to easily drown both
of them. People walked down the sidewalks hiding beneath their umbrellas,
splashing in the puddles with their enormous rainboots. And wrose yet, an
endless line of cars, taxis and trucks whizzed along the street,
splashing water everywhere. Mulder didn't even want to think about how on
earth they were *ever* going to get across that street.
"Somehow...I think that we're going to need more than a traffic
light if we're going to get across that," Scully muttered. "I
don't even want to think about it," Mulder moaned. "I don't think we
should even bother trying...not today, anyway. We need to find someplace
where we can spend the night, and then we'll keep going in the morning."
"And get something to eat," Scully added. "All we've had in the
past couple of hours was that sandwich and that dang *coffee*..."
"I know," Mulder sighed. He glanced around them, looking for
something that could perhaps protect them from the rain. Even bugs and
mice knew better than to be outside in a downpour. He saw nothing except
the front of the FBI headquarters building, which obviously couldn't
shelter them for long.
Scully was obviously trying to do the same. She pointed to their
left, where a few leaves from the surrounding trees had dropped off onto
the ground. "Mulder, why don't we use one of those? It won't keep us dry,
but it will at least keep us from getting injured. Just one of those
raindrops could seriously break our necks."
Mulder glanced out at the rain and the street, and then back at
the few pitiful leaves on the ground. "Well...it's not like we've got
anything better. Might as well. We'll try and find something to eat, and
then maybe a dry place to spend the night." "Which direction
should we go in?"
Mulder looked to his left, then to his right. "To our left is
another street, so we can't go that way. To the right is just the
building for a long ways, then I think there's some kind of newspaper
stand aways down. Maybe we can find shelter there. Besides, I think
Byers's, Langley's and Frohike's place is to the right, too."
Scully walked over to one of the yellow-green leaves and picked
it up. "Oof, it's just a bit heavy. Here, help me, we'll carry it
together."
Mulder came over, and together, they hefted the single leaf above
their heads. It seemed sturdy enough, and would at least keep them from
getting hit directly by raindrops. A raindrop falling at the speed of
several hundred miles per hour could easily knock them down.
Holding the leaf above them, they walked to the edge of the
overhang, and stared out into the shower of water and gray that stood
before them.
"You ready?" Mulder turned to Scully. "It may be a long walk."
"I'm ready," Scully said confidently.
"Alright," Mulder sighed, and together they stepped out into the
rain.
The shock of the sudden downpour on top of them caused them to
halt suddenly. The leaf thumped like a drum as raindrop after raindrop
after raindrop hit it like a steady stream of missles. The raindrops that
hit the leaf soaked through the material and still got them wet, and the
raindrops that didn't hit the leaf hit the ground instead, sending up a
spray of water into their faces and soaking them clear to the bone. They
stood beneath the leaf, shuddering, trying to get themselves to keep
walking and ignore the rain.
"Come on," Mulder said, his teeth chattering. "We can't stay out
here too long. We need to get moving."
Forcing themselves to carry on, the two agents began to walk
through the downpour. This turned out to be a lot more difficult than
either of them expected. As soon as they got down into the sidewalk, they
found out that the water easily came up to their waists. Raindrops
splashed down all around them, never stopping, making the sidewalk an
angry, splashing sea of rainwater. Within seconds they were completely
soaked. The depth of the water on the sidewalk itself was enough to make
them feel as if they were swimming.
So when they started stepping into puddles, things began to get
messy.
The first puddle wasn't that deep. It only came up to their
necks. They gasped for breath horribly and managed to half-walk,
half-swim through the puddle, still tugging the leaf over their heads. It
took a good ten minutes for them to get to the other side of the puddle.
They hit several more, one that came up to their chests, and another to
their necks.
Scully shook her head at Mulder. "I don't think I can take much
more of th--"
Her comment was cut short as they both suddenly plunged into a
puddle a good three and a half inches deep.
It was like falling into a 20-foot swimming pool. They were
suddenly thrown underwater and began sinking rapidly, pulled under by
their own weight and the steady stream of rain that made the puddle even
deeper than before.
Mulder groped about desperately in the cold darkness for Scully's
hand, but he could feel nothing. He still had a hold of the leaf, but
Scully herself had slipped from his grasp. He looked about desperately,
but he could see nothing except complete blackness. Finally unable to
hold his breath any longer, he kicked for what he hoped was the surface.
He broke the surface of the puddle with a gasp and a shout,
holding the leaf above his head to shelter himself from the rain.
"SCULLY!!"
He saw her. She was splashing about somewhere ahead of him,
choking for air and for something to grab onto. When suddenly, a raindrop
dropped from the sky on top of her like a missle, striking her and
driving her beneath the surface. "SCULLY!!!"
Mulder gulped in air and dove beneath the surface. He groped
about in the darkness madly, reaching out blindly for Scully. He lunged
forward, suddenly feeling her arm, and grabbed on tightly. Then mustering
all of his strength, he towed himself, Scully and the leaf back up to the
surface, and swam despairingly for the shore.
The two agents struggled up out of the puddle on their hands and
knees, Mulder holding the leaf above them for cover. Scully's
face was pale and she coughed up a lungful of water. Mulder himself was
busy coughing, trying to rid his throat of the filthy water that they had
just been plunged into. Scully let out a gut-wrenching cough and gasped,
"This is no time for swimming lessons, Mulder..."
All Mulder could do was shake his head. They sat there for
several minutes, gasping for air and coughing before once again forcing
themselves to their feet to continue walking.
They walked through the rain for what seemed like an eternity.
They kept on the lookout for very deep puddles, and when they came to one
they swam through it instead of accidentally falling into it. The rain
continued to drop down, and showed no sign of letting up. Mulder and
Scully both looked about longingly, but they saw no sign of shelter, just
the tall, forbidding side of the FBI building, and the endless sidewalk
ahead of them.
"I can't stand this anymore, Mulder," Scully whimpered after a
long time of treading onwards. "We're going to collapse here if we don't
stop and take shelter soon. We've been running and walking and swimming
all day, and we haven't had any food."
"I know, Scully," Mulder replied, shaking water from his hair.
"But I still don't see anything we can use in the way of shelter. We just
have to keep walking."
"That's just it, Mulder. I *can't* keep walking. I'm so
tired...all I want to do right now is sleep. I can't keep this up much
longer..."
"Try, Scully. You have to try. If you stop right now, you'll die.
If not from raindrops, then from hypothermia. We need to find someplace
*warm*, this rain is almost freezing..."
"You go on, Mulder," Scully gasped. "Go ahead and see if you can
find someplace to stay. I'll stay here, and then you can come back for
me. I'm just slowing you down..."
"No, Scully, I'm *not* going to leave you here," Mulder shot
back. "We'll get out of this somehow."
"Mulder...."
"Wait," Mulder stopped, suddenly looking ahead. "I think I see
something."
"What?..." Scully asked in a slurred voice.
"The newspaper stand!" Mulder said, his voice suddenly excited.
"That old newspaper stand, right there! There's shelter back there, I'm
sure!"
Scully looked ahead, and through the curtain of rain and mist,
she could barely make out what looked like a brown skyscraper, though not
as tall as the silver one on their right. It was defintely a welcome
sight.
"Come on!" Mulder cried, starting to run forward. Scully
struggled to keep up with him, stumbling a little on the way. The two
agents sloshed through the waist-high rain as fast as they could, eager
to reach the old wooden stand that stood above them like a mountain. A
mountain that could possibly provide a shelter from their liquid missle
attack.
They reached the newspaper stand 20 minutes later. To
normal-sized people, it was a small, wooden stand that had two tables,
one of them a small one attached to the big one. A sign that had 'NEWS'
painted in red letters stood above, attached to the table by wooden
posts. The stand itself was connected to the warehouse-like building
behind, and the way behind the stand was blocked by a small swing-door. A
door in the warehouse building behind the stand itself suggested that the
papers themselves were stored indoors. Right now, the stand was empty,
and all the papers and magazines had been removed from the stand to keep
them from getting wet. A small sign that read 'CLOSED' was hung on a peg
on one of the stand's posts, and wavered slightly in the rain.
Mulder smiled at Scully. They walked quickly behind the stand and
under the swing-door, which had a doorspace below that was large enough
for them to easily walk under. Mulder and Scully stopped, looking around
the back of the news stand for any sign of shelter. The door that led
inside the warehouse building was closed, and had no doorspace. There was
a small door on the stand itself were papers could be stored beneath, but
it too, was closed and locked. For a moment, it looked like there was
nothing here that could shelter them either, and that they would have to
go back out into the rain and torment.
But then they noticed what else lay behind the stand.
There were a few disgarded newspapers, now wet and useless with
their print bleeding all over the paper. But the thing that really caught
their attention was a cardboard box, turned over on its side, facing the
warehouse door. They walked slowly over to the box's entrance, hoping for
the best. Mulder and Scully peered
inside. Now it was Scully's turn to smile. The box was dry, and had a few
dry nespapers inside as well. And best of all, there was a corner of a
ham sandwich left in the box, also dry.
"Yes," Mulder said, throwing aside the leaf and stepping inside
the box. "I think this will do nicely."
Scully let out a long, heavy sigh. "At last...someplace dry." M
ulder quickly explored the box. "I can't see any leaks. Yes, this
should keep us warm, at least until tomorrow."
"And well-fed," Scully cried eargely, walking inside.
The two agents quickly made themselves comfortable inside the
cardboard box. Mulder and Scully both tore off strips of newspaper to
wrap themselves in in order to try and get warm. They also tore off small
pieces of the leftover sandwich to satisfy their ravenous appetites.
After a few minutes, they were both wrapped completely in newspaper and
were busy munching on the sandwich. They just sat there, eating and
keeping quiet, before Mulder finally spoke.
"Whoever says no news is good news should go and have a cup of
Spender's spiked coffee." He said.
Scully managed a grin. "I wonder what the weasel is doing now.
Probably still trying to convince Kersh that he shrunk us. As if *that*
will ever happen."
Mulder sighed heavily and took another bite of a crumb. "Well, I
wanted to be out in the rain, and I wondered what it would be like to be
a bug, and here I am."
"Not exactly the simple life you envisioned, is it?"
"Well, I was right, wasn't I? We found food, we found shelter,
and we avoided danger, right?"
"Now all you need is the mate."
"Who says I don't already have one?" Scully gave Mulder a
surprised a look as he tried to recover from his
Oh-my-word-I-can't-believe-I-just-said-that syndrome. Scully noticed, and
tried to change the subject. "At least
we're still alive. I'd say we've managed pretty well."
"*Managed*," Mulder added. "Bugs have to *live* this way. The
best we can do is to survive. Humans just weren't built for this kind of
thing."
"Which is why," Scully concluded, "We need to find the Lone
Gunmen as fast as we can in order to find some sort of cure for this
thing."
Mulder sighed again and took another bite. He chewed slowly,
gazing about at the inside of the box, at the newspaper he was wrapped
in, and at Scully. "Assuming, of course, that getting shrunken *can* be
fixed."
"Mulder, don't even think such things..."
"No, wait Scully," Mulder continued. "I'm not saying this is
gonna happen, I'm hoping not, but what if...what if we couldn't ever get
back to normal size? What would you do if we had to stay an inch tall for
the rest of our lives?"
"Mulder..."
"Just what if, Scully. Here we are, only an inch high, struggling
for our lives on a busy street in downtown Washington D.C. We may end up
this way forever. We should at least have an idea on what's to become of
us."
Scully paused for a moment before answering. "Well...I guess we
would have to adapt to our new enviroment. We'd have to fend for
ourselves in some sort of way. Find a place that we can use as a
permenant home. Also try and find some food source that wouldn't run out
quickly. We'd kind of have to act as if we were stranded on a desert
island. You know, build some sort of home, and devise weapons for use
against predators."
"Adapt?"
"Yes...learn to accept our new position, and try to learn to live
in it."
"Do you think you could ever adapt to only being an inch tall?"
Scully shook her head and coughed. "No. Our lives would never be
the same again. Every day would be a battle for survival, not a life. I
don't think we could ever adapt...but we could try."
"You're saying 'we' a lot. I asked you if 'you' would."
"Well...wouldn't we stick together, Mulder? We couldn't separate.
It would be suicidal. I would drown in a puddle or you would get stepped
on by someone."
Mulder grinned. "You do, of course, know the other quality
necessary of being a bug..."
"Reproduction? No, Mulder. I don't think I would want to bring
any one-inch lives into the world. It would be too depressing, too
emotionally stressful."
"If it was a girl, we could name her Thumbelina, and if it was a
boy, we could name him Tom," Mulder mused.
"Very funny, Mulder."
"What do you suppose everyone would say after they find out we've
disappeared for good? What would your mom think?"
"I don't know...I don't really want to know, either. If we're
lucky, they'll put Spender in an insane assylum for thinking that he
shrunk us."
Mulder sighed regretfully. "I wish I hadn't ever run into that
weasel. If I hadn't I wouldn't have gotten us into this mess."
"Mulder...don't say that. If it's anybody's fault, it's
Spender's. He shouldn't have been carrying around that stuff so
carelessly, anyway. It's practically a federal crime..."
"But I could have at least had the decency to go back and get you
another coffee. Then at least you would still be your normal size. I
wouldn't care if I was an inch high, just so long as you were alright..."
"Mulder, I'd rather be with you and only an inch high than be
five foot three and not be able to find you."
There was a long, tense silence. The sound of rain drumming on
the box outside continued on as the two partners stared at each other for
the longest time.
"I guess one of us should stay up to keep watch," Scully mused.
"I'll stay up, Scully. You go to sleep. There's a bunch of
newspapers back here you can use..."
"No, Mulder, I'll stay up, you get some sleep. You need it more
than I do, trust me."
"Scully, *you* sleep. You need it the most. If you're worried
that I'll get tired; well don't, 'cause I won't."
Scully looked at the pile of old newspapers in the back of the
box. They certainly did look inviting after their horrible journey
through the rain. She gave in. "Alright. But wake me as soon as you start
to get tired. We both need to sleep."
"Will do," Mulder answered. Scully crawled gratefully to the back
of the box and shuffled around the papers to create some sort of
makeshift bed. She pulled a piece over herself and snuggled down, trying
to keep warm.
"Wake me when it's my turn," She mumbled absently, but almost
instantly went to sleep.
Mulder grinned briefly, then turned back to his watch. The sound
of rain pounding outside droned on continuously, creating almost a
soothing rhythm. He shivered and pulled the newspaper around him tightly
as a cold wind blew inside. He moved over and half-shut the flaps of the
cardboard box to try and keep the wind and rain out. He sat back down,
feeling much warmer already. He tried to stay awake, but the sound of the
rain outside and the pleasant dryness of the box seemed to lull him
slowly to sleep.....
He awoke the next morning to the sound of scratching outside.
Mulder blinked and stretched, silently scolding himself for
falling asleep during his watch without waking Scully. However, he felt
nice and warm wrapped in the dry newspapers, even though his clothes were
still damp, and let himself sink down into a pile of paper again. He
didn't want to get up just yet...they had a long day ahead of them, and
he didn't fancy greeting it with a 'Good morning, sunshine'. The sound of
overhead missles pounding on the outside of the box had ceased.
Apparently the rain had finally let up sometime during the night. He
glanced over in Scully's direction. She was still there, wrapped in
week-old newspapers, her damp clothes clinging to her body pitifully, and
her hair wet and strewn all over in pieces in her face.
Man, was she beautiful.
The faint sound continued from outside, like a quiet scratching.
Mulder squinted into the bright sunlight that shone through the box's
opening with slight curiosity. An odor drifted in with a breeze, a scent
that Mulder could barely identify. Something must be outside.....
Scully stirred from under the newspapers, groaning slightly. He
heard her mumble something, whether in her sleep or to him directly, he
didn't know. "Scully, wake up," He called to her softly.
Scully turned her head to stare at him, damp red hair dangling
across her face. "Mulder, what..."
Mulder turned back to the entrance and froze. A shadow was cast
over him. A large shadow. A shadow with fur, and pointed ears, and
whiskers.
A cat.
It was a horrid, scraggly thing. It was a grey cat, with black
stripes and a white belly and chin. The cat's fur was dripping wet with
last night's rain and it's paws were caked with mud. Judging from it's
haggard appearance, thin body and horribly nasty expression, it was an
alley cat, possibly one that had been caught outside in the rain.
The cat, that was probably the size of an African elephant,
stared down at him with angry, yellow-green eyes. Mulder watched,
horrified, as two sets of long, sharp claws extended from the cat's
forepaws, and then as the cat opened it's mouth and barred a set of
razor-edged, yellow fangs at him.
"SCULLY!!!"
MREEOOOW!!!
It was difficult to tell who's scream Scully awoke to first. She
suddenly felt herself fully awakened from her half-sleep by a crazed
Mulder who was shaking her violently and yelling at her to get up and
run. She came awake completely as Mulder shoved her aside just as a
pawful of slashing claws came crashing down.
The cat hissed in frustration and attacked. Mulder dodged to one
side of the box as it pounced, missing him by inches. Mulder shouted to
Scully in a panic, "Come on, we have to get out of here! Run for it!!"
The cat turned around in the box and instead tried to catch
Scully. She cried out and dove beneath the cat's legs as it launched
forward, getting a mouthful of newspaper instead of a mouthful of Scully.
HIIIIIISSSSSS!!
Scully, in a daze, ran into a corner of the box. The cat turned
to her once again, trapping her in the back of the box. Mulder was just
about to make a run for it when he noticed Scully, trapped in front of
the cat like a helpless mouse. The cat began to advance forward, baring
its fangs hungrily.
"HEY, YOU!!! OVER HERE!!" Mulder shouted at the top of his lungs.
The cat ignored him, intent only on getting a biteful or two of his
partner. Mulder ran up and attacked the animal, giving it a fierce kick
in the hind leg.
"Scully, run for it!!"
*That* got its attention. The cat spun around, spitting in a
rage, and pounced on Mulder. He was thrown against the floor of the box
and held down by a huge, blunt paw. He looked up dizzily and saw the cat
staring back down at him with those deadly, feline eyes. Mulder suddenly
remembered back to his childhood, when he was about nine or ten. Samantha
had gotten a cat for her birthday that she named Muddy, because he was
kind of a brownish color. Mulder remembered waking up in the morning and
going outside to get the paper, and being disgusted as to the fact that
there was a headless mouse on the doorstep. He wondered how someone would
react if they went out to get the paper the next morning and found a
headless FBI agent on their doorstep.
Pure instinct told Mulder to play dead. He head heard somewhere
that a cat wouldn't eat a dead mouse, it'd just leave it. Maybe this one
would do the same thing. Mulder closed his eyes and let his body go limp,
feigning death.
The cat stared down at him for a moment, apparently confused, and
prodded him with a curious paw. Mulder didn't move. Unfortunately for
him, this cat was too hungry to care whether or not he was dead. Mulder
kept still, seeing and feeling nothing. And then he suddenly felt the
cat's jaws close over his body.
Scully watched dumbstruck as the cat lifted it's scraggly head
with her partner's limp body in it's mouth, apparently pleased with
itself. The thing cocked it's head and prepared to chew, seemingly
enjoying the taste.
Scully's scream didn't actually come into creation until ten
seconds after she opened her mouth.
"MULDER!!!!!"
cat was so surprised that it opened its mouth and dropped Mulder.
Scully ran faster than she ever had in her life, despite the fact that
the cat was standing right over her, to where Mulder was laying on the
floor of the box, groaning with pain.
At seeing her, he suddenly sprang to his feet as if nothing had
happened. "Come on, run!!"
"Mulder!..."
"Just RUN!!"
The cat got over it's surprise just as they both sprinted out of
the box. It hissed in anger and started after them, claws barred.
Neither Mulder nor Scully remembered how immensely busy the
sidewalk was in the morning until they actually got out there in the
middle of it. They ran out from behind the news stand and into the open,
the cat hard on their heels. A few people were already out on the
sidewalk, and Mulder and Scully ran right into the middle of them.
The people didn't notice them, but they did notice the spitting,
muddy cat, and dodged out of the way. Mulder and Scully were thrown to
the ground by a nearby footstep, and then stumbled into a leftover
puddle, and then narrowly avoided being trod upon again. Mulder didn't
know how on earth they ever expected to outrun a cat, especially when
they were only an inch high on a busy street in the morning. All he knew
was that somehow they had to escape the thing.
They dodged again as some enormous thing whizzed by them faster
than the people that were walking. It was going too fast for them to see
what it actually was. Then they stumbled and tripped into another shallow
puddle yet again.
There was a sound like a dull thump, and then a piercing,
agonizing wail came up from behind like a broken ambulance siren. An
ear-splitting screeching and howling made the two agents hold their ears
in agony and look behind to see what could have caused the racket.
Several people were crowded around the cat, which was laying down
on the sidewalk. Then Mulder and Scully noticed why: a speeding bicycle
that had passed them had hit the cat, breaking one of its hind legs. The
person on the bicycle had gotten off to attend to the animal, shouting
out apologies at no one in particular. The cat, however, would not be
touched. It sat there, licking its wounded leg and kicking up a great
fit, hissing and spitting and clawing at anyone who dared to come near.
Mulder looked at Scully. "Remind me never, *ever* to get a cat."
Scully was about to answer when she glanced down at the puddle they were
standing in. She gasped with horror at the realization that the water was
tinged red. "Mulder, you're hurt!!"
They climbed out of the puddle. Mulder's suit was torn up pretty
well, and he had several scratches on him. But the thing that attracted
Scully's attention was the long, red gash on his lower left leg.
"Cats never did like me much," Mulder mused.
Scully knelt down to observe the cut. Luckily, the cut didn't go
as deep as the bone, and his leg wasn't broken. But the gash was still
fairly deep, and there was a considerable about of blood leaking out.
"Mulder, this needs medical attention."
"Let me know when you find some magical healing gnomes."
Scully ignored him and stripped off part of her pant leg to make
a bandage. "Mulder, what did you think you were doing? That cat
practically almost ate you alive. Did you think it would just ignore you
if you played dead?!"
"Yeah," Mulder moaned, embarassed.
"Never mind. I think we've seen the last of that thing. Here,
hold still while I wrap this around your leg."
Mulder watched with slight fascination as Scully went about her
medical business. She tore off several strips of her pant legs and some
of her shirt and tied them tightly around Mulder's leg, making a
makeshift bandage. Mulder stood up and tested it, moving his leg about
experimentally. "It fits. I can walk fine."
"But can you run?"
"Probably not as fast..."
"Well then, that's a problem," Scully sighed, looking out at the
street. "We've reached another corner. There's nowhere else for us to go
except across the street. And it's not like we can just wait for the
light to turn red."
Mulder glanced out into the street. An endless line of cars and
trucks and taxis and all manner of vehicles whizzed by, stopping only for
short periods of time at the red lights. Not nearly long enough for
Mulder and Scully to make it even halfway across. Avoiding people's feet
seemed like a walk through the park compared to avoiding people's
pulverizing car tires.
"We couldn't get across unless we stopped traffic altogether."
Scully commented.
Mulder looked up at the traffic light high above them, almost out
of sight. He looked at the street, then back at the traffic light. Then
at the post that held the traffic light to the ground. An idea slowly
surfaced from the corner of his brain.
"That's what we'll do, then."
"Huh?" Scully asked, confused.
"We'll stop traffic!"
"And just exactly how do you plan to do that, Mulder?"
Mulder lifted a finger to the traffic light, and Scully followed
his motion. Then she watched his finger as he led it from the light, to
the post and down to the ground. She realized that she was looking at a
small, black wire that led into the ground.
"That's the means through which the light changes," Mulder
explained, pointing at the wire. "If we can shut that off, then..."
"No light!" Scully cried, the realization hitting her.
"Exactly," Mulder continued. "The traffic light will go out, and
no one will go anywhere. And while the cars are sitting there, we can get
across!"
Scully looked across the street. The street was extremely wide,
as well as bumpy. To someone their size, it was probably three to five
miles across. "Mulder, they'll get a policeman out here sooner or later
to direct traffic, and then they'll get it moving again. Then where will
we be? Stuck in the middle of a busy intersection with cars zooming all
around overhead us, that's what."
No response.
"Mulder?"
She looked behind her, and found her partner trying with much
difficulty to pull the wire out of the ground in hopes of disconnecting
it. He grunted and strained with the work, but still tried.
"Mulder, did you hear what I just said?"
"Scully, come on! Help me get this thing out."
She watched him tug forcefully on the wire for a while, a very
frustrated expression dominating her face. Then she rolled her eyes
dispairingly and walked over, trying to find something they could use to
cut the wire. Looking over the edge of the curb, she found herself
staring into the gutter, where an interesting collection of miscellaneous
objects had been gathered.
There were two coca-cola soda cups, both wet and crumpled. A five
dollar bill, also wet, that Scully wished she had a wallet big enough for
it to fit into. There was a chewed-up ballpoint pen, three moldy
cigarettes, which coincidentally were all Morleys, a plastic ziploc
baggie and a plastic nail filer.
Both of the two agents were too busy to notice one of the
passers-by on the street that just happened to glance down in their
direction. The man stared at the two tiny agents for a minute, eyes wide,
and then hurried on down the sidewalk with a dumbstruck look on his face.
While Mulder continued his fruitless attempt to yank the
well-built wire right out of the ground, Scully leaned over the edge of
the curb to try and reach the nail filer. After much straining and twice
nearly falling over into the gutter, she grabbed ahold of the heavy
piece.
"Mulder, help me with this," She called to him, trying to heft
the nail filer up onto the curb. Mulder turned around to see her and
instantly understood what her plan was. Together they both heaved the
nail filer up onto the sidewalk beside them.
"We can give that wire a good stab, and maybe it'll go out,"
Scully explained, motioning to the nail filer. "I think it'll be sharp
enough."
"Right, we'll do it together," Mulder concluded, picking up the
front end of the filer. Scully went around and took up the rear. Mulder
aimed it carefully at the wire. Then they both rammed the sharp edge
directly into the tough wire skin.
Both agents lept back as a small shower of sparks lept out as a
result of the nail filer penetrating the wire. There were a few snaps and
a loud pop. And then, in response to a chain reaction, all four traffic
lights for each side of the street zapped out of existance.
A unaminous sreeching and honking came from all sides of the
street as cars and trucks alike stopped in a squeal of tires at their
traffic direction's sudden disappearance. A few drviers sat there,
dubmfounded, some honked their horns, and some rolled down their windows
so they could yell at everyone else that it was the government's fault
and that they were going to sue.
Scully looked at Mulder, surprised that their scheme had actually
worked. Mulder just smiled. "After you," He said, gesturing to the edge
of the curb.
It took some considerable effort to get off the edge of the curb
because of its daring height, but by helping each other down, they
finally made it into the gutter. They sloshed through waist-deep sewer
water for a few minutes before finally getting out into the street.
Their journey across the street was most exhuberating. Unlike the
sidewalk, the street was a much more bumpy terrain, slowing their
progress by a little bit. They walked mostly, but at a fast pace, and
also took some time to run.
Mulder ended up being a little slower because of his hurt leg,
but he still managed to keep up. They had decided that they would not
stop at all until they reached the other side of the street. Every minute
on the street put them in considerate danger, even with the traffic
lights out. The ground was hard and rocky, and slightly damp, but they
didn't care. They concentrated only one their single goal- to reach the
other side of the street.
Meanwhile, the normal people were having a hectec time in order
to allow two inch-high FBI agents to cross the street. It took a
considerable time for someone to get out there who had a vauge idea on
what was going on, during which there was much honking, cussing, shouting
and groaning. When an official finally came into the melee, there was
instant demand for a policeman to direct traffic until the lights could
be fixed. But there were no available policeman because they were down on
the other side of Washington D.C. investigating a robbery and a murder.
Well get one down here anyway, everyone shouted. But it would still take
another hour or so for an experienced policeman to come down and get in
the middle to sort things out. Then get someone who knows how to fix the
lights, they demanded. Well, a light repairman still needed to be
contacted, and they still didn't know what the problem was with the
lights. Then get the h*ll out of the street before we run you over was
the next demand.
It took nearly four hours for Mulder and Scully to go across the
street at a reasonably fast pace. During that time, they talked little
except when encouraging the other to keep going. After an eternity of
walking past round, deadly boulders that were car wheels and trying to
ignore a neverending chorus of echoing horns and shouts and occasional
footsteps, the agents reached their destination: the other side of the
street.
And not a moment too soon. Almost the moment they managed to
climb back up the other side of the curb, a policeman finally arrived to
direct traffic and regain order. Mulder and Scully stood there on the
curb and watched cars and trucks zoom by to their various destinations.
"I never would have believed it," Scully sighed heavily. "We made
it across that thing. And without ever once getting into some form of
danger."
"I guess we could be charged with destruction of federal property
and jaywalking," Mulder mused. "But we'd get out of it because they don't
have hamster cages in jail."
"Don't even mention that," Scully grimaced. "Reminds me of what
could have happened to us if Spender had ever found us back in the
office."
"Yeah," Mulder agreed. "Remind me to force a cup of hot coffee
down his throat if we ever get back to normal size."
"And remind me to demand him to return my trench coat," Scully
added.
"Better not put that thing in the wash. If it shrinks, you won't
ever be able to find it again."
Scully rolled her eyes. Then she gazed around at this side of the
street, and at the last leg of the journey that lay before them.
This side of the street was much more forbidding and dangerous
than the FBI headquarters building on the other side. It was mostly a
section of warehouses and storage facilities, many long abandoned. Dark,
damp alleys and cracks and crevices where evident between almost every
building. Very few people were on this side of the street, since this was
also the territory of the occasional gang or two, which Scully found
ironic considering that the FBI headquarters were right across the
street.
Mulder checked his watch. "Good grief, Scully, it's almost 5:00.
Where did the day go? Did it really take us *that* long just to get
across the street?"
"Well, it took us about four hours to cross that thing, and about
half an hour starting from when we were chased out of that cardboard box.
Remember, we didn't go to sleep until around one last night, and we were
really tired. We probably slept in until about noon."
Mulder nodded. "We'll have to find food again. We haven't had
anything to eat since that sandwich last night."
Scully groaned. "How long until we reach the Gunmen's
headquarters?"
"I'm guessing that we'll have to find another place to stay the
night. We'll probably reach their office by tomorrow morning, if we move
fast. Luckily, it should be easier for us to find someplace to stay, and
there won't be any more rain."
"If our luck holds out, it'll be pouring within an hour," Scully
grumbled.
And with that, the two agents started out into the last leg of
the journey.
Kersh frowned with resentment at Spender. The little squirt
stared back at him with equal discontent. Spender shifted around in his
chair with slight nervousness and looked back at Kersh expectantly.
"Well?" The assistant director stared down at the miniature
trench coat that lay on his desk. Spender could tell that Mulder and
Scully's boss was having a difficult time swallowing this story, even
after Spender had showed him the 'evidence'. Kersh picked up the coat and
turned it over in his hand before looking back up at Spender.
"Agent Spender, do you expect me to believe that Agents Mulder
and Scully were not present at work today because you accidentally
spilled a solution into their drinks that caused them to shrink to the
height of about an inch high?" Spender nodded slowly. Kersh rolled his
eyes and rubbed a few fingers against his forehead. This agent was
starting to get on his nerves. "Please explain to me again how
you came to acknowledge this fact."
Spender cleared his throat. "Well sir, I already told you how I
ran into Mulder during lunch and spilled some of the liquid I was
carrying into the drinks he was carrying. And then about a few hours
later I walked into their office to check on them and they weren't there.
I looked all around, but I couldn't find them, sir. I noticed that the
trash can had been knocked over, and then I noticed Scully's trench coat
on the floor, sir. And so I went to tell my partner, and you asked me if
you knew the wereabouts of Agents Mulder and Scully, so I told you."
Kersh stared at Spender, then at the tiny trench coat. Then at
Spender. Then the trench coat. He coughed.
"Agent Spender, you are dismissed. I will think over what you
have told me and give you my opinion on this matter later."
Spender nodded and exited Kersh's office.
Two hours later, the lonely alleys of Washington D.C. found agents Mulder
and Scully trudging along slowly, going ever forwards, with Scully
helping Mulder along when he experienced occasional lapses of pain in his
leg. A chill wind blew into their faces, causing them to pause and bend
their heads to avoid direct contact with the freezing air. The buildings
loomed up above them like mountains, cold and threatening. They stumbled
along cracks in the sidewalk and jumped over those that were too wide to
step over. The puddles in the sidewalk that were too wide for them to
walk around they swam through. And by now they were both wet, muddy,
tired, and hungry to the point of exhaustion.
"I think..." Scully gasped after tripping over a lone pebble, "We
need to stop for the night. We can get a good night's rest, and then
start out early again in the morning. I just hope the Lone Gunmen are
there when we get there."
"Oh, don't worry, they will be," Mulder assured her. "That
cramped little office is practically home to them."
"So I figured," Scully said glumly.
Mulder looked ahead. "Look Scully, I think I can see their
building already. It's just a little ways ahead. Are you sure you don't
want to try and reach it tonight?"
"I'm sure, Mulder. I can barely move my feet, much less walk all
the way past a single building."
Mulder sighed and gave in. It made him upset that they were
stopping so close to their goal, but he didn't want to overburden Scully,
-not to mention his protesting leg- so he agreed to stop and find a place
for the night.
They stopped right in an old alleyway. The alley was basically
empty, except for a few trash cans and wet newspapers. "I don't
see anyplace we can go, do you?" Mulder asked. "No," Scully
sighed, "But I see some food over there by the trash can. Let's go get
some."
A few pieces of leftover food had been left by the trash can, but
they were old and slightly moldy. However, both Mulder and Scully were
too hungry to care, and filled themselves with as much food needed until
they were full. During that time, Scully had spotted something in the
alley that they could use to spend the night in: an empty drainpipe.
"Not exactly a four star hotel,"
Mulder mused as he peered inside. "But it should be big enough for both
of us."
"Isn't there something we can use to keep it kind of dry?" Scully
asked, squirming uncomfortably. "It's pretty wet in there."
Mulder glanced around. "Everything in this alley is wet. There's
nothing here we can use that's actually dry."
"Why am I *not* surprised." Scully sighed, climbing into the
drainpipe. Mulder took a quick glance around to make sure that everything
was clear and climbed in after her.
Scully had already attempted to make herself comfortable. She
squirmed around until she found a relatively passible position, and
curled up to try and go to sleep. Mulder himself laid down near the
entrance of the drainpipe and tried to get as comfortable as the smooth,
damp edges of the pipe would allow. Once he was settled, he stole a
glance back at Scully.
She looked over at him sleepily. Her clothes were all torn and
splattered over with mud and grime and clung to her wet body pitifully.
Her white shirt was practically dripping with mud. Her hair was tussled
and strewn all over the place, including her face, which was also
slightly pale and splattered with mud.
He began to laugh aloud.
"What's so dang funny?" Scully shot at him.
"Oh, nothing...just this. Here we are on this normal work day.
Shrunken down to the height of an inch by some liquid that was
accidentally spilled into our coffees, and having just been through an
ordeal which included falling into trash cans, avoiding getting stepped
on by giant agents, leaping over crevaces in order to get on the
elevator, taking hours to walk across a single hallway, drowning in
puddles, getting chased by alley cats, living off of other people's
leftover food and spending the night in cardboard boxes and drainpipes."
"And you somehow find that funny."
Mulder stared back out the drainpipe entrance at the night that
was swiftly coming on. "Actually, Scully, I'm scared to death. If this
shrinking effect was going to wear off, it should have done so by now.
And what if the Lone Gunmen can't help us? What if we stay only an inch
high forever? What's going to happen then?"
Scully sighed heavily. "I don't know, Mulder...I really don't
know." She paused. "But I do know that whatever does happen...that I'll
feel a lot better about it knowing that we're in this thing together."
Mulder looked at Scully. He smiled slightly. "Good night.....
Thumbelina."
Scully rolled her eyes. "Good night...cat food."
Mulder was about to counter that comment, but then thought better
of it. Despite the cold and damp of the drainpipe, both agents were soon
fast asleep.
Mulder opened his eyes and rubbed them slowly. He groaned from a
sharp crack that sounded in his back, due to the uncomfotable position he
had slept in within the drainpipe last night. He moved his arm to look at
his watch.
9:09.
He let out another groan and moved his head in Scully's
direction. She wasn't there.
"Scully?"
"I'm right here, Mulder," He heard a familiar voice call from the
outside of the drainpipe. "I'm just taking a stretch. It was way too
cramped in there."
Satisfied with his partner's location, Mulder twisted around to
try and get a few more moments rest before they had to get up and get
walking again. His pants and coat were wet from leftover water that had
trickled down the drainpipe during the night, and his leg still ached
from the gash that the cat had caused. He had not slept well last night,
and it showed.
"Oh, rats." He heard Scully exclaim.
"What, did you strain a muscle or something?" Mulder mumbled.
"No, Mulder, I mean literally."
Confused, Mulder forced himself up to see what Scully was talking
about. As he stared out the drainpipe entrance, he instantly noticed.
Three large, gray sewer rats stood facing the agents in the
drainpipe, scowls of hatred and fury all across their faces, backs
arched, claws barred and whiskers twitching dangerously. Each rat was
about the size of a truck, and about as tough as one, too.
"Hey, I didn't know Krycek was having a family reunion," Mulder
said. One of the rats hissed in anger and gave a challenging wipe at the
agents with its paw.
"Look, I know it was a bad joke, but there's no need to get all
fussy about it," Mulder shot back.
"Mulder..."
The rats had had it with that. They hissed and squeaked and began
to advance on the agents, moving very quickly.
"I thought rats didn't eat meat!" Mulder cried.
They're not looking for food, Mulder. We just intruded on their
territory."
"Then maybe they should put up a 'PRIVATE PROPERTY: NO
TRESPASSING' sign."
A rat lept at Scully with a squeak, intent on knocking her to the
ground. Scully dodged just in time, and the rat hit the opposite wall. It
let out a wail of rage that persuaded the other rats into action. Scully
yanked Mulder out of the drainpipe as another rat attempted to leap into
the pipe, claws and teeth barred. Mulder and Scully began to back away as
the rats scampered forward, hissing at them like a gang of enraged
hillbillies. Mulder pulled Scully behind him in an effort to
protect her and picked up a nearby old toothpick. Using it as a spear, he
lunged at the nearest rat, driving it back.
"Back, ye ancient monsters, back or I'll stabbeth thee!!" Mulder
cried out in the best heroic voice he could muster.
"My hero," Scully mumbled sarcastically. She had just about
decided that the insainity of the situation must be getting to her
partner's head.
The rats stayed back momentarily, wary of the toothpick. Mulder
and Scully slowly started to back out of the alley. One rat attempted to
come close. Mulder gave a swing with the spear-like toothpick, and blood
spurted from the rat's nose. The rat gave a screech of rage and lunged
forward, provoked into a direct attack. With one swift bite, it snapped
Mulder's toothpick in two.
"Ohhh, shoot...." Mulder cried as the rats advanced on them with
renewed eargerness, ready to finish them off there and then.
MEOW.
"Ditto..." Scully mumbled.
The rats froze at the sound of a slightly familiar growl. Out
from behind the trash can emerged the gray striped alley cat, still just
as mangy and thin and ugly, only this time, it limped along pathetically
with its broken hind leg. Mulder and Scully continued to back out of the
alley slowly as the rats stared in fear at this new, much larger
intruder. The cat lashed its tail dangerously and pounced. The three rats
scattered in all directions admist a spitting and hissing cat. Then they
took off in the other direction of the alley with the cat close behind,
clawing and meowing up a big fit.
"Let's get out of here," Mulder whispered to Scully. She nodded
in eager agreement. Still hearing the sounds of fighting in the alley,
the two agents sprinted out of their hiding place and began to run down
the sidewalk.
Mulder could barely make out the Lone Gunmen's headquarters aways
ahead, just past the one warehouse building. It had seemed so much
farther away last night in the dim light, but now, he could see it was
only a long run ahead. He motioned for Scully to start walking, and they
set off at a steady pace.
"How'd that cat manage to get all the way over here?" Scully
mused.
"I don't know, and I don't want to know. I just hope that those
rats will keep it occupied until we can reach the Lone Gunmen."
MEOW.
The two agents slowly turned around at the same time.
There stood the familiar striped alley cat, looking at them with
the same hungry gleam as the first time they had run into it. It had
chased the rats for a while, but then grew bored and decided to come back
for a more interesting meal.
"Case in point..." Scully groaned.
Mulder just turned and ran, with Scully sprinting in his wake.
The cat gave a hiss and gave chase.
The only thing that saved Mulder and Scully from being caught on
the very spot was the cat's broken leg. Because of it's injury, the
animal's speed was reduced to half it's normal ability. It half-ran,
half-limped along miserably, meowing and hissing in an effort to catch up
to its escaping prey.
"Mom never did like it when I brought home pets that followed
me," Mulder wheezed. "Why won't that thing leave us alone?"
"It likes you," Scully joked, leaping over a crack in the
sidewalk.
"You mean it likes me for breakfast," Mulder corrected.
"Just run, Mulder. Cat can't have breakfast if cat can't catch
breakfast."
"I'll be sure to remember that next time I take a stroll through
India," Mulder countered.
The agents ran without stopping. Despite the cat's injured limb,
it was easily catching up, and getting ready to pounce on them with one
leap. For some reason, the animal seemed to enjoy the way Mulder had
tasted, and decided that it preferred him and the other small creature
over a trio of filthy rats. Mulder gave a moan of despair as their
pursuer picked up speed, ready for one final bound.
"Here!! Here's their front door!!" Scully shouted at the top of
their lungs. Mulder looked up and found himself sprinting by a huge, gray
cliff. Grabbing Scully by the wrist, he flung himself and her around in a
90 degree turn just as the cat leaped. It missed, and landed on
the sidewalk face first. Shouting for her to hurry, Mulder pushed Scully
and himself under the tiny doorspace just as the cat regained its
composure and leaped to get them again.
"GO, RUN!!"
With one last final pull, Scully yanked Mulder under the door and
into the building. The cat hissed in fury and clawed at the bottom of the
door to try and reach them, but the space was too small for its paws to
fit under. Spitting with rage, it sat down by the door to wait for its
prey to emerge once again.
Mulder and Scully lay on their backs on the floor, panting and
wheezing for breath. Mulder winced and clutched at his leg in pain.
"Ow... it's starting to act up again. I don't think I could have
stood another minute of running." Scully coughed before answering.
"Well...we finally made it. After two days of surviving of the
streets of Washington D.C. being only an inch high, we finally reached
our destination."
"Yeah," Mulder looked at her, grinning broadly.
"And this had better be worth that trip or I'm going to throw you
back outside to that stupid cat."
Mulder didn't answer, but struggled to get up, making a face as
he put some weight on his injured leg. He stood up and tried to take a
look around. There were two doors in the Lone Gunmen's headquarters, one
which led to the hallway in part of the general building and the one they
had just came through which led outside. Mulder found himself staring up
at the leg of a large table and a tangle of wires and such for the
computers that he knew would be on top of that table. He couldn't see
beyond what they could see from the floor, which was mostly a bunch of
old cardboard boxes, some disgarded and forgotten files and other
miscellaneous objects. He didn't see Langley, Frohike or Byers.
"Where are they? Did we come at the one time they weren't home?"
Scully asked worriedly.
"No, they should be here. This is a pretty big office." He
glanced up. "Let's get to the top of the table. We should be able to spot
them from there and then somehow get their attention." Scully
noticed the computer wires. "And try not to fall into the trash can this
time, Mulder."
"Who says they have a trash can?"
Scully helped Mulder over to the table leg, since he had begun to
limp from the leg. The wound had bled through her bandage and had begun
to stain his pants. It was a nasty wound, but Scully was just thankful
and amazed that he wasn't really even more hurt after being chewed up by
a cat. They reached the table leg and began to scale the wires, which
turned out to be much harder than the first time when they just had to
slide down them. But after a while of upward tugging and grunting and
climbing, they scrambled over the edge of the table and onto its flat
surface.
Scully groaned and dropped her shoulders. "Well, I should have
expected as much."
Langley was sitting at the table, playing a game of Hearts and
losing miserably while listening to the latest 'Deftones' album. His
long, blond hair kept getting thrown into his oversized glasses as he
jerked his head from side to side with the music and lip-synched along
with whatever words he could actually understand.
"Frohike and Byers must be somewhere else back here," Mulder
mused. "Let's try and get Langley's attention."
Mulder and Scully stepped up as close as possible, although they
didn't want to get too close as to surprising Langley into doing
something unwise, such as swinging his arm and knocking them clear off
the table.
Mulder cupped his hands to his mouth and yelled, "LANGLEY!!"
Langley didn't even so much as look in that direction; he was too
enthralled in the game and the music to hear.
"Let's try at the same time," Scully suggested.
"One...two...three... LANGLEY!!!!!"
Still no response.
"LANGLEY YOU DORK, LOOK OVER HERE!!"
And still yet no response.
"It's no good," Scully moaned. "He can't hear us. Our voices
aren't loud enough."
Mulder looked around at what lay on the desk they were standing
on. There were several computers, one of which they were standing in
front of, and a small TV and VCR. There was a microphone and tape
recorder, several stacks of files, newspaper and magazine articles and
other things he couldn't identify because of his height. An idea formed
as he looked back at the microphone.
"Hey, Scully, look at this," He said, pointing to the microphone.
"We can use that to amplify our voices a bit. *That* should get his
attention.
"It's worth a try."
Mulder hefted the microphone up and set it down, then plugged the
end into the tape recorder. He pushed the volume on the recorder up
full-blast, and spoke into the microphone. "LANGLEY!!!"
Mulder and Scully both covered their ears at Mulder's own voice,
which was extremely loud to them. Langley suddenly stopped. He switched
off the music, and glanced around at the office confusedly.
Mulder risked another sound blast.
"LANGLEY!"
"Huh?" Langley replied, starting to get nervous. "Mulder, is that
you?"
"LANGLEY, OVER HERE!!!"
"Mulder? I hear ya, but I don't see ya."
"WOULD YOU JUST LOOK OVER HERE ALREADY?!"
Langley got up out of his chair and began to walk around,
searching for the source of the sudden voice.
"Frohike, is that you playing some kind of joke? Mulder?! Come
on, this isn't funny!"
"LANGLEY, YOU IDIOT! OVER HERE!!"
Langley stopped. "Byers, Frohike, c'mere!! I hear Mulder but I
don't see him! I think he's having an out-of-body experience or
somethin'!!"
"OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE MY FOOT!!! OVER HERE, WHERE YOU JUST
WERE!!"
Langley stopped again, and followed the sound of Mulder's voice.
"Where are you?"
"DOWN HERE. ON THE DESK, LOOK ON THE DESK!!"
"Huh?"
"JUST LOOK ON THE DESK, STUPID!!"
Langley's eyes searched the messy desk extensively, he wasn't
exactly sure of what he was looking for, but he looked anyway. He saw the
computer keyboard... an old National Equirer... a coffee stain... some
broken advil tablets... Mulder and Scully waving at him next to the
microphone...
He looked back again. Mulder and Scully.
He rubbed his eyes and cleaned his glasses with his shirt. Still
Mulder and Scully. Only they were each about as tall as an eighty cent
eraser. They were just standing there by the tape recorder, smiling
broadly at him and waving.
"Hey, Langley!!"
Mulder and Scully's smiles dropped to frowns as they watched
Langley's wide eyes stare at them, then slowly roll upwards, and then as
his entire body leaned back dangerously.... THUMP.
They ran to the edge of the desk and looked down, only to observe
Langley on the floor, having fainted completely.
"Aw, shoot." Scully groaned. "Got any more bright ideas?"
Before Mulder could reply, the other two Lone Gunmen, Byers and
Frohike, walked into the room. Frohike glanced around the office.
"Langley, did you call for us?"
Byers was the first to notice him. "Uhh...Frohike...I think
Langley just passed out." He pointed to Langley's still form on the
paper-covered floor.
Frohike's eyebrows raised. "Well, that's a first." He knelt down
and tried to revive him. "Come on, Langley, get up!" Langley
cocked on eye open. "Are they still there?"
"Are who still there?"
"Mulder and Scully!"
"Where are Mulder and Scully?"
"On the desk!"
"What exactly are you implying when you say 'on the desk'?!!"
Langley grabbed Frohike. "I'm tellin' ya, I saw Mulder and Scully
on that desk, and they were *this tall*!!" Langley demonstrated with two
fingers their approximate height.
Frohike and Byers exchanged glances. "Right, Langley. Mulder and
Scully were an inch tall. I think you've been listening to that music
long enough now."
"BYERS!! FROHIKE! OVER HERE!!"
This time it was Byers and Frohike's turn to look surprised. They
both slowly turned around...and saw Mulder and Scully standing on the
desk, just as Langley had said.
"See? I *told* you..."
Frohike walked up to the desk slowly and stuck his face close to
the two tiny agents, eyes wide. Mulder and Scully grinned broadly back at
him.
"Mulder? Is.......that *you*?...."
"It's me, Frohike!" Mulder spoke into the microphone. "And kindly
back up. You have rather bad breath, not to mention a loud voice."
Frohike blushed and took a step back as Byers came forward. It
took a long time for Frohike to find his voice again. "Mulder,
you're......*tiny*."
"Oh, well, gee, thanks for pointing that out, Frohike. I hadn't
noticed."
Byers took the time to notice some other details. "Not only
that... Scully's tiny. And you're both filthy."
"Look, Byers, Frohike, stop stating the obvious," Scully
glowered. "We came here because we need your help."
"I kinda figured."
Mulder launched into an explanation. "You see, about two days
ago, Scully and I had stopped for a lunch break, right? So anyway, I go
and get us some coffee and on the way to our table I accidentally run
into Spender and he spills this clear stuff all over our food. I just
ignore him and go back to our table and we drink our coffee even though
it now tastes funny. So when we get back to the office we suddenly both
feel really drowsy and doze off in our chairs. And when we woke up again
we were this tall! And so we think that whatever Spender spilled in our
coffees was some kind of shrinking poison, and since we drank it we both
got shrunken. And now it took us a full two days to get here so we can
ask you help in figuring out some way to get un-shrunken!!"
Frohike coughed. "Could you run that by me again? I was too busy
staring to really catch all of that."
Mulder groaned. He told their story again, this time in more
detail, including falling into the trash can and narrowly escaping
Spender and getting stepped on by other agents and having to get out of
the building and trying to stay alive while it was raining and spending
the night in cardboard boxes and drainpipes and getting chased and chewed
by cats and crossing the street and fighting off rats and finally what it
took to get them to their headquarters. The Lone Gunmen stood for a long
time, sinking it all in.
A thought suddenly dawned on Frohike. "Hey, Mulder...you're
shorter than me!"
"Frohike, don't even start..."
Frohike was very pleased by this obvious fact. He began to chant,
"Mulder's shorter than me-e, Mulder's shorter than me-e..." Byers
began to pound them with questions. "Do you think Spender meant to spill
that stuff in your coffee? Do you know if the substance is
extra-terrestrial or belongs to the government? Do you know what it's
chemical components are?..."
Mulder held up his hands. "We don't think Spender meant for us to
get shrunken. We don't know anything about the substance or where it
comes from or anything. We're just here to find out how to reverse it!"
"Could it wear off?" Langley asked.
Scully shrugged. "It could, but it hasn't yet, so we don't know."
"Can you think of any way to cure it?" Mulder asked worriedly.
Frohike had pulled out a magnifying glass and was staring at the
two agents through its lens.
"Not unless we can get an idea of what the clear substance is.
Once we observe it's chemical properties, we may get an idea on how to
reverse it."
"Put that magnifying glass away, Frohike, it's annoying. We're
not *that* small. Well, how do you find that stuff out?"
"It would take too long to look it up on record. What would
really be helpful is a blood sample. You interested in giving us a sqeeze
or two?" Langley suggested, pulling out a syringe.
Mulder and Scully both immediately shook their heads no. To them,
a syringe was the size of a truck, and the needle itself was like an
enormous spear. "Langley, that thing is more likely to run us through
than to take a blood sample. Don't you have anything smaller?"
Byers shook his head no. "We don't have anything that can match
your dimensions."
Frohike had ignored Mulder's comment and peered closer with the
magnifying glass. "Hey, Mulder, you're bleeding."
Mulder looked down. "Yeah, I know. You know how I told you about
the cat."
"Think maybe we could get a small sample of that?"
Scully caught on. She ripped the old bandage off of Mulder's leg
and set it aside, then tore off more strips of clothing to make another
bandage. By now, she had nearly torn her sleeves off and her pant legs
off as well, and Mulder noticed. "Just keep tearin' those clothes
off, Scully, and my leg will feel much better," He joked.
Scully gave him her oh-no-you-don't look and wrapped the second
bandage around his wound.
She pointed to the old bandage. "Use that to get a blood sample."
Byers reached down and picked up the tiny bandage, walked over to
a microscope on a different desk and set it down. He adjusted the knobs
until they magnified enough times, and peered through the eyepiece.
Everyone waited before he announced his conclusion.
"This is extremely strange," He said. "There is an extra molecule
all over in the other molecules, with a structure that I haven't ever
seen before. This molecule seems to be......*draining the life* out of
all the others. It's as if the invading molecule drains the mass out of a
normal molecule, but doesn't affect it's function in any way. And as the
normal molecule gets smaller, the invading molecule gets bigger."
"That can't be," Scully countered. "It's scientifically
impossible for mass to be added or removed in any way, it can only be
changed into different forms."
"And it's scientifically impossible to get shrunken, too," Mulder
added. "And yet here we are. I'd say science kinda falls a few steps
*short* here, wouldn't you agree shorty, I mean, Scully?..."
"I know it's impossible, but that's what it seems to be doing,"
Byers insisted. He looked back at the microscope. "But apparently, the
molecules have to *continue* to gather the mass from the other molecules,
otherwise, the mass would just...*grow* back, or spring back to return to
normal size."
"Well then, isn't there some way we can get rid of that extra
molecule?" Mulder insisted.
"Not unless you deprive it of its food source, which is your
body," Byers looked worried. "And from what I can tell, this molecule is
getting bigger and bigger by the second. It probably started out very
small, but just continued to grow as it drained the mass from other
molecules."
"Which means...." Frohike said.
"...That this thing is getting worse and there may be no way to
stop it," Scully concluded with a groan. "Do you mean that we're getting
smaller? That this thing is still shrinking us?" "No," Byers said
slowly, "Because of the normal molecule's tendancy to kind of *regrow*
it's own mass, it's counterbalancing the shrinking molecule. But it
doesn't appear as if it can be stopped."
Mulder and Scully exchaned horrified glances. "You mean we'll
have to stay an inch high FOREVER?!?!"
"We're not sure yet," Frohike said. "Give us some time to study
this thing and figure out exactly how it works, and we may be able to
think of a way to stop it."
"That may take some time, though," Langley added glumly.
Scully rolled her eyes. "Oh well, it's not like we can go
anywhere else right now."
"Yeah, you guys could sleep in a shoebox," Langley snorted.
"Langley, if I weren't only an inch tall, I would punch you,"
Mulder growled.
Frohike sat down next to the desk, still holding the magnifying
glass. "Well, what now?" Scully looked at Mulder.
"Actually...right now, I'm feeling awful sleepy." Mulder nodded.
"Yeah...me too."
Frohike raised his
eyebrows. "You guys want someplace to catch a few z's?"
Mulder looked off the desk in the direction of the old couch.
"Actually...the couch looks really nice right now."
"Isn't it kind of....*big*?"
Scully yawned. "Yeah, but it's a heck of a lot more comfortable
than a cardboard box or a drainpipe."
"Just don't forget that we're there and sit on it," Mulder added.
"Okay, whatever," Frohike sighed. "Hop on."
He held out his hand on the desk. Mulder and Scully exchanged
glances before reluctantly climbing onto Frohike's hand and allowed him
to carry him across the room to the old leather couch in one corner.
"I can't believe how tired I feel..." Scully mumbled as she
stepped off onto the leather material.
"I know....it feels like that one time after the coffee....."
Mulder added, his vision starting to get blurry. Frohike watched
in amazement as both agents suddenly collapsed onto a couch cushion, fast
asleep.
Scully felt leather pressed against her cheek as she slowly
returned to consciousness. Her body ached and she felt slightly dizzy, as
if she had just ascended in a bumpy airplane takeoff. At first she wasn't
sure what happened, but then memories came back of the Lone Gunmen and
Byers's discovery and suddenly feeling very tired...
She blinked and forced her eyes open to look around. The first
thing she noticed was Mulder's head resting on her hip. He was still
asleep. Then she also noticed how much...*smaller* everything seemed to
look since the last time she saw it.
"Aw, don't wake up yet, Scully! Mulder and you look so cute! I
was going to take a picture!!"
Scully was surprised as to the fact that Langley's voice sounded
normal, and not the usual booming echo that came from on high. She tried
to force herself to wake up more, but sleep still brimmed her vision. As
a test, she tried to stand up. Her feet slid off the couch and touched
the floor.
The *floor*.
She looked down.
Yes, the carpet floor looked like carpet, and not a waist-high meadow of
string and yarn. Looking behind, she saw that the leather couch that had
looked like a mountain range now looked like a couch. She stared around
quickly, and soon discovered that *everything* was it's normal size!
Byers was looking her in the eye, his head about level with hers.
"Surprise, Scully."
Scully turned in a full circle, eyes wide, and then turned to
Mulder and began shaking him as he had first shanken her.
"Mulder, come on, wake up! You gotta see this!!"
"Huh?" Mulder groaned.
Scully shook him again, a huge smile plastered across her face.
"They fixed it, Mulder!! We're normal size again!"
"Huh?"
"Mulder, get up!" Scully exclaimed, pulling him to his feet. He
stood up dizzily and looked around. A few quick glances soon brought him
to the same realization that Scully had. He turned back to her, eyes wide
and grin big.
"It worked!! We're alright!" Mulder exclaimed, hugging Scully
tightly and swinging her around in a circle.
"I don't believe it! We actually got big again!!" Scully laughed.
The Gunmen simply stared at the two as if they had just lost
their minds. Mulder turned to the three Lone Gunmen, joy spelled all over
his face. "How did you guys cure it?!"
"That's just the thing, Mulder," Byers answered. "We didn't."
Mulder looked confused. "Then how come we're big again?"
"Our guess is that the effect of the shrinking molecule wore off.
The shrinking molecule grew to such an enormous size that it wore itself
out and just dissiplated. And once there were no more molecules feeding
on the other molecules' mass, they were able to grow back to normal size.
The same thing happened with the blood sample."
"It was pretty funky," Langley broke in. "You both just kinda
grew. Wish I had it on tape."
"Yeah, so do I," Mulder said sarcastically.
"So that's it?" Scully asked. "After almost three days of only
being an inch high, it just wears off?"
"Kinda lame if it were ever going to be used for a chemical
weapon," Mulder mused.
"I don't care *what* it could be used for," Scully sighed. "I'm
just glad it's over."
"The problem now is that there's no evidence. We've got nothing
to show that we were ever shrunken," Mulder complained. "Who
cares about evidence?" Scully countered. "Why would we want to tell
anyone that we got shrunken? All they'd do is perform a whole bunch of
stupid tests on us. And that's one thing that I really want to avoid."
"So we're not going to tell anyone that we were shrunken?"
"No, we're not going to tell anyone," Scully decided. "All it
would do is get us into trouble. This entire incident should be labeled
as an accident only, and then forgotten." Scully looked at the Lone
Gunmen expectantly.
"We won't tell anyone," Frohike sighed. "It'll be hard, but we
won't tell anyone."
"So what are we going to tell Kersh when we come back and asks
where we were for the past two days?" Mulder looked down at his leg.
"We were in a serious car wreck and I got injured so we stayed in
the hospital for two days."
"We have no medical records to prove that."
"I was walking home when I guy jumped out and tried to mug me and
stabbed me on the leg."
"Who'd be desperate enough to mug you?"
"A cat bit me."
"*That'll* work."
Mulder sighed and turned back to the Lone Gunmen. "Thanks so much
for helping us out, you guys. I know you didn't do much, but you were
still a great help."
"No problem, Mulder."
"Anytime!"
"Yeah, Mulder, whenever you get shrunken, switch bodies, grow
extra arms, get possessed or drink orange juice after brushing your
teeth, we'll be here to help."
Scully tugged Mulder by the arm. "Come on, we better get going."
Mulder waved goodbye again.
"See, I *told* you the Lone Gunmen would help us out somehow!"
"Don't they always?"
Mulder opened the front door that led to the street and glanced
down. The striped alley cat, that had been waiting for him to remerge the
entire time, stared up at him with a look of shock and horror all over
it's muddy face. The thing twitched a whisker at him, stuck in a stare of
shocked surprise at the fact that his breakfast had grown six feet since
the last time he saw it. Mulder leaned down aways.
"Woof."
MREEOOOW!!
The cat gave a terrified howl and ran sprinting down the street,
meowing and hissing with absolute horror.
"Well, back to the old drawing board, Mulder."
Mulder sighed as he signed a few papers that related to the case
that he and Scully were working on. It was a day later, and they now sat
in a police office, working through the tedious task of filling out mug
shot forms for some suspect in a murder case. Kersh, of course, had been
extremely upset when they walked into work the next morning after being
absent for two whole days with an 'unsatisfactory' explanation as to why
they hadn't been present.
Kersh had accepted their story on the car crash with a bit of
skepticism, although not as much as he had with Spender and Scully's
one-inch trench coat. Despite Mulder's leg injury, they had been
immediately given another boring case to tire themselves out on. At least
until the next poison was spilled into their coffee.
Mulder filled out another small box. "Scully....do you think that
the entire trip we took from the FBI building to the Lone Gunmen's
headquarters was a waste of time? Do you think that we actually learned
anything from being an inch high?"
Scully sighed. "I don't know, Mulder. There may have been
something we learned from that experience. But to tell you the truth, I'd
rather not ponder over it. I'm just glad it's over." "And that we
don't have to worry about anyone finding out," Mulder added.
The two sighed and went back to their paperwork. They filled out
forms for a while, but then looked up again in interest as a pair of
policeman trod by dragging a somewhat hysterical man between them.
"I'm telling, you, I saw them!" The man exclaimed. "There were
little people! A man and a woman, and they were really tiny!! I went back
to get a camera and they were gone! There were tiny people, I tell you!!"
Mulder and Scully exchanged a look before going back to their
paperwork.
--------------------------------------------------------
THE END
---------------------------------------------------------
Author's Notes: Wow, that turned out to be a lot longer than I
thought!
Anyhow, there you have it! Nothing important and kinda whacked, I
know, but I hope you thought it was funny enough. And yes, I did manage
to squeeze in some MSR and UST. I think I'm getting better!
Oh, and about all that stuff about murdering you if you sue me or
don't send feedback....I'm kidding.
Now, don't sell me *short*, and don't think me to be
*small*-minded...I will never *shrink* from any feedback you send me! I
treasure it and always respond, no matter how *little* it is!!
SHIPPERS RULE FOREVER!! ANYONE ELSE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE CAN GO
FEED A MALIKUDDA!!!
DOWN WITH ALL RATS!! (That includes Krycek, Spender and Bill)
Mulder: "Well Scully, I was afraid your short little feet
wouldn't reach the pedals." - 'Syzygy'
--------- End forwarded message ----------
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