THE X-FILES
"PICK-UP LINE"
By Alien Girl
comixgirl@juno.com
Rating: G
Classification: V, some H, MSR
Spoilers: None
Archive Info: Anywhere, anyway and anyhow, as long as my name and e-mail
are along for the ride.
Summary: Scully attempts to get Mulder to go to a conference that he
refuses to attend, until things get a little to unbalanced . . .
Disclaimer: What do you want me to say? That Mulder and Scully and Co.
belong to CC and 1013 and Fox and not me?? Is this disclaimer really
neccesary? Will it really make any difference if I rebel and say that
they all are my own creations? Am I just asking to get sued, here?!!
Author's Notes: I'm ba-ack!! This one's really short and sweet,
completely pointless, and if anything is a complete waste of my time when
I should be studying for finals. But studying makes me sane. I don't want
to be sane. I want to be as insane as possible, therefore, I am giving to
you this entirely pointless but definitely humorous little piece of my
creativity! Enjoy!!
---------------------------------------------------------------
"Pick-up Line"
By Alien Girl
Scully glared at her partner with as much annoyance as she could
muster into a facial expression as he cracked another sunflower seed
between his teeth. She had just about all she could take of this man. As
he chewed the seed for what seemed like an eternity, Scully decided to
try again.
"Mulder, you *know* that you have to be at this conference. Kersh
himself demanded that you be there. As much as you dislike it, you know
that it's also my duty to see that you get there and add at least one
sixth of a point to our reputational scale. So stop trying to weasel your
way out of it."
"Oh, I'm not trying to weasel my way out. If there's one thing I
want to avoid, it's imitating Spender."
Scully scowled. "Now you're just stalling, Mulder. You need to
attend this conference. It's required."
"Oh, Scully, I've been to that conference a thousand times over,"
Mulder protested, flailing his arms about overdramatically. "Same old
thing every time. I practically memorized how it starts. 'First of all, I
would like to thank you all for attending this year's blah blah blah and
yada yada yada.' I don't need to go. So I'm not to going. That meeting
practically makes our work exciting."
"You're going."
"Well, I guess I could use some sleep . . ."
"Mulder . . ."
"No. Not gonna go."
"You're going."
"Nope."
"You're going if I have to pick you up and carry you there
myself."
Mulder snickered. "I'd like to see you try."
Scully didn't reply. She stared at Mulder for what seemed like
the longest time, him busy chewing away on a sunflower seed. Then Scully
slowly got up from her seat, walked around the desk, and stood behind
Mulder. He watched her, puzzled, as she slowly clasped her hands around
his waist. He heard her grunt as he felt her arms attempt to thrust him
upward.
"Scully . . . what *are* you doing?"
"Stand up, Mulder."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm going to pick you up and carry you there myself."
Mulder was so surprised that he stood up anyway. After several
attempted upward heaves, Scully circled around to the front of him,
wrapped her arms around him again and tried with visible effort to lift
him off the floor. Her face strained with the work and her arms had a
tight grip on him, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't lift
him up off the floor. Mulder stood there and watched her with a boyish
grin on his face of pure amusement. This was just too funny.
"Ughhh . . . come on, you can't be *that* -oofff- heavy!"
"Ooh, I think I felt myself rise a little bit."
"Stop making jokes. Offff. If you would just cooperate and come
willingly, this wouldn't be -ugghhhh- neccesary, now would it?"
"Boy, Scully, you certainly know how to sweep man off his feet."
"Aughhhh . . . alright, now I've got a good grip, now you're
going . . ."
"Oh, I felt myself ascend a little more. You're doing great, Mrs.
Schwartzenegger."
"Just shut up and -uffff- come along quietly!"
Scully tried a dozen more times, then thought up a solution. She
placed her arms under his hips and gave a great upward heave. Mulder gave
a sarcastic cheer as he felt his feet rise a few inches off the floor.
Scully grunted with exhilaration, her muscles straining from trying to
lift his extensive body weight. She took a step backwards to steady
herself, but instead lost her balance and began to topple over. But
because Mulder was heavier, he began pulling her over in the other
direction.
"Wo-woooaaahhh!!"
"OOOFFF!!!"
Mulder landed hard on the floor, and Scully toppled over squarely
on top of him. She closed her eyes in anticipation of the fall, then felt
her arms fall over his own, and her lips land perfectly on top of his
open mouth. And so Scully found herself laying on top of Mulder on the
floor with their lips glued firmly to each others.
And then Assistant Director Kersh walked through the door.
He stopped and stared at their wonderfully inappropriate position
on the floor for a few seconds before uttering . . .
"Agents? Am I *interrupting* anything? . . ."
Mulder and Scully quickly picked themselves up off the floor,
faces flushed red, dusting themselves off.
"Oh, uhh . . . sir, I know what . . . that was not what you think
it was . . ."
"We just had a problem with the . . . uh . . ."
Kersh glowered angrily. "Don't bother with any explanations. I
just came to tell you that the conference would be an hour later than
usual. Agent Mulder . . ."
"I'll go, sir."
"Really, sir, there's no . . . reason to concern . . ."
"Never mind, Agent Scully. I'll talk to you later." The Assistant
Director said with a scowl, and left in a huff as quickly as he had come.
Mulder and Scully stared at each other for a long time. Then they
picked themselves up as dignitantly as possible and resumed their
positions on either side of the desk to continue their work until later.
Mulder stared at the papers on the desk, at the door their boss had just
exited through, and picked up a sunflower seed.
Scully glanced up at him. "Not exactly doing all we can to
discourage those rumors about us, are we, Mulder?"
"Who says I was trying to discouraging them?"
Mulder cried out with surprise and ducked beneath the desk as the
stack of files and papers was suddenly hurled at him from the other side
of the desk.
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THE END
Author's Note: Well, that's it! Hoo-ray for shippy stuff! Well . . .
how'd I do? PUH-LEEEZE send feedback!! I thrive on it! It's practically
my life blood! (And I always reply!!)
---------------------------
SHIPPERS RULE!!!!
Anyone else who says otherwise can go feed a Malikudda!!!
DOWN WITH ALL RATS!!
(That includes Krycek, Spender and Bill.)
Fav Quotes:
Mulder- "If there's an iced tea in that bag, could be love."
Scully- "Must be fate Mulder . . . root beer."
-'Tooms'
Mulder- "Scully, marry me."
-Chinga
Mulder- "Scully?"
Scully- "Yes?"
Mulder- "I love you."
Scully- "Oh brother."
-Triangle
"Larry, you have an oven mitt on your head."
(Whoops, wrong show. ;) )
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