Chapter Seven—Not-So Jolly Old England

 

“My geography may not be up to par,” Lady Sarai started, “but isn’t England across an ocean?”

She was right. Even though we’d been walking along the correct path, the Atlantic Ocean was nowhere in sight.

“Something must be wrong.” I agreed. “I mean, we haven’t been walking in circles or anything, but…”

“Things are a bit off?” Tawnya competed.

“Yeah.”

The trees stopped moving; the wind ceased blowing. Nature stood perfectly still, as if quieting down. And soon we knew why.

“I apologize for the confusion.” Jareth’s voice returned, though it sounded worn out; different. “I took the liberty of creating a ‘land bridge’ for you. You should arrive in England shortly.”

“That’s not like him.” Beth shook her head.

“Everyone keep their guard up.” Rhonda advised.

Only, there was nothing to guard against. Within a few minutes, we were in England.

Stephanie’s eyes gleamed.

“David Bowie lives here…” she breathed.

“Yeah, Stephanie, he lives here…” Jess patted her on the back. “…with his wife and kid…”

“Hush! You’re ruining my Happy Place!”

“Who’s next?” Questioned Anony.

“Well, the English List Members are Raven, Anya, Wolfette, Moonbaby, and Louise-Anne.” I answered.

“Let’s get Wolfette first.” LittleWren suggested. “She loves The 10th Kingdom. We can talk about it while we get the others!”

“Sounds like a plan.” I winked, my crystal in hand.

 

*                      *                      *                      *                      *

 

“Wolfette?” I asked. “From the Labyrinth List?”

“Please, call me Wolfie.” The dark-haired wolf-like girl shook my hand. She glanced at our ever-growing group, then back at me. “What did Jareth do now?”

“Actually, it’s more what I did.” I admitted. “Long story—I’ll explain on the way.”

“Where are we going?” Wolfie shut the door behind her.

“To get four other Listians.”

“Is this all of you? Large bunch.”

“No.” My eyes were downcast. “This isn’t all of us.”

We told her about Cheralyn—the riddle, the fall—how Jareth took her away with him. Wolfie smiled.

“I can have him sued thirteen times over! This is perfect!” she exclaimed. The others eyed her curiously. “Remember: I’m a lawyer.” Wolfie sighed wistfully. Faces perked up again; grins grew wide. We had a defense against the Goblin King.

Then again, as long as we were dealing with matters of the List, any one of them could sue me…

“We’ll get Anya next,” I told the Listians, “then circle around and get Moonbaby, Louise-Ann, and Raven.”

“Don’t tell me you walked all the whole way.” Wolfie blinked.

“Oh, no.” I laughed. “We have a much better way of travel.”

 

*                      *                      *                      *                      *

 

“Amazing.” Wolfie whispered. “Love that crystal of yours.”

“Thank you.” I said as I scanned our surroundings. There weren’t any houses, just a park. No bridge over a river, however. “Anya should be here somewhere.”

Then, approaching us was a girl with highlighted, sandy blond hair. Her ankle-length skirt swayed as she stopped. “Anya?” I inquired.

“Yes.” She looked at us quizzically. “Are you Jehovah’s Witnesses?”

“Worse.” Stephanie replied. “Listians.”

“Hey, guys!” Anya greeted. “Why are you all here in England?”

“Long story.” We answered in unison.

 

*                      *                      *                      *                      *

 

Similar experiences graced us when we ‘picked up’ Louise-Ann and Moonbaby. They were excited to be with us on our journey, but, like the rest of the Listians, unhappy about the circumstances.

Raven was the last member in England. We knocked on her door and waited. And waited.

“This is not good.” Guinevere sighed.

“If Raven isn’t home…” Starlight trailed off.

But soon we heard footsteps and the lock on the door clicked, allowing us to breath normally again.

The door opened, bringing with it cries of surprise, giggles, and various other clamor.

Standing before us was a clone of the Goblin King—only female.

“You must be Raven.” I couldn’t help but stare at her. It was odd how much she resembled His Majesty.

“That I am. And who are all of you?”

“We’re the Labyrinth List.”

“Oh.” Raven flushed slightly. “You see, I was role-playing, and…um…getting into character…”

“You don’t have to explain.” Stephanie pressed her lips tightly together, lest she laugh again.

“Bug-woman?” Raven asked. “So you came along, eh?”

“Nice to see you, too, Goblin Queen.”

“Guys…” I ventured, trying not to get too into it.

“What in the world is going on?” Raven asked.

“Why does everyone ask that?” I took a deep breath and let it out fast. “Can’t we just remember that we’re Listians and crazy stuff happens with us all the time?”

“With this bunch? Are you nuts?” Raven put her hands on her hips, making her look even more like Jareth. I ignored her comment.

“Okay, we have Rave, so let’s get ready for our riddle.”

“Why can’t that glitter-covered, tights-wearing, evil mad just leave me alone?” Another accented voice cried.

“Oh, really, you must be joking…” Raven raised an eyebrow.

“We all pivoted around and saw our second surprise.

David Bowie.

He had his head in his hands, and was muttering and pacing furiously.

“It’s him!” Stephanie clasped her hands together. “It’s Sailor himself!”

“Honestly, Bug-woman, you and your BowieNet!”

“You want another Peach War on your hands?”

“Stop!” I demanded. When the fighting ceased, I walked up to Bowie and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Um, Mr. Bowie, what exactly did Jareth do?”

The rock star looked at me.

“Your outfit’s like the one that American girl I worked with wore in that movie.”

“Jennifer Connelly. In Labyrinth.”

“Yeah, that’s the one.”

Rolling my eyes, I tried again.

“What did Jareth do?”

“He said if I didn’t deliver ‘the Listians’ a riddle, he’d take my daughter, Alexandria, away. That man’s only purpose in life is to make people miserable!”

“Believe me, we know.” I groaned.

“Kidnapping threats…” Our lawyer rubbed her hands together. “This is great!”

“Excuse me?” Bowie narrowed his eyes at her.

“Uh, nothing.” Wolfie tried, unsuccessfully, to blend back into our group. Bowie continued to stare at her, confused.

“Well, Mr. Bowie, we’re the Listians. All you have to do is give us our riddle and you can go back to your daughter.” I assured him.

“Thank you.” Bowie closed his eyes and exhaled. “Alright, here it is:

 

What can run but never walks

Has a mouth but never talks

Has a head but never weeps

Has a bed but never sleeps.”

 

The second the riddle was completed, Bowie disappeared. Many a groan could be heard. There was also a faint cheer, which I suspected was from Raven.

“A clock runs,” said Anya, “but nothing else in the riddle fits.”

“There are numerous things with mouths that don’t talk.” Louise-Ann toyed with a strand of hair.

“If only that were the case with my brother.” I remarked.

“I think I’ve heard this one…” Moonbaby repeated the riddle to herself. “Yeah, I have! The answer is a river: the water runs; it has a mouth, a head, and a river bed.”

“Yes!” Was the general reception.

“Listians,” I began after checking my crystal, “we’re going to Italy!”

It was my mistake to utter those words just before a huge, crashing river flowed before us.

 

Back  Chapter Eight

Chapter Six  Home