Why did you leave me? Helpless in this world of misery. I need the innocent blindness of a happy childhood, like an addiction. The purity kept me free from the worries that now plague me. I can't seem to sit and marvel at the sights and sounds around me like I used to. I can't find the time to take a walk through a park or listen to the subtle undertones of the wind screaming around my lonely tower of a world.
Time is like a vortex. It pulls you in and then slides through your fingers like sand. You can't hold onto it. All you have of it is the dustiness of memory on your palms.
Memory is a dark mirror that reflects images of the past. It is warped and can produce false images. There are cracks of forgetfulness spanning it like a spiderweb.
My heart was once easy to look upon. Lately, I have found it disturbing to look for my heart and see only a dark void of despair. Once my heart was a house of bustling activity, cheerful, uplifted. It had wings and soared on the wind into an eternal blue sky. Now it is a ghost of what it once had been. Pale, transparent, fragile like tissue paper. Shrunken as if aged. I breathe shallowly for fear of blowing it away.
Why did you bring my sight to me? Now I can see the grayness of the sky, the dullness of the colors around me. I see the broken hearts, the prejudice, the drugs, the teenage pregnancies, the overall grimy film of depression covering the human race. The layer of despair is pierced by occasional spurts of happiness. I wish for the euphoria of drugs to get away from the murkiness. It is wrong like all of the other evils I could give into to leave the tragedies around me far behind.
The only time I am free of the feel of doom, is in my dreams. When I flee my body and mind, I become a glistening moon sprite. Floating among my wildest dreams. Touching the closed flowers of freedom that wait to unfold. Swimming in seas of green and looking with delight at the life under the surface. Running through fields of gold and flying among winds of fantasy. That is when I am truly happy.
Did you give us the ideas of friendship and laughter so that we wouldn't sink into an irretrievable pit of desolation? I find that my friends and cats often catch me from cold depression and buoy me into warmer winds.
Someday, though, I just hope that you will give me back my innocence, my blindness, my happiness.