From zcapr59@ucl.ac.uk Tue May 20 21:24:44 1997

Subject: PLATONIC SEX (1/1) *NEW* by Nessie

From: 

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TITLE: Platonic Sex (1/1)

AUTHOR: Nessie

E-MAIL: zcapr59@ucl.ac.uk

DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, but keep Nessie as the author



CLASSIFICATION: V, RHA



RATING: R, for bad words and innuendoes.



SUMMARY: Is Chris Carter a 'shipper??



SPOILERS: Pusher, Paper Hearts, Momento Mori, Small Potatoes,

Gethsemane



CONTENT: Bad words and MSR- but hey.. nothing CC wouldn't write





DISCLAIMER: Fox "I got a bii-iig crush on my partner" Mulder and

Dana "My partner has a hu-uge crush on me" Scully belong to Chris

"Hey.. *nobody* has a crush on *anybody*" Carter. CC, Vince "shipper"

Gilligan, John "goatsucker" Shiban, Darin "Eddie" Morgan, Frank "?"

Spotnitz, David "teacup" Duchovny and Gillian "YogiBear" Anderson all

belong to themselves. I think. Well.. maybe not John Shiban..







AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is just a little bit of fun with the XF writers and

actors. There are several references to statements made by some of

these in interviews. Simon Mayo isn't really a bastard. Of course the

ideas in this are about as out-there as The Truth..

I have to emphasise that no offence is intended towards any of the XF

writers or actors, or to any fanfic writer, story or genre at all.

And as for that ref. to myself, only kiddin'!!!



This was inspired by my *own* inability to write MSR!



Platonic Sex

By Nessie



####################################

Monday 19th May 11:21am

North Shore Studios, Vancouver



-----------------------------------------

MULDER: Scully I- 

SCULLY: Mulder I know what you're going to say.. about--

MULDER: About *us*...

SCULLY: And  You -

don't - need - to... 

MULDER: You mean...?? 

SCULLY: Yes Mulder.. absolutely

 thought Chris

Tears stained her cheeks as she breathed gently against his chest.

"The truth will save you Scully.. I think it'll save both of us" he

whispered into her hair, and then slowly bent his head to whisper

something inaudible to her



Her face contorted with pain- or was it emotion?- before he pulled her

head gently backward and touched his lips to her forehead. She

closed her eyes, and the contact was prolonged.



After several seconds, he pulled away, and held her head, gazing

deeply into her eyes. She returned the gaze, and it was several

seconds before he lowered his head again and gently touched his lips

to hers.

Alarm bells went off in Chris' head at this point. He panicked... Of

course he wanted this, but *what* would people think? He couldn't be

seen to allow this.. not yet- people would have to know that Vince

wrote it and then he'd be exposed- oh god!

The kiss had only been brief, so by the time Chris had reacted to it,

their lips had already parted. Nevertheless, he cried out "Cut!" and

stormed on set, addressing the two actors.

"David. Gillian. In my office.. now!"



Gillian looked up at David before they entered the office, just ahead of

Chris. He merely raised his eyebrows and shrugged at her, before they

walked in, Gillian leading. Walking up to the desk, she saw that the

laptop was on.

"Hey Chris, is this a new-" She was cut off

"Leave that alone!" Chris snapped at her. Shit, he'd forgotten to exit

the god-damn fanfic.. how the hell could he be so careless? He hoped

Gillian hadn't seen anything.



After a severe telling-off from Chris Carter.. oh, the old Moonlighting

story she'd heard from him time and time again and was wearing a

*little* thin.. Gillian left the office with David, a smirk beginning to

cross

her face.

"What?" David asked her, puzzled. She just smiled secretively.

"Gillian.. you're up to something aren't you.."

"I got a secret.." she chanted quietly, before prancing off down the

corridor. David shook his head.

Sometimes he *really* worried for the sanity of his co-star.



**************************************



Yeah, Chris.. you messed that up alright. So it really seemed like they

were starting to tease him when Vince approached him with 'Small

Potatoes'.

"What sort of an episode title is SMALL POTATOES???" he snapped

at Vince; it had been a hard day, and he just wasn't in the mood for

stuff like that. Sounded like something Darin Morgan would write.. He

made a note to change the title to something long and indecipherable.

At least translate it into Navajo, that'd be a start..



But scanning the script, he found he liked it.. at times, he threw his

head back and just laughed

"Even educated MD's.. oh god.." He doubled up in his chair, clutching

his stomach and groaning with laughter. This was even funnier than

some of that humour fanfic.. ah, jeez.. Sidesplitting!

Continuing through the script, a little seed of suspicion began to grow

in his mind as the plotline unfolded, and he continued to laugh himself

stupid over the in-jokes.

"ONE GOODLOOKING MAN!!! HAHAHA!! David's gonna love that!"

he almost screamed with laughter.. he stopped suddenly and prayed

that nobody was nearby, or if they were, that they wouldn't think he

was a *complete* lunatic.

His suspicions were confirmed. His eyes continually grew wider and

wider as the Eddie/Scully scene unfolded.

"Romantic music???" He almost choked on his coffee.

Vince.. what *have* you done??



Finally, he finished the script. He placed it on the desk in front of him,

and sat back contemplatively. He liked it. Well.. a little of a let-down as

far as the last scene was concerned.. but would he tell anyone that

was what he thought? Heck, no!

He made a mental note to ask Vince if Darin had helped him at all on

that one.



*************************************



Yeah.. good old Vince. I wish *I* could write something like that.. well-

I'd like to push back even more boundaries than that but..

He sighed. A good surf was what needed.

Not the sort of surf most people would have expected from Chris

Carter though.. He logged back onto the internet, and brought up his

list of favourite websites. He picked one and waited for the server to be

contacted. He watched as the large letters appeared on the screen

"The Institute for Relationshippers"

Chris smiled.



Ah.. that felt good! A couple of hours online.. I feel inspired now!,

thought Chris, as he opened up his Microsoft Write, and began typing.



--------------------------------------------------

MULDER: We never really- um- talk much, do we Scully?

SCULLY:  Um- no.. no Mulder,

we don't

MULDER:  Then let's talk!

SCULLY: What about Mulder? UFO's? Alien implants?

MULDER: I'm hurt

SCULLY: Well, that's all you ever talk about isn't it..

MULDER: Is it?

SCULLY: Then what?

MULDER: Us.

SCULLY: Is there an us?

MULDER: If you want there to be..

-----------------------------------------------------



Two words sprung to Chris Carter's mind at this stage:

                             SOAP OPERA.

WHY can't I do this, for christ's sake?? Look at all this other stuff I

write.. Why can't I be more like Vince???

A tear rolled down Chris' cheek.



The office door opened. He leaped up from his seat, and hastily wiped

the teardrop from his face.

"Gillian.. what are you doing here? I thought you were in England.."

"No, I got back last night, and I just thought I'd pop by and see how

you're doing here!"

"How did you know I was here?"

"I just knew", Gillian replied slyly, peering over his shoulder at the

computer monitor. A wicked smile spread over her face.

Chris looked up at her, and when he saw the smile, he quickly shut

down the laptop, breathing heavily as he held it closed.

Gillian nodded knowingly and stood up.

"What?" he snapped at her.

"A-aaaahhh.." was all she said, her voice highpitched, and her

eyebrows raised, knowing exactly what he was up to and that he was

too embarrassed to admit it.

Before she left the room, she bent over his shoulder and whispered

softly in his ear,

"Half an hour's foreplay Chris.. followed by.. handcuffs.. and..

chandeliers.."

Her voice drifted slowly, and it reminded Chris of that sexy single she'd

recorded.

Before he had a chance to respond, she'd closed the door behind her.



In the corridor outside the office, Gillian Anderson's laugh could be

heard loud and clear. "U-HUH-HUH-HUH" Further down, a head

turned at the sound, and Gillian recalled that *bastard* of a British DJ

who said last week that she laughed like Yogi Bear.



All of a sudden, Chris felt *very* turned on. He started to think about

Gillian's single, Extremis, and- ooh.. that accompanying video... He

reached for another scrap of paper and made a note to somehow

incorporate the video into episode 5X03...

Maybe that'll be *the* episode..



He sat back and thought about this for a while- Gillian had certainly

inspired him; maybe slowly wasn't the right way to go about it.. Slowly

had been the way for four years now; maybe it was time to change the

pace. Maybe.. if I dive straight in..



-----------------------------------------------

SCULLY: Mulder... 

MULDER: Not Mulder. *Fox*... 

SCULLY: Fox... Oh god.. FOX.... 

-----------------------------------------------



NO! THIS ISN'T RIGHT! He jumped up, much as he had done before.

He slammed the laptop shut angrily, and stood behind his desk, hands

on hips, breathing heavily.



"What??" he demanded as the door opened without warning. "Didn't

anyone ever teach you to *knock*??"



It was Vince.



Chris was somehow calmed by his presence. Vince stood in the

doorway, and all the ill feelings that had existed between him and

Chris, dissolved as Chris realised that his troubles were over.



"You need my help, Chris?"



######################################



THE END!!!



Okay, I've never written anything like this before, so I'd love loads of

feedback. You could probably nitpick this story all day- I know there's

stuff that's probably wrong.. but I'd like to know what you guys thought

of it.

You can always talk to the Loch Ness Monster  at

zcapr59@ucl.ac.uk



Oh, if you're wondering about the title.. I was *real* bored and having

some very stupid XF thoughts.. these two words "Platonic Sex" just

flew together in my head and looked rather funny together, yet

reminded me of Mulder and Scully and well... y'know..



Nessie       

           :D

           ||

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

:

"So now you know.. Gillian Anderson laughs like

Yogi Bear! U-HUH-HUH-HUH!"



:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"I think Mulder and Scully are about as intimate as

two people can get without- um- - becoming

more intimate??!!" 



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Source: geocities.com/area51/vault/3768
