Date: TuesdayTueApril9153199796 07:39:19 PM
From: MelMooney@aol.com
Subj: [XFR] SPUD
To: xf-romantics@chaos.taylored.com
What to do while you're waiting for Small Potatoes
(or, how to diagnose SPUD--Small Potatoes UST (Maybe RST) Disorder)
1. Make a list of things to keep you occupied. Share this list with the xfr
list.
2. Think of synonyms for Small Potatoes (i.e. Tiny Taters, Little Spuds,
etc.)
3. Develop an obsession with potatoes. Have potatoes with every meal:
hash browns (or home fries) for breakfast, french fries for lunch, and a
baked potato for dinner. Better yet (but no doubt tedious by Wednesday)
eat only potatoes.
4. Watch the teaser repeatedly. This must include watching it both on tv,
and on your 'puter. Also print out screen captures of TLITT and have them
framed.
5. Analyze the faux Mulder and Scully's body language/lighting in the
teaser. Determine that Scully wants him, but rewatch it a few more
times "just to be sure".
6. Kneel at the shrine of Saint Vince. Offer burnt sacrifices of TFWID and
Teso Dos Bichos (or the unshippy episode of your choice).
7. Look for other leans (or almost leans) in evidence, either by Mulder or
Scully (there's one in Deep Throat, one in Conduit, anywhere else?).
8. Run around your house or neighborhood screaming "I'm seeing a whole
new side of you!"
9. Sit on a couch with David Duchovny, candlelight, and a glass of wine
trying many alternative conclusions to the lean. All of these should
include removing clothes and physical contact. (and I guess the guys can
do this onewith GA )
10. Throw potatoes at your dartboard picture of the uniblonder.
11. Start wondering about this tail the MMPR is supposed to have. Does he
retain it when he morphs? Does DD look good with a tail? Does DD ever
not look good?
12. Carve graven images of Mulder, Scully, and Saint Vince in potatoes. Go
on a morning talk show with your art work.
13. See if potatoes will float in the Muldergutter.
14. Play that irritating one potato, two potato game from your childhood.
15. Make Mulderpotatoheads and Scullypotatoheads. The MPHs come with
ugly ties, no mustache--but a five-o'clock shadow, and those blue and
white sneakers he still has (::Mel waves to the other sneakers::). The SPHs
have gold cross necklaces and 3" heels, but never a purse like the regular
Mrs.Potatohead.
16. Practice using your replica ice-pick thingy on potatoes. But careful!
The wound must be precise!
17. Begin formulating bizarre theories about how SP has been
long-foreshadowed on the show. For example--Mulder ate all that sweet-
potato pie in JCFOS because he'd had a psychic vision of the future show
and was REALLY excited.
18. Read about the Irish Potato Famine. This may lead to screaming,
"What were they complaining about? They had potatoes, what more could
they want?"
19. You chop up some potatoes and paint them red. Then, you use your MPH
and SPH to play Anasazi.
20. You decide those mysterious objects in Max's bag were really potatoes.
(
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