"What to do with yourself till the X-Files Season Premiere"
By Mel Mooney (MelMooney2@aol.com)
For the first time, I feel time like a heartbeat, the seconds pumping in my
breast like a reckoning, reminding me that It's still too dang long till the
premiere! So, here's a calendar of ways to entertain yourself until the
premiere. And of course, if you do them all, you'll have LOTS of time to
watch old eps in that cozy building with the fluffy walls!
OCT 8: Hurry! You have just enough time to start a flame war on the
newsgroups and any mailing lists you're on!
OCT 9: Visit a local farm. Run through the fields, yelling, "Samantha!
Samantha!" Run up to any dark-haired girls and hug them. Don't be
surprised if she looks at you oddly. After all, she hasn't seen you in over
20 years!
OCT 10: Wake your brother up in the middle of the night. Hold him down
and weild a knife. Yell, "No arm! No test!"
OCT 11: Grow a mold culture in your room. Whenever anyone asks what it
is, look at them wide-eyed, and say, "iEl chupacabra! iEl chupacabra!"
OCT 12: Rest your voice. You've been doing a lot of yelling.
OCT 13: Harvest bees. If you have a psych degree, you'll paint their backs
with nail polish, and run sensation experiments. If you're a normal phile,
you'll keep them in a locked, airtight room to breed them. Invite Marita
over to test how safe the room is.
OCT 14: Practice drilling holes in your sibling's head. If they hallucinate,
tell them they're recovering repressed memories. Of they become
comatose, tell your parents: At least I got rid of the screamers!
OCT 15: If the hole in the head thing doesn't work out, aim for the back of
your sibling's neck. Careful, though! The wound must be precise!
OCT 16: Visit your local park. Go stand in the middle of a large open field.
Begin channeling your past life. Cry badly. Be outrageously inconsistant.
OCT 17: Try to find redeeming qulaities in: Space, TFWID, Sanguinarium,
and Teso Dos Bichos. TDB alone should occupy you for a month or two!
OCT 18: Choreograph interpretive dances to the XF theme. Include your
TV antenna.
OCT 19: Replace your bedsheets with leaves. Pretend you're dead. This
one should occupy you for about 1 hiatus and an episode.
OCT 20: Spend today gazing pensively at potpourri. The potpourri will
make you get a tattoo. When anyone asks why you got the tattoo, tell them
that not
everything is about them. Fondle the potpourri.
OCT 21: Give your brother iodine baths and tumors to help him regrow
that arm he lost on Oct 10.
OCT 22: Put on something black and sexy and do some funky poaching. If
you're Leigh Anne, do some funky pouching.
OCT 23: Buy keychains with obscure meanings as birthday presents for
youre friends. But don't be surprised if you don't get any presents on your
birthday.
OCT 24: Knock out all your walls to check for bees.
OCT 25: Fake your own death. Deliver a philosophical dead guy speech to
your sleeping friends and family.
OCT 26: Get yourself a little dirt, a little water, and BAM! A DD golem!
OCT 27: Make your brother bury cloth hearts in your backyard. Train
yourself to discover them through dreams. Dig for them yourself.
OCT 28: Count all the cockroaches in WOTC. Give the recurring
cockroaches names.
OCT 29: Read Mel's list of Things to do While You're Waiting for Small
Potatoes. (I know, shameless plug!)
http://members.aol.com/MBMDSCinC/spud.html
OCT 30: Bite off all your fingernails. Write your own ep where you are the
MOTW with a fingernail deficiency who kills to get what he/she needs.
OCT 31: Halloween! Dress up as John Shiban (Complete with salmon
scripts!)---That'll scare away the neighborhood kids!
NOV 1: It's All Saint's Day, and Mulder's still dead for another 24 hours or
so. Hold a memorial service for him.
NOV 2: Pace the floor. All day. Obsessively check the vcr's. Make sure
that every one you know is taping XF for you, in case the cable goes out.
Obsessively check the vcr's. Install a back-up generator in case the power
goes out. Obsessively check the vcr's.
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