One Perfect Day.
by Nic (stardestiny@bigfoot.com)
18-10-1997
AUTHOR'S NOTE : It had to happen sooner or later : my first,
completed Star Trek story. And a J/C piece too!
Having been a Trekkie for so many years, I think
this story is long overdue.
I had a lot of fun writing it; the night I learnt my
sister was engaged. So perhaps this is for Kerryn
and Manoli - may your life together be wonderful.
DISCLAIMER : The characters and situations contained within are the
property of Paramount. No copyright infringement is
intended.
ONE PERFECT DAY
PROLOGUE.
Kathryn Janeway smiled as she leaned back into her chair,
feeling her hair cascade down her back. She'd just enjoyed a meal
with Commander Chakotay and now they sat, talking, about everything
and anything. It had been a wonderful evening.
Now he sat close to her, suddenly silent. The light mood was
changing into something infinitely more serious and Kathryn
internally shivered.
Her eyes darted to the bouquet of roses he'd brought. It must
have taken him a week's worth of replicator rations to create such
a glorious bunch and it was all for her. For her. The thought was
suddenly frightening.
"Kathryn," he suddenly said and his low voice startled her out
of her reverie. "Would you dance with me?"
The request did not surprise her at all. Chakotay was the
perfect gentleman, upholding traditional values and treating
Kathryn with the utmost respect. He'd never pressured her into
anything. Challenged, yes, but he allowed her to make her own
decisions and she admired him all the more for this.
Her eyes met Chakotay's and suddenly there was no way she
could resist. She allowed him to gently pull her to her feet as he
instructed the computer to play something gentle and soft. Slowly
and hesitantly, Chakotay drew Kathryn into his arms and she
willingly accepted his embrace. It had been so long since she'd
danced with anyone, much less like this....
She rested her head on his shoulder, letting the tensions of
the last few months flow away. Ever since they first discovered
the decimated body of a Borg on a remote planet, the anxiety
amongst the crew had been palpable. In fact, the last carefree
time she could recall had been on Lake George, a moonlit evening,
with the very man who had her in his arms right now.
They swayed to the music, all the time drawing closer. A
sense of timelessness and ultimate tranquillity engulfed the couple
who were bordered on the edge of intimacy. Until finally,
Chakotay, with one arm wrapped around her waist, gently lifted
Kathryn's chin so that they were looking directly into each others
eyes.
He bent his head closer, so close that Kathryn was aware of
his gentle breath, so close that finally, his lips met hers.
Sensations whirled through Kathryn's body - emotions of bliss
and emotions of confusion and fear twined intermittently between
the strands of happiness. She allowed herself just one moment of
the beautiful intimacy...before she pulled away.
Her cheeks were flushed as she stood alone, her hands caught
by his at the last second. Only the slightest trembling of her
lower lip betrayed her feelings.
"What is it?" he asked softly, willing her to meet his eyes.
He would have done anything for her and had no desire to hurt the
woman he loved.
She swallowed hard, summoning her resolve. "Chakotay, you
have been a wonderful friend these past few months." How cold her
words sounded to her own ears. "But we can't do this."
His face took on an expression of hurt. "Kathryn, I told you
once a long time ago." On a planet far, far away where magic had
happened. "I love you. And nothing will ever change that."
She shook her head almost violently, as if trying to deny the
truth presented to her. "No! Please, Chakotay, understand this
for me." Kathryn snatched her hands free, as if breaking the
fragile bond between them would somehow change his feelings. And,
somehow, it began to work. She'd pushed him away for so long and
so often, so would he handle this, the final rejection? Would he
understand how hard this was for her?
"Chakotay...I don't want to lose the friendship we have." Her
voice was low, but full of purpose and her eyes stared at him with
an intensity she did not want to be feeling. There was an
undeniable undercurrent of passion in the room. "After everything
we've been through, I don't want to go back to being the Captain
and you nothing more than my Commander." She sighed heavily. "But
there's nothing else we *can* do."
"Kathryn," he replied seriously, yet his voice held a strained
note, "Why not?"
"We can't! It's against Starfleet protocol..."
"And who makes that protocol?" Chakotay returned just as
swiftly. He caught her hands in his again and pulled her back
close to him, as if they were still dancing together. "We're
seventy light years from home. I know the Captain is supposed to
be a little remote from her crew, but out here, you don't have that
luxury. We need each other to survive."
Chakotay went on. "And I need you."
She pulled away then, her eyes so full of torment and regret.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "It could have worked...once...it
could have worked if we stayed on that planet." She closed her
eyes, recalling the idyllic time spent with this man who loved her.
He'd done more for her than she'd ever imagined and was so
grateful. But she didn't trust her *own* feelings on the matter.
She was a Captain, and it was a captain's duty to remain alone and
aloof from such frivolities.
She turned from Chakotay, so that he wouldn't see the
beginnings of tears in her eyes. "Leave," she whispered, choking
the words out. ~And never come back.~ The words were not spoken
but he heard the clear implications as they cut through his heart.
He reached out to touch Kathryn's shoulder one last time and she
flinched under his touch. "Please, Chakotay, go. I'm sorry."
Mustering all of his resolve, Chakotay said, "Goodbye,
Captain." Then *he* turned and walked away. Whatever hope he'd
held in his heart was gone. Voyager would continue on its journey
as it had been in the old days, with her captain and first officer
nothing more than volatile acquaintances. There could be no
reconciliations after this.
And that night, two lonely people cried silent tears into the
dark.
**************************************
Kathryn Janeway smiled as she glanced outside the window at
the cloudless blue sky. It was the most perfect day she had ever
seen, more wonderful than any of her childhood memories. Birds
chirped happily as she lazily stretched, positioning herself more
comfortably in the window seat. She had so much to do this coming
day, but for a few moments, she allowed herself the luxury of
spending a few minutes inhaling the soft, sweet scents of spring
and marvelling over how one day could dawn so perfectly.
A perfect day. Her wedding day.
It had been six months since Voyager had come home. It was a
homecoming so much earlier than anticipated and Kathryn was still
amazed by their good fortune. They had, in essence, hitched a ride
with an alien entity far evolved beyond their current
understanding. Some had even believed the entity was Kes, or the
consciousness of which she had become a part of.
The day began like so many others, the crew involved with
charting new star systems and cataloguing precious data. Kathryn
recalled the morning clearly. Bridge duty was finally past the
awkward stage as she and Chakotay began to slip back into their old
friendship. The strained moments between them grew less with time,
and the incidents with the Borg only served to defuse the
potentially dangerous situation.
But Chakotay never forgave her for the rejection. She could
see it in his eyes, whenever she happened to glance that way. And
it saddened her, for there was nothing she could do.
As Kathryn had pondered these thoughts, the entity first
appeared on long range scanners as a brilliant ball of pure energy
hurtling towards them. A red alert was initiated but by the time
the crew had a chance to react, the light had surrounded them and
they began to move, utterly stunned. The entity had kept Voyager's
crew enthralled as the stars flew past at speeds unthinkable. And
then beyond Warp 10, into a dreamlike realm where something had
spoken to them.
The entity bore them no harm. It wanted to help, and if
dragging Voyager halfway across the galaxy would be of assistance,
then the entity was more than willing to do so. It had personally
told Kathryn this.
She smiled now as a bird fluttered past the window. She had
felt such peace in the entity's presence, surrounded by her entire
crew. And then the dream had ended and Kathryn'd opened her eyes
to an entirely different quadrant. The Alpha Quadrant. Home. And
less than five light years from Earth.
Pandemonium had broken out over the entire ship as the news
gradually filtered through as to where they were. Kathryn herself
had been exceedingly busy, checking and rechecking every
conceivable reading to convince herself that this was no dream,
this was a true miracle. There were no time breaches or spatial
distortions. This was Federation space, and they were in the right
place at the right time.
Kathryn knew she would never forget Admiral Paris' shocked
face as she transmitted messages to him and all of Starfleet
Command. She would never forget the congratulations given to her
for leading one of the most useful voyages in history.
Most of all, though, she would never forget the tearful
goodbyes from her crew. A special ceremony had been held and
Kathryn would always remember the applause as she looked upon the
faces of so many people dear to her, people drawn together by four
incredible years beyond the rim of known space.
An unbreakable bond had formed between all of them. And
Kathryn could only hope and pray that every single person could
make it to Indiana today, for her wedding.
A morning breeze gently lifted the ends of Kathryn's fine
hair, which lay over her shoulders. She knew it was time to get
ready; her sister Phoebe would come in at any moment, fussing about
her and trying to help her get dressed!
But try as she might, Kathryn could not stop her inner
reflection of the incredible voyage on an incredible ship that had
changed her life so profoundly.
It was so strange. Those who were nervous about the
homecoming -particularly the Marquis crewmembers- had conducted
themselves with dignity. And as a result of both their exemplary
behaviour and their Captain's recommendations, every single person
was offered a permanent position in Starfleet. Even Tom Paris'
record was wiped clear.
Of course, not all had elected to continue their careers in
Starfleet. Kathryn suspected that some had even returned to the
Marquis. Including....
For a moment, her beautiful blue eyes clouded. No, she would
not think of that, the friend she had lost. It was a day for happy
memories and dreams of the future. The future....
She almost laughed aloud then. Who would have thought that
she, Kathryn Janeway, would be getting married after all this time?
She'd spent years watching her friends (or more accurately,
acquaintances) marry and realised it was not for her. Especially
after the tragic accident that claimed the life of her father and
fiance.
But here she was, back at her childhood home, and about to
marry the man she'd loved for so long.
"Kathryn!" shrieked Phoebe, bursting in through the door of
the old-fashioned house. She noticed her older sister sitting
reflectively by the window and half screamed, "What are you
*doing*? Do you know how little time you have to get ready?
You've got to eat, and then there's your hair to do, and make-up,
your dress...!"
Suppressing a small sigh, Kathryn allowed herself to be led to
the breakfast table. She would have preferred a wedding without
any fuss, but she couldn't break her mother's and sister's hearts
by telling them that. They'd missed her so much when she was away
- in fact, they'd been told she was dead.
Her family loved her very much, Kathryn realised. And if it
gave them joy to plan her a huge wedding, then she wouldn't
complain. After all, nothing of that truly mattered. What
mattered was that she was, finally, going to marry the man she
loved and nothing would change that fact.
It was going to be a perfect day.
***
The bride was radiant. Dressed in a breathtaking white dress
(designed courtesy of Phoebe) Kathryn felt as if she were floating
as she carefully stepped across the well-manicured lawn to the arch
of roses. Beyond that lay rows of guests seated for the garden
wedding, and beyond that....
She supposed she should be chiding herself for being so
foolish. Here she was, one of Starfleet's finest captains, missing
the edge for which she was so famous. She had somehow become a
frivolous young girl, quaking at the thought of marriage but
deliriously excited and happy at the same time.
Well, she rationalised, she'd waited long enough for this day.
And it would only come once.
Phoebe enthusiastically adjusted Kathryn's veil, thrilled to
be a part of her older sister's long overdue (in her opinion)
wedding. She fussed over the delicate flowers woven into Kathryn's
hair which was styled with long curls cascading down her back.
Phoebe herself wore a dress of emerald that perfectly suited her
trim figure and was beautiful in her own right. Yet today, all
eyes would be on the bride.
"Are you ready?" asked Phoebe. Kathryn closed her eyes for
one moment and breathed deeply. Was she ready for this? "Full
warp speed ahead," she quipped, and took a step forward.
The music began and suddenly Kathryn had taken her first steps
beyond the arch. A collective gasp went up throughout the guests
but Kathryn was barely aware of this. Her eyes were drawn forward,
to one person standing so patiently for her at the altar. It was
incredible how her homecoming to Earth had brought about all of
this. He smiled and in that instant, more memories came flooding
back to her....
"KATHRYN!" screamed Phoebe the moment her sister transported
to her childhood home. Although the women had never been
particularly close, it seemed that her absence had made a world of
difference. Kathryn allowed herself to be engulfed by hugs,
firstly by Phoebe and then her mother. Then the two women pulled
away to reveal a third person, standing shyly to the left.
Kathryn could barely believe her eyes. "Mark?"
"Kath..." he replied, unable to take his eyes from her. "I
never dreamed I'd see you again. You...you look wonderful." He
took a tentative step forward and then suddenly he was embracing
her so tightly as if they had never been separated and they were
never to be apart again.
"I - I don't believe it," he whispered into her ear. "So many
nights I waited for you to come back, I never believed you were
dead. I *couldn't* believe it. Oh, Kath, I always knew you would
come back."
"You waited for me?" Kathryn's voice was near-incredulous.
After all the pain she'd gone through to put Mark behind her, was
it possible that she was going to get a second chance? Another
chance at love when she thought she'd lost it all?
He pulled back, holding her arms tightly as he studied her
intently. "You haven't changed at all," he declared. "Even your
hair, your beautiful hair - it's just as I remember it."
She self-consciously lifted one hand to her head. Chakotay
had once told her how much he loved her hair. ~Why am I thinking
of Chakotay at a time like this?~ she internally wondered.
Chakotay, who hadn't contacted her at all since the debriefing
meeting with Admiral Paris three days ago....
She shook her head and refocussed her attention on Mark.
Mark, who had waited for her all these years. Mark, whom she had
loved. And Mark, who was always going to be there, who always
*had* been there from her very earliest childhood.
"I never thought I'd see you again," Kathryn said softly. And
then another thought struck her. "Do you have my dog?!"
A smile crept across Kathryn's lips as she recalled the joyous
reunion. Mark had kept every single one of the puppies for her, a
gesture that had touched her deeply. Life had seemed so wonderful
at that moment - she was home and she had a second chance.
She took another step forwards, the aisle seeming to stretch
into eternity. A sudden, last-minute panic hit her. Was she doing
the right thing? Was she really marrying the man she loved?
Surely it wasn't too late to turn around and call the whole thing
off. Phoebe would be shocked and probably chase Kathryn across the
grass, but Kathryn knew she could outrun her sister any day. Even
while wearing ridiculously high-heeled shoes.
But in her heart, Kathryn knew she could never do such a
thing. This was *her* wedding and she would remember it for the
rest of her life.
Her eyes scanned the rows of guests, many of them relatives
whom Kathryn barely knew. No matter. She was more interested in
the Starfleet contingent made up of her closest friends. With her
first glimpse of a bold, regal uniform, another memory assaulted
her with startling clarity....
It was a party. Or more accurately, a celebration. One month
ago, Voyager had returned to Federation space and the crew been
hailed as heroes. And that day, everyone had officially received
their commendations or promotions as duly deserved. Kathryn
herself was offered a position as Admiral which she declined. She
still had more than a few years due to her in the Captain's chair!
However, this hadn't stopped Kathryn from taking an integral
part in the proceedings. To officially reinstate Chakotay with
full Starfleet Commander rank brought her a great joy and sense of
satisfaction (despite the awkwardness). He deserved it more than
anyone she had ever known.
She scanned the cacophonous ballroom, amused that one small
crew (plus guests) could make *so* much noise. Yet this evening
was also a reunion, for few had seen each other in the past month.
They'd all been granted leave, and there was just so much *life* to
catch up on. Family reunions and the likes occupied everyone's
minds, as did becoming acquainted with the latest news such as the
dissolution of the Klingon peace treaty, which had initially
shocked Kathryn.
But here, on Earth, there wasn't much to be afraid of. Only
the absence of communication from Chakotay had bothered her, but
she'd seen him today and was relieved to know he hadn't run from
Starfleet again.
She turned and bumped into Mark, returning with a drink for
her. "Captain," he quipped, for she was dressed as anything but a
Starfleet official in a resplendent blue evening gown. She
accepted the drink gracefully and allowed him to again take her
arm.
"I never thought I'd miss everyone so much!" she mused aloud,
watching her crew. "Come on, Mark. I want you to meet my
friends."
Kathryn dragged him towards a large group, where he met so
many people Mark couldn't possibly recall the names later.
However, he took careful note of the one person he *hadn't* been
introduced to, a certain Commander whom Kathryn had smiled at in
such a personal manner during the presentation earlier.
"Kathryn," he murmured in her ear when they finally had a free
moment, "I'd like to meet the Commander you've kept mentioning
these past few weeks." It was true, Kathryn had recounted a
thousand stories of her adventures on Voyager and most of them had
featured Chakotay in some way or another.
She felt her heart skip a beat. Did she want to introduce
Mark to Chakotay? Well, she reasoned, it had to happen eventually.
But now, when Kathryn hadn't spoken privately to Chakotay in - what
was it - five weeks? That day in the Delta Quadrant now seemed a
lifetime ago.
Mustering her resolve, Kathryn decided that the sooner she got
it over with, the better. She finally spotted Chakotay with a
brunette (who looked remarkably like Seska) on his arm. For a
moment jealously flooded her, but then she reasoned that *she* was
the one who'd told him to go away all those months ago. She should
be delighted that he'd finally found someone else to pledge his
devotion to. She would no longer feel pain for rejecting him even
though her heart had told her differently.
But that was in the past. (So why did she feel a twinge now?)
"This way," she briskly told Mark, almost marching through the
groups of people to meet her quarry.
Chakotay glanced up as she approached and Kathryn was
immediately aware of the surprise in his eyes. Had it really
deteriorated to this point, where they couldn't even speak without
wondering what the other was going through?
"Captain," he began formally.
"Commander," she countered, equally as coolly. "I believe
congratulations are in order." She stared at him, hating herself
for treating him so distantly when they had been so close, yet with
no idea how to ever bridge the gap.
"Thank you," he returned, and then he smiled just a little.
"I never suspected I'd become legitimate Starfleet commander
again."
"You deserve it," she said, speaking with conviction. "I've
never had a finer first officer." And then the ice was broken and
suddenly Kathryn was hugging Chakotay and he was hugging her back.
A warm, genuine hug of friendship and Kathryn felt safe again.
Until she heard the quiet but obvious throat-clearing of Mark
behind her.
"Chakotay," she said as she took a step back, "I'd like you to
meet Mark Johnson."
If Chakotay was surprised, he hid it well. In actual fact,
he'd been watching Kathryn and Mark all day although she wasn't
aware of it at all. He held out his hand, saying, "Mr. Johnson."
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Commander," replied
Mark, lying through his teeth as he accepted Chakotay's handshake.
Chakotay's escort Kari was then introduced and the two couples
awkwardly made small talk.
This was worse than a Starfleet Academy review, Kathryn
reflected. In those, at least she knew what she *should* be saying
even if the questions were difficult. However, this situation was
so much worse. It was blatantly obvious that Kari was nothing more
than an empty-headed socialite from a wealthy family and she had
nothing meaningful to contribute to the conversation. Her tinkling
laughter was downright annoying.
She wanted desperately for Mark and Chakotay to like each
other and maybe even become good friends. And then she could re-
kindle her *own* friendship with Chakotay without any of the
worrying insinuations it might cause.
However, a friendship did not seem to be forthcoming. Mark
incessantly asked questions about Chakotay's tattoo and the
Starfleet regulations pertaining to 'facial ornaments'. Chakotay,
tiring under the scrutiny, returned equally rude questions about
philosophy.
Kathryn searched for a dignified method to excuse herself, but
she'd already spoken to everyone else who passed by. Finally,
something else saved her. Music.
"Mark, let's dance," she pressed him. He reluctantly relented
and they joined the many couples on the floor already. To
Kathryn's dismay, she noted that Chakotay and Kari followed suit.
Suddenly, Kathryn recalled the last time she had danced with
a man. That evening so long ago in her quarters on Voyager, an
evening which had ended in tears yet she never quite let herself
forget it. Involuntarily she shivered even as Mark placed his arms
around her and whispered sweet nothings in her ear.
Kathryn watched the other happy dancing couples almost
wistfully, feeling too tense to enjoy herself. The evening had
been spoilt and she could not possibly enjoy herself now. She
should have spoken to Chakotay privately long before this and
explained to him...explained to him what? That even though they no
longer served as Captain and First Officer, it shouldn't change a
thing in their friendship? Or that Mark had waited for her and she
thought she loved him?
Sighing, Kathryn felt Mark draw her closer. Everything felt
safe and familiar in Mark's arms. She could almost imagine herself
back in time, before all of this had ever happened and she had
never even heard of a renegade commander named Chakotay.
But -oh- the things she would have missed!
Her eyes drifted across the sea of people as the piece of
music drew to a close and her eyes met *his*. Two intense dark
orbs, seeming to stare right into her soul and she could only gaze
back, feeling the thrill of once-forbidden sensations.
As the first haunting strains of the next song reached her
ears, Kathryn gasped. It was *their* song, the one they had danced
to that night. Mark spun her around and the tenuous connection was
lost, a wave of disappointment sweeping across Kathryn. If she
were to ever tell Chakotay goodbye, then this one song would be the
only opportunity.
A chance now lost, for when she turned again, Chakotay and
Kari were gone. Until she noticed a handsome figure behind Mark,
behaving as a perfect gentleman as he cut in. He smiled.
There were no words between them as Chakotay gently took
Kathryn's hands in his own and she reflected how natural the
gesture seemed. How perfectly they swung into the gentle rhythm,
together, and how one dance could heal a rift of months.
"I missed you, Chakotay," she finally whispered.
"Likewise," he returned. They understood each other
perfectly. The bond of being together constantly on Voyager -even
if they weren't close- was a difficult bond to break. And now the
nearness only seemed natural.
"How have you been, Kathryn?" he asked, carefully disguising
the apprehension in his voice. She carefully watched his
expression, trying to decide whether to protect him or to tell him
the truth.
She warred internally with the conflicting emotions and
eventually decided that truthfulness was best. There would be no
more lies and no more hurt between them.
"Coming home was more wonderful than I ever imagined," she
said sincerely. "I've never been closer to my sister and my
mother. It was - words cannot describe how incredible it was to
see them again." Kathryn paused. There had been no one for
Chakotay to come home to. He had been a loner for so long of his
life and only on Voyager had he found his personal niche.
"There's more, Chakotay," she said, noticing her own words
grow heavy with seriousness. "Mark. He waited for me." She felt
tears of wonder threaten to rise in her eyes. "All those years and
he waited. He never lost hope and he never stopped loving me."
Chakotay gently stroked her hair. "Kathryn I - I'm happy for
you," he managed. "I'm glad you found each other again." It
pained him to say the words but he would do anything for Kathryn
Janeway and that included lying to save her any feelings of guilt.
But she saw through his guise and she knew the grief she had
caused.
"Chakotay, I want you to know something," she said seriously.
"I've done a lot of thinking over the past few weeks. When we got
here, everything changed. And I thought about...us."
"Things could have been so different, Kathryn," he sadly
murmured. His hand drifted down her back as if trying to pull her
close for their very last dance. "If only...."
"I know," she replied with a heartfelt sigh. "I know." She
lifted her head to seriously, finally, tell him goodbye. But as
their gazes locked they were drawn together, Kathryn whispering,
"Chakotay-" before his lips descended on hers.
It was a bittersweet kiss, full of promise and longing and
sadness and regret. A kiss that seemed to go on forever...
...until Kathryn was abruptly wrenched away by a hand on her
shoulder to face a very upset Mark.
"Mark!" she gasped, a telltale blush creeping to her cheeks.
How could she have let herself be carried away? How could she
betray Mark?
Mark, however, was ignoring her completely and faced Chakotay
in a defensive stance. "I want you to stay the hell away from
Kathryn. Haven't you caused her enough grief already?!"
~No, Mark, don't do this~ she thought over and over. She
hadn't told him of her pain in the Delta Quadrant only to have it
used against Chakotay!
"I think Kathryn deserves a little more respect than you just
gave her," countered Chakotay. "In fact, I think she deserves a
lot more respect than that!" He turned to her, asking, "Kathryn,
are you alright-"
"She's fine," Mark jumped in. "No thanks to *you*." He
gestured towards Chakotay as if the officer was a repulsive piece
of garbage to be discarded.
"Me?" Anger and jealously burned within Chakotay as he
searched desperately for some kind of weapon to use against Mark,
but from memory, he couldn't recall hearing even *one* bad thing
about the man. "I'm not the one who's trying to embarrass her in
public." He took an aggressive step forward until he and Mark were
nose-to-nose. Time seemed to freeze as they attempted to stare
each other down.
Kathryn never knew who threw the first punch, but suddenly,
Mark's nose was bleeding and Chakotay's eye was swelling at an
alarming pace. "Mark!" she hissed, furious with their behaviour
and wishing she could throw both of them in the brig. "Chakotay!"
Neither man appeared to hear her, so intent was each on their
adversary. "You stay the hell away from her!" shouted Mark again.
"I know your type - you think you can have any woman you want.
Well, you're not getting Kath. She deserves more than you, a
tattooed indian who should be back living in the jungle!"
By now the whole room had frozen and was watching the shocking
melodrama that was currently being played out. Kathryn herself was
holding her breath, thinking over and over, ~...please, Chakotay,
don't make it worse, I know Mark goes too far sometimes but I'm
begging you, let it go...~
Suddenly, Chakotay lifted his eyes to hers. Their gazes
locked for a moment, and then Chakotay turned around and walked
calmly from the room. Moments later, Mark taunted, "Coward!" at
his retreating back and then turned in the opposite direction,
leaving Kathryn all alone. Alone and publicly humiliated in front
of her own crew.
In that moment, she didn't want to speak to either of them
ever again.
Another step forward, and then another. How things had
changed since that night! Apologies made a world of difference.
Momentarily Kathryn wobbled, mentally cursing Phoebe for convincing
her to wear such shoes. Then she looked up and saw *his* smile and
suddenly everything was perfect again.
Or almost perfect.
She had drawn level with the front rows of guests. And there,
in the reserved seatings, were her closest friends. Nearest to the
aisle was Tuvok, and Kathryn was sure she could see hints of a
smile on the ordinarily dour Vulcan demeanour as he watched her
walk forward. If anyone were to give her away, Kathryn reflected,
it would have been Tuvok. But she had managed to persuade Phoebe
that only one bridesmaid would be more than enough for Kathryn
Janeway's wedding.
Beside Tuvok sat Harry Kim, smiling broadly. A sensation akin
to pride swelled inside Kathryn - the young ensign (no, lieutenant
now) had come so far from the inexperienced boy he once was. And
seeing him sit proudly almost brought tears to her eyes.
Next came B'Elanna Torres, and then Tom Paris - another two
friends dear to her. Neelix. Even the Doctor from Voyager was
there, his holographic emitter secreted beneath the seat. But
there was one empty chair in the reserved front row.
Kathryn scanned the row again, hoping that she had merely
missed his face. Surely he would have attended the wedding? Even
after all the hurt and all the pain, he, her friend, would have
come?
It would have meant so much to her. Meant that the past could
be forgiven and they could remain friends through this, friends as
they were meant to be. But - he wasn't there. And the day was a
little less perfect.
She remembered the rest of that night following the party.
Perhaps she should have followed him, said something that would
make a difference and allow him to forgive her. She never meant to
hurt him so much.
But she hadn't had the courage to speak to him then. And
since that night, conversation had been stilted at best. Of course
they spoke occasionally; it wasn't as if she could suddenly drop
off the face of the Earth (or vanish into another quadrant). And
she couldn't *not* invite him to the wedding.
If she really came down to it, the reason she hadn't followed
him that night was because her heart wouldn't let her. Her heart
was drawn somewhere else, to the man standing at the altar before
her now and she had followed *him* instead.
"Hey," Kathryn whispered softly, treading across the dew-laden
grass in the garden outside the ballroom. He sat alone on a bench,
staring desolately at the stars. He did not look up as she
approached, instead choosing to ignore her even as she sat beside
him.
"I'm sorry about what happened in there. I should never-"
"Stop," he cut her off. "It wasn't your fault. Two grown men
should know better than to fight over a woman."
"Is that what it was?"
"Of course it was. He loves you - it's written all over his
face. And there's something inside of me that just can't bear to
see it."
She smiled sadly in response. "I know. And - and that's why
its so hard for me to say goodbye to him." Her voice quavered in
the still night air and every nerve in her body was tingling, not
knowing the reaction she would get. "I used to love him. Even
when times were so hard, there was always that promise of love to
get me through...."
It seemed as if he was holding his breath as he listened to
her soft words. "And now?" he finally asked, looking up at her for
the first time.
"My heart belongs to someone else." She paused before coming
out with the final words that would undeniably change everything.
"It belongs to you."
The sense of profound relief and absolute joy that surged
across his features was a sight that Kathryn knew she would never
forget, not even if she was thrown into another galaxy with no one
she'd ever known and nothing from the past to hold onto. She would
not forget him, she would never forget him.
And she would never lose him again.
He sprang to his feet and drew her close, their mouths meeting
in a kiss so perfect and so sweet. But it was more than a meeting
of lips upon lips, it was a meeting of souls and the undenyable,
enduring knowledge of this.
When they eventually parted they stood, holding each other and
gazing at the stars. Kathryn had never felt more content in her
life as she finally put the pain of her past behind her. No more
regrets; and her loving touch spoke volumes to him.
"Kath - Kathryn," he faltered, then bent down on one knee.
"Will you marry me?"
She did not hesitate even for an instant as a beautiful smile
lit up her entire face. Moonbeams sparkled highlights in her hair
as pure happiness engulfed her whole being. "Yes."
And here she was, mere steps away from fulfilling that
destiny. Suddenly she heard a scuffling sound behind her and,
against her better judgement, turned.
It was *him*. He had come, after all. He shuffled past the
rows of people until he found the seat reserved for him, the seat
with all of her friends and in that moment, Kathryn's heart was
full of happiness and love. She smiled radiantly at him, sending
a silent 'thank you' message that now her day could be truly
perfect.
Then she turned and took the hand of her fiance. Their eyes
met as he guided her those last few paces forward and she linked
her arm with his, feeling their mutual love flow between the sweet,
gentle touch.
She gazed upon the tall man beside her, loving every part of
him. His tall, handsome profile, the dark hair she adored so much.
The perfect lips, and his eyes, the windows to his soul. And
finally the distinctive tattoo that was as much a part of him as
anything. This was her husband-to-be, the only man she truly
loved. Her Chakotay.
END.
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