Title - Kiss
Author - Nicoleia
E-Mail address - destiny@wwdg.com
Rating - PG
Category - V
Spoilers - Vague mid-5th season
Keywords - none
Summary - "I think a part of me fell for him the moment we met..."
Disclaimer: The characters and situations contained within are the
property of Chris Carter, Fox Broadcasting and Ten Thirteen
Productions. No copyright infringement is intended.
KISS
I think a part of me fell for him the moment we met. I remember
the time so clearly, it's almost as if it happened yesterday.
There we were, two lonely people who had no inkling of the events
that were about to radically change our lives. Well, there was the
knowledge of the X-Files, of course, but neither of us could have
ever suspected what we'd end up meaning to each other.
Upon first glances, his flashing dark eyes and magnificent physique
caused a stirring inside me that I hadn't felt in a long time. And
with the recent dark circumstances surrounding me as powers far
outside my jurisdiction sought to control my life, I accepted this
as something good, and later something to hold on to in the chaos
that was about to surround me.
I greeted him the best I could, trying to maintain a straight face
as I stared at my new partner. I honestly can't recall what he
said in reply, for I was too overcome with my own reaction to him.
I'd never been hit with such a physical need before.
Of course, I knew I could never act upon this raw and primal
attraction and I've always kept it hidden deep inside. Firstly,
there was bureau policy (although I didn't really give a damn about
it, I *did* want to keep my job). And secondly, I had no idea if he
felt the same way. He gave me a cool look, it seemed, assessing
me, sizing me up. I was doing the exact same thing, although
hopefully it wasn't obvious.
I could have taken offence at his scrutiny but I didn't. Already,
my heart was beating a little faster under his gaze and I wondered
-just wondered - if he felt the attraction too. I hoped that I
would find out very soon.
I had no idea of the months, and the years, that would pass as we
skirted dangerously around each other. Each time we experienced
yet another perilous, on-the-edge-of-reality situation together, I
got to know him a little better. Some of the insights were
frightening and shocking. There was a time when I hated him for
what he'd become, and what he'd done to me - to us.
But inevitably, the bad times passed and we were able to learn from
our experiences, gaining a new trust in each other that hadn't
existed before. I followed him halfway around the world and back,
not only because my work demanded it but because I was curious. I
was now searching for a truth that it seemed he could lead me
to...if only I could trust him enough.
I've believed that I've lost him so many times. There's a numbness
attached to that - I always try to deny my feelings. Outwardly, no
one ever knows how much I think of him when he's gone, even inside
I tell myself that it doesn't matter. No matter how much I
pretend, though, I usually end up vowing to let him know exactly
how I feel if I ever get him back.
But I never do. Chicken? Yes, I suppose so, but I've mostly been
scared that he wouldn't feel the same way. In that respect, not
knowing is preferable to outright rejection. I could never take
that chance.
Yet as time passed, it was slowly apparent that he, too, felt the
connection. Why else would he keep coming back to me after I'd
denied him so often? Even through the disagreements and fights,
there was still that undercurrent of tension and pure physical need
between us. There were several occasions where I thought he would
finally give in and kiss me, but he never did.
Until tonight. He kissed me. I'm still in a state of shock. What
does this mean for our relationship? One kiss has changed
absolutely everything. I don't know what to do when I face him
again, I don't know what to say. He just gave me a gentle kiss and
then left, almost as if he was shyly embarrassed. I find that all
the more endearing.
He went before I had the chance to respond; he didn't even stay
long enough to see what my reaction was. In any case, I was
stunned. I couldn't even return his kiss, my mind was whirling as
I wondered what did it mean, why had he done it, and could he
possibly be attracted to me as I was to him?
So now I sit here, remembering, wondering, as the hours pass by
without note. What is it about him that draws us together, when
our lives should be universes apart? Why do I keep ignoring his
transgressions and letting him go free when he deserves to be
rotting in a prison cell?
Most troublesome of all, how can I ever tell Scully about this? I
love her, more than anything else, but she would never understand
about Krycek. No one would, except maybe Krycek himself, but he's
again lost to me through the web of conspiracy and darkness.
I hope I see him again soon.
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AUTHOR’S NOTES -
Before any Shippers start flaming me for tricking them, let me say
that I believe in Mulder-Scully romance! :) I just think there’s been
too much evidence in the episodes to ignore the K/M connection
(who could ever forget that *look* during the Tunguska situation?)
And I apologise for not giving a slash warning - I wanted to keep
the ending a surprise.
----
Nic
Keeper of Soulmates - the Relationshippers’ Guide
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geocities.com/area51/vault) (
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