"Tell Her"
by Nic (stardestiny@bigfoot.com)
April, 1998
Disclaimer : The characters and situations contained within are the
property of Universal/Amblin Entertainment. No copyright
infringement is intended.
TELL HER
After three months, the truth finally hit Alonzo Solace. He missed
her. Missed her more than he'd ever thought possible. Every
morning he half expected to see her face on the pillow beside him,
wishing desperately that he could gently brush away tendrils of
golden hair as he smiled at the peaceful face. Every evening he
wanted to give her a sweet kiss goodnight. Yet she was never
there. And it was his own fault.
Alonzo sighed heavily, placing his head in his hands. John
Danziger stared at him quizzically from across the table in the
dining hall at New Pacifica, concerned about his friend. For the
past few weeks, Danziger had watched Alonzo become more and more
depressed. Oh, the attitude was still there, the smiles and the
casual jokes, but behind the facade a true sadness lurked. And
Danziger was positive he knew why.
"'Lonz," Danziger said, hesitantly. He didn't want to intrude but
it was obvious that Alonzo needed a friend, and someone to talk
too. "You wanna tell me what's going on?"
His head jerking up momentarily, Alonzo pretended he didn't know
what Danziger was talking about. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"This-" Danziger gestured widely, not quite sure how to put it into
words. He'd never been much good at deep and meaningful
conversation, it just seemed (in his mind) to be something that men
didn't do. Trying again, Danziger continued, "This mood you're in.
It's Julia, isn't it."
Alonzo realised there was no point in trying to deny it. He
thought he'd managed to hide his growing depression, but obviously
he hadn't. "I miss her," he muttered. "I miss her a lot."
Morosely drumming his fingers on the table, he added, "Have you
heard the rumours?"
"What rumours?" Danziger decided to play dumb, there was no use in
adding fuel to the fire.
"About Julia and Vasquez."
Shaking his head, Danziger said, "Nope. Is that what's bugging
you?"
Alonzo sighed again. "Kinda." He stared off into the distance,
watching the various people wander in and out of the hall. Dinner
time at New Pacifica was always a chaotic affair, with so much to
be done during each day that no one could adhere to a regular
schedule. It was acknowledged that once people began to set up
their own homes things would calm down, but then, Alonzo realised,
he would see even less of Julia. Their paths rarely crossed as it
was; meal times were the only opportunity he had to encounter his
one-time lover.
He regretted that morning when he had lost her *so* much. Almost
constantly, Alonzo wished he could turn back time and change
things, perhaps say something different so that it all didn't end
in tears. But it had, and there was nothing he could do now.
Alonzo hadn't meant for Julia to leave. Subconsciously, he'd been
backing away from the commitment with the arrival of so many new
people on G889 while Julia wanted them to be even closer. And when
he had told her that he needed some space....
Wincing, Alonzo remembered the harsh words Julia had thrown at him
before she stormed out, trying desperately to hide the tears in her
eyes. And almost before he knew what was happening, they'd broken
up before Alonzo ever told Julia the *real* truth, that the idea of
marriage scared the hell out of him.
The first few weeks of bachelorhood had been great for Alonzo. He
had felt so free, and so in control of his own life again. It
reminded him of the old days when he was a handsome, carefree
pilot, and from the stares of the few teenage girls who were aware
that he was now 'available', Alonzo knew that it would be so easy
to slip back into his old role.
Yet he didn't. Alonzo had matured beyond such behaviour and
instead threw himself into his work and enjoyed his own company for
a while.
Then - he began to miss Julia, but couldn't bring himself to tell
her. He had his pride and she had hers; they both knew that
running back to the other was not an option. Their relationship
was over. But Julia...Julia...Alonzo thought of her almost
constantly, just wishing things had been different.
Snapping back to the present, Alonzo realised Danziger was trying
to get his attention. "What?" he asked.
Danziger frowned, not accustomed to being ignored by Alonzo.
(Being ignored by Devon happened all the time - he supposed it was
one of the inconveniences that came with marriage.) "I was saying,
are you jealous of Vasquez?"
"I guess so," Alonzo admitted.
His eyes narrowing with suspicion, Danziger muttered, "Is that why
you suddenly realised you want her back? Because she's gone to
another man and you can't have her?"
"No!" Alonzo vehemently denied it. "I love her! Geeze, I love her
more than *anything* else in my whole life!" Sitting back, Alonzo
felt mildly stunned. He'd never even admitted it to himself
before, but now that the words had been goaded out by Danziger, he
had to accept that it was true. He loved Julia. He loved her with
a passion he had never known before - it was a kind of love he
hadn't believed in before the impossibility of G889. It was a love
that threatened to consume his every waking moment - the sight of
her sweet face was enough to send his spirits soaring.
"Then tell her."
Alonzo stared at Danziger as if he'd suddenly sprouted koba ears.
"What?"
"Tell her."
Shaking his head, Alonzo protested, "No way, man, I can't!"
"Why not?"
"She wouldn't listen, for one thing," Alonzo said quickly, not
liking the way his heart had suddenly begun racing with the mere
suggestion. "She doesn't want to speak to me, and anyway, she's
too busy with the hospital and all...."
Danziger silently assessed his friend for one long minute.
Finally, he spoke. "You're afraid of what she's going to say.
Alonzo, don't be. Believe me, I *know* that it's better to say
something now than spend months feeling miserable." Danziger
briefly recalled so much time wasted with Devon, because neither'd
had the nerve to come right out and tell the other how they felt.
"Julia *will* listen to you, 'Lonz. She loved you, remember?
Maybe she still does."
A sudden light appeared in Alonzo's eyes. "You really think so?"
"I think the only way to know for sure is to tell her what you just
told me."
His heart hammering, Alonzo took a deep breath. Could he do it?
Could he face Julia and tell her that he loved her? Would she
listen? Danziger was right, there was only one way to find out.
Alonzo managed a shaky grin at his friend. "Thanks," he managed.
Scooping up his empty plate, he stood and said, "I'll go find her
now."
"Good luck."
As he headed across the hall, Alonzo realised that his hands were
shaking. Yet with every moment his confidence grew as he realised
that finally, the weeks of discontent would be over. He would tell
Julia that he loved her and then their rift would be forgotten - he
would have a future to look forward to again. More importantly,
his heart would be whole.
Alonzo paused to ask a young nurse if he'd seen Julia lately, and
the nurse replied that Julia had been at the hospital ten minutes
earlier. If Alonzo hurried, he would probably still catch her.
There was a bounce in Alonzo's step as he hurried down the quiet
street towards the hospital, hoping desperately that she was still
there. He glanced up at the luminous moons, taking their soft glow
as a good sign. He imagined Julia's face as she saw him - would
her blue eyes light up as they used to? Would her countenance
soften into a sweet smile as she saw him? Would she welcome his
presence and be prepared to listen? He fervently prayed that she
would.
Rounding the final corner, Alonzo practised quietly. "I love you,
Julia. I always have, and I always will." He was going to tell
her.
The hospital loomed before him. He slowed his step, glad to see
the entrance was still well lit. It meant that the main staff
hadn't yet left for the night, they were probably performing final
checks on the patients before those on night-duty arrived. He
stepped through the door. Julia was close, he knew it.
There were two figures at the end of the corridor and Alonzo froze.
They were kissing, caressing each other intimately, and even with
the muted lighting, Alonzo knew Julia well enough to recognise her
from the distance. His racing heart thudded to a stop.
"Julia?" he whispered, her name just slipping from his lips. It
was impossible that she had heard him, yet just for a moment, her
eyes flew open. Across Vasquez' shoulder she stared at Alonzo for
one moment that lasted an eternity to Alonzo's mind as he stood,
shocked by the circumstances, mesmerised by her gaze. Then her
blue eyes snapped shut, forever closed to him.
Alonzo turned, mechanically, and walked out of the building. He
never looked back, just kept walking and walking into the night.
Walking forever until the pain went away.
~Tell her.~ The words echoed in Alonzo's mind and he laughed
bitterly.
"Yeah, right."
---
END.
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