From: Greg Mcneil, 1:228/87
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Humor. 100 reasons why Captain Kirk is Better Than Captain Picard.
100. Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
99. Kirk never really got into that Kinky "jumpsuit" look.
98. Kirk has sex more than once a season, (or makes a serious pass at
a female).
97. One word: Hair
96. Another Word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-wave-WIG
95. Kirk can beat up a Klingon Bare-handed.
94. Picard is a Frenchman with an English Accent.
93. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and darn the consequences!
92. Kirk never drinks Tea. Ever.
91. Diplomacy for Kirk is a Phaser and a smirk.
90. Kirk would presonally throw Wesley off his bridge, or out an
airlock.
89. Two words: Sholder Roll.
88. Kirk Doesn't wear dresses when Admirals arrive for Lunch.
87. Kirk once said:"I've got a belly-ace -- and its a beauty".
86. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
85. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
84. Kirk, almost single-handedly re-populated the Earth's whale
population.
83. Kirk says "prime directive? what prime directive?"
82. Kirk knows 20th Century curses.
81. Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the klingons and used aginst the
federation.
80. Kirk ate little coloured cubes and still remained relatively
healthy.
79. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
78. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to get tactical
advantage.
77. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off -- even around those
pesky Yeomans.
76. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something stupid like Dixon
Hill. The battle of Bastone would be more like it.
75. Kirk never once stood up and had to strighten his shirt.
74. One word: Velour.
73. Kirk can beat a vulcan at chess
72. When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from the Admiralty and took
to climbing rocks.
71. When Picard was 37, he was only captain of the Freighter
StarGazer. When Kirk was 37, he was captain of the Flagship of the
Federation: The Enterprise.
70. Kirk liked a good belt of Liqure every now and again.
69. One word: Iman
68. Kirk looks good in a ripped shirt.
67. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would pull off its ears, rip off
its head, and Vomit down its neck.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Slightly modified from original
writing, because this -IS- a family echo, after all!
65. Kirk says, "shoot first, and wait for retaliation".
64. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl someone out.
63. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdome of some domb old janitor to get
him out of intergalatic scrapes.
62. Two Words: Funky Sideburns.
61. Kirk Never asks his bartender for advice.
60. Kirk Never once said, "Abandon ship, all hands Abandon Ship!"
59. Kirk is NOT politicaly correct.
58. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalatic busy body
named after a letter of the alphabet.
57. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood
Forest.
56. If there was ever a Klingon on Kirks Bridge, Kirk would likely be
dead.
55. Ever hear of a bar shooter called, "make it so" No? How about a
"beam me up scotty" then? See the difference?
54. One word: Mini-skirts.
53. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in Red
shirts.
52. Kirk's girlfriends always look good in soft light.
51. Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the
trombone.
50. Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
49. The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can be
roughly translated as, " Go ______ Yourself!" (a curse)
48. If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast!
47. Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
46. Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe-inspiring like Tiberius
is.
45. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
44. Picard never met Joan Collins.
43. Picard flunked his entrance exams to StarFleet.
42. Picard hasn't fathered any children, Kirk -- propably millions.
41. Kirk has a cool Phaser - not some pansy Braun mix-master.
40. Two words: Line Delivery.
39. Picard grew up on a quaint little french vineyar, squishing
grapes with his toes, while kirk slung bails of wheat and hay in Iowa
to put himself through school.
38. Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
37. Kirk once made a cannon out of mamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate,
charcoal, and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies.
36. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
35. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippie goofs.
34. Kirk once fought a greek god -- and WON!
33. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock
only.
32. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
31. One word: Fisticuffs.
30. Kirk's name is hated throught the galaxy by as many people who
respect it.
29. Kirk appreciates Shakespear, but he doesn't let it show.
28. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
27. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
26. Kirk plays God with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for
resources.
25. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
24. Kirk can climb up a Jeffries tube and fix anything.
23. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
22. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- Until they met
Kirk.
21. Kirk's bridge is not beige.
20. Two words: Crane Shots.
19. Picard likes wimpy violin Music -- and coerces Data into playing
it.
18. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really
cute things, like Tribbles.
17. Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy who's really
nice.
16. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-Boy for the bridge.
15. Kirk would never touch Synthahol -- He had Mr. Scott keep him
well stocked with the real stuff.
14. Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses, and nobody dares to
call him " 4-eyes".
13. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the pentagon -- easily.
12. Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
11. When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them. When
Picard doesn't trust the Romulans he gets fired at.
And the the top 10 of the 100 reasons Kirk is BETTER than Picard:
10. Kirk never once, ever, wore a wiener wrapping speedo banana
hammock on shore leave.
9. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting
ensign.
8. Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he fires them up!
7. When Kirk says "Boldy go," he MEANS it.
6. Three words: Flying Leg Kick
5. Picard's crew would never think of him as a sexual object.
4. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, Met God, and wasn't even
impressed.
3. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
2. Kirk would never let his chief of security wear a Ponytail.
And the last, the biggest reason Kirk is better than Picard..
1. GUTS! (or another part of the male anotomy, for you really macho
people)
Ok.. there is is.. Yes, it was all a joke, and I found it funny. Hope
you like it.
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