From jexscall@aol.com Sun Mar 02 00:26:07 1997
Hey, this is an original listing. Hope you like it. Feel free to share,
but give me some props so folks can write me back!!! :) What's up to all
the TREKKIES!!!
TOP 20 REASONS WHY STAR TREK WOULD KICK-BUTT IN THE STAR WARS UNIVERSE. -
(A Star Trek Rebuttal)
1. The Federation has successfully dealt with formidable foes such as the
Romulans, the Ferengis, the Cardassians, and the Klingons all in the same
quadrant. Princesses Leah’s rebels must rely upon the "force" to defend
against one measly empire.
2. Worf is a decorated Klingon Warrior who has prevailed in countless
battles against the odds. Wookie looks like an unclean woolly mammoth who
reeks this annoying whine at the first sign of trouble.
3. Kirk and Spock engage in intellectual challenges like three-dimensional
chess. Skywalker’s intellectual stimulation is limited to a floating ball
which manages to sting him at every angle.
4. Is there really any doubt that the Borg would assimilate the death star
in a matter of minutes.
5. Obi wan Kenobi’s death is proof positive that the force is overrated.
6. Two powerful words: Photon Torpedo.
7. Using the light saber, Skywalker got his hand cut clean off. It never
would have happened if he was wielding a Bat’telh.
8. And who would you really what in command of a ship in battle, Picard -
commanding "Phasers fire! Torpedoes away!" or the fleeing Han-Solo saying
"Hang on folks, its going to be a bumpy ride."
9. R2-D2’s language inabilities cause too many unnecessary problems, don’t
you think?
10. Which would you rather chose to watch - R2-D2’s flickering hologram
presentation or the Enterprises’ holodeck fantasy of a warm - sanded beach
at Alpha-Centuri?
11. Vader may have the choke, but Spock has the pinch!
12. Now, wouldn’t you rather ask the Enterprise’s computer to prepare you
a gourmet meal with no hassle or have some pint-sized furry-looking Ewok
fix you mush for dinner.
13. The Enterprise 1701-D has been known to take on 3 Klingon Birds of
prey at one time. The Millennium Falcon has an unmistakable reputation
for fleeing from a battle.
14. Data is a unique android who can calculate multiple complex problems
within seconds while at the same time kicking a foe’s butt who is twice
his size. C-3P0 is a weak, flatfooted, small-stepping, automaton who not
only bit---s all the time, but constantly picks on a robot half its own
size.
15. Two more powerful words: Picard Maneuver
16. Think about it, 90% of the Star Trek characters have recognizable
features i.e., eyes, nose, mouth, ears. 90% of the Star Wars characters
look like garden supplies and assessories.
17. The Enterprise is so disciplined that even the on-board computer is
"user friendly". The Millennium Falcon is so obstinate that it must be
threatened, kicked, or even beaten into user submission.
18. At least Kirk, Picard, Riker, and Sisko know how to romance.
Skywalker’s snot-nose kid mentality wouldn’t know what romance was even if
it walked up and slapped him on the buttock.
19. You have to admit, Starfleet’s uniforms are cooler than those
colorless tupperware suits the storm-troopers sport.
20. And does Vader ever stop panting?
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