paladin@ds9.starfleet.fed wrote:
: Sorry to cross-post, but I think all the groups I have chosen are
: relivant to this topic. If not, then I am sorry, but I think this is
: extremely hillarious and should be seen. I cannot however take credit
: for this it was forwarded to me via email and I chose to post it here.
: Enjoy!
: p.s. I think its better than First Contact.
: [Fwd: The Borg Meet Bill Gates
: Date: Tue, 10 Dec 1996 12:47:05 -0700
: "Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript.
: Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
: finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to
: access their command pathways?"
: Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
: through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
: (Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.)
: Riker: (looks puzzled.) "What the hell is `Microsoft'?"
: Data: (turns to answer.) "Allow me to explain. We will send this
: program, for some reason called `Windows', through the Borg command
: pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
: system resources at an unstoppable rate."
: Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter
: their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
: Data: "Yes, Captain. But when `Windows' detects this, it creates a new
: version of itself known as an `upgrade'. The use of resources
: increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to
: adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be
: taken over and none will be available for their normal operational
: functions."
: Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that `unsolvable
: geometric shape' idea."
: .. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
: Data: "Captain, we have successfully installed the `Windows' in the
: Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all
: available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of
: the expected `upgrade'."
: Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and
: CPU capacity, but we still have no indication of an `upgrade' to
: compensate for their increase."
: Picard: "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
: something we have missed."
: Data: "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
: `upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the
: plan by not sending in their registration cards."
: Riker: "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
: emergency escape sequence 3F ...."
: Geordi: (excited) "Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly
: dropped to 0% !"
: Picard: "Data, what does your scanners show?"
: Data: (studying displays) "Appearently the Borg have found the
: internal `Windows' module named `Solitaire', and it has used up all
: available CPU capacity."
: Picard: "Let's wait and see how long this `Solitaire' can reduce their
: functionality."
: .. . . Two Hours Pass . . .
: Riker: "Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?"
: Geordi: "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
: compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
: successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
: monitor beacon to transmit more `Windows' modules from something
: called the `Microsoft Fun-pack'.
: Picard: "How much time will that buy us?"
: Data: "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
: time span of 6 more hours."
: Geordi: "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
: Picard: "Identify."
: Data: "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft'
: logo..."
: (Over the speakers:) "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT
: FLAGSHIP _MONOPOLY_. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED
: SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY
: TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY."
: Data: "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
: thousands of humanoid-shaped objects."
: Picard: "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"
: Riker: "My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight
: toward the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the
: tortures of deep space?!"
: Data: "I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look
: closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
: recognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases,
: and wearing Armani suits."
: Riker and Picard: (together - horrified) "Lawyers!!"
: Geordi: "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent
: hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
: Data: "True, but appearently some must have survived."
: Riker: "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with
: all types of papers."
: Data: "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as `red tape'. It
: often proves fatal."
: Riker: "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
: Picard: "Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the
: Borg doesnt deserve such a gruesome death!"
(
geocities.com/area51/vault/8611) (
geocities.com/area51/vault) (
geocities.com/area51)