From eep1lw@surrey.ac.uk Tue Feb 25 01:15:19 1997
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From: Lloyd Wood 
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Subject: Borg Jokes
Date: Tue, 25 Feb 1997 00:15:19 +0000
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Full-Name: Lloyd Wood          don't bury your hopes with me
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All of the sysadmins where I work are heavily into Star Trek; they
built a university webserver to... well, never, mind that.  Let's just
say that they're, er, trekkers through and through. 

Except one, for some reason. This one generally dresses in black, with
a natty line in polo-neck jumpers and black boots. Where other
sysadmins giggle a lot at their own jokes because they've been cooped
up in small rooms without real human company for far too long, he is
usually deadpan serious. 

Where they are ridiculously hairy, he is closecropped, cleanshaven and
slightly balding. He is eerily quiet, unless he has something to say. 

Where they are, oddly, rather tanned despite sitting in front of a
computer all day, he is pale. Where they look around randomly
while thinking, he has a thousand-yard stare. 

It's an odd and yet thought-provoking symmetry of sorts.


So, without further ado, here's my own off-the-top-off-my-head
they-WILL-be-canonical-but-right-now-they're-MINE-because-I-
COLLECTED-them-and-MADE-UP-THE-BAD-ONES list of Borg jokes.

Add to them at will. 



Q. Why did the Borg cross the road?

   A. To assimilate the other side.


Q. How do you confuse a Borg?
   
   A. Put the nanomolecular assembler off his left arm and the sonic 
      screwdriver off his right arm against the wall, and tell him to
      take his pick.


Q. Do the Borg reproduce?

   A. You live in a boring black square cube with no TV, no beer, and
      no room to play sport. What would you want to do?


Q. How do you encourage the Borg to reproduce?

   A. Give them borgasms (then let them plug and play.)


Q. How do you discouraging the Borg from reproducing?

   A. Give them kids.  ('Tidy your wallslot! Plug your pipes in
                         properly!')


Q. How can you tell the difference between a Borg and a Jehovah's
   Witness?

   A. a. The Jehovah's Witness knocks and waits.
      b. The Jehovah's Witness is not entirely certain
         in his beliefs.
      c. You can get rid of the Jehovah's Witness.


Q. What do you call a Borg playing tennis?

   A. Bjorn Borg. Man, what a good back-appendage-shaped-like-
      a-racket it used to have.


Q. If a Borg is ill, how do you diagnose him?

   A. Intel Inside. The 'I am Pentium of Borg, you will be
      approximated' announcements are a dead giveaway.


Q. Have the Borg had successful careers outside showbiz?

   A. As chefs in fast-food chains ('Borg! Borg! Borg!')
      You never eaten a Borger at Borger King?


Q. How do we know that the Borg are superior?
 
   A. They have superconductivity. Resistance is futile.
      They may have cable, but they don't watch TV.
      They don't lose their socks in the wash.
      The females of the species don't feel the need to shop,
        spend money, or have emotional crises.
      They didn't elect Ronald Reagan.


Q. Did you hear that the Borg assimilated South Africa and gave it 
   racial equality?

   A. Yes, but now no-one wants to visit Johannesborg.


Q. What happened when the Borg assimilated New York?

   A. The crime rate dropped, the pollution dropped, tourism is up,
      and the taxi drivers still don't speak English. 


Q. Paris?

   A. Black has never gone out of fashion.


Q. Seattle?

  A. 


Borg - the NETWORK is the COMMUNITY.

Borg - being a ruthless conscience-free race out to enslave
       the universe means never having to say you're sorry.

Borg - more dangerous than ActiveX but with even more
       convenient(to-the-plot) holes in their defences.

Borg - see what happens when you leave NT intranets to their
       own devices after building motion control into the kernel?

Borg - aggressively multiplying nanotechnology on board!

Borg - assimilation doesn't kill people. resistance kills people.



Yes, I know that none of these jokes are any good. That's because
Paramount has already copyrighted all the best jokes, such as that
one with the punchline about subscribing to Microsoft Network.

L.

well, it had me giggling.




From PerAnders.Nilsson@osd.ericsson.se Thu Feb 27 11:08:57 1997
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From: Per Anders Nilsson 
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Thu, 27 Feb 1997 11:08:57 +0100
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Lo Monaco Marco 306045/IL wrote:
> 
> Here's another one, check it out....
> 
> Q. Does anybody know which song Picard has been dreaming every night since
> he was assimilated by the Borg ?
> 
> A. "BORG IN THE U.S.S, I was BORG..."

I was BORG, BORG, BORG, BORG to be alive...

From ervino@interware.it Thu Feb 27 21:37:53 1997
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From: Ervino Cus 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: 27 Feb 1997 20:37:53 GMT
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Q: What say the Borg Queen when they conquer a new solar system?

A: "A Star is BORG"...



Cheers
Ervino

-------------------------------------------------
|        Ervino Cus                      Giornalista Pubblicista  |
|  ervino@interware.it               Freelance Journalist    |
-------------------------------------------------
|   "Errare humanum est, sed perseverare diabolicum"   |
-------------------------------------------------

From rflyzik@flash.net Thu Feb 27 16:35:39 1997
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From: Bob Flyzik 
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
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Q:  What do you call the collective life forms who really, really, truly
want to play Baseball?






A:  The Earnest Borg Nine

From hobbit@mbox.vol.it Fri Feb 28 04:28:02 1997
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From: hobbit@mbox.vol.it (Nicola de Angeli)
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
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Ervino Cus  wrote:

>Wrong. The song was: "BORG to be kings...princeps of the Universe..." :)

O my God... a universe full of     Natural BORG Killers  !!!

Ciao
Nicola

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes too!"

From rflyzik@flash.net Thu Feb 27 20:19:04 1997
From: Bob Flyzik 
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
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Q:  How do you destroy the new starship "Titanic" (NCX-48654)

A:  With a Nice Borg!

From 75037.51@compuserve.com Sat Mar 01 21:42:55 1997
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From: 75037.51@compuserve.com (Mandy Gordon)
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In article <3315DE28.3271@flash.net> Bob Flyzik  writes:

>Q:  How do you destroy the new starship "Titanic" (NCX-48654)

>A:  With a Nice Borg!

We-ell, since I have a file of Borg jokes, I just had to post them...  :>

BORG JOKES

We are Deter of Borg:  Now is the time on Sprockets when we assimilate.
We are Heisenborg:  You will probably be assimilated. 
We are Pentium of Borg:  Division is fultile.  You will be approximated.
We are Hugh of Borg:  We wish to assimilate Troi.  Geordi is our friend.  
                                     He can watch.
Yoda of Borg are we:  Futile is resistance.  Assimilate you, we will.
We are Trebek of Borg:  For $200, it's futile and starts with R.
We are Ebola of Borg:  Vaccines are irrelvant.  We are resistant.  
We are Rambo of Borg:  Resistance is the desease.  We are the cure.
We are Bjorn of Borg:  Your serve will be returned.  You will be humiliated.  
                                     Advancement is futile.
We are McCoy of Borg:  He's assimilated, Jim!
We are Fudd of Borg:  Pwepawre to be aswimiwated.
We are Porky of Borg:  You will be as... assa... assim... oh, forget it.

BorgerKing:  We do it our way.  Your way is irrelevant.




From magic@cybrtyme.com Tue Mar 04 16:29:08 1997
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Gareth Wilson wrote:
> 
> "recook77"  wrote:
> 
> >How about Cobain of Borg: "Here we are now, assimilated us."
> 
> Chandler of Borg: "Could I _be_ more assimilated?"

Pauly of Borg: "Resistance is FU-tile...You will be ass-IM-I-laaated,
buuuuu-DY"
-- 
My page! Seen perfection lately?
http://www.cybrtyme.com/personal/bfoster
National Computer Outlet
http://www.cybrtyme.com/personal/bfoster/nco.htm
My UFO page. We are not alone
http://www.cybrtyme.com/personal/bfoster/ufo.htm

From xpaul@ittpub.nl Thu Mar 06 14:14:15 1997
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From: "Paul J. Allen" 
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
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Any one know the definitive answer to "How many Borg does it take
to change a light bulb?" ..?

The only one I can think of is:

"None. Darkness is irrelevant. Lightbulbs will be obsolete in the new
order."

Just a thought :)
-- 

Paul.
The above does not necessarily reflect the views of my employer
To email, remove the x from the front of the stated address

From rjsliwa@dircon.co.uk Wed Mar 19 21:18:02 1997
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From: GulPlum 
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
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Luigi Rosa wrote:
> 
> On Wed, 19 Mar 1997 06:33:10 -0600, Mark B  wrote:
> 
> >There are a ton of them at Nitpicker Central, the web page by the guy
> >did all the nitpicker books.
> 
> Can you please tell us the URL?

http://members.gnn.com/nitcentral/index.htm

> Thank you!

You're welcome!

-- 
Star Trek in Sound and Vision
Boldly Going Where No Web Site Has Gone Before
http://web.ukonline.co.uk/stinsv

From mark613@airmail.net* Thu Mar 20 12:57:16 1997
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From: Mark B 
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
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GulPlum wrote:
> 
> Luigi Rosa wrote:
> >
> > On Wed, 19 Mar 1997 06:33:10 -0600, Mark B  wrote:
> >
> > >There are a ton of them at Nitpicker Central, the web page by the guy
> > >did all the nitpicker books.
> >
> > Can you please tell us the URL?
> 
> http://members.gnn.com/nitcentral/index.htm
> 
> > Thank you!
>

Or
http://members.gnn.com/nitcentral/oddsends/borgs.htm

No prob.


-- 
Mark B
mark613@airmail.net
(Remove the asterisk in the address before replying.)

From jschaef0@rhein-zeitung.de Wed Mar 05 18:22:45 1997
Path: news.metronet.de!jupiter.nic.dtag.de!newsfeed.nacamar.de!fu-berlin.de!unlisys!blackbush.xlink.net!pegasus.PFM-Mainz.de!news.rhein-zeitung.de!news
From: Jens Schaefer 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Wed, 05 Mar 1997 18:22:45 +0100
Organization: Rhein-Zeitung
Lines: 15
Message-ID: <331DABE5.4D34@rhein-zeitung.de>
References:  <5f2gi4$rc0@server-b.cs.interbusiness.it> <3321506b.15448497@news> <3315DE28.3271@flash.net> <75037.51.15.00212FC8@compuserve.com> <331a6b9b.2136835@news.snafu.de> <01bc2901$ed17d740$8229b7c7@default> <5fghal$6bq$4@cantuc.canterbury.ac.nz> <331B8E10.495A@flash.net> <332770a6.15796936@news.belwue.de>
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Oliver Gassner wrote:
> 
> In de.rec.sf.startrek you (Bob Flyzik ) wrote:
> >How 'bout Shatner of Borg:  "*You*....Will....Be....Assimilated!"
> 
> Spock of Borg: I am and will be... assmililated. A search is useless...

Hoffentlich war der noch nicht hier:

"Yoda of Borg am I. Assimilate you we will. Resistance futile is."

:-)

mfg
Jens

From jil@salem.heide.de Fri Mar 07 17:47:00 1997
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From: jil@salem.heide.de (Hubert Popiolek)
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: 07 Mar 1997 17:47:00 +0100
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kmiller@tiac.net äußerte sich am 06.03.97 äußerlich korrekt
zum äußerst unveräußerlichen Thema "Re: Borg Jokes" äußerst treffend
folgendermaßen:

> >> >How 'bout Shatner of Borg:  "*You*....Will....Be....Assimilated!"
> >> Spock of Borg: I am and will be... assmililated. A search is  
useless...
> >"Yoda of Borg am I. Assimilate you we will. Resistance futile is."
> "I am David Duke of Borg; you will be discriminated."

We are Beavis and Butthead of Borg. Resistance sucks. We ll kick your ass.

** Fischers Fritz fischt filtriertes Fritierfett! *
Euer Fritz (Jil)
## CrossPoint v3.11 ##

From rflyzik@flash.net Tue Mar 18 02:15:40 1997
Path: news.metronet.de!news.ecrc.de!newsfeed.nacamar.de!dispatch.news.demon.net!demon!news.maxwell.syr.edu!mindspring!news3.agis.net!agis!newsgod.dearborn.agis.net!agis!newsgod.santaclara.agis.net!news4.agis.net!newspeer1.agis.net!agis!excalibur.flash.net!not-for-mail
From: Bob Flyzik 
Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek.current,alt.startrek.borg,alt.startrek.creative,alt.startrek,de.rec.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.misc,aus.sf.star-trek,.tv.sf.startrek,it.fan.startrek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Mon, 17 Mar 1997 17:15:40 -0800
Organization: Me Organized?
Message-ID: <332DECBC.70E9@flash.net>
References:  <6SPR7B5FMHB@jil.salem.heide.de> <3328890a.156739468@news.pinc.com> <5gkej0$s0@netaxs.com> <5gkjps$rlf@piglet.cc.utexas.edu>
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This is Orenthal of Borg...you will be decapitated!

This is DMV clerk of Borg...you will be laminated!

This is Moe of Borg...Nyuk-nyukking is useless...you will be slapped.

This is Paramount of Borg...originality is useless...you will be
spun-off into a series loosely based on Gilligan's Island.



Live Wrong and Prosper

From P.N.G.Boulton@durham.ac.uk Thu Mar 06 17:46:40 1997
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From: P N G Boulton 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Followup-To: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek
Date: 6 Mar 1997 16:46:40 GMT
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Dan Beacom (beacom@juno.com) wrote:
: I remember seeing this sig file:

: We are Homer of Borg.  Resistance is futile. You will be assimmm...
: Mmmmmm Donuts.

 [SNIP]

: >We are Porky of Borg:  You will be as... assa... assim... oh, forget it.
: >
: >BorgerKing:  We do it our way.  Your way is irrelevant.
: >
: >
: >

How about: 

We are 
--
Paul Boulton

Algal Research            _      . . .
Biological Sciences   /         ._\|/_ . 
Durham University        \   . . ./|\. .
South Road                  ._\|/.._\|/_.
Durham                 /      /|\. ./|\.
England DH1 3LE              ' '     ' '

e-mail p.n.g.boulton@durham.ac.uk
Phone UK (0191) 374 2419
Fax   UK (0191) 374 2427
Mobile   (0370) 90 33 64

Computer Fairs (North)
45 Fenwick Street
Boldon
South Tyneside
NE35 9HU

Fax  (0191) 537 2049
Tel  (0370) 90 33 64
email p.n.g.boulton@durham.ac.uk

From Neil@nightofthe.demon.co.uk Fri Mar 07 00:20:12 1997
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From: "Neil K." 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Thu, 6 Mar 1997 23:20:12 +0000
Organization: is irrevelant
Distribution: world
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References: 
 <5f2gi4$rc0@server-b.cs.interbusiness.it> <3321506b.15448497@news>
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"I am Training Manager of Borg, please don't forget to complete the
assimilation evaluation form."
--Neil K. 
"Believing oneself to be perfect
 is often the sign of a delusional mind"


From paul&jean@pauljm.demon.co.uk Mon Mar 10 17:34:18 1997
Path: news.metronet.de!news.ecrc.de!blackbush.xlink.net!fu-berlin.de!super.zippo.com!zdc!su-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!newsxfer3.itd.umich.edu!rill.news.pipex.net!pipex!dispatch.news.demon.net!demon!pauljm.demon.co.uk!pauljm.demon.co.uk!paul&jean
From: Paul Marshall 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Mon, 10 Mar 1997 16:34:18 +0000
Organization: Marshall Printed Circuits
Distribution: world
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References: 
 <5f2gi4$rc0@server-b.cs.interbusiness.it> <3321506b.15448497@news>
 <3315DE28.3271@flash.net> <75037.51.15.00212FC8@compuserve.com>
 <5fdbbg$3uo$1@msunews.cl.msu.edu> <5fmsdg$s0@mercury.dur.ac.uk>
 
 <01bc2b6a$79f29500$74d823c7@default>
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In article <01bc2b6a$79f29500$74d823c7@default>, recook77
 writes
>
>Beavis and Borghead:  "Assimilation like, sucks, huh-huh-huh..."

We are Borg 5-0, Assimilate 'em Danno.

From Escoba@prodigy.net Tue Mar 11 00:21:28 1997
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From: Escoba 
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Mon, 10 Mar 1997 18:21:28 -0500
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Cops of Borg:
1. Bad boys, bad boys. Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when we   
assimilate you?

2. You have the right to remain assimilated. Anything you say or do
will    be futile.

From president@whitehouse.gov Sat Mar 15 05:29:57 1997
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From: "Da Man" 
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
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We are Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. But we're not
home right now, so leave a message after the tone and we'll assimilate you
later... (beep)


From bertoni@science.unitn.it Sat Mar 08 16:40:50 1997
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From: "HYO (a.k.a. Dr. HeBiMe ??)" 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Sat, 08 Mar 1997 16:40:50 +0100
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Nevroes BoRG : 
"Attention Humans. We are the Nevroes BoRG.
Resistance is futile. Strength is irrilevant. Discussion is futile.
Life is futile. Death is irrilevant.
We won't assimilate you, because we are fed up with all 
universe..."
* They selfdestroy *

*** otherwise *** (dlen-dlen-dlon! (on three different notes).
 
BoRG : "You will be assimilated. Resistance is
futile".

Marvin the Robot ((c) D. Adams): "Everything is futile, blah! Universe
sucks".

BoRG assimilate Marvin and immediately self destruct.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Already present in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"...
Vogon: "Resistance is useless". He; it seems axactly that...) :p
 

=============================================
 Hyo: "Nel nome delle leggi naturali e 
 celesti, TI VIETO".

 

Mostro: *Ssha - ka-boom - pif* 
=============================================

********************************************
 E-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamandalind-orburu'me"

                  (Ancient Entish mumbling)
********************************************


From anna@neurodne.demon.co.uk Thu Mar 13 07:39:48 1997
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From: anna@neurodne.demon.co.uk (Anna Larke)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek,talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Followup-To: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek,talk.bizarre
Date: 13 Mar 1997 06:39:48 -0000
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I am John F Kennedy of Borg. You will be assasinated.
I am Eamon Holmes of Borg. You will be aggravated.
I am Anthea Turner of Borg. You will be irritated.
I am Fairy Liquid of Borg. You will be concentrated.
I am All Bran of Borg. You will be constipated.
I am Photocopier of Borg. You will be duplicated (ok, i'm running of jokes!)
I am Jack Daniels of Borg. You will be intoxicatd.
I am Gentleman of Borg. You will be promenaded. (Good grief..!)

I think I'll quit right now before some other silly Borg 'joke' pops out of
my gob!
Regards,
Anna
-- 
anna@neurodne.demon.co.uk
"Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess
 baggage, the shorter the trip"- Arnold H. Glasow.

From nevilley@globalnet.co.uk Tue Mar 04 23:38:14 1997
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From: nevilley@globalnet.co.uk (Neville Young)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek,talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Tue, 04 Mar 1997 22:38:14 GMT
Lines: 4
Message-ID: <331ca3d9.18851600@news.globalnet.co.uk>
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We are Wesley of Borg. You will be nauseated.

Neville Young
nevilley@globalnet.co.uk

From mark@optima.demon.co.uk Wed Mar 05 12:54:51 1997
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From: Mark Nicholson 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek,talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Wed, 5 Mar 1997 11:54:51 +0000
Organization: Optima Research
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References: 
 
 <5fi0b9$h07$3@quasar.dimensional.com>
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I am Hamlet of Borg...You are to be, or not to be, assimilated

Best Regards,

Mark
-- 
Mark Nicholson
Optima Research                 Tel   +44 (0 in UK) 1279 836050
3a Bullfields                   Fax   +44 (0 in UK) 1279 836051
SAWBRIDGEWORTH                  Email mark@optima.demon.co.uk
CM21 9DB                        Web   http://www.optima.co.uk/
United Kingdom

From fredk@mbox.vol.it Wed Mar 05 20:57:39 1997
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From: "Frederic Argazzi" 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek,talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: 5 Mar 1997 19:57:39 GMT
Organization: Pre-installed Company
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Mark Nicholson  scritto nell'articolo
...

i am Bush of borg, read my lips: you will be assimilated

-- 
Freddy

This was perfectly true,and a very respectable view widely
held by right-thinking people, who are largely recognizable as 
being right-thinking people by the mere fact that they hold this view.


From Niels@Basjes.nl.no.spamming Wed Mar 05 21:35:39 1997
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From: Niels@Basjes.nl.no.spamming (Niels Basjes)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek,talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Wed, 05 Mar 1997 20:35:39 GMT
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I am Pentium of BORG, division is futile, you will be approximated.


Grtz Niels

----------------------------------
| Niels Basjes - Niels@Basjes.nl |
| http://www.wirehub.nl/~basjesn |
----------------------------------
| "I doubt,therefore I might be" |
----------------------------------
| -------> NO SPAMMING! <------- |
----------------------------------


From doering@xrayspex.nlm.nih.gov Thu Mar 06 06:25:08 1997
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From: doering@xrayspex.nlm.nih.gov (Larry Doering)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek,talk.bizarre
Subject: Borg Jokes
Date: 6 Mar 1997 05:25:08 GMT
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In article <331DDFF2.6308@continuum.com>, Vinnie   wrote:
>Lee Doolan wrote:
>> 
>> In article <331ca3d9.18851600@news.globalnet.co.uk>,
>> Neville Young  wrote:
>> >We are Wesley of Borg. You will be nauseated.
>> >
>>     we are victor borg.  you will be titillated.
>
>We are Beverly Crusher Of Borg; You will be Medicated.
>
>We are Deanna Troi Of Borg; You will be Beta Zoided :)

    Ratt and I were hunkered down on the ridgeline, overlooking the
valley below.  I stood by with the shotgun mike while Ratt scanned
the terrain with binoculars.  "Psst, Larr," she hissed.  "There
they are.  Estimate enemy force is battalion strength... wait a
sec..."

    I took a last drag on my cigarette and crushed it out.  Ratt
continued, "... bearing zero-three-zero... pocket protectors,
toy phasers, Klingon makeup.  Yup, confirm OPFOR.  I say again,
we have Trekkies."  I aimed the mike and adjusted my headphones.
Easy... there.  As I adjusted the gain I began to pick up a 
faint gneeing sound.  We waited tensely.  Then I heard it.  I
fought a wave of nausea as the mike picked up the nasal screech 
of one of them: "Why did the Borg cross the road?"  The massed
horde chorused, "Why?"  The reply came: "To assimilate the other
side!"

    I ripped off the headphones to avoid hearing their horrible
braying laughter.  I slapped Ratt's leg.  "Where's the radio?"
Half-empty tequila bottles clinked as she rummaged through her 
rucksack.  "Aw, fuck," she said.  "I think I... oops, no, here
it is."  I grabbed the radio from her and called Suicide and
Lemming, orbiting at the IP a klick behind us.

    "Smasher flight, this is Hazmat Six.  Do you read?"  Lemming's
voice crackled back.  "Hazmat Six, Smasher One.  What's up?"  Ratt
fumbled with her situation map, then elbowed me and pointed. 
I replied, "Smasher One, target Trekkies, grid CX, 100 meters 
southwest of the treeline.  No friendlies in the area, you're
cleared in hot."

    "Roger, Hazmat Six.  Time on target fifteen seconds.  In
hot."  We watched as the two A-10 Thunderbolt IIs screamed 
over the ridge and whipped down into the valley.  The crowd of
Trekkies disappeared in a cloud of dust and debris as Suicide
and Lemming opened up with their GAU-8 Avenger 30mm cannons.
"Eat hot lead, you pathetic geeks!" Ratt chortled.

    I thumbed the transmit switch.  "Smasher flight, Hazmat Six.
Sierra Hotel, guys.  Some of them are still twitching, though.  
Give 'em a couple of mark eighty-fours."  "Roger, Hazmat Six,"
Lemming replied.  The A-10s pulled up in a graceful formation 
chandelle, and I lit another smoke as they wheeled in on their
bombing run.

ljd

From tez@pierrot.co.uk Sat Mar 08 20:54:26 1997
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From: Terrance Richard Boyes 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek,talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Sat, 8 Mar 97 19:54:26 +0000
Organization: ECL.net
Message-ID: <9703081954.2pmb@pierrot.co.uk>
References:   <5fi0b9$h07$3@quasar.dimensional.com> <331ca3d9.18851600@news.globalnet.co.uk> <5fiai8$ipu@pangloss.ucsf.edu> <5fr
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The Phantom (phantom@spods.dcs.kcl.ac.uk) wrote:
> 
> hey, anyone compiling these?? - could ya send me them??

Yep, they'll be but onto the Borg Jokes page on the "official" UMTSS pages
(see below for the URL) when the thread dies

-- 
                           Team AMIGA
Create your own opportunity.  Blackmail a senior executive.



From ray@toad.net Sun Mar 09 05:16:40 1997
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From: Ray Mitchell 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek,talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Sat, 08 Mar 1997 23:16:40 -0500
Organization: Toad Computers
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How about:

We are Bill Gates of Borg. You HAVE been assimilated. You just don't 
know it yet.

Anyone know of Ritz Camera? They like to buy camera stores:

We are the Ritz. You will be assimilated.
Your camera store will adapt itself to service ours.
We will add your technological and photological distictiveness to our 
own.

Resistance is futile (our lawers see to that!)

From troi@voyager.net Fri Mar 14 07:37:38 1997
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From: troi@voyager.net (Deb Hayes)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek,talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Fri, 14 Mar 1997 06:37:38 GMT
Organization: Netcom
Message-ID: <3328be8b.624478709@nntp.ix.netcom.com>
References:   <5fi0b9$h07$3@quasar.dimensional.com> <331ca3d9.18851600@news.globalnet.co.uk> <5fiai8$ipu@pangloss.ucsf.edu> <331DDFF2.6308@continuum.com> <3323BC54.119E@ix.netcom.com>
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This has always been my favorite:

Drunk Borg: "Resilience in floor tile... Wanna be 'similated?"

- Deb
(troi@voyager.net)

"I need a bath. You have the bridge." - Troi, "Genesis"

From edgard@worldaccess.nl Thu Mar 20 18:07:46 1997
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From: "Edgar Dousi" 
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
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We are Ren & Stimpy of Borg. Happy happy joy joy

We are Bill Gates of Borg. You will be assimilated.. as soon as we can fix
the bugs...damn program




From babel@dircon.co.uk Sun Mar 23 21:29:42 1997
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From: babel@dircon.co.uk (Peter Cowley)
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Geordi: Data, see that young Borg over there?

Data: I am aware of his presence.

Geordi: That's Hugh that is.

From leeders@nucleus.com Wed May 14 02:32:08 1997
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From: Leeder 
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Tue, 13 May 1997 19:32:08 -0600
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Stylesie wrote:
> 
> I'm Amanda Vanstone of Borg, you will pay to be assimilated
> 
> Colin
> 
> --
> http://www.nectar.com.au/~stylesie
> Check out my Worm page. http://www.nectar.com.au/~stylesie/worms

	You can find a whole collection of Borg jokes and such
athttp://www.nitcentral.com/oddsends/borgs.htm

From girv@girvnet.demon.co.uk Wed May 14 13:26:43 1997
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From: "John Girvin" 
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: 14 May 1997 12:26:43 GMT
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Simon 'Roswell' Ray  wrote in article
...
> I am Yoda of Borg, resistance, futile it is

Yoda of Borg I am. Assimilated you will be, hmm?

I am Homer of Borg! Resistance is ... mmmm, doughnuts!

I am Microsoft of Borg. Resistance izkx
GPF 0x5654 8820 
Application RESIST.EXE has performed
an illegal operation and will be shut down.


Is there a "canonical list" of these somewhere?
I love em! :D

/John.
--
John Girvin
TURBO TOMATO Development
girv@girvnet.demon.co.uk		john.girvin@unibol.com
http://www.girvnet.demon.co.uk	http://www.unibol.com

From F.vanderHam@wbmt%remove_this%.tudelft.nl Wed May 21 13:32:38 1997
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From: "F. van der Ham" 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.borg,rec.arts.startrek.current,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,aus.sf.star-trek,alt.startrek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Wed, 21 May 1997 14:32:38 +0200
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Mikhovitch wrote:

>
> We are TASM or Borg.

We are C++ of Borg

class Borg {
protected:
   Container* collective; // its self awareness of the collective
   Borg (NonBorg* victim, Container* thecollective) {
      collective = thecollective;
      *collective << this;
      delete victim;
    };
   void Run () {
        while (NonBorg* victim = GetNewVictim()) {
            Borg* newborg = new Borg(victim, collective);
            CREATE_THREAD (newborg->Run());
        };
   };
};

class Queen : public Borg {
public:
   Queen () {
      collective = new Container (_LARGE_);
      Borg (this, collective).Run();
   };
};

new Queen();

Couldn't help it....

Frank.


From basebllfan@aol.com Thu Mar 06 23:23:02 1997
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From: basebllfan@aol.com (Basebllfan)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: 6 Mar 1997 22:23:02 GMT
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We are Canadian Borg...You will be assimilated eh.



Trekkies who want to email me feel free Basebllfan@AOL.com

From johnmal1@demon.co.uk Sat Mar 08 00:22:02 1997
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From: johnmal1@demon.co.uk (john malone)
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Fri, 07 Mar 1997 23:22:02 GMT
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On Tue, 25 Feb 1997 00:15:19 +0000, Lloyd Wood 
wrote:

>All of the sysadmins where I work are heavily into Star Trek; they
>built a university webserver to... well, never, mind that.  Let's just
>say that they're, er, trekkers through and through. 
>
>Except one, for some reason. This one generally dresses in black, with
>a natty line in polo-neck jumpers and black boots. Where other
>sysadmins giggle a lot at their own jokes because they've been cooped
>up in small rooms without real human company for far too long, he is
>usually deadpan serious. 
>
>Where they are ridiculously hairy, he is closecropped, cleanshaven and
>slightly balding. He is eerily quiet, unless he has something to say. 
>
>Where they are, oddly, rather tanned despite sitting in front of a
>computer all day, he is pale. Where they look around randomly
>while thinking, he has a thousand-yard stare. 
>
>It's an odd and yet thought-provoking symmetry of sorts.
>
>
>So, without further ado, here's my own off-the-top-off-my-head
>they-WILL-be-canonical-but-right-now-they're-MINE-because-I-
>COLLECTED-them-and-MADE-UP-THE-BAD-ONES list of Borg jokes.
>
>Add to them at will. 
>
>
>
>Q. Why did the Borg cross the road?
>
>   A. To assimilate the other side.
>
>
>Q. How do you confuse a Borg?
>   
>   A. Put the nanomolecular assembler off his left arm and the sonic 
>      screwdriver off his right arm against the wall, and tell him to
>      take his pick.
>
>
>Q. Do the Borg reproduce?
>
>   A. You live in a boring black square cube with no TV, no beer, and
>      no room to play sport. What would you want to do?
>
>
>Q. How do you encourage the Borg to reproduce?
>
>   A. Give them borgasms (then let them plug and play.)
>
>
>Q. How do you discouraging the Borg from reproducing?
>
>   A. Give them kids.  ('Tidy your wallslot! Plug your pipes in
>                         properly!')
>
>
>Q. How can you tell the difference between a Borg and a Jehovah's
>   Witness?
>
>   A. a. The Jehovah's Witness knocks and waits.
>      b. The Jehovah's Witness is not entirely certain
>         in his beliefs.
>      c. You can get rid of the Jehovah's Witness.
>
>
>Q. What do you call a Borg playing tennis?
>
>   A. Bjorn Borg. Man, what a good back-appendage-shaped-like-
>      a-racket it used to have.
>
>
>Q. If a Borg is ill, how do you diagnose him?
>
>   A. Intel Inside. The 'I am Pentium of Borg, you will be
>      approximated' announcements are a dead giveaway.
>
>
>Q. Have the Borg had successful careers outside showbiz?
>
>   A. As chefs in fast-food chains ('Borg! Borg! Borg!')
>      You never eaten a Borger at Borger King?
>
>
>Q. How do we know that the Borg are superior?
> 
>   A. They have superconductivity. Resistance is futile.
>      They may have cable, but they don't watch TV.
>      They don't lose their socks in the wash.
>      The females of the species don't feel the need to shop,
>        spend money, or have emotional crises.
>      They didn't elect Ronald Reagan.
>
>
>Q. Did you hear that the Borg assimilated South Africa and gave it 
>   racial equality?
>
>   A. Yes, but now no-one wants to visit Johannesborg.
>
>
>Q. What happened when the Borg assimilated New York?
>
>   A. The crime rate dropped, the pollution dropped, tourism is up,
>      and the taxi drivers still don't speak English. 
>
>
>Q. Paris?
>
>   A. Black has never gone out of fashion.
>
>
>Q. Seattle?
>
>  A. 
>
>
>Borg - the NETWORK is the COMMUNITY.
>
>Borg - being a ruthless conscience-free race out to enslave
>       the universe means never having to say you're sorry.
>
>Borg - more dangerous than ActiveX but with even more
>       convenient(to-the-plot) holes in their defences.
>
>Borg - see what happens when you leave NT intranets to their
>       own devices after building motion control into the kernel?
>
>Borg - aggressively multiplying nanotechnology on board!
>
>Borg - assimilation doesn't kill people. resistance kills people.
>
>
>
>Yes, I know that none of these jokes are any good. That's because
>Paramount has already copyrighted all the best jokes, such as that
>one with the punchline about subscribing to Microsoft Network.
>
>L.
>
>well, it had me giggling.
>
>
>
Well, I liked it. And thanks for the effort. Keep it up.

From jmckeown@fast.net Mon Mar 10 01:36:38 1997
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From: Joe McKeown 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek,talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Sun, 09 Mar 1997 19:36:38 -0500
Organization: FASTNET(tm) PA/NJ/DE Internet
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We are Burns of Borg. Smithers! Assimilate them!


How many NANITES does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but how did they get in there?

From day1701d@gladstone.uoregon.edu Wed Mar 12 01:58:41 1997
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From: Dayna Ann Terry 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Tue, 11 Mar 1997 16:58:41 -0800
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	We are Darth Vader of Borg- You will be assimilated.  It is your
	desssssstiny.  

	We are Chewbacca of Borg- Waugh Yayyyaaaya Auuughghghghg

	We are Han Solo of Borg- I've got a bad feeling about this
	assimiliation.

	We are are Odie of Borg- Pant Pant Pant.  Slurping is irrelivant

	We are Hobbes of Borg- Tuna Fish is irrelivant.  But comics are
	not.

	We are Dan Quayle of Borg- U whill bea azzimileighted.

I know, I know, they're terrible, but how can you resist? :) 
(Don't say easily!) ;)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 			Dayna Terry
	English Major/Music Minor- University of Oregon
          Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope. 
  *****If you shoot a mime, Do you have to use a silencer?*****
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


From edesparz@jove.acs.unt.edu Tue Mar 18 20:15:21 1997
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From: Eduardo Esparza 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Tue, 18 Mar 1997 13:15:21 -0600
Organization: University of North Texas
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Rugrat borg jokes:

We are lil and Phill of borg:

resistance is futile....No its not phill, yess it is lill, no, its NOT
PHILLIP!...Yes it is LILLIAN!  NOT, IS, NOT, IS!...



From adinkin@commschool.org Thu Mar 13 04:15:03 1997
Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 22:15:03 -0500
From: adinkin@commschool.org (Aaron J. Dinkin)
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
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In article <6Si$cEeVMHB@jil.salem.heide.de>, JIL@salem.heide.de (Jilipop) wrote:

>We are Julius Caesar of Borg : veni, vidi, assimiliti.

Veni, vidi, assimilavi.

-Aaron J. Dinkin
Dr. Whom

From mikeval@travel-net.com Thu Mar 13 16:00:00 1997
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From: mikeval@travel-net.com
Newsgroups: alt.startrek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: Thu, 13 Mar 1997 15:00:00 GMT
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Some Academicaly inclined Borg jokes I thought up while sitting in
class last night:

Calculus of Borg:    Resistance is futile.  You will be
differentiated.

Physics of Borg:  Assimilation is futile.  Resistance is ubiquitous.

Chemistry of Borg:  Resistance is futile.  You will be titrated.

Thesaurus of Borg:  Fighting back is no good.  You will join us
unwillingly.
Mike Schoonbaert
President and CIO
Insanity Unlimited, Ltd.

From patakh@aol.com Tue Mar 18 02:08:41 1997
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From: patakh@aol.com (Patakh)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: 18 Mar 1997 01:08:41 GMT
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How do you know you're a redneck Borg?

When your prosethesis is made by John Deere.

Or:

We are the Total Quality Management Borg:  You will be assimilated, but
you must repeat Paradigm over and over and over.  You will then discuss
why resistance is futile and plot it on a fishbone diagram.

From jh8@irz.inf.tu-dresden.de Wed Mar 19 10:50:32 1997
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From: jh8@irz.inf.tu-dresden.de (Joerg Hausmann)
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes
Date: 19 Mar 1997 10:50:32 +0100
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I am Alzheimer of Borg. Resistance is... is... shit. Who are you ? Where
am I ? And why ?! ...

Joerg.

-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Joerg Hausmann |          IRCnick: Haus          |  jh8@irz.inf.tu-dresden.de
  "No making friends ! No human contact to the Germans who by the war crimes
  they committed placed themselves outside of the society and civilisation !"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From 75037.51@compuserve.com Fri Mar 07 23:35:49 1997
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From: 75037.51@compuserve.com (Mandy Gordon)
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes -- now light bulb jokes
Date: Fri, 7 Mar 1997 23:35:49
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In article <01bc2a2f$b60a7760$c8ac2ac0@paul.ittpub.nl> "Paul J. Allen"  writes:

>Any one know the definitive answer to "How many Borg does it take
>to change a light bulb?" ..?

>The only one I can think of is:

>"None. Darkness is irrelevant. Lightbulbs will be obsolete in the new
>order."

Oh, you guys have done it now.  This is just the excuse I need to post my 
light bulb file :>

LIGHT BULB JOKES

How many CARDASSIANS does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four, because THREE...ARE...FOUR...LIGHTS...!!! 

How many BORG does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them.

How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?  
None of your business, huu-mahn !!!   

How many CARDASSIANS does it take to change a light bulb?  
We don't need a light bulb, but if we did, we could take it from you!  

How many BAJORANS does it take to change a light bulb?   
The filthy Cardassians took our light bulb! 

How many KLINGONS does it take to change a light bulb?   
Burned out light bulbs have NO honor. 
And a true Klingon Warrior is not afraid of the dark!  

What happened to the KLINGON who did change the light bulb?
He was executed for cowardice.

How many TRILLS does it take to change a light bulb?   
Both of them.  

How many BORG does it take to change a light bulb?    
Light bulbs are irrelevant. Changing them is futile.  

How many BETAZIODS does it take to change a light bulb?  
I sense it has already changed.   

How many ROMULANS does it take to change a light bulb?   
We have been gone for a while, but we have returned to change it. 

How many Q's does it take to change a light bulb?    
Here now, wouldn't you rather have this nice supernova?   

How many ODO's does it take to change a light bulb?    
I will change INTO the light bulb. 

How many TRIBBLES does it take to change a light bulb?  
1,561,772 .......uhh, 73..., ummm, 74..., 75....    

How many PROPHETS does it take to change a light bulb?
Light bulbs are disruptive... intrusive....

How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends.  How much?

How many ORGANIANS does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they glow in the dark.



From lmsparks@nicoh.com Sun Mar 09 19:48:34 1997
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From: "Lawrence Sparks" 
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes -- now light bulb jokes
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Mandy Gordon <75037.51@compuserve.com> wrote in article
<75037.51.19.001A812B@compuserve.com>...
> In article <01bc2a2f$b60a7760$c8ac2ac0@paul.ittpub.nl> "Paul J. Allen"
 writes:
> 
> 
> Oh, you guys have done it now.  This is just the excuse I need to post my

> light bulb file :>
> 


YES!
How many CARDASSIANS does it take to change a lightbulb?


How many BORG does it take to change a lightbulb?



How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?  








How many KLINGONS does it take to change a light bulb?   



How many ROMULANS does it take to change a light bulb?   



How many Q's does it take to change a light bulb?    



How many ORGANIANS does it take to change a light bulb?


How many VULCANS does it take to screw in a light bulb?



How many WESLEY CRUSHERS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 
How many HOLODECK CHARACTERS does it take to change a light bulb?


How many EMPATHS does it take to change a light bulb?


How many Klingons Terrorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?


How many Romulans does it take to change a transtator?


How many STAR FLEET officers does it take to change a light bulb?



How many federation scientists does it take to replace a light bulb?


How many WORFS does it take to change a light bulb?


how many TAMARIANS does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    

How long does it take Data and Rayna Kapec to screw in a light bulb?

 (Rayna Kapec is the android built by
Flint)

How long does it take Data and Deanna to screw in a Light bulb?



How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a light bulb 



How many TRIBBLES does it take to screw in a light bulb?


How does a TAMARIAN say the light bulb is burned out?


What do you do with an old light bulb?


How many does it take to screw in a light bulb on DS9?







From esfickas@execpc.com Mon Mar 10 01:47:08 1997
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From: Eric Fickas 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes -- now light bulb jokes
Date: Sun, 09 Mar 1997 18:47:08 -0600
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How many Founders does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them, but they change it into a human.

How many Pakleds does it take to change a light bulb?
None.  They need Geordi.  Geordi is smart.

How many Vidians does it take to change a light bulb?
They don't change it, they just graft on the parts they need from one
that still works.

How many V'ger Probes does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it first has to merge with Thomas Edison.

Well, it's getting late and I have a dead horse to beat...

Eric Fickas

From xpaul@ittpub.nl Mon Mar 10 17:01:59 1997
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From: "Paul J. Allen" 
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes -- now light bulb jokes
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One last heave...

How many Starfleet Engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. If you run a phased inverse tachyon burst through the main emitter
array
grid and multiplex it with a subspace standing wave locked back into a 
diagnostic mode filter, you'll bleed off most of the static warpfield
instabilities through the higher verteron harmonics of the decchyon field
and get at least another 60 Watts out of the old one.

-- 

Paul.
The above does not necessarily reflect the views of my employer
To email, remove the x from the front of the stated address

From esfickas@execpc.com Fri Mar 14 05:01:46 1997
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From: Eric Fickas 
Newsgroups: alt.startrek,alt.startrek.borg,uk.media.tv.sf.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,it.fan.startrek,alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc,de.rec.sf.startrek,aus.sf.star-trek
Subject: Re: Borg Jokes -- now light bulb jokes
Date: Thu, 13 Mar 1997 22:01:46 -0600
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How many Voyager crewmembers does it take to change a light bulb?

(I have two...)

1)  Wait 'til next week and the bulb won't be burned out any more.

2)  Shouldn't they have run out of light bulbs A LONG TIME AGO?!?


How many genetic supermen does it take to change a light bulb?

They've been asleep for 200 years -- give 'em a break!  They didn't know
it was burned out!

Eric

From wb@redplanet.com.mars Sat Mar 15 05:27:01 1997
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Subject: Re: Borg Jokes -- now light bulb jokes
Date: Sat, 15 Mar 1997 04:27:01 GMT
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On 9 Mar 1997 18:48:34 GMT, "Lawrence Sparks" 
wrote:


>How many HOLODECK CHARACTERS does it take to change a light bulb?
>

None.  The light bulb can't exist outside the holodeck .


>How many Klingons Terrorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
>first one died honorably>

It doesn't matter, as long as they all changed it honorably in battle.


>How many STAR FLEET officers does it take to change a light bulb?
>they beam down.>
>bulb>

One, but only after first investigating it thoroughly.


>How many does it take to screw in a light bulb on DS9?
>
>
>
>

One, but you have to upgrade the obsolete computer first.

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