Below you will find a list of things never to do during a horror movie. You read carefully and you might just have a chance of survival, but with psycho killers...you just never know!

"There are certain rules one must obide by in
order to successfully survive a horror movie.
For instance, number one... no sex!
Big no, no! Big no, no! Sex=Death
Ok? Number two....Never drink or do drugs.
The sin factor, its a sin!
Its an extension of number one!
And number three...
Never ever-ever, under any circumstances say
I'll be right back
-cause you wont be back."

4.) Never baby-sit on Halloween Night.

5.) If you break the above rule, never ever
invite your boyfriend over

6.) Never go to check on your friends....we all
know what has happened to them already

7.) If you are a female,
never show your breasts,
easy women are expendable.
And to go with that rule,
dont wear shirts that reveal your breasts really well,
or one that your nipples show through...
not a good idea.

8.) DO NOT go into the dark room.

9.) Stay a virgin, trust me, you will survive

10.) Don't go burying your dead pets in foreign cemeteries, because if
it didn't work for the Creeds, it sure as hell won't work for you.

11.) Don't answer the phone!

12.) Never go outside to investigate a strange noise.

13.) Never just stand there crying, mourning the loss of
dead friends, RUN YOU TWIT! You may be next!

14.) Never unmask the killer, it will only piss them
off more.

15.) If you are a janitor....quit!
You are usually one of the first people suspected.

16.) Don't hide in the closet...thats the first place
they look!

17.) When it seems that you've killed the monster,
never check to see if it's really dead.

18.) Don't go back into the house or go into a house you
think a murderer might be! What, are you stupid or
something?

19.) Never have sex in the
bunk-beds of recently renovated
summer camps. Its a sure way
to give you a most unpleasant death.

20.) Never walk backwards, you will either run into the
killer or the dead body of a friend or loved one

21.) If you are home alone and hear a noise coming from
another room or outside your window, don't assume it's
just the house settling or the wind.

22.) When something bad is chasing you, bear in mind that
when you try to start your car, no matter how reliable
the vehicle is normally, you'll have to crank the
engine over many times before it will fire up.

23.) If you are planning to do something
evil or vindictive at your prom...
dont go! You will surely get killed!

24.) Do not search the basement, especially when the
power has just gone out.

25.) If you're a male, get out of there as fast as possible!
The only one who ever survives is a female.

26.) If the phone lines are dead, and you hear footsteps
upstairs, when your supposed to be alone, don't follow
the noises to see who your "guest" is . LEAVE
IMMEDIATELY. Unless you want to die!!

27.) Don't trust ANYONE!

28.) If you stumble across the body of a dead friend, do
not go looking for the rest of your friends, because
they're probably dead.

29.) When going down the basement stairs, (You will...
you ARE in a horror film, right?) always send your
little brother/sister/grandpa/grandma down first;
this'll tell you if something's hiding under the steps.

30.) If you plan to lose your virginity at summer camp or
while a psycho killer is on the loose, well, at least
you'll die happy.

31.) Don't open the closed door, curtain, window or anything, especially if you hear
scratching, heavy breathing, or any other strange
noises from the other side.

32.) Never pick up the phone and call for help, chances are
your phone will be dead and the next thing you'll see
is the monster swinging some sort of sharp object.

33.) If you hear weird music start to play run like hell.

34.) If you answer the phone and hear someone breathing
heavy on the other end, never assume it is your
boyfriend playing a trick on you. And never never,
never, say "come on over, my parents are gone for the
weekend."

35.) While in a horror film,
never bathe,
especially when in the house alone.

36.) Self-sacrifice is a bad idea, as the person you saved
will usually die anyway.

37.) If you're not a main character, suicide is a quicker
and easier way out.

38.) Never enter a home that you've either heard a scream
from or there is no sign of life when there should be

39.) If you are a child, don't panic! Monsters only attack
overly horny teenagers. Children can NOT be killed in
a movie, but there are 3 things that can happen to you...
A.) possessed or absorbed
B.) you will kill someone and when you become a
horny teenager, you will get killed
and C.) if you do get killed, you will get your revenge somehow.
So cheer up!

40.) Your dog can take care of itself...

41.) So can your spouse...

42.) And your kids.

43.) When you have the benefit of numbers,
never pair off or go off alone.

44.) When your flashlight batteries die, and they will,
so will you.

45.) If the young girls of the neighborhood sing songs
about the town boogie man while jumping rope, consider moving.

46.) Never try to kill a monster the same way it was done
before. (This must cause something real, real bad
because no one ever tries it.)

47.) If you set the monster on fire, or he is set on fire,
he will not die but instead try and fight you while he
is on fire, or come back to kill your children in their
dreams.

48.) Turning around in general is a bad idea, as the monster
is usually waiting right there for you

49.) Carry weapons with you at all times, no matter what or
where you are going!

50.) Always use the buddy system. Also, make sure that your
buddy is slower, weaker, or dumber than you are.

51.) Never ever engage in any sexual activities

52.) If you have broken the above rule, never go out
of the room and leave your partner, you'll both
be dead within a few minutes.

53.) Never buy your kids a toy that talks back.

54.) Never watch a horror movie while you're in a
horror movie. You might give the psycho who is
about to kill you, an idea how to do so

55.) Falling asleep is a very bad idea.

56.) Pigs blood is not now, nor has it ever been, funny.

57.) Remember, the hot teenage babe you're having sex with
will eventually turn into either a vile demon or your
dead grandmother, so be quick and keep your eyes closed.
Or just enjoy it while you can because you'll get up
to get something, and die...and soon after she will too

58.) Never marry anyone named Michael, Jason, Freddy or Carrie
Just to be on the safe side...ya know;)

59.) If you're running from the monster, expect to trip
or fall down at least twice, more if you are female.
(Horror movie are sexist aren't they?...Then why do I
watch them?;) Also note that, although you are running
and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still
moving fast enough to catch up with you.

60.) If you have followed all these rules,
and you have survived the first horror movie you are in....
sorry to be the one to break the news to you but...
you will die in the next one!

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