Warning: They Will Blow your mind away......
One of the reason I keep reading, and reading Hitman again and again is that Garth Ennis does such a good job with the dialog, and the story. In ALL the issues of Hitman there are bits and moments that I like to read over and over. There are moments in the book that make you jump with joy, because this book is so damn cool... Quotes and sayings that we like to read aloud, wishing it was us that made them up....This section is dedicated to these moments....
Of course it's not possible for one common mortal to assemble all the bits of Ennis' Wisdom all in one go. So, if you think I missed a quote, or a saying, or I got something wrong, please e-mail me, saying the quote, or the moment I got wrong, or even suggesting one I left out. This section is "interactive" This means that your letters will not be unanswered.....
NOTE: Unfortunately, I have forgotten most of my Hitman comics back in Greece. I only have issues 4-8, 34, 35 and 1000000 with me right now. This means that most of these quotes are from memory, and I might have gotten them wrong somehow, or even forgot them. I also left out some issues I don't feel sure about. By the way, a big THANK YOU to all those who sent me quotes, your help is appreciated. I will upload them when I find the time. Again, If you think I missed a quote, or got it wrong E-mail me!!!!
Before we start... a quote from "Preacher", that I just HAD to include in here:
"Excuse me Miss...Just one question and I won't bother you again ma'am... is this your husbands's scrotum?"
On With the Quotes:
ISSUE #1
"My name is Tommy Monaghan, and I kill people for money....It's a living."
"It's way too easy to get superpowers these days...I should know!"
"You figure I skin these guys in poker with the telepathy and all, but I got ETHICS. And without ethics, where are you?"
(TOMMY seeing the BATMAN):"Now, Who are you?....Just Kidding"
"Gee, maybe I should keep this photo of the Joker. I might forget what he looks like!"
"I can't kill the Batman! He might be a psycho but he is not one of the bad guys!"
"Sean is like a father to me, I don't know how fathers are like, I never knew mine."
"Oprah can come, as long as she gets a magnum and a bodycount. Wednesday night is HITMEN ONLY!"
ISSUE #2
(TIEGEL to BATMAN): "Say please!"
(While shooting loonies at ARKHAM ASYLUM): "Do I feel bad about this? Do you feel bad when you flash the toilet?"
(TOMMY while coming face to face with Mr. CSASZ): "Saw the movie, thanks!"
ISSUE #3
KILLER CROC: "Heh, Heh! I like Seinfeld"
(After shooting the JOKER): "Was that the real one? Ooooops!"
(TOMMY to BATMAN): "I could finish this right now you know. I could read your mind and tell everyone who's behind that mask, or I could just blow your mind all over the pretty lady. BATMAN: "Why don't you?" TOMMY: "I guess you don't know me very well"
ISSUE #4
"It's all just a laugh, it's all a big adventure full of guns and jokes and crazies, and then my best friend dies and I lose a girl I really though I had a chance with.....If you are up there god, are you trying to tell me something?.... But he is really up there, the guy ain't sayin' jack"
(MOE DUBELZ after shooting one of his guards for asking to open a window): "ANYBODY ELSE SMELT ANYTHIN'?"
JOHNNY NAVARONE: "Are your guards dispensable?"
"I would like to check out the guy closely,but I was being carefull after the Arkham Fiasko....Plus he had breath like he gargled in urine..."
WENDY: "So why don't the shades come off?" TOMMY: "Ask no questions, hear no lies...."
WENDY:"Does the Love word scare you? TOMMY:(Thinking AAAAARGHHH!!!!): "No."
"Yeah, love scared me but not for the usual getting-too-heavy-time-I-was-gone-reason...It scared me 'cause it sounded great."
"I guess I am just not used to hearing the "love" word.---Yeah I really said that, if you listen close, you can hear violins in the background"
"Yeah, I am a nice guy. Only THIS nice guy had two automatics and a forty-four magnum stashed outside, in case you found 'em while you were tearing off his clothes"
NATT: "What are the shades for? Are you supposed to be some sort of Irish Terminator?"
ISSUE #5
NATT:(Seeing HACKEN'S "Desert Storm" shirt) Were you in the gulf war too man?" HACKEN: "Uhhh...No, I got this from the computer game."
NATT: "This mugger ain't swearing no more. I aint saying that, Tommy"
(Right before they shoot Nightfist):"For the dialog alone pal....You deserve this!"
ISSUE #6
JOHNNY NAVARONE: "Everywhere I go I run into the best hitman in the world. He's there in every town. Nobody screws with him, everybody's afraid of him, they all swear he's the best that ever lived: until I shoot him dead!"
JOHNNY NAVARONE:"I would never dream of callind myself the best...After all, why state the obvious?"
TOMMY to WENDY: "Told you what I did (an assasin)...day we met...? Thought I was Joking.....Wasn't."
WENDY: "You're awake, good! This means you can get out of my bed, my apartment, and my life...In that order!"
WENDY:"No you never lied to me! You turned me into a moron instead! Two months with me think I was in love with you! You freaking murdering bastard!!!"
NIGHTFIST:"Who did it? I KNOW YOU KNOW!!!!"
PAT NOONAN's last words: "I wanted to stand up for myself just the once...I wanted to be a tough guy..."
"Plan?We go up to the Dubelz place an' we kill an' kill an' kill an kill an' kill an' we don't stop until Johnny Navarone, Moe Dubelz, and each and every one of those worthless sons of bitches is dead.....That's the plan."
ISSUE #7
THUG:"Get more guys over there!!!" NATT:"I'd like that."
NATT:(Answer to the Chef's plead for mercy): "Mercy. Uh huh....Before we came here, my homie he's the dude gonna shoot your boss--He said smoke everyone we find here. Don't stop till all of you are dead. He ain't said word one since then, you know that?...So I ain't heard zip about mercy for the chef."
TOMMY's last words to JOHNNY NAVARONE:"We're all scum."
"Boom-Badda, Boom-Badda"
ISSUE #8
"My buddy Pat was in the Morgue, and my life had pretty much fallen apart. I was in the perfect mood for the end of the world."
SEAN NOONAN:"I had a grandstand seat for a massacre, I enjoyed it!"
HACKEN:"KILL THE CHICKENS AN' KILL THE CHICKENS AN'.....Oh thought we were just talking about killin'. Right...."
NATT:"Naw man, SHAFT! Death oughta look just like shaft!"
"That stuff they tell you about bullies bein' cowards, and all you gotta do is stand up to 'em? That's a bunch of crap."
ISSUE #9
"Ain't nobody here, but us killers."
"Feekle? As in Matter?"
SIXPACK:"I was fighting BANE and DARKSEID together, only because of a diabolical ray, they were two of each of the bastards. I fought like a tiger...and I woke up in the next morning in a pool of my own piss...again...damn, them two must have bladder disruptor abilities..."
ISSUE #10
"Sergeant, the only time the police comes in here is to hussle the locals, or pick up protection money. You keep on treating people like scum...Don't be too surprised who they make into heroes"
SIXPACK:"So I told him, take that DARKSEID. And I hit him in the head with a bottle of tequila!"
(Seeing GREEN LANTERN): "You gotta be kidding!"
ISSUE #11
"I am reading your mind pal. And believe me, it's a pretty fast read..."
"Gosh, that magic ring you have, what doesn't it do....It doesn't make you smarter"
GREEN LANTERN:(Responding to Tommy's request to buy him a round of beer) "I can't carry cash with this outfit, obviously." SIXPACK:"No wonder they won't let him in the Justice Club" SEAN:"Green Tighwad that's his name."
GREEN LANTERN:"I can't believe I am teaming up with a hired killer and a suspended cop." TIEGEL: "Hey, I don't believe there is a grown up man in tights in the back of my car, live with it."
SEAN:(Responding to G-man's threats): "This is MY bar mister. You don't come and talk to me like that!"
ISSUE #12
"Are you sure this tape thing is working? 'Cause I don't want to blackmail the goverment with Celine Dion."
"O.K. We got Green Lantern Backing us up, and it sounds so freakin' hysterical, I am gonna say it again, we got Green Lantern backing us up....which is fine for special effects, but I ain't putting my life in the hands of some Keanu looking goof with a magic ring."
ISSUE #13
"Relax, Sean is cool. And Sixpack just got through telling us how he spent the night with the Justice League fighting an army of Sacha Distelle clones"
SIXPACK:"Yeah, they were Hundreds of the bastards. The Flash crapped his pants."
ISSUE #14
HACKEN:"I GOT BIT! IT'LL INFECT ME, LIKE IN ALL THE MOVIES! I'M GONNA DIE AND RETURN AS A FREAKIN' ZOMBIE!"
HACKEN:(While shooting his cut hand)"I don't want it coming after me!"
HACKEN:(Before he finishes off a zombie dolphin) "You're TUNA!!!"
"This is sick man. We just smoked flipper."
"I am gonna mail all my pay to Greenpeace before I'm too sober to care!"
NATT:"You're crazy. I'm just stupid"
ISSUES 15-20
A special thanks to John for the quotes...
TOMMY (checking out the Catwoman):"Geez, it's at time like this you really wish you had X-Ray vision like they do in comics, huh? (Short Pause and nice visuals!) and let me just just for the record that I would crawl fifty miles over broken Pepsi bottles, just to clean her bathtub with my tongue..."
ETRIGAN:"Unhappy childhood Mawzir?"MAWZIR (While Kicking Tommy):"Bullied at school!"
SIXPACK:"Ya gots it risght buddy..nothin' ishgonna shtop return of Gothamsh grash Heroes..." (Yes, that IS the actual spelling!)
TOMMY:"Hey, Sean, we gotta leave a guy in the crapper for a couple of days..."SEAN:"Sure... Oh yeah, somebody's here to see you!"
FRIENDLY FIRE (Looking in disgust Buenno Excellente's fighting style:"What is he doing?"SIXPACK:"Buenno Excellente fights Evil with the power of perversion!"BUENNO EXCELLENTE:"BUENNO!!!"
SIXPACK:"OK boys, we're leaving, we are taking the back passage!"BUENNO EXCELLENTE:"Heheheheh...Buenno!"
TOMMY:"If there's a worst place to get caught in a gunfight with a demon from hell, I'd like to see it!"NATT:"A WHAT FROM WHERE?">TOMMY:"Tell you later..."
ISSUE #21
"You see these guys these chicks wearing tights and having secret identities. Ain't nobody gonna tell me nothing kinky is going on around here!"
NATT:"And Kinky's Bad?" TOMMY: "It is when you are dressing up as a freakning bat!"
(While hanging on a fire hose):"Uhhh, any superheroes around? Guy hanging off a building here, could use a rescue!"
TIEGEL:(After a shootout in which TOMMY Just took place, killing 5 mobsters and a mafia boss)"Ain't nobody living in this apartment?" TOMMY:"Definitely not."
ISSUES #22-34
My memory seems to be deceiving me in those. I can only remember these:
"What's wrong with strugling cats?"
"I will not be commanded by a dog"
Help me out guys!!!!!
HITMAN #35
(To SUPERMAN):"Man you are what's great about this country and you don't even know it!"
"Tell you the problem with America man....This COULD be the greatest place in the world, it really could! You have all these different people coming over here, all looking for a better life. But what do they do? They keep doing the stuff that got them into trouble in the first place. They all wanna be Irish, Greek, Cambodian or whatever, and they stick into all that, and everyone stays suspicious of everyone else, and for what?"
ISSUE #36
"You know what I just did? I just shot my daddy through the head."
"I can't believe there is no smoking on that thing! Seven hours...SEVEN FREAKIN' HOURS!!!"
"Come on Frances...I've never had a sister before" FRANCES:"Unlike Sean, eh?" (Refering to Sean's relationship with a nun)
HITMAN #1000000
"Beautiful assistant Natalie? I think I'm gonna throw up again!"
"One moment I am shooting the breeze after a hard day's slacking and next thing I know I am Buck freaking Rogers? Screw that!"
GUNFIRE:(who can turn anything anything he touches into a firearm) "OH NO! I TURNED MY ASS INTO A HAND GRENADE!!!!"
"What is it BLIND BASTARD?"
"Wait, you mean I am not the Human Torch? DAMMIT I' AM BURNING!!!!"
"One of these days I'm gonna get shot twice on the head when I am least expecting it, and then they're gonna throw my ass in a ditch. And you know what? As long as I did right by my buddies and didn't turn into a total dirtbag, I won't even care"
There you have it folks, my own collection of Quotes and moments from Hitman. Again, If you believe I got something wrong, or if I did something wrong e-mail me at:
And I will do my best to put your quotes on. If you want your name to be metioned as well, this can be arranged.
I am waiting for your responses.....
