Author: Chauni
Email: ChauniMaxwell@mechpilot.com
Website: www.oocities.org/asukalangley2nd/
Warnings: Shonen-ai indication, Hilde’s POV, Language, Angst
Disclaimer: Nope, don’t own the G-boys, and nope,
made no money off this…blah.
Pairings: 2+1, 2xH
Notes: Okay, I know this is weird, but bear with me here. This
is a weird cross of stuff and rather dark. Anyway, it’s from Hilde’s point of
view, as you might get after the breasts comment and the total adoration
towards Duo. I know she’s a strong woman and all, but I have a feeling she
would be doing this sort of thing if it came down to Duo needing somewhere to
go (I mean, come on, she’s so in love with him!). I try to have an inner conflict
going on, that need to be loved by him and her own sense of worth. So, tell me
what you think.
Our bed
is tainted with the heat of your curse. Is there any other way to say this? I
suppose not. He’s sleeping beside me now, exhausted, sweaty, spent, like he was
so many times before with you. But, in reality, he isn’t here with me. He’s in
the star speckled sky, arms linked with you, kissing you, loving you.
I hate
you, both of you, did you know that? I’m sure you did, but then again, perhaps
not. I’m sure you didn’t care about him once you were done, not shedding him
one simple thought. War buddies…expendable as soldiers and as lovers.
You disgust
me. I accepted him with open arms, as he always knew I would. He cried; in my
embrace, he wept, and I held him tightly, kissing the crown of his head while
those long tresses threatened to suffocate me. And he wept for hours. I thought
he was inhuman; no one could possibly have cried that much, but he did and I
was there for him.
I
took him in as a lover; damn him, he was someone I could never deny. Do you
want to know why I accepted him? Really? I am so fucking in love with him that
I would do anything lay my fingers against that vainly soft flesh of his, that
skin that you touched and stained months ago. I would humiliate myself to
breathe in the sweet smell of his sweat, to feel that honeyed thread of his
hair brushing against my breasts. Do you know why he’s here? He came to me to
forget; in my bed, for a few simple hours a week, he can forget you existed,
and it saves him.
In
a sense, I am his salvation. How ironic, considering he is damning me in the
process.
He walks
by that damn mansion of yours everyday; I catch him doing it. I want to spit on
him, kick him out and tell him to choose, but I never will. He acts like
nothing happens, so I do too. Anything for Duo…anything.
I’ve
begun to resent him, Duo that is. Somewhere, he lost his divinity, his
sacredness. He isn’t clean anymore, such a strange thing considering we are
talking about the self-proclaimed God of Death. However, even as dark as he
ever got, he always possessed some degree of innocence about him. You stole
that from him! I can see his haunted eyes; they are sunken and tragic, always
thinking of you, damnit! Because of you, he can’t open himself to anyone else…
He
can’t open himself to me.
This
is all your fault, you know, and I won’t forgive you!
Damn
you, Heero Yuy, and your precious little queen!
He’s
calling out my name now and I’ll go to him, like every other night, because I
love him and I lost myself somewhere down the line.
Yes,
Duo…I’m here. Forever here, because what am I, really? The martyr. Nail me,
Duo. Here are my hands and my feet, scarred and flawed already…nail me. Because
I am forever here and…
I’ll
help you forget…
Everything…
Just
hold me for a few hours…
And
make me forget my own damnation.