Author: Chauni

Website: www.oocities.org/asukalangley2nd/

Warnings: Uber amounts of angst, language, breakdowns, 1+2/2+1.

Notes: Okay, this is a tad odd. Halfway through this fic, I stopped listening to this song and turned to something…errr, um, hardcore. So, in the middle, you can tell when I started that trend ::smiles:: This time around, this is dedicated to both Roku (yes, my angsty angel twin, again) and Ryce-chan, who got me into this song and is one hell of a wonderful person. Thank you both for putting up with me ::smiles:: Enough babbling…On with the fic!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, it’s characters, the song “Eden” by Sarah Brightman, or pocky, currently, but you can send me some, if you want ^__^.

Eden

Oh, God help me now in my darkest hour, for my own weaknesses are here to consume me in the fire of Hell…and I shall not fight them…never again, shall I battle them.

Your lips tasted like wine this morning, Heero, wine without the life, wine that had been sitting out for an eternity, wine that had gone stale and pleasantly bitter. I wanted to kiss them once more, but it’s forbidden, I suppose. Fate has always battled against us, hasn’t it? Are we lucky to have known each other for one short period of our lives? I suppose to some we are, although, to many others, we are but a travesty to the world, to the human race.

I wonder if I’ll see you when I go home….

Did you ever think of me,
As your best friend.
Did I ever think of you,
I'm not complaining.

Do you remember that one night, when we were on that reconnaissance mission, and had to sleep in that forest? I took you to that hill and we laid down under the stars, hundreds of thousands that we had danced and fought and murdered through, and still we found the beauty in what was above us. Amazing, that even on that bloodstained battleground, there was still the untouched grace that was inhuman.

Your eyes were as dark as the sky and the shadows in the forest. The leaves swayed silently over us, and you were beautiful, not like a nymph, or an elf, but like how a wild stag is gorgeous in its strength and fluidity.

And for a moment, we were happy, the war forgotten, as we were just two friends, two companions of the soul, lying and admiring what God had given to us.

Pure contentment is way too fleeting, you know that?

I never tried to feel

This vibration

And, it was so weird, but that night, while I watched you stare up at the sky with this dazed and lost expression on your face, I didn’t fall in love with you. It wasn’t like some overpowering urge to hold you in my arms and take you on that soft carpet of emerald blades. It wasn’t some driving force that grasped hold of my entire being and split it open for you to revel in.

Nah, it wasn’t like that at all. It didn’t consume me in the fire of ages or devour my soul.

Or, if it was, I stabbed it away and never even realized it.

I never tried to reach

Your Eden

Even when your hand snaked across that grass to hold mine, to wrap it in the warmth of your calloused flesh, I felt nothing.

Of course, I didn’t understand why I blushed in the darkness of that night. I must have been getting sick. I’d see Sally the next day and have her check me out.

Your Eden. Your Eden.

I dreamt of you that night, an image of fire and death, like so many of my other nightmares. I suppose it came with the territory of being Shinigami; we’ll give you the power of death as long as you take these nightmares. Not a bad tradeoff, if I do say so myself.

But, within that battle, within the midst of those blazing explosions, of those endless voices crying to the heavens with death-cries and pleas for mercy, you emerged, walking out of the flames, as the fire parted for you like the sea parted for Moses. That was probably my favorite tale that Father Maxwell and Sister Helen told me; something about Moses always inspired me.

But, like usual, I’m rambling. So, there you stood as dragons of flame whipped around you, not scathing you in the least as they did magic dances around your flawless flesh. Behind you, wings were unfurled like the most intoxicating of lilies, each feather the color of pristine purity, and the flames reflected such shadows, such untainted beauty that all I wanted to do was cry.

But, I fought on, blowing away suits, lives, and increasing the causality rate with every second that passed, even as you stood among the dead, holding out a hand to me, a symbol of peace and love…

So, I turned toward you and down my scythe fell…

But I woke up before it could connect.

Maybe there are miracles.

Did I ever think of you,
As my enemy.
Did you ever think of me,
I'm complaining.

Heh. One of the most amusing memories I have is when I met you, but that story’s been told more times than I care to count. Let’s move to something new, shall we? Yeah, it’s a lot more interesting that way…

Do you remember, that one time during that battle at that base just south of Moscow, when I went hell-bent on a mission, as usual, and fell into complete shock when I found you already there? I don’t remember why I got so mad…oh, wait, yes I do! You bastard, you said I couldn’t handle the mission, and you came to bail me out! God, I was pissed! We were on the same side and you took this holier-than-thou attitude, as if you were the only one who could do anything remotely close to perfect out of our strangely knit group.

And, after I took out the Leos’, I whirled on you, screaming at the top of my lungs, screaming at myself, at you, at the world, at a God that didn’t give a damn anymore. My scythe went flying down, to be parried with your beam saber, while your own shocked words drifted through my disregarded radio.

“Duo? DUO! Calm down! Now!”

“Leave me alone! Fuck you! Fuck this war! Fuck everythin’ and everyone! No one cares, anymore, Heero! Can’t you see that?! No cares about me or you or anythin’ else!”

And again, I swiped my scythe; this time, catching the arm of Wing and watching the sparks fly like the little cheap fireworks you can get at corner party stores. Next thing I knew, I was staring down the endless black hole of a Buster Rifle while your wide cerulean eyes filled my screen.

“I care about you, Duo,” you whispered so softly I couldn’t hear the words, but instead read your lips on my screen, all the while, the gun’s energy gathering. “But I must survive for the colonies, at whatever cost.”

Panting, my chest heaving like I had just run three miles at a top sprint, I collapsed against my harness, grunting. “Yeah, for the colonies. So, let’s plod on like cattle and do what we can, ‘cause then, it’s the closer to the end, right? To that field that never ends and stretches for eternity, right, ‘cause that’s what it is. Eternity!” And my laughter filled the small cockpit like my frantic breathing, bouncing off the tight metal walls and earless sensors, and your eyes…they never stopped staring, did they?

But, I didn’t care, not while I was wrapped within my own lunatic fringe.

I never tried to feel.
I never tried to feel.
This vibration.

Nothing mattered anymore while I was insane, while I flipped and tottered on the edge of something so beautiful and enticing as the swirling colors of madness. It really was almost like a rollercoaster as I gazed along the psychedelic colors of a world that just faded away with time, like the comedown from a heavy drug.

And, while I battled against my demons, locked within the recesses of my mind during a bout of fights against such evil teeth, you held me close to your chest, rocking me softly back and forth, and it was so soothing, like what I would imagine a mother to feel like. Not that I would know or anything…

And that entire consoling time, when you were holding me in my bed for several weeks on end, as I lay within the cold confines of some nervous breakdown, I never tried to understand why you were whispering words of love in my ear. Heh. Lies, lies like what everyone has told me. God will protect you, good will triumph, you are never alone…LIES!

“Shhh, Duo, I’m right here, and I won’t leave you, I promise…”

But you lied too, didn’t you? I always knew you would…

I never tried to reach.
I never tried to reach.
Your Eden.

So, I didn’t try; not then, not as I lay within the confines of the heat of your body because I couldn’t take any more disappointments. I couldn’t take another letdown, not now, as I was screaming and in a realm that was as real as a mirage, one that encompassed my whole outlook on life.

But, you stayed? Why…why? Your damn mission? The fucking colonies that abandoned us? The Earth? It’s all a joke, you know, and they laugh at us when our back is turned. How can you put so much faith into a bunch of scientists? How can’t you question their motives? How can you follow so fucking blindly?!

I could dimly hear your laptop ringing with messages in some other dimension…but that didn’t matter, ‘cause you never left my side. Not until I was all right again, not ‘til I was sane.

Your Eden. Your Eden.

So, I finally let you in, finally tasted the paradise you offered and lapped at the isles that ran rampant through your Eden. I ate from the trees of passion and drank of seas of fire, and it was Heaven on earth, brought under the dark cloak of endless nights and distant days.

So many people would not have believed me if I told them that you, Mr. Cold-and-Calloused himself, came to me with your emotions bared first, and that I, Mr. Impulsive-and-Jester had said no. But, you wore down my walls, broke through my masks and showed me the beauty of the world within the smallest bit of dust. You were my universe and my blade of grass and everything in between.

I never tried to feel.
I never tried to ...
Your Eden.

And, now, I’m standing on this cliff, overlooking the crashing white-capped waves hundreds of feet beneath, my breath falling into the hypnotic beat of their kiss. It was hard to slip away from everyone, especially Quatre, but I did, all because I needed to see you one last time.

They tried to make you look pretty today, but I think it was just a mockery at life, throwing on a false mask of rouge and blush to give an illusion. I didn’t need an illusion though, not after I kissed your lips, and ate the soft, pliant mouth with a desperation.

You were a glass doll, lying among satin pillows and cool mahogany. I had to give then guys this, they did a good job; I couldn’t even see the damage inflicted by your final battle. You went out the way you always told me you wanted to, caught in the heat of a fight with adrenaline coursing through your veins and my face on your view screen.

You better keep your promise. You better be waiting for me at the gates of Eden.

And now, on invisible wings of wind, I’m falling to kiss the sea, and seek you out in its depths…

I’m coming home.

Eden

The End