Author: Chauni

Website: www.oocities.org/asukalangley2nd/

Warnings: OOC, Comedy

Disclaimer: Nope, I don’t own Gundam Wing or the characters. I made no money off this, so please don’t sue me, I am but a poor college girl.

Four Gundam Pile-Up

Alaska roads are not very pleasant during the wonderful winter months, but their fields are even worse. Salt trucks and snowplows don’t acknowledge those long, wide expanses of land, and with good reason. Seriously, what fool would be driving over those?

Well, on this blizzardy day of January 24, AC 195, there were four fools traveling down those fields, and of course, they weren’t in your average car.

“Why they HELL did OZ put a base out here?” Duo screamed, narrowing his eyes in hopes of better vision. Of course, that didn’t help; things like that never do. He could barely make out Sandrock about forty feet ahead of him, but it was nothing more than a silvery outline amongst a sea of blinding snow. “I mean, come ON! Alaska? They must have had a few too many that night!”

“Quit complaining, Maxwell,” Wufei growled, his voice even and cold as it floated through the radio. His face appeared on the screen, eyes narrowed and glittering. “I don’t know why Yuy sent you, rather than coming himself. Sure would have made this trip more peaceful.”

“The base is probably not heavily occupied, so it will be easy to take out,” Quatre happily chimed in. “Hopefully, it won’t take us longer than an hour to do what we have to do and be on our way!”

“We can hope,” Trowa muttered, watching as the slow-moving Sandrock was swallowed by snow. He noticed the unsteady steps the Gundam was making, noticed the hesitation in the boy’s voice. The snow and ice were getting to the desert child, making him uncertain of everything around him.

“Well, we’d get done a lot faster if you’d hurry up, Quatre,” Duo barked. “Not that I don’t like sightseeing and all, but I’m getting sick of all this white.”

“Um, sure,” the blonde boy muttered, picking up his pace.

Duo sighed after several more minutes, then growled into his radio, “Let the God of Death lead, Q-man! I can move faster than you!” With that, he darted in front of Sandrock, thoroughly and completely cutting him off.

Sandrock lost its balance by the sudden movement and slipped forward, tumbling to the ground in a mess of metal and limbs, snow billowing upwards like feathers. On his descent, he grabbed Deathscythe’s leg for balance, but only succeeded in taking the other Gundam down. Entangled and helpless, the two boys watched in slow motion horror as the other two Gundams came steadily closer, and not by their own accord.

Shenlong never had a chance as he attempted to skid to a stop, the bastardly ice claiming yet another victim. Screaming inside the metal walls, the Chinese boy threw curses as his Mobile Suit landed atop those that had already fallen. The sound of screeching gundamanium filled the field, deafening all those within earshot. Thank God, they were in Alaska, where no one was EVER within earshot.

Heavyarms was the last to fall, the giant foot of his mech latching onto Deathscythe’s and toppling downward, crushing poor Sandrock even more. He was fortunate to get his arm to support him halfway, but even so, they knew it would be at least an hour before they moved.

“And so, to repeat the breaking story, there was a four Gundam pile-up in the snowy fields of Alaska this evening. Police arrived on the scene within a half-hour, but were promptly ignored. No OZ forces made an appearance, but it is presumed that the Alaskan Tundra Base some hundred and twenty miles off was currently unoccupied, like usual. The Gundams are-”

“Hi, honey,” muttered Duo as he stumbled into the house. “We’re home.”

“The mission was a failure,” Heero growled, throwing glares as the four pilots clamored through the door.

“You don’t have to rub it in!” the braided boy shot back. “Maybe if Quatre would learn how to drive in the snow, this wouldn’t happen!”

“Hush, Duo,” Trowa said calmly. “Remember, Quatre is Arabic. Snow is NOT frequent in his life.”

Mumbling, the Deathscythe pilot pouted and rolled his eyes. “Ooohh! He’s Arabic! Like that’s some excuse as to why he hasn’t ever seen snow!”

“Let me guess,” Heero growled evenly, staring at the braided boy. “You were tail-gating again, weren’t you?”

“I-uh-” Duo stammered. “I left twenty feet between us!”

“I told you that you have to leave at least one Gundam length between you and the Mobile Suit in front of you, unless in combat,” the Japanese boy scolded. “And you were going too fast, weren’t you?”

“I was going as fast as I should have been!” Duo shot back. “I was going the speed limit!”

“But were you going the speed limit for the weather conditions?” Heero asked, raising a dark eyebrow.

“Y-Yeah!” Duo sheepishly answered.

“Liar!” Wufei screamed out, eyes shooting atom bombs at his braided companion. “You cut off Winner!”

Heero looked over to the angry blonde boy, figuring Wufei was correct, but asking for the sake of argument. “Did he, Quatre?”

“Yes,” the boy answered, glaring.

Sighing, Heero walked to the table, retrieving a small booklet and tossing it Duo. The God of Death glanced at it, eyebrows arching. “‘What Every New Gundam Pilot Should Know Before Driving’? You’re making me reread the drivers manual?!”

Heero nodded solemnly. “Yes, and there will be a test on it next week. If you don’t pass, I’ll be revoking your license.”

“NOOOOO!” Duo screamed, slumping to the ground. This just wasn’t fair! It wasn’t HIS fault after all!

Damn Alaska! He would be making sure he blew it up next week…

After he took the test!

The End