Author: Chauni

 

Email: ChauniMaxwell@mechpilot.com

 

Website: www.oocities.org/asukalangley2nd/

 

Warnings: Comedy, Relena bashing, Yaoi, Sap

 

Pairings: R+1, 1x2, 3x4

 

Disclaimer: I don’t own the Gundam Wing characters or the song, “You Don’t Love Me Anymore” by Weird Al Yankovic.

 

Notes: My best friend was singing this song and well, I just had to write this story. I’ll warn you now, don’t read this if you’re a Relena fan, please, for your own health. I think it was the “I still remember the way you laughed when you pushed me down that elevator shaft” that got me to do this. I can just picture his laughter right now….

 

 

You Don’t Love Me Anymore!

 

 

We’ve been together for so very long

But now things are changing, oh I wonder what’s wrong?

 

            Relena Peacecraft allowed herself one quick look across the immense dinner table, noting the blank face that Heero normally wore. She sighed, inwardly, brushing a lock of bronze hair away from her shoulder.

            It’s been three weeks since that blasted war, she thought as she watched him push the food, a piece of under-cooked chicken and baked potato, around his porcelain plate with a polished, gleaming fork. I was hoping he would have opened up some at least. Oh, Heero, can’t you see that I’m here for you?

            As the young woman began to pick at her food, delicately devouring it like a dignified lady should, she didn’t witness the wild gleam in the frigid cobalt eyes across from her, and missed the familiar smile that crossed his tight lips.

 

Seems you don’t want me around

The passion is gone and the flames died down

 

            Aside from her lithe form, her bed was cold and empty as she laid strewn across blankets and sheets. A letter, perfectly folded, sat on the night table, mocking her. She glanced at it, and even in the fading light, she could read it.

 

            Relena,

                        I have no intention on returning to the bed we shared.

                        It is over. Tomorrow, I will be gone. Do not come to find me.

                                    Heero

 

            She chuckled in the darkness. Oh, he was playing hard to get, just like during the war. That whole “Do not come to find me” thing was just reverse psychology! Well, just like before, she would play that game, and just like before, she would win. Heero was her darling little prince, anyway.

 

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem

That time that you made it with the whole hockey team

 

            A month had gone by, and what a lonely month that was for Ms. Relena Peacecraft. All her informants, contacts, and helpers were scouring the earth for Mr. Hard-To-Get Yuy, and all had come back empty handed.

            She sighed as she plopped down in a high-backed chair in her library, staring out the immense window that overlooked her courtyard. “Oh, Heero, I do hope you are enjoying yourself, because I will find you. Nothing shall ever stop me, not continents, not mi-”

            “Miss Relena,” Pagan poked his head through the door, yellow manila envelope in hand. “This came for you, Miss Relena.”

            She vaulted up, bolting to him in the blink of an eye. Ripping the envelope from his wrinkled hands, she tore it open, face lighting up like the sun. She pulled out a letter, impersonally typed, and read the name at the bottom.

            “It’s from Heero!” she yelled, jumping up and down. “I knew he loved me! I knew he could not live without me!”

            Eagerly, she began to read.”

 

            Relena,

 

          Perhaps you didn’t understand

          that last letter I left for you.

          I do not want to be found. Leave

          me alone, forever.

 

                   Heero

 

            Furrowing her eyebrows, she shook the envelope, watching as a photograph came floating out and resting, face up, on the elegantly carpeted floor. Heero, clad in nothing whatsoever, laid in the middle of countless human limbs, entangled as the tongue of Duo licked one tight nipple with Trowa on the other, both as clothes-less as the Japanese boy. Quatre, equally as naked, held his head in his lap, leaning in to kiss his lips while Wufei, the only one wearing any sort of garments and who looked ready to sprout a nosebleed, just leaned in close to the mass of flesh. And Heero…he was actually smiling, almost drunkenly, but smiling nonetheless.

            “It’s an OZ doctored photo,” she confirmed, reaching down and tearing it up. “I know that because Heero never smiled like that for me.” Her cloudy blue eyes suddenly widened, face paling. “This may mean that Heero is in danger! Hurry and increase your efforts tenfold! We need to find him before it’s too late!”

 

You used to think I was nice

Now you tell all your friends that I’m the Antichrist

 

            “So, Yuy, are you going to tell us why you had us pose for that utterly immoral picture already?” Wufei inquired, watching as everyone grabbed their clothes. It had taken them three hours just to convince the Chinese pilot to be in the picture, but in the end, he had still refused to take off his attire in fear of a nosebleed, which he had developed anyway.

            “I’m sending it to Relena,” Heero impassively stated while pulling on his customary pair of spandex.

            “What?” the Chinese pilot screamed, the nosebleed starting once again. “How dare you bring me into your twisted sexual fantasies, Yuy!”

            “It’s not like that,” explained Quatre, throwing on his vest. “She won’t leave him alone and he needed something to deter her was all.”

            “She didn’t get the message the first time,” Trowa added.

            Duo brushed his braid over his shoulder, looking at Heero. “I told you never to go to her, but did you listen? Nooooo! I told you she was nothing but a dense leech that would never let you go once she got her claws into you, but you know, I’m never right, now am I? You know, I have the right mind to-”     

            “Shut up, baka,” the Japanese pilot calmly ordered, then leaned in and kissed him to enforce his command.

            Wufei, looking slightly unsettled, left the room, leaving the couple to do what they will. Quatre and Trowa followed him, just to be sure he didn’t lose consciousness due to a case of severe blood loss. It had been quite an…invigorating day, after all.

 

Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes on my car?

That kind of this is hard to ignore

Got a funny feeling you don’t love me anymore

 

            “Miss Relena!” Pagan yelled, running to the door and the girl’s aid as she hobbled in. He swept one arm under her, steadying and leading her to the couch.

            Her face was covered in dirt, black as night, while her hair, usually so neat and kept, lay in rough tangles about her shaking shoulders. Blood, scarlet as a sunset, ran down one arm and from the gash across on a dirt-streaked cheek, and her clothes lay in tatters around her slightly trembling frame.

            “It seems as though something happened with the limo,” she whispered, eyes still wide and in shock. “It went out of control; the driver was screaming something about brakes, I do believe.”

            “Oh, Miss Relena,” he said, handing her a dampened towel to wash her face. “Are you all right? Do you need to go to the hospital?”

            “No thank you Pagan,” she answered, wiping away the dirt from her cheeks. “And I was finally going to see Heero today, too!”

 

I knew that we were having problems when

You put those piranhas in my bathtub again

 

            “So, the brake thing didn’t work, huh?” Duo asked, absentmindedly playing with the tip of his chestnut plait.

            “Trowa shook his head, wild hair swinging. “I saw her walk away from the wreck and go home, which was rather amazing considering the condition the car was in.”

            “That girl just cannot take a hint!” Duo growled, pouting slightly. “Well, at least we got her off our asses for awhile. Did you guys know she was coming here today?”

            “Damn,” Wufei snarled. “We have to get rid of that annoying onna and fast!”

            “We’re all trained assassins and terrorists!” the American added. “How hard can it be to get rid of one girl?”

            “I have an idea,” Heero said, voice even.

            Duo put his head into his hand, exasperated. “For the tenth time, Heero, we aren’t putting man-eating fish in her swimming pool!”

            “That would hardly constitute a ‘freak accident’,” Quatre chimed in.

            The Japanese pilot frowned. “But you have to admit, it would be fun to watch.”

 

You’re still the light of my life

Oh, darling, I’m begging

Won’t you put down that knife?

 

            Finally, I’m here!

            Relena jumped out of the cab, hair swinging in the breeze. The house, simple, common, white, beckoned and begged her to come closer. Smiling, she hopped her way up the stairs and onto the porch, lightly knocking on the door.

            The door creaked open, slowly, noisily. She was met with the waned, strained face of the blonde boy. Oh, what was his name again? Oh, yes, Quatre!

            “Hello!” she greeted, happily. “Is Heero here? I need to speak with him, please.”

            She heard a struggle in the background, caught a glimpse of flailing limbs, and a gleam of silver. A crash resounded as a lamp or vase, she wasn’t sure, shattered against the floor.

            “Um, he’s not here right now, Relena, but I’ll make sure to tell him you stopped by,” Quatre quickly said. “Thank you and have a nice day!”

            As the door was hastily slammed shut in her face, she could have sworn someone, most likely that braided boy by the rambunctious sound in his voice, was saying, “Put down that knife, Heero! Not during broad daylight, Heero! Too obvious! Too damn obvious!”

 

You know, I even think it’s kinda cute the way

You poison my coffee just a little each day

 

            “All right, so now what?” Quatre asked, slumping down in a nearby recliner, Trowa coming to hover over him as usual.

            Heero shook his head, slamming his knife onto the table. “I could have killed her then.”

            “I said, not in broad daylight when everyone knew she was here!” Duo yelled, taking a seat at the Japanese boy’s feet.

            “A good idea coming from Duo!” Wufei exclaimed, peering outside for the arrival of the fated Four Horsemen. “This is truly a memorable day!”

            The braided boy said nothing as he stuck his tongue out at the Chinese boy. After a moment of useless tongue taunting, he turned his attention back to the matter at hand. “We could try poisoning her!” he offered.

            “Two decent ideas in one day!” Heero said, somewhat shocked.

            “What is this world coming to?” Quatre threw in, smiling. “So, how do we go about doing it?”

            Heero grinned, something foreign and wicked. “Leave that to me.”

 

 

 

            “Pagan, does this taste funny to you?” Relena asked, scrunching her nose slightly after she took a dainty sip from her glass of milk.

            “It is most likely outdated, Miss Relena,” the elderly servant replied, taking her plate and glass away. “In fact, if I am not mistaken, it was dated for yesterday. I’ll take these away; I think the food was cooked with that tainted milk as well.”

 

 

 

 

            “So, did you do it, Hee-chan?” Duo eagerly asked. His braid swung back and forth as he jumped up and down like a child on Christmas morning.

            “Yes,” he answered as he grabbed the tempting plait and dragged him down the street, attempting to look inconspicuous. “She should be taking a bite of her poisoned food any minute now…”

 

I still remember the way that you laughed

When you pushed me down that elevator shaft

 

            “That damn girl is as indestructible as you, Heero!” Duo screamed when he saw the Peacecraft walking through the crowded mall.

            “Hn.” The Japanese boy shoved his hands into his pockets, watching with slit cobalt eyes as she walked into a men’s clothing store which carried only the most elegant, dignified articles for your special darling little prince.

            The two boys waited impatiently for the girl to emerge from the store and were rewarded a half-hour later. She hummed as she walked past an out-of-service elevator, the doors wide open but cautioned off by thin yellow tape.

            Heero said nothing as he “accidentally” pushed the girl, sending her flailing. She screamed as she fell against the tape, it snapping beneath her weight and sending her spilling over the edge in a tangle of hair, shopping bags, and men’s sweaters, vests, and khakis.

            “Mission accomplished,” Heero grunted, walking leisurely away. Duo hurried next to him, listening as the Japanese began his destructive laugh, that throaty cackle that usually erupted after something exploded.

            After five grueling minutes of climbing, Relena crawled onto the mall floor, panting. How rude to push a lady like that! I swear, I could have been killed! Thank God for the elevator car to be only one floor beneath this one! she thought, silently thanking whatever deity ruled above. I lost all of Heero’s new clothes, though! Oh, whatever shall I do?

 

Oh, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s this poisonous cobra

Doing in my underwear drawer?

Sometimes I get to thinking you don’t love me anymore

 

            Relena hummed as she walked into her room, huddled deep into her lush pink flannel robe. Hair, wet from her recent bathing excursion, was wadded up into a turban formation under a towel resting atop her head.

            She padded across the floor, her feet sinking delightfully into the soft shag carpet. She stopped before her tall wooden dresser, yanking open her top drawer. With familiar hands, she pulled away at socks and bras, digging for a decent pair of panties.

            I’m going to see Heero today, and he will be coming home with me, she distantly thought. I need something revealing and enticing, yet not promiscuous.

            Her fingers brushed across something cold and unfamiliar. I don’t remember owning anything snakeskin…

 

 

           

            “You did what?!” Quatre yelled, sea-green eyes wide in shock.

            “I told you,” Heero replied, indifferent. In his hand he held the pride and joy of his koi, tugging on it lightly. “I left a cobra in her room, specifically in her dresser.”

            “He’s so inventive!” Duo mockingly cooed, nuzzling the other boy’s shoulder.

            “Don’t you think that may be a bit obvious?” Trowa inquired, raising a hidden eyebrow.

            “To Hell with the obvious!” Duo yelled, smiling. “All I care about is getting her the hell away from us!”

 

 

 

 

            “Don’t worry, Miss Relena,” one of her servants reassured. “We got rid of the snake. Such a weird thing, as well. I didn’t think we had King Cobra’s around these parts.”

            Relena nodded, sighing. “Oh well. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. The panties to go see my Heero in….”

 

You slammed my face down on the barbeque grill

Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will

 

            “Tell me again why we accepted the stupid onna’s invitation to her barbeque,” Wufei growled, sinking his teeth into a piece of seasoned chicken.

            “The food, Wu-man!” Duo answered, tearing meat savagely from a white bone.

            “Don’t listen to him, Wufei,” replied Quatre, nibbling on a carrot.

            “Heero said he would show us soon enough, “Trowa monotonously added.

            All eyes turned towards the massive stone grill, which was currently being manned by none other than the host of the party, Relena Peacecraft. She flipped a hamburger, the flames eating greedily at the grease that dribbled off, humming all the while.

            However, the pleasant hums erupted into screams as Heero walked past, hooking one leg under her ankle and pulling it out from under her. She went sailing, face first, into the scalding metal bars.

            “Man, that’s gotta hurt!” Duo muttered, tearing apart more meat with his gleaming white teeth.

 

 

 

 

            “Don’t worry, Miss Peacecraft,” Dr. Phelpsian said, walking around her smiling. “It’s nothing a little plastic surgery won’t fix.”

 

You set my house on fire

You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers

 

            Relena sighed, relaxing with her eyes closed as she returned home in the back of a cab. It had been a week in the hospital, but the trusty doctor had assured her that she would be good as new in a few more days with absolutely no scarring.

            My poor Heero, she thought. He must feel horrible about this accident. I will have to call him as soon as I get home and reassure him that I am all right and not angry with him. What strange luck I have been having lately!

            “Oh. My. God.”

            Relena cracked open one eye, a glimmer of blue catching the sunlight. “What’s wrong?” she murmured. Her eyes sprang suddenly open as she lunged forward in the seat, shrieking.

            “My beautiful house,” she whispered, her entire face numb. Her eyes ran over the wreckage, the blackened splinters of wood and charred masses of rubble. Nothing was left. Nothing.

 

 

 

            Heero leapt out of Wing Zero’s cockpit, landing gracefully to his feet. “Maybe that will make her realize what I’ve been saying all along.”

            The Japanese boy said nothing else as he hopped into a nearby parked car, skillfully breaking into it and starting it up, keyless. With the wind blowing through his dark hair, he almost felt like smiling the entire way home.

            When he reached his current place of residence, he slipped into the house, all the while planning on grabbing his braided baka for a celebratory romp between the sheets. His hopes were quickly snuffed out as he was met with the grim face of Quatre shoving a phone at him.

            “It’s Miss Relena,” the blonde boy explained. “She wants to know if she can stay here with you until her house gets fixed.”

 

Oh, you think I’m ugly and you say I’m cheap

You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep

 

            “What part of ‘Leave me alone’ did you not understand?” Heero snarled into the phone.

            Relena giggled, her voice high and flighty. “I know you are just playing a game, Heero. You don’t really want me to leave you alone, just like before.”

            Duo, who sat on the couch, watched the one-sided conversation with a sort of sadist’s glee. Heero’s face was turning a shade of red that Duo only associated with when the Japanese boy was about to explode. Himself. Not something else.

            “Do not contact me again,” he said.

            “Oh, I see!” she replied, her voice almost a squeal. “You want me to prove my strength to you. You want to see how strong I am, don’t you, Heero?”

            “No, I want you to le-”

            “Oh, Heero!” she exclaimed, words pouring out faster. “I will show you just how strong I can be! I promise!” With those final words, the line went dead, leaving an ominous vacuum noise whistling in his ears.

            “Now what?” Trowa asked as he watched the boy set the phone on the hook.

            “I will end this, once and for all,” Heero vowed.

            Duo hopped to his feet eyes glittering. “Oh, please, please, please, please, Heero! Can I have some fun first?”

 

 

 

            Blue eyes fluttered open, sunlight nearly forcing them shut once more as it mercilessly fell across the motel room. Quietly, she rolled out of the rented bed, grimacing as her back pained her from the very used mattress, feet groggily carrying her to the dank bathroom. A fumbling, sleep-laden hand ran over the light switch, clumsily turning it on. The artificial radiance was as relentless as the real one, this time thoroughly robbing her of all sight.

            With balled up fists, Relena rubbed her eyes, then looked in the mirror. She blinked once, twice, three times, mouth slightly hanging open. A shaking hand made its way to her face, and then ran along the now hideously forked eyebrows.

            “I-I look like D-D-Dorothy,” she whispered. “NOOOO!”

 

You drilled a hole in my head

Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead

 

            “Omae o korosu.”

            The words were hissed, barely audiable even in the silence of the night-licked room. Relena slept on, ignorant to the unyielding black metal that rested against her temple, ready to end her life at the whim of the holder. Heero chuckled to himself, noting the fine job Duo did on her eyebrows.

            He stared at the scene, growing more and more enraged by the minute. The rest of his life spanned out before him, happy, peaceful, quiet…well, as quiet as you could get with Duo anyway. It would be all he had ever wanted, and all he had to do was pull the trigger.

            Something so simple, so easy. He had done it countless times during the war, and even though the battle was over, he would live his life being the “Perfect Soldier” he had been trained to be. It was all he had ever known, all he would ever know.

            Pull the damn trigger!

            The sleeping form suddenly hopped from the bed, sliding her arms in a death grip around his startled neck. “I knew you would come for me, Heero!” she yelled into his ear, happily.

            On instinct more than anything else, he pulled that blasted trigger, the loud roar of the gun muffled by the silencer on the end of it. Relena flew back, a shower of crimson falling her wake. Heero turned and walked out, not looking back once, whispering to himself.

            “Mission accomplished.”

            The door shut behind him, a quiet click in the heavy silence.

            Relena moaned on the bloodstained bed, hand slowly drifting up to her wound. “You shot me in the shoulder, Heero,” she hissed. “I knew you couldn’t kill me! This is just another test to show you how strong I am, and I passed with flying colors!” In the darkness, she smiled.

 

Oh, you know this really isn’t like you at all

You never acted this way before

 

            Heero slumped down in the recliner, relaxing in the comfort of his home. Duo sat at his feet, head resting in the other boy’s lap, grinning as the long, skilled fingers ran through his unbound chestnut tresses. For sake of interrupting the unusual quiet, Heero grabbed the nearby remote control and flicked the television on.

            “And in other news,” a young female reporter stated, obviously reading from a teleprompter somewhere off screen, “Former Queen of the World, Relena Peacecraft, was shot earlier this morning in a hotel room she was staying at after the destruction of her home in the Sanq kingdom.”

            Heero smiled, breathing a small sigh of relief.

            “Sources inform us, however, that she is fine, receiving only a mild shoulder wound and is now out of the hospital. She has yet to release an official stat-”

            “Hey! What did you do that for?” Duo yelled, sitting up and glaring at his partner.

            Heero’s face was awash with rage and shock, his normally cold cobalt eyes alive with unusual emotion. “She’s dead! Damnit! I saw her die!”

            Duo crawled to his now mangled television, pouting as he picked the remote out from the shards of the shattered screen. “You know, you really have to learn to control your temper!” Duo reprimanded. “You broke the T.V.! Now, how am I going to watch my anime?”

            “Damnit! I shot her!” Heero yelled, ignoring the American. “She’s dead!”

            “You missed,” Duo replied, shrugging and playing with the remote, as if the television would magically work without a screen. “So, you’re not the perfect soldier after all.”

            “I don’t miss,” the Japanese boy growled. “I didn’t…I didn’t fail!”

            Duo, finally finished with the remote and accepting the death of his television, sighed. “I think I might know a war to end this, and it doesn’t involve killing her, which is good ‘cause she’s as impossible to kill as you!”

 

Honey, something tells me you don’t love me anymore

Oh no no

Got a funny feeling you don’t love me anymore

 

            “Are you sure you want to go through with this?” Duo asked, amethyst eyes soft and confident.

            Heero matched the gaze and nodded, face impassive. “Do you think she will show up?”

            “You were the one that called her, weren’t you?” he threw back, smiling. “She would do anything for her little prince!” He reached over and began pinching his koi’s cheeks, but abruptly ceased when he was staring down the barrel of a gun.

            “You brought your weapon with you here?” Quatre gasped behind him.

            “I bring it with me everywhere,” Heero replied, returning it to the waistband of his pants.

            “A soldier to the end, Yuy?” Wufei inquired, raising an eyebrow.

            At least he’s not a soldier in the bedroom,” Duo murmured, shuddering at the thought of stoic, missionary, boring sex with his lover.

            “Is she here yet?” Trowa questioned, one visible emerald eye roaming.

            “She will be soon enough,” Quatre replied. “Let’s get going you two!”

 

 

 

            Relena straightened her white dress, smoothing the ruffles that fell in front of her like an old southern ball gown. She looked into her compact one last time, brushing a few stray hairs from her face. Taking one deep breath, she opened the door.

            He had called the day before, requesting her presence at this quaint little church in the country. He had asked her to dress nicely and expect something big. He had sounded so urgent, so serious, that she had cancelled all her appointments and eagerly awaited the big day.

            I passed his test and he’s going to marry me! she thought, taking a step inside the darkened House of God. We are finally going to be married! We’ll live in my house, of course, and have five children, no, six, three boys and three girls! Life will be perfect!  

            She made her way past the lobby and to the chapel, noting with mild confusion that someone was already talking, and from the sounds, it was a wedding. Upon entering, she blinked, rubbed her eyes, and blinked once more.

            “What’s going on?” she shrieked.

            Duo turned around, smiling. The black tuxedo accented all his assets, making him appear almost divine. His braid ran down his back like a serpent, beautifully, perfectly plaited with a cobalt ribbon tying it off at the end. “Isn’t it obvious?” he asked in return, lavender eyes sparkling with joy. “A wedding of course!”

            Her eyes sought out the Japanese boy, tear trickling down her cheeks. “H-H-Heero?”

            The boy turned and looked at her, azure eyes flashing in a dead fire.  His own black tuxedo made him appear older, stronger, more sophisticated. “I told you, Relena.”

            “But I thought that-” she tried. “I thought that you wanted to marry me!”

            “You thought wrong, onna!” growled Wufei, standing to the side of them, a white ceremonial robe covering his body. He flashed her a haughty look, then tossed his head.

            “How can you all allow them to do such a foolish thing?” she screamed.

            “I’m sorry, Miss Relena,” Quatre said, his own white tuxedo making him look regal; he was always the diplomat, always the peacemaker. Trowa stood to the left of him, black suit covering his body.  “Feel free to join us, if you’d like, that is.”

            The girl fell to her knees in the center of the aisle, tears leaving black streaks like war paint down her cheeks. Her dress fell about her in a pool of white lace and bows.

            The priest, and elderly man, looked at the bible held in his hand, then back up at the couple before him. “Do you, Duo Maxwell, take Heero Yuy to be-”

            “Yes! Of course I do!” burst in the braided boy. “I wouldn’t be here otherwise! Come on! Hurry up! I have an entire honeymoon to plan, although it’s not like we’ll leave the hotel room.”

            The priest, obviously embarrassed by the brazen words, turned to Heero in hopes of some sentiment of love. “And do you, Heero Yuy, take thi-”

            “I do,” Heero interrupted mechanically.

            “NO!” Relena screamed from the pile of white dress. “I will not allow this! I forbid it!”

            “Quiet, onna!” Wufei yelled, whirling around. “It is not your place to ‘allow’ anything here! This is their wedding, not yours!”

            “Then, by the power invested in me, by God and the state, I now pronounce you partners for life!” the priest announced, shaky voice carrying well throughout the chapel. “You may now kiss each other!”

            Heero and Duo hungrily leapt at one another, lips devouring whatever they could touch. Their arms encircled their bodies, pulling them closer than seemed possible. Wufei looked away in attempts to avoid a nosebleed while Trowa and Quatre sought each other’s eyes and smiles.

            Hand in hand, Heero and Duo walked down the aisle, towards the door and new life together. Behind them, the rest of the boys followed, pelting them with enough rice to feed all of China. When passing by the weeping, mewling girl, Heero looked down at her with nothing but contempt while Duo stuck his tongue out.

            “NOOOO!” she screamed.

 

 

 

            “So, that guy was a friend of yours?” Heero asked, calmly driving down the deserted road thirty-three miles over the designated speed limit.

            Duo nodded, adoring the feel of the air running through his hair. God, he loved convertibles! “Yeah, he owed me a favor!”

            “I can’t believe that stupid onna bought that phony wedding,” muttered Wufei, relaxing while attempting to avoid the stomach-churning sweetness that Trowa and Quatre were exhibiting in the backseat beside him.

            “You know,” Duo said, elbowing Heero in the side and winking. “We could have done that for real. I wouldn’t have minded! And we could be working on our honeymoon by now.”

            “We don’t need to be married to do what you’re thinking of,” Heero stated matter-a-factly.

            “Stop it!” screamed Wufei, tilting his head back to stop the flow of blood.

            Duo laid his head on Heero’s shoulder, batting his long brown eyelashes. “Do you think we’ll get married someday, koi?” he asked.

            The Japanese boy said nothing, staring straight ahead as the road sped by in a blur of gray. Duo sighed, his shoulders sagging as he sat back up and turned away from the boy.

            “Look in the glove box.”

            Duo raised an eyebrow. “What?”

            “Baka. Look in the glove box,” Heero repeated.

            The American complied, reaching ahead of him and pushing the button. Maps and car repair files tumbled out into his waiting hands. “Are we lost or something? Do you want the map?” he asked.

            “Baka,” Heero growled. “Look deeper.”

            He sifted through the piles of papers, fingers brushing against a small black velvet box. He glanced at his partner, smiling sweetly.

            “Does that answer your question?” Heero inquired.

            Duo nodded, fumbling to open the box. “You bet!”

 

 

 

The End