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THE FRIENDLY TIMES

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       No. 3  January 1996


Hello!

 January is already here, thus announcing the arrival of the New 
Year.  It's a time of fresh new beginnings in all endeavors, and hopefully, 
prosperous ones too!  And brrrr, Winter is officially here (at least in 
Canada) by the evidence of the amounts of snow most of us had recently, as 
well as freezing temperatures.  Consequently, a lot of people stayed 
inside on those days and, especially those IRC lovers, spent time on 
#Friendly.

 Coincidentally, this is the first issue of _The Friendly Times_ 
of 1996!  It's still in the regular format most of you have become 
accustomed to.  This month's issue, however, has a new addition!  Laugh 
will now write a regular montly column for the Times... but I won't spoil 
the surprise, so you'll have to read on to see what it is! 

 As for my thank-yous, special thanks to the _The Friendly 
Times_ team who contributed something to keep this newsletter going, and 
to the people that have encouraged the latter on its accomplishments.  


      Have fun!

      Cancerian :)
      s984992@aix2.uottawa.ca

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Super's Big Waste of Space
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Well, I had to rebuild a bunch of stuff when I finished working last term
so I lost a lot of stuff. One was the distribution list for the friendly
times.

Lets see.. Well from a personal perspective, I am giving up some of my
cservice duties so I can have more time to actually be on the channel. Hopefully
with this I will have more time to hang on the channel and actually get to 
know more and more of what actually happens on-line and understand a few
more of the inside jokes.

One of the most common questions about the channel is other languages besides
english. Well, I personally have no probs with other languages being used
but we do need to maintain a level of control. So as long as there is an 
active op on the channel that can moderate/monitor the conversation in the 
language that is being used, I see no probs with its use. I know that there
are a lot of ops that speak french and spanish and a few that talk other
langs, so perhaps you might want to ask around to see if anyone else is 
able to understand. Anyways, keep in mind that talking another language is 
not really violating any of the major guidelines for the channel, so try
and be polite as possible and explain to the person as to why you want them
to speak english and offer alternative channels that they can try.

Buddybot is the source for a lot of files and stuff so feel free to use it.
If you want your gif/jpg on there just let me know or get the buddybot
information: /msg buddybot get buddybot*

Also for the those of you using Superpak, Teal and I are working on getting
a new modified version of it up on Buddybot, so keep your eyes peeled.

Just a minor side note: Not everyone will get this. If someone doesn't
and wishes to get or or someone wants to stop getting it, please let me know
and I will add or remove their addresses. Also you can get a copy of this
by typing /msg buddybot get friendly.times
      Super
      Super@alias.undernet.org

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THE OP SECTION
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                   ---=== OpCom Update ===---

        Hello #Friendlies!!!

        Once again, this is the boring part of _The Friendly Times_, but I
promise you this month's OpCom Section will be fairly short.  :)  So,
without any further adue, here goes...

*** New Ops! ***

        This has to be the most exciting part of the OpCom Update,
because I'm not writing most of the things in this section!  Anyway, we
do have two new Ops this month.  Please welcome them to the gang.  :)

<Mandy1>        (registered 1/10)

        Hi everyone!  I'm Mandy1, my real name is Karen and I'm 39 years old.
I've been happily married for 20 years and have two daughters (the oldest
of whom is responsible for introducing me to IRC).  She is now trying to
get me into a 12-Step Program for IRC addiction!  :)  I live in Illinois
but I can usually be found on #friendly.  I do secretary work (for my Dad)
which explains how I got the job considering my "occasional" typos.
Everyone on #friendly has made me feel very welcome there!  *Hugs* to all
of you!  :)
                                                     Mandy1

<cityboy>       (registered 1/15)

        Howdy All, my name is Michael Shunk aka "Cityboy".  I was born and
raised in Houston, Tx and made my home in Fort Worth, Tx.  I am a 30 year-old
male and my current occupation is a police officer for the City of
Fort Worth.  I enjoy conversing, and some of my other hobbies are photography
and maintaining an aquarium.  I have just become an Op, so I'm very new to
this, but I do appreciate the opportunity.  And for Mar21, I will try to
improve my pick-up line. *wink*

                                        Michael G. Shunk
                                         aka:  Cityboy
                                         mshunk@dfw.net

Welcome to #Friendly, Mandy1 and cityboy!!!


*** Other Stuff ***

  Okay, here are a few other things that we want to remind you about.  When
you op someone who is not on the bot's userlist, please remember that you
are responsible for their actions.  This is not to scare you from op'ing
other users, though.  :)  You are not going to get into trouble just
for op'ing other users.  I do it sometimes, so does everyone else.  Just
please make sure that the person you're op'ing is a responsible person who
won't mess with the bots.  As written on "friendly.faq", you should de-op
whoever you op'ed when you leave the channel, but if you're leaving no 
other Ops behind, it may be wiser to leave that person op'ed, provided 
that s/he is a responsible person.  Please use your own good judgement here.

        The above goes true for those of you who are sharing your account
with someone else.  Obviously, the bots op them as well, and you will be
responsible for their actions as Ops.  If a problem persists, a password
will be added to your account to gain Op on #Friendly.  Again, please
make sure that you're sharing accounts with responsible people (well, you
wouldn't be if they're not, right?) who doesn't mess with bots and/or cause
troubles with other Ops.  Thank you.

   Also, we have had quite a number of lamers who uses regulars'
nicks and ask for op on #Friendly.  Please be careful!  If you are
going to op them, please make sure that he/she is the real Op with a
different account.  If you can't, it would be best to politely refuse 
simply because you cannot verify that person.


*** Help! ***

        No, we can't quite help you with your IRC addiction, but we can
tell you where to look for help when you're having trouble on #Friendly.
This month's section is mainly aimed for non-Ops on #Friendly.  Please 
note that last month's issue also has a section which told you where you
can look for help when having trouble on #Friendly.

1.  Problems with Ops on #Friendly
        If you're having a problem with an Op on #Friendly, the first
person you should seek is Super (super@alias.undernet.org).  E-mail him
if he's not on-line, and he _will_ answer you eventually.  (but expect
a few days' delay)  If he's not available, try to talk to one of OpCom
members (Hiko, Angel111, Ifek, Stever and Teal).

2.  No Ops present on #Friendly
        If you see no Ops present on #Friendly (besides bots) and someone is
acting like a jerk, see if you can find an Op on #Friendly hiding in 
#Shelter. If you can't find anyone, you have no choice but to endure for 
a while.
Usually, though, there should be an Op or two present on #Friendly.

        If you see bots on #Friendly (usually, SuperBot and BuddyBot are
there, along with X) without ops, please try to find an IRCOp to help you.
If X is present, OpCom members can also regain Ops.  If not, only Super and
other IRCops can help.  Most IRCops can be found idling on #Wasteland.  You
can also do "/who -oper" (ircII users) to find IRCops.

        More complete information about where to get help in general
(so that you can help a user with a question) can be found on
sources.info (thanks to Teal for compiling it), which is available through
/dcc BuddyBot.

*** Final Words ***

        Special thanks goes to Super and Cancerian for helping me polish
this up.  See, I told you I'd keep it as short as possible... even though 
this still is long.  Not to worry, the rest of the Times is filled with fun
stuff.  So keep on reading!  :)  If you have any questions/comments/flames,
don't hesitate to e-mail me and others.  Thank you for your time, and have
a great time on #Friendly!

                                        Hiko,
                                        centihar@mines.edu


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THE ENTERTAINMENT SECTION
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WWW Sites-- by Stever

Hiya all!  This is the web sites section.  Each month I will list 5 cool
or useful sites on the Web. The sites are ranked from 1 to 5, 1 being the
best.

1) Mentos -- The Freshmaker
        Now, I don't know about all of you, but I can't stand those annoying
Menthos commercials.  This site tells you everything you always wanted to
know about Menthos but were afraid to ask.  If you have no idea what
Menthos are, this site will tell you..  The URL:
http://www2.best.com/~dijon/tv/mentos/

2) Why ask why?
        Do you ever ask a question that doesn't have an answer?  This page
has a funny list of questions that people ask, such as "Do you need a
silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?" This site is funny and worth
a look..  http://www.traveller.com/~rudy/why.html

3) The HTML language
        For those of you who are currently making your homepage and want
some references, this is the place.  This page has links to all of the
best tutorials and references on the HTML language used to make Web
pages.  I used many of these resources while making my homepage and they
are very helpful.  The address for this site is:
http://union.ncsa.uiuc.edu/HyperNews/get/www/html/lang.html

4) Reference Shelf
        This site is a great reference for many things.  It contains a
dictionary, thesauraus, book of familiar quotations, periodic table and
many other useful references.  This is a great site to use for writing
papers.  The URL is: http://www.nova.edu/Inter-Links/reference.html

5) Wired Magazine
        Wired magazine is a magazine dealing with Internet issues and
information.  It has some interesting articles and is worth a browse.
Most of the articles are well written and informative.. Check it out at:
http://www.hotwired.com/wired   

   That does it for this section. Look here next month for more good web
sites, if you know a good site email me, and I'll include it!
--Stever(sac76424@saclink.csus.edu)


---------------------------------------

Hi there folks! With the Friendly times gathering momentum with articles
about the channel rules and Op intros and stuff...I thought, why not add a
small section of humor, just to try and make you smile a bit...to take the
mind of the other more serious issues dealt with in the newsletter. I'll send
Cancerian one small humor article or joke every month... (dont want to
bore you with more). So...here friends is the first "Laugh of the Month"

                                                Laugh

**************
               All of us have been totally frustrated with Computer
hang-ups and bugs of which we know and can do nothing about....other than
rebbot and lose all data! Here are some of the errors and messages or advice
you might have got one time or the other.

     Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

     COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

     Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.

     My software never has bugs.  It just develops random features.

     C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL

     C:\DOS   C:\DOS\RUN   RUN\DOS\RUN

     <-------- The information went data way -------->

     Best file compression around:  "DEL *.*" = 100% compression

     The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

     BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

     The name is Baud......, James Baud.

     BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!

     Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!

     C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

     Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..

     Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

     Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

     ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

     Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

     An error?  Impossible!  My modem is error correcting.

     CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted:  Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?

     Does fuzzy logic tickle?

     A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.

     11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.

     Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

     Windows: Just another pane in the glass.

     SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .

     Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

     RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.

     Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...

     Press -- to continue ...

     Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....

     ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

     E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.

     All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

     Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

     Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

     Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

     Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

     Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.

     REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)

     Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

     Read my chips: No new upgrades!

     Hit any user to continue.

     I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!

     Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?

     Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.

     Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup

     Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

     (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?

     (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?

    Real programmers don't document.  If it was hard to write, it should be
     hard to understand.

***********

The Op Portrait 

 This month's auto-portrait was written by Surly.

   Surly is every bit as bad as he sounds: arrogant, childish,
self-willed, carnally-minded, contradictory, illogical. Just ask KarenK. 
Okay? Let's get the bad stuff out of the way first. I admit it. I've been 
unmanageable ever since they skipped me through second grade for being 
cursed with the second-highest I.Q. in my local school system. (The guy 
with the highest is now a respectable middle-class alcoholic with a good 
job, a house in the 'burbs, and a family. I'm a sober one in a rental 
duplex and a family that sorta tolerates me. Jesus, I'll never forget 
coming to on his apartment floor one typical Sunday morning and hearing 
him croak out, from a similarly horizontal position, "Let's not even 
think about breakfast. I know a store downtown that sells Grolsch on 
Sundays." Now, there's my kind of guy.)
        Age? Forty. Where I come from and where I am now? In order: Hiram,
Ohio , and Hiram, Ohio. It's a one-stoplight, one-college town in between
Cleveland and Akron, but distant enough from each to be safe. I took an
English degree at the marxist private liberal-arts school here that I
think pays U.S. News and World Report for a good rating every year. Oh, I
was a golden boy there too, between binges anyway. I cranked out term
papers on Milton and Dostoievsky and slugged down cheap wine at English
Department teas and pretty much took my
sweet time getting through, since my dear old Mom was bio dept. secretary and
we kids went tuition-free.  I learned about ten years after I graduated
that people attend college with the goal of bettering themselves
occupationally  (!?). This is the most ridiculous notion I've ever heard. 
I went because I enjoyed readin' and writin' and it was the onliest thing I
was ever good at, not for a job. And I've spent my time since pretty much
fulfilling that, hehe. I dunno. I can write a bit when I feel like it but I
feel less and less like it these days. The more writers and journalists I
met, the less I wanted to be like them.  I've been published in "The
Nation," the "Cleveland Plain Dealer," the British "Spectator," and
praised but rejected as too explicit by "Puritan" magazine (available at
your better hardcore shops). I was managing editor of a regional history
mag 'round here outta college and more recently an attack dog columnist
and feature writer for "The Gateway Press," a 16,000-circ. weekly here in
Portage County. I worked there for an admirable female editor/publisher
who was usually described as a "take-no-prisoners" type when we caused
enough trouble to make the pages of the Plain Dealer or the Akron Beacon 
Journal. We had a ball keeping the local politicans on
their toes and were the only reliable source of uncooked info in the
county. Then I penned a piece wondering why so many of Clinton's
appointees are Jews and why the media ignored this -- we were out of
business eighteen months later after an extended ad boycott and as
virulent a smear campaign as the Plain Dealer, the Anti-Defamation
League, and the American Jewish Congress could mount against us. But,
hey, kids, don't believe the myth that "they" control the
media. I'm sure our experience was accidental. *wink*
Somewhere through all this I've been a liquor salesman, a front desk clerk,
a pickle packer, a gas station attendant, a grocery stockboy, a rubber
factory worker, and an inmate a couple of times until my white-sheep
sister got a hold of the lawyer. *sigh* I'm now a utility locator (don't
ask, it's boring). Should I have gotten my teaching certificate so I
could now be a pasty-faced neurotic left-wing NEA stooge timeserver
pulling down 50K and Pharoah-like bennies for nine months of indoor work,
crammed into over-heated rooms with 16-year-old girls wearing those
thigh-high stockings that show about a foot of creamy thigh under flirty
plaid skirts?  You bloody well bet I should have. Oh, well. I'm not bitter. 
REALLY! *sob*

        I'm trying to hew at least partially to Cancerian's suggested format
here. Been an Op since?? Hell, I dunno. I've been on the net for about
a year and an Op something less than that. It took me a couple months of
hunting and pecking before I even found IRC, and there are brief moments
when I regret having found it. There are eons when my wife Karen regrets
I did. Types like me find enough trouble without the assistance of a
real-time worldwide network of opportunities to dig ourselves in even
deeper. But the complications have been largely offset, I think, by the
friends and the companionship to be found
here. Lessee, the most embarrassing thing i ever did. . .Christ, ask a
sober alcoholic that and you'll get "War and Peace," Cancerian. I think
it's a tossup between that time I thought I was pissing half a fifth of
Chivas in a guy's back yard but was really using the couch I'd just
arisen from, and I was moving a lot slower than the other people who were
on it when they saw what I was about to do (why don't we ever help old
ladies cross the street in blackouts? It's always something stupid); or
the time I accidentally sent that particularly descriptive netsex line to
the #friendly screen and nearly sent BadPlaid to the emergency room with
terminal laughter. Where the hell has he been, anyway? You better not
have sold out to USX, sucker. Anyway, I've done too many embarrassing
things to count, and so have my friends, which takes care of #8.
I'll ignore the rest of the format since I wrecked the end of it with a slop
py cut-and-paste job, although I seem to recall something about my biggest
fantasy (not referring to sexual) and what I'd do with a million bucks.
Hm, A) none of your business and B)I'd misspend it. I'm serious now, I
remember a news item years ago about a Japanese guy who won a lottery and
stood up in the middle of his office and tore the ticket to pieces,
saying it had caused too much envy and jealousy among his
friends and co-workers and wasn't worth it. Could any one of us do that? Cou
ld I? I hope so. I wonder how the guy did the hara-kiri later, though? Gun?
Knife? Poison?
        I'd like to end this sorry spectacle with a tribute to occasional
#friendly visitor KarenK, who is now enjoying a well-deserved nap on the
couch after a six-day workweek and putting up with me for 12 interminable
years. She takes out the garbage, fixes the plumbing, balances what
meager checkbook there is, cooks, cleans, loves, supports, sacrifices,
and always does the right thing without having to think about it. She's
sexy, too. Don't you just hate people like that? How do they do it? I
haven't the vaguest. So if you don't like me, blame her -- I wouldn't be
here without her. Well, it's her comp, too. And if you do like me, give
her, and Alcoholics Anonymous, most of the credit. And yeah, I AM in
Holland with her right now and trying to save my sorry ass
from being moved into an '89 Festiva where it belongs.
Yours,
Jack Killey
(surly)

 "I know not what goes through the mind of an evil man, but I know what a 
good one thinks, and it's horrid." --Joseph DeMaistre


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Classifieds
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Indians' Homepage is:

http://www.en.com/users/indians

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