These are commonly accepted events in the transition to adulthood:
Anyhow... here are somethings I found that hit home:
Rogers (1972) took another approach to the study of intimate relationships. Rather than regarding an emphasis on intimacy simply as a stage in development, he analyzed the elements common to intimate relationships at all ages. He found that such relationships had four factors in common. First, he found that there was a mutual commitment -- not a commitment to love and honor one another forever, but a commitment to work to keep the relationship growing for both partners. Second, there was communication occurring at a meaningful level. Third, expectations that were not based on the actual desires of the individuals ni the relationship were broken down. The goals and needs of the relationship were defined in terms of the partners' needs and desires, for example, not in terms of societal or parental expectations. Fourth, the identities of both partners were developed. Ideally, as the partners grow individually, the relationship itself is enhanced. Each partner encourages and supports the growth of the other.
Changes in subjective feelings over the first year of marriage followed a consistent pattern. Husbands and wives were less satisfied with their patterns of interaction, less in love, and less pleased with married life in general at the end of the first year.
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The most striking change the authros found was in socioemotional behavior. The greatest change was a reduction in the rate at which partners did and said things that brought each other pleasure, for example, complimenting one another, saying 'I love you', or doing something to make the other person laugh. The number of pleasurable activities reported declined by about 40 percent overall.
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How were changes in feelings and changes in behaviors related? The most striking relationships between feelings and behaviro were found in socioemotional behavior (rather than in companionship and sex-role behaviors). The relationship between positive feelings about the marriage and positive socioemotional behaviors, such as compliments and displays of affection, was strongest early in the year. On the other hand, the relationship between negative feelings about marriage and negative socioemotional behaviors, such as criticism, anger, and unresponsiveness, became more pronounced at the end of the first year. Indeed, at the end of the year feelings about marital satisfaction were much more highly related to negative than to positive socioemotional behaviors. Furthermore, negative socioemotional behavior early in the year was predictive of negative socioemotional behavior later in the year. The researchers concluded that couples who experienced negative socioemotional behavior early in their relationship may be particularly at risk.
NOTE THIS: Are these same patterns found among couples who live together before marriage? The researchers hypothesized that cohabiting couples would have experienced declines earlier in their relationship, but couples who have been living together for an average of ten months before marriage reported the same pattern of decline in romantic feelings and positive interactions as the other couples. Two explanations have been offered for this finding. First, it may be that the cohabiting couples simply did not live together for a long enough period to influence the onset of declines. Second, the act of marriage is so imbued with romance in our culture and so significant an event that, regardless of how well the couple knows each other, they may make an extra effort to be on good terms before marriage.
more later... my fingers are tired.