| . |
Hulk
(Reviewed June 19, 2003)
-
Bottom line: He looks fake, the movie's pace is glacial, and the lifelessly depressing overall tone is going to make comic-book-action fans want to beat up box-office cashiers from coast to coast. As soon as
they wake up, that is.
First things first: The CGI Hulk is about as physically convincing as Roger Rabbit. He is one of those computer-animated characters whose mere existence on film is kinda impressive, but who
always is very obviously not "real" and of this world. Forget the comparisons to Shrek; while the Hulk's skin texture does resemble Shrek's to an unfortunate degree, Shrek at least had the advantage of
living in an entirely animated "universe," not having to be seen interacting with actual humans or genuine physical landscapes.
The best way to explain what's wrong with the Hulk is to use Roger Ebert's perfect line about why the CGI scenes of a swinging-through-the-city "Spider-Man" looked bogus: the character has
no "weight." For all the booming sound effects and bouncing cars and ripples in water that happen when Hulk bounds around, he still seems completely insubstantial, especially in the silly, far-too-fast way he
bounces and flits from place to place. Objects he throws don't seem to obey natural laws of physics, light doesn't ever seem to hit him the right way...essentially, he looks about as genuine as a video-game
character. His expressive face is the best thing about him, but the full-body shots are not even state-of-the-art. Both Dobby and Gollum looked better last year (in "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"
and "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers," respectively).
How a studio can spend mega-tens-or-hundreds-of-millions on a project like this and not realize that they have botched the movie's central reason for existence is beyond me, but test footage of the
Hulk character should have shown anyone with eyes that the technology just wasn't up to the task of making people believe in this less-than-jolly green giant.
Forget jolly--when he's not full of rage, this guy is positively morose, and for good reason. There's no gleefully mindless "Hulk smash!" destruction here (which is the kind of thing most ticket-buyers will be expecting). When he finally shows up (which takes so long you'll think you must be in the wrong theatre), the Hulk mainly reacts to emotional torment, viciously
brutal attacks and just plain sadistic torture. If you thought that the final beat-down scene in "Spider-Man" went on too long for anyone but the excruciating-pain-loving, you ain't seen nothing yet. It's
one thing to try engendering sympathy for a movie monster by showing him subdued and victimized (a la "King Kong"), but this flick wallows way, way too much in the Hulk's agony, and in alter-ego Bruce Banner's psychological childhood-trauma problems.
This goes to the heart of what is most "wrong" about the movie: "Classy" critic's-darling director Ang Lee burdens the lightweight source material with such an oppressive load of gravitas that he
effectively removes every single bit of cheesy, rampaging-monster fun. It would be hard to imagine a more bizarrely inappropriate matchup of director and subject matter. (What's next? Wim Wenders doing "Millie the Model?")
Jennifer Connelly looks radiantly beautiful, as always, but her primary duty here is to mope around and cry a lot. There's a neat SFX shot toward the end of the movie involving a character other than the Hulk that I won't ruin (it involves fingers and metal), but that was the single CGI image that looked fresh and new. Star Eric Bana is boringly bland, the frequent overuse of split-screen is annoying, and at least a half-hour of tedium could have been cut from the running-length with no trouble at all.
Beyond that, the script (by people for whom I have so little respect that I won't bother looking up their names) tosses out everything from the original comic book storyline except character names and the basic look of the Hulk himself. But what's this nonsense about the Hulk having the ability to grow treetop-tall? Sheesh. The Hulk is not even referred to by that name anywhere in the movie except once, when Banner himself mutters some awkward line about turning into "that hulk" the night before. The military operation to subdue the Hulk refers to him as (I kid you not) "Angry Man."
I couldn't help imagining what Hulk co-creator Stan Lee (who has a cameo with TV Hulk star Lou Ferrigno) should have thought after seeing this movie. "Uh, yeah, that's really great, true believers--except that you threw out the goddamned green baby with the bathwater! AAAAARGHHHH! STAN SMASH!!!!"
Back Row Grade: D
(Return to index by closing this window)
|
. |