Greetings... This is the Secretary of War at the Sate Department of the United States...(hear the Prime Minister moan in the background) We have a problem. The companies want something done about theis sluggish world economic situation... Profits have been running a little thin lately and we need to stimulate some growth(more groaning, and moaning... Like phone sex... This continues throughout the whole song).
now we know there's an alarmingly high number of young people roaming around in your country with nothing to do but stir up trouble for th epolice and damage private property. It doesn't look like they'll ever get a job... It's about time we did something constructive with these people... We've got thousands of 'em her too. they're crawling all over... The companies think it's time we all sit down, have a serious get together - Start another war... The President? He loves the idea! All those missiles streaming to and fro overhead to and fro... Napalm... People running down the raod, skin on fire... The Soviets seem up for it... The Kremlin's been itching for the real thing for years: Hell, Afghanistan's no fun... So whadya say?
We don't even have to win this war. We just want to cut down on some of this excess population... Now look, just start up a draft: Draft as many people as you can. We'll call up every last youngster we can get our hands on, hand 'em some speed, give 'em an hour or two to learn how to use an automatic rifle and send 'em on their way... Libya? El Salvador? How 'bout Northern Ireland? Or a "moderately repressive regime" in South America? We'll just cook up a good Soviet Threat story in the Middle East - we need that oil... We had Libya all ready to go and Colonel Khadafy's hit squad didn't even show up. I tell ya - the man is unreliable. The kremlin had their fingers on the button just like we did for that one... Now think for a minute - we can make this war so big - so big... The more people we kill in this war, the more the economy will prosper.... We can get rid of practically everybody on your dole queues if we plan this right. Take every loafer in welfare right off our computer rolls.
Now, don't worry about those demonstrators - just pump up your drug supply. So many people have hooked themselves on heroin and amphetamines since we took over, it's just likeVietnam. We had everybody so busy with LSD they never got too strong. Kept the war functioning just fine... It's easy. We've got our college kids so interested in beer, they don't even care if we start manufacturing germ bombs again. Put a nuclear stockpile in their backyard, they wouldn't even know what it looked like...
So how 'bout it? look - war is money. The arms manufacturers tell me unless we get our bomb factories up to full production the whole economy is going to collapse. The Soviets are in the same boat. We all agree the time has for the big one, so whadya say?!? That's excellent. We knew you'd agree... The companies will be very pleased.