Obviously, whoever made the film "Stoned Age" didn't learn their lesson. This film stars real-life burnouts. You can always find the types of movies we review on...
   Bad Channels
At the radio station KDUL 66.6 (yeah, yeah, I know...), the DJ Daredevil Dan O'Dare runs his station with a slacker-fist. On Dan's first night there, a TV reporter (ex-MTV personality Martha Quinn) covering his newly gained title of DJ thinks she sees a UFO! Before you can say "Men in Black", a hilariously bubble-headed alien and his robot seal Dan and his buddy in the radio station with some kind of fungus. Proof once again that 'shrooms are nothin' but trouble.

Dan sends out a desperate SOS, but all his listeners write him off as a psycho. IF the DJ was Howard Stern, people would come to the rescue in a blink of an eye! Dan's not that lucky. His friend is wrapped in a fungus cocoon by the alien. The alien uses what looks like a microphone covered with clay to kill him, providing a shining example kind of props you've come to expect from the movies we review. As listeners call in, the alien shrinks them and keeps them in glass jars. Well, at least these aliens have the right idea. Heeheehee...

After 4 girls are captured, the incredibly oily Dan discovers something that can melt the fungus that holds him prisoner within the station! It's not a laser gun, it's not a lightsaber, it's not even a rocket launcher! It's a $2.99 can of Foot Fungus Spray! WOW! Where do they come up with these incredible ideas?! WE'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING SO BREATHTAKING BEFORE!!!!!

Dan frees his buddy from the cocoon and helps 3 of the girls return to normal. I mean "normal" in a relative sense of the word. They help Dan kick the alien's butt and free themselves from the Play-Doh Fungus prison. The wackiness! One of the girls didn't escape the jar! The hilarity! This is witty, Oscar worthy material!!! Or not...

This movie's title, "Bad Channels", makes no sense. There are no killer TV monsters to be found in this movie, unlike the Empire Pictures pukefest "Terrorvision." For most of the movie, it takes place in a RADIO station. Not TV station, a radio station, you title-writing morons! Why not name it "Chocolate Cheesecake" if you want a title that makes just as much sense as "Bad Channels?" As for the alien, it does my heart good to see a man make a jack-ass of himself by getting into a ridiculous rubber suit. These types of people have no self-esteem to talk of, yet we should be thankful that the majority of mankind will make fools of themselves just for a few bucks. What a sweet world it is! "Bad Channels?" Maybe. "Bad Costumes" is a lot closer to the truth.

Rating:

Joe Mamma, Official Pit Psychopath

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