EEHHH... whooo... o.k., o.k.,... This is yet another, Rudy Ray Moore movie... From the makers of Disco Godfather comes:
DOLEMITE
77501
O.K., now I understand Norad will fight me to the death on this, but this movie was worse than Disco Godfather. This movie starts out dumb and ends just downright STUPID. This movie took way too long, the box from Blockbuster said it was 88 mins right,... wrong... we looked at the tape and well, it said it was 93 mins long. You do understand that this is an extra excrutiating 5 more minutes. O.K., but it gets worse....
It starts off with Dolemite in jail ( why?? a flashback will tell you that). A cop says that Queenie, or Queen Bee(Dolemites head ho... or sumptin'), gets him out. You see they killed his nephew, JIMMY. Now if you remember, in Disco Godfather Rudy gets pissed because someone gave Bucky AAAANNGEL DUST( Bucky was his nephew too.) Anyway, these too movies have nothing to do with each other, except they all SUCKED. Dolemite(the only name we know him by) was given a pardon from jail to go kill the people who killed Jimmy. This could cost Dolemite his life, if he acted upon this. It turns out that he was arrested forsmuggling furs, cocaine, and other stuff by... well, the FBI... Now, you know all this stuff was planted by them in Dolemites car because he'd nevva do dat. It does turn out that Dolemite is a Pimp though, because when he leaves the jail he is met by a bunch of whores who give him a really 70's suit. Then they comence to strip, and make out with Dolemite. Now Rudy Ray Moore has got to be the least attractive action star in the whole world. Then, they play the Dolemite song, where they tell you the story of how Willie Greene bought out Dolemite business' while he was in jail. Now I won't kill you more, but this just gets stupid. Here is the rest of the movie in a nutshell... Willie Greene sends guys to kill Dolemite but Dolemite has a HP Machine-gun rifle-- IN THE CAR-- kills everyone... make the white guy dance before he blasted him... Finds the Hamburger Pimp... asks him about Jimmy (hark, the plot finally is mentioned again after 45 minutes) and the gets jumped by the FBI... again... beats them up... runs away... sees his ho's... more Nudity... does a Comedy routine (heres your assignment: FIND OUT WHAT IS SO DAMN FUNNY)...kills people... a flash to a church with alot of guns... Revrend gets off... the FBI frame Dolemite again... He beats the up... Talks to his Ho's (who are really Kung-Foo, Karate experts) and gets them to go kill Willie Green... Dolemite gets his club back... Puts on a comedy routine(assignment 2: same as above)... Willie freaks... kills a bunch of people... Dolemite and him fight in the back room... Dolemite grabs his stomach... It gets really choppy... Dolemite has a bullet in him and somehow Willie's intestines got ripped out... Dolemite goes to the hospital for the gunshot... The FBI come back to kill him in the hospital, but he knew they were coming so he hid in the next room... they unloaded on his bed... It was Pillow, gasp, surprise, then a fight scene... FBI guys get caught... Then they just show Dolemite on the street talking to a cop who said they closed his place down... Then it ends once again leaving us empty...
I don't get it... This horribly sucked... After Dolemite beat anyone up he called them... well, we'll say he said they had sex with a female parental figure (we're a family page.)... Just go rent it... Its 2 a.m. I got to go to bed..... there is so much more wrong but I give up... I don't have enough hard drive space... God, Help us all....
P.S. this "thing" that passes a movie was made 4 years before Disco Godfather but had better film quality...
This...thing... gets a 4 1/2 on the meter... please rent it... or burn it... who cares...
Fox