Game over! Following on the heels of one of the best and hottest video games of all time, Super Mario World, a movie was released trying to capture the elements of the imaginative Mario universe. Needless to say, well, this movie's in a bad movie website, so figure it out for yourself. Grab a controller, because it's time to play...
Super Mario Bros.
Mario Mario and Luigi Mario (get it? Mario brothers!) are two plumbers living in Brooklyn. These men are honorable Italian plumbers, because they don't wear pants that constantly expose their buttcheeks. Anyway, the city is gripped by a mass kidnapping spree. One of these kidnap victims is Daisy ("Broken Arrow" star Samantha Mathis) , the love of Luigi's hopeless life; she's kidnapped because she's assumed to be a princess. Trailing after the kidnappers, the brothers jump through a seemingly solid rock into *preparing for tomatoes to be chucked* Dinohattan!

In this parallel world, a fungus that was once the King covers everything, crimes rules supreme, and King Koopa (Dennis Hopper in the lowest point of his career) controls Dinohattan mercilessly. However, without a piece of the sacred meteor, Koopa cannot cross over to Earth. Funny, isn't it, that the bad guys can cross back and forth, yet Koopa cannot? Hmmmm... Koopa realizes that Daisy knows where the piece is, so he captures her and throws her in with Yoshi, a dinosaur who seems to whisper, "E.T., don't sue!"

Mario and Luigi come to her rescue, as well as liberating Koopa's army creatures and the other women assumed to be the princess. Mario engages in a fight with the cagey Koopa, and reveals his true form, STROM THURMOND! Actually, he's a rubbery lizard. Hey, I was close, OK? Mario blasts him into goo, the King is restored, and we have our typical "The people need me here" princess-hero breakup. Awww... life goes on, and besides, there's only 5 minutes left in the film. The ending sheds light on a sequel, yet there will never be one because this dud was TRASHED at the box office.

Whoo! You think movie makers would stop filming video game based movies. The only good one was "Mortal Kombat," a martial-arts extravaganza. "Super Mario Bros." has a lot of conflicting information (such as the Koopa crossover thing), poor use of stars (Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, Samantha Mathis and Dennis Hopper's performances are without reward, unfortunately), and lots of annoying music you would probably hear being blasted at your local shopping mall. With a license like the Mario Bros., I had such high hopes for this film. I fell asleep in my popcorn, instead. Brave viewers will leave the fast foward button alone. Mama mia!


This flip book of pictures gets 5 cheezes out of 5 cheezes on the cheezi scale.
Joe Mamma, Official Pit Psychopath

Back To The Last Page