2 out of 5 cheeses.
[Optional: Add another 1/2 cheese if you despise Ernest (I don't)
]Brought to you by Carden&Cherry, this dung heap stars Jim Varney (of Ernest fame, the know-what-I-mean guy) and a cast of unknowns. It's called...
Dr. Otto and the Riddle of the Gloom Beam
I'll take a stab
at the plot. Not an easy task. Deep in a mysterious & budget
fortress in the middle of nowhere, Dr. Otto von Schnick, aided by
tacky dressed bimbos and a homely robot, is planning to rule
Earth. Otto uses the Gloom Beam to fire magnetic discharges at
major cities to destroy the economy. Don't ask me how. 75 minutes
into the film and I have no idea what the HELL is going on!
Government officials call in the too-smug Lance Sterling and his
humble sidekick, Doris, to stop Otto. Lance is a "pretty
boy" loser who you wish was savagely mauled when the movie
starts, but you'll feel that way towards every character.
Otto notices Lance & Doris approaching him through his many
surveillance monitors. To throw them off, Otto uses the Change
Coffin. This coffin has two functions: 1.It allows Otto to assume
new identities, all performed by Varney. 2. To allow the
filmmakers to save $19.50 by not hiring bit - part actors to
perform Otto's new identities. Botched chase scenes and
uninteresting flashbacks lead up to Otto and Lance's final
confrontation. Now, I present the WORST scene in this crap-fest!
A big nuclear blast with a 30-mile radius eradicates Otto's
fortress, but yet the bastard Lance lives, despite being at the
heart of the blast. OK, kiddies, time for your assignment. Get an
H-Bomb. Drop it on your toes. Go ahead. See if you live. Go on!
I'll wait over here. Unlike other BAD movies (notably Disco
Godfather), this movie has no redeeming qualities or
unintentional humor. You can't find the plot, you hate the actors
so much you start making character voodoo dolls, and the music is
random keys pressed on a Casio keyboard. The only good thing
about this movie is, well, you can talk for hours about its
cheesiness! Know what I mean, Vern?
2 out of 5 cheeses.
[Optional: Add another 1/2 cheese if you despise Ernest (I don't)
]